I can't do this anymore

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't take any more of:

• the 3:30 or 4:00 am wake-ups. They go to sleep at 6 and Ican't seem to stretch it out and even when it does work to go to bed later, they still wake up at 4
• hair pulling, toy stealing, and biting
• I want to be held, I don't want to be held, I want to be up, I want to be down, over and over and over again
• You are holding him? I want to be held too. Thanks for putting him down to hold me but I don't really want to be held.
• Did I mention the 4:00 wake up? Seriously, it's killing me and I go to bed at 8:30 usually - it just doesn't work with my body clock.

I feel like I can't do it anymore but I do because I don't have a choice but I feel like something is just going to break....and when I think of next week and next month...I just want to cry.

 

So are they up for the day at 4am? Of you feed and put them back down?

:hug99:

 

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. 8mo can be difficult b/c they are almost as needy(the constant wanting for attention, seperation anxiety) as they were when they were NB

What happens at the 4am wake up? Mine were waking up then too, I would feed them then lay them and myself back down. They would fuss and roll around for awhile and then go back to sleep until 7...
maybe you could try this, put in a few teethers and toys and just go back to sleep for a few extra winks?

what are their naps during the day like?

sounds like you also need to get out of the house alone, is there anyone you can get to come over for a little bit to help?

 

Breathe in and out a few times. Seriously - take a few deep breaths.

You are doing a fabulous job. Twins are not easy - I know - and mine are about the same age as yours. You are simply doing the best you can and you can't please everyone at the same time. Someone posted on here once....no child ever died from crying.

Do they take consistent naps during the day? Mine still need a late afternoon third nap. I put them in their swings at about 4:30 and they play and catnap for 45 minutes-hour, then the bedtime routine starts at 5:30 or so and bed by 7. When they tried skipping this 3rd nap, they were waking much earlier and the bedtime routine was a nightmare.

When both want my attention at once, I sit on the floor with them and their toys. I watch out for the hair pulling and toy stealing and I separate them if I have to. One in the pnp, one on the floor. Each in an exersaucer. Each in a highchair. Each in a bumbo. Or we get out of the house if they seem restless.

It also sounds like you need a break. Do you have someone to watch them so you can get out for a few hours alone one evening a week or so?

 

QUOTE(AWerner @ Feb 15 2008, 09:48 AM) [snapback]623256[/snapback]
sounds like you also need to get out of the house alone, is there anyone you can get to come over for a little bit to help?


Ditto above. You need a break and a full night's sleep. If you can't get someone over to watch them during the day, can you pop in some ear plugs and put your partner on baby duty overnight?

GL and lots of understanding hugs.

 

Hi,

I don't have much to offer other than to tell you you're not alone. We're going through the same phase right now and it's so annoying. My girls go to sleep at 6pm too, and wake up around 4. I have found that if I ignore them they'll talk and moan and whine for about 15 minutes and then fall back asleep until about 5:30. If there's any yelling I'll go in an let them get up, but after a few weeks of not going in at 4, I think they're learning that it's too early. I don't know if you have tried that (or can try) but if your babies aren't screaming, you might want to let them fuss for a while and see if they fall back to sleep.

I have no advice on the hair pulling and wanting to be up, then down, then over there, etc. It does seem to be a typical stage, though, so maybe it will be over soon! I hope so for both you and me; one of my daughters is going to drive me batty with all of her whining and fussing. The other is still content to play (usually) so I am dreading the day that she starts demanding attention too.

 

QUOTE(Momto2es @ Feb 15 2008, 09:33 AM) [snapback]623215[/snapback]
I feel like I can't do it anymore but I do because I don't have a choice but I feel like something is just going to break....and when I think of next week and next month...I just want to cry.


