I cannot believe what a nurse just said to me

I am currently on hospital bedrest for preterm labor.
I have an older nurse that I have somedays that is the older, grandmotherly type that has probably been here since time began and she thinks she knows best about everything. She annoys the crap out of me and talks to the babies in the most annoying voice when she comes to do the heartbeats and takes forever to do anything.
So this morning she comes in and wakes me up to hear the heartbeats and is of course fussing a bit that I didn't jump right up and eat breakfast yet (it is cereal and can wait lady). It took her forever to find Avery's heartbeat because she didn't believe me that it was probably down low so my tummy is a little sore from her pressing so hard trying to find it and not using enough gel. So as she is cleaning off my belly (and I am back to half asleep at this point), she says So you were pregnant with four babies. I said yes I was (it is in my chart so they all know). She then said so you didn't think you could handle 4 babies? I just looked at her for a second like she had 2 heads. I said well apparently my body is having enough trouble handling twins so I don't think 4 would have been possible. To that she responds that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I am sure my mouth was wide open. I was so in shock and HURT that I couldn't say a word. She said something after that about the twins, but I couldn't even hear her. As soon as she left and I could close my mouth, I was sobbing. I knew people would be judgemental about our choice and that is why we shared it with very few. Now it is wide open to everyone here and she had the nerve to tell me that I wouldn't have been pregnant with quads if God didn't think I could handle it. I could not stop crying this morning. This fed into every bit of my guilt that I have ever felt over the reduction and I am just so in shock that a nurse would say that to me. I don't think I can even look at her today. What do I even say? How do I keep from ripping her old, fat head off? I am so upset and cry everytime I think about it. Why would she be so hurtful about a choice that I felt like I had to make? She has no idea how much DH and I struggled over that decision and to make it sound so simplified like that just pisses me off.
This hospital stay showed me that my body is struggling to carry twins long enough so I was reassured that we made the right choice or I could have been in here sooner with quads or lost them by now. This caused me to doubt myself again. I know she is just a nurse that thinks she knows it all, but it got to me. It REALLY got to me. This was supposed to be a good day since I made it another week, but she ruined it.

Traci

 

I am currently on hospital bedrest for preterm labor.
I have an older nurse that I have somedays that is the older, grandmotherly type that has probably been here since time began and she thinks she knows best about everything. She annoys the crap out of me and talks to the babies in the most annoying voice when she comes to do the heartbeats and takes forever to do anything.
So this morning she comes in and wakes me up to hear the heartbeats and is of course fussing a bit that I didn't jump right up and eat breakfast yet (it is cereal and can wait lady). It took her forever to find Avery's heartbeat because she didn't believe me that it was probably down low so my tummy is a little sore from her pressing so hard trying to find it and not using enough gel. So as she is cleaning off my belly (and I am back to half asleep at this point), she says So you were pregnant with four babies. I said yes I was (it is in my chart so they all know). She then said so you didn't think you could handle 4 babies? I just looked at her for a second like she had 2 heads. I said well apparently my body is having enough trouble handling twins so I don't think 4 would have been possible. To that she responds that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I am sure my mouth was wide open. I was so in shock and HURT that I couldn't say a word. She said something after that about the twins, but I couldn't even hear her. As soon as she left and I could close my mouth, I was sobbing. I knew people would be judgemental about our choice and that is why we shared it with very few. Now it is wide open to everyone here and she had the nerve to tell me that I wouldn't have been pregnant with quads if God didn't think I could handle it. I could not stop crying this morning. This fed into every bit of my guilt that I have ever felt over the reduction and I am just so in shock that a nurse would say that to me. I don't think I can even look at her today. What do I even say? How do I keep from ripping her old, fat head off? I am so upset and cry everytime I think about it. Why would she be so hurtful about a choice that I felt like I had to make? She has no idea how much DH and I struggled over that decision and to make it sound so simplified like that just pisses me off.
This hospital stay showed me that my body is struggling to carry twins long enough so I was reassured that we made the right choice or I could have been in here sooner with quads or lost them by now. This caused me to doubt myself again. I know she is just a nurse that thinks she knows it all, but it got to me. It REALLY got to me. This was supposed to be a good day since I made it another week, but she ruined it.

Traci

 

Oh Traci! I am soo sorry to hear how this nurse treated you. You would think there would be some kind of protocol about not discussing medical history unless the information is relevant to the here and now. I don't have alot of advice but I think I would probably let it go. It sounds to me that the nurse probably wouldn't 'get it' even if you went off the deep end on her so why get your blood pressure going for nothing? For the sake of calmness and the babies I would just let it go. I know it is hard but try to let the fact that you vented to us be your release and forget about one extremely judgemental nurse. Hopefully her shift is over soon!

 

Traci-
I just wanted to offer you a big . I'm so sorry that your nurse was inconsiderate & rude. You are going through a lot & need only support.
Hang in there. You made the right decision for you & your family.

 

quote:
You would think there would be some kind of protocol about not discussing medical history unless the information is relevant to the here and now.


There is protocol. You should have your DH or SO speak with the Nurse Manager. At the very least, I would have him demand that this particular nurse not step foot in your room again. That was unprofessional on so many levels.

You do not need the stress of having to address this issue, but someone should. If she was so free with her opinions now, I can only assume she has thrown that opinion around to many others in similiar situations.

No, she probably won't get it. But perhaps they can reassign her someplace else.

 

That was so WRONG on so many levels. DEFINITELY get that nurse kicked out of your room for good. I am SO so sorry you had that experience. Please tell us what happens. I am steaming on your behalf now!

Reyna

 

I can not believe that she said that to you that is terrible. You do not need someone who is suposed to be looking after you sitting there and judging you. I wonder how many other people she has said stupid things to. I would definately have you or your dh make a complaint about her. X

 

I am so sorry! That was so wrong of her. I think I would be contacting hospital administration over that one. Your choice is none of her business and you obviously made the right choice. People can be so cruel. Big Hugs to you.

 

I am sorry she was so rude. I would DEFINITELY contact the hospital administration about her. There is just no excuse for her saying something hurtful like that to you. Hang in there.

 

I'm so sorry your morning was ruined.

I agree with the others that the head nurse/nurse manager should be spoken to and that she should be banned from your room. You absolutely have the right to do that. And don't even give it another thought, either. You are there for the safety and well being of your babies. And if ANYONE is stressing you out, well, that's not good for the babies, and that person shouldn't be there. Nurse, doctor, mother, whoever.

 

I can't believe that either ! That is unforgivable !! How dare she make a comment like that, nobody can know what agony you must have gone through except having gone through it themselves, and to be a nurse and not realize that and just sit on her high horse and judge !!!! She shouldn't even be working with people !!!

That said, try not to let her ruin your week. You are so brave !

hugs to you !

 

I too am just appalled at that nurse this morning!! I agree with whomever posted that you should have your hubby contact the managers and have her banned from your room for the rest of your stay - that is just soooo awful!!

I'm so sorry she's ruined your day!!

I will be sending lots of good thoughts to you and those beautiful babies!!!! HUGS!

 

I cannot believe she said that to you - I would want to rip her head off. Don't listen to anyone else, you made the right decision. Believe me I believe in God just like anyother person but if God doesn't give people more than they can handle why do you hear about parents killing (beating/abusing) their babies and kids. Maybe you should let someone else know and they might be able to switch nurses.

 

I'm so sorry. Definately complain. Does this hospital have any religious afiliation? It is definately not appropriate for nurses to make those sorts of comments about your medical decisions.


Hang in there and keep cooking those babies, sounds like you are doing a good job to me!

 

quote:
There is protocol. You should have your DH or SO speak with the Nurse Manager. At the very least, I would have him demand that this particular nurse not step foot in your room again. That was unprofessional on so many levels.


I agree! You do not need the added stress of having this nurse in your room again. Stress is not a good thing for your body.

You obviously made the right decision for you, and it's nobody's else's position to judge that.

Hang in there....

 

I'm so sorry. But I agree, have your husband speak to the nurse manager. She was way out of line!

 

oh my goodness- call patient relations and complain immediately - so inappropriate - if you are too upset ask someone else to complain - i'm so sorry you had to hear that

 

How dare she! Not everyone is religious, first of all. Second of all, she has never been in your shoes so how dare she assume she can judge you and your choices.

I would definitely complain about her and request a new nurse. You do NOT need that kind of stress when you are on bedrest!

 

I agree with pp. Your husband should speak to the Nursing manager or the hospital administrator and file a complaint. At the very least you can request that she not be assigned to you any more. I am so sorry you had to endure her inappropriate comments. It is not her job to judge you and your decisions.

 

Most everyone else here has already said this, but I agree and had to say so - PLEASE report this nurse! It may save another mommy-to-be from having the kind of unfortunate day you just had!

Hang in there!