:hug99: You CAN do it. You are doing a great job momma. :hug99: It is so hard with babies, and we have two of them. :wacko: Can you get a family member or friend to come watch them for a little bit so you can get a break? Step outside and take in a deep breathe through your nose, as if you are pulling it all the way from your feet, hold it in a few seconds and keep repeating "I can do this" and then let it out!!! Scream if you have to {do this one inside } cry if you have to. Get out your frustrations, it will make you feel better. :hug99: As for the early wake ups, have you tried CIO? We've had to do that with my dd because she was getting up at 5 AM and I couldn't get up that early. This too shall pass, I promise. :love0028:

 

If you seriously feel at the end of your rope you need to reach out for help. I find it hard to be honest with my family about how hard this twin thing is. People think that I just need a nap and things will be better. My boys are sleeping okay many nights (we have a 4 am bottle most days too, but they are only 4 months and they go right back down until about 7:30).
Even with the better nights there are times when it seems I just can't get out of bed to tend to a screaming child. My feet won't move for the longest time and I feel like an awful mother.
Our days are long. I get the "pick me up" and "No! Pick me up". "You just missed my nap window of opportunity and now I'm forced to scream myself to sleep unless you pick me up" along with "My brother is just waking up and needs a cuddle? I think I'm finally ready for my nap, but I'll need a cuddle too."
In an effort to lose the baby weight and improve my mood I'm trying to get exercise everyday. Wednesday I was on the bike for 5 minutes when someone started fussing. Yesterday it was 10 minutes when they both decided that they only needed a 15 minute nap. The exercise is helping to give me a little more energy so I'm detemined to continue. They may have to scream for 20 minutes, but it will be a happier home if mummy gets her cardio.

 

The first two weeks were the hardest for me-I think that soon after that your body just gets kind of used to no sleep. I thought I was going to snap-but didnt, thankfully! Now I just have my moments every once and a while.

 

Thanks for all your kind words. I feel kind of whiny, especially around you women that do it all the time, but I do work full-time so I'm not with them 24-7. That being said, I am a single mom so I can't turn to my partner for that "I just can't do this right now" moment that some (I recognize not all) women with partners can do.

Because of something I read on these boards I did try to give a bottle at 4 and then put one back down but it didn't work. I didn't stay with it because I thought, ok, they just aren't tired anymore. Who am I to say they need more sleep? After hitting my breaking point today, I'm leaning towards a morning cio to see if they learn it's too early. How long should I give it before giving up do you think? I just hate the idea of making them cry if they really aren't tired anymore. At 4, we get up for a diaper change and a bottle and we play for 1-2 hours before putting them back down. Of course, they most often aren't on the same schedule because that would give mommy a chance to go back to sleep too.

Daytime naps are all over the place. Their first nap is usually around 6 since they are up at 4. Second nap is usually around 10 (depending on how long first nap is) so by 6:00 pm they have been up for 6-7 hours. Sometimes they take a third nap, sometimes they don't. Sometimes they sleep for .5 hours, sometimes it's 2.5 hours. They are impossible to predict. Any ideas for getting them more predictable..hypnosis maybe?

 

QUOTE(Momto2es @ Feb 15 2008, 11:14 AM) [snapback]623394[/snapback]
Thanks for all your kind words. I feel kind of whiny, especially around you women that do it all the time, but I do work full-time so I'm not with them 24-7. That being said, I am a single mom so I can't turn to my partner for that "I just can't do this right now" moment that some (I recognize not all) women with partners can do.


:hug99: You are not whiny AT ALL! You have alot on your plate...not only the kids but work too. :hug99:
I would let them CIO in the morning, for a few mornings and see where that brings you. It is hard to hear them cry, but it's even harder when you cry. I felt the same way about making my dd sleep, thinking who am I to tell her she needs more sleep. But she did, and became a totally different person after she was getting her sleep. I understand what you are saying, 100%, but you have to get some sanity for you. I think if you could get them to at least sleep until 6 AM then you can start working on the rest of the day. :hug99: It's hard with two, especially if you don't have any help. The only other thing I could think of to help you out is when one gets up, get the other up too so that they both go down for naps at the same time. I'm not sure if this is the kind of suggestions you are looking for, but know that we are all here for you, no matter what. :hug99:

 

My DS had a habit of waking at around 3 or 4 a.m. around 8 months of age and we let him CIO. I would go in and check on him and he might get a minute of cuddle time and then I would tell him it wasn't time to be awake and it was time to sleep. He cried for a while the 1st couple of times, but eventually went back to sleep. On the weekends now, he gets up at 5:45 (which is what time he gets up during the week for daycare) and I tell him it is still time to sleep and he goes right back to sleep until his sister wakes up around 7 or 7:30.

We have a pretty structured schedule with my kids and we have found that works best with them (DH and I are big schedule people). I realize not every kids does well on a schedule, but mine certainly have. You said you work full-time, so I am assuming that your kids are in daycare? If so, can you work with your daycare to develop a more set schedule? It might help them with their sleep and awake times.

 

QUOTE(TwinLove @ Feb 15 2008, 11:27 AM) [snapback]623412[/snapback]
:hug99: You are not whiny AT ALL! You have alot on your plate...not only the kids but work too. :hug99:
I would let them CIO in the morning, for a few mornings and see where that brings you. It is hard to hear them cry, but it's even harder when you cry. I felt the same way about making my dd sleep, thinking who am I to tell her she needs more sleep. But she did, and became a totally different person after she was getting her sleep. I understand what you are saying, 100%, but you have to get some sanity for you. I think if you could get them to at least sleep until 6 AM then you can start working on the rest of the day. :hug99: It's hard with two, especially if you don't have any help. The only other thing I could think of to help you out is when one gets up, get the other up too so that they both go down for naps at the same time. I'm not sure if this is the kind of suggestions you are looking for, but know that we are all here for you, no matter what. :hug99:

Totally agree with Liz!

Check out these links...

[Wiki]Sleep_Schedules[/Wiki] It might help you pick a schedule that will work with you and the babies.

Also...

[Wiki]Cry_It_Out_Sleep_Training_(CIO)[/Wiki]
Or
[Wiki]No_Cry_Gentle_Sleep_Training[/Wiki]

both links include stories of TSer's!

I did CIO with all of my boys, my girls slept through. It led to much happier babies and mommy! :hug99:

 

I really think most babies wake up between 3 and 4 out of some natural rhythm. It seems to be the hardest to soothe themselves back to sleep. I think it sounds like they are ready for CIO. I think some good nights' sleep would do wonders for you. Good luck, and you are not even close to whiny. My sister was a single mom of her twins, and I always tell her I have no idea how she kept it all together. You are a total champ. I admire you.

Reyna

 

I would definitly use CIO for that wakeup time. If you are worried about them not being tired, then I would drop a nap, but I bet a whole new schedule develops once they learn to sleep until atleast 6am.
It may take a while for them to get it if they have been doing this for some time. I would give it alteast a week until you rethink trying something else.

Post here when you need support, I am sure they are people on here at 4am I personally would not have the monitor on and try my hardest to not "listen" until 6am.

Goodluck!!!

 

First of all you are doing an amazing job I can't imagine taking care of my boys and pulling myself together enough to go to work every day. My DS2 went through this phase of waking up at about 3 or 4 usually eating but then wanting to party he was just so awake and happy that I did feel bad putting him back down but it is for his own good and for mine. I also read that if you give them attention at that time they will force themselves to get up earlier and earlier to spend time with you ( HSHHC) I put him down and let him CIO I close his door and mine and usually within 10 to 20 min ( I listened the first couple of times but I don't anymore) he's back asleep it is longer though sometimes. He's gotten much better and now only does it maybe once a week but I did have to put the boys in there own rooms for this to work.

I don't know about your boys but mine just can't handle being up for more then 2h so I make sure they get good naps and yes sometimes that's easier said then done but when one wakes up I get the other one up either right away or 15 min later if I don't I just get to stressed because I never get a break.

sorry this is sooo long hope it helps

erica

p.s. I think you might have asked how long to leave him cry for at 4am and I would say as long as it takes.

 

I feel bad for you, but I'm a little jealous of some of you, actually. I too have the 4 AM wakeup call, but my little ones wont go to bed till at LEAST 8:00. :angry:

 

Im new to this board but Im going to give you some advice that I learned ok.

I am new at this twin thing too, my girls are 10 months old today and I cant say how wonderful they are, believe me Im not bragging and now that I said that tomorrow will be a nightmare LOL, anyway, when they were born my life was so chaotic and I really couldnt keep anything straight and was loosing my mind. When someone told me w/ twins honey you have to get into a stable every day no changing routine and stick with it. Those words stuck w/ me and thats what I did. I got into this routine and I stick w/ it, nobody changes it, if I get company they have to either leave or wait until Im done, if the phone rings between 7pm-10pm I dont answer it etc.

Anyway this is what I do. My girls will go to bed after bathtime no matter what time I bath them, that same person told me that if you keep a ritual that every single time its bath time afterwards its bedtime they will do it like clockwork, which they do. So anywhere from 830pm-930pm is bathtime. I keep them up a little later b/c Im not a morning person, 7am is early enough for me. Anyway, they have been sleeping through the night but I do have a confession, if they do wake I hand them a bottle and they suck on it and go right back to sleep, they will sleep until 9am if I dont move and its all quiet but I have to get my daughter up for school at 7am so they get up between 7-8am, by 12pm its naptime, all food during the day is given at the same time each day, 430-5pm is naptime again after that its the bath all over etc.....

They are very good babies and work like clockwork, now they are starting to do the hairpulling etc, but she told me to use a stern voice when telling them NO and never let them hear that voice other than when they arent suppost to be doing that and they will catch on right away, and they did, they will stop doing what I say if I use that voice.

She has told me that if they are throwing a fit and want you that instead of you going to the baby, tell the baby to come to you. I do that as well, however I will meet her if she at least makes an attempt to come to me, I think this shows that mommy doesnt do everything for me, I have to do it too. Even though they are only 10 months they know these things and its very neat, Im sure you ladies all ready know I just wanted to post what she had told me and what works for me in case someone out there can use this info, there's so much more but thats some things I do that work.

My girls will play together all day, never needing me 1/2 the time. I can let them play all alone in the toy room and they will just crawl around together and chatter back and fourth. If one leaves the room the other does, they arent mean to eachother or nothing....

now let me give you this example: when I went to work part time my mother in law watched them 3 days a week, they started whineing and wanting held all the time and always fighting for my attention. Hurting eachother etc.....I noticed she was giving them everything they wanted, never correcting them, always holding them and sitting on the floor playing w/ them the entire day. This is not good for everyone out there doing that. Thats why my girls were acting that way, once I stopped working outside my home and started an at home business, they started doing things on their own again and loving eachother again, not wanting held all the time now. Its a huge difference since when she was doing that.

I hope this helps someone out there, its nice to be on this board w/ other women going through the same lifestyle changes.

 

Thanks everybody for your support and ideas. I've been trying to put the boys to bed at 7:00 and working with them to sleep until 5:00. So far, I've had two 6:30 nights and two 6:45 nights (not in that order) and the mornings have been all over the place. I tried giving them a bottle when they woke up at 3:30 - Elias took it and slept until 6:00! but Ezra refused it and wouldn't go back to sleep. I won't bore you with all the details but it seems like I've established a 5:00ish wake up time without a bottle but with a midnight bf. I can't tell you what a difference it makes to have them sleep until 5. I feel like a new woman. I'm going to wait for daylight savings to establish the 6 am wakeup which should happen naturally with the time change - I can't even imagine - 6 a.m.!
Thanks again everyone,
Amelia.