 

She was WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! But, I would try to let it go, you will only get yourself worked up and that is soooo not worth it. Some people are so judgmental it just floors me. You did the right thing for you and that is all that matters, try to think of it this way, .... you should feel sorry for her!

 

Oh my gosh...I have had many people say that to me but only one in the medical profession (in the NICU at that). You should not have had to put up with that. It is none of her business whatsover. I had so many nurses at almost every appt bring up my reduction. Even in the NICU they would bring it up bc its in the babies chart. I just look at them and say "I only carried them to almost 29 weeks....quads wouldn't have made it that far". God would not have given me losing 4 babies at an earlier point bc I couldn't have handled that.
There will be a lot of things that will bring up any guilt bc its such a hard thing to endure. Your body obviously wouldn't have handled 4 babies and I am sure those two little ones in there are thanking you for saving their lives and giving them two angels to watch over them. Keep resting and I would talk to your dr about what the nurse said...that will probably work better than any comeback you could say to her..

 

I'll make this brief so I don't go on a rampage about your very hurtful nurse and people pushing religious opinions down other people's throats...

1. The nurse was WRONG.
2. You shouldn't feel guilty over your decision... you would feel worse if you refused to reduce and lost all four babies. This way you have a very good chance of having two healthy babies.
3. Don't let her ruin your anniversary date... every week is cause to celebrate! You are doing a great job!!!
4.

Helen

 

quote:
Originally posted by Aurie:
I would have him demand that this particular nurse not step foot in your room again.


you have every right to demand a different nurse. I would not put up with this kind of treatment if I where you. sounds like she needs to go to a sensitivity training class.

 

I'm so sorry, sounds like she's an old batalack nurse,who needs to retire. I'm an L&D nurse, and I would never never discuss a patients private matters. If I were you ask to speak to the charge nurse and request to never have her be your nurse again. Good luck with your babies

 

DEFINITELY speak to the charge nurse!!! That was wrong and uncalled for! I am so sorry you had to hear that crap from her!!! She should have her face buried in the sand in shame for talking to you that way!!

 

That is the most hurtful cruel uncalled for thing I have ever heard! No matter what is in your chart it is not up for her to discuss. Talk to anyone and everyone you need to, that woman should never be in your room again. You have made hard dcisions, and the BEST possible decision YOU could have made for your family.

 

I am so sorry. I just read your other thread, and came back here to find out what had happened. Be strong and don't let this go unmentioned. You already have enough on your plate.

 

Definitely speak to the nurse manager. The charge nurse can't really do much other than change the assignment for the day, but the nurse manager can reprimand her (which she needs) and make sure she doesn't say this kind of cruel and insensitive stuff to any other patients. She is way out of line.

 

I am SO sorry you had to deal with that. I'll be brief and ditto what other posters say - have your DH speak to the appropriate senior level nurse: that was a COMPLETELY UNPROFESSIONAL, not to mention inappropriate comment for her to make.

You do NOT need to ever see her face again; in fact, you need to NOT see it, since it will remind you each time, and that is not what you or your babies need right now.

The decision that you and your DH made was yours and yours alone: NO ONE has a right to judge you, or to make comments about it.

The best thing you can do is figure out how to address the issue, and then let it go: do not let it poison you. Every week you hold onto those twins IS a wonderful gift, so try and focus on that.

Sending you a big hug.

 

that was so rude! and none of her business!! you should report her - who knows what she may say to you next!! a hospital stay is bad enough you don't need that added stress!!

 

quote:
This hospital stay showed me that my body is struggling to carry twins long enough so I was reassured that we made the right choice or I could have been in here sooner with quads or lost them by now.


You know you made the decision that was right for you and your family. Don't let an old hag make you doubt that.

Can you talk to the hospital and have her reassigned, or at least not sent to your room?

 

Whereas I do to some point agree that He gives us only what we can handle. He also gave us brains in our heads to help us figure out our own physical limits and make decisions that are right for our families. He also helped us to develop the medical profession to aid in our own health and safety.

Report her, you did not even need this as a reason to request that she not be in your room, she makes you uncomfortable...enough said.

You are a strong, brave woman making the best choice for you and your family. No one has the right to call that into question.

 

How horrible of her!!! I'm so sorry she made such thoughtless comments. I conceived quads and lost two and that comment would have been so hurtful to me, too! I'm sure that having to make the choice to reduce would only make that hurt more. Hospital bedrest can be so tough to endure and I just hate hearing your nurse was making it worse and not easier for you

 

Im so sorry to hear about her I agree just let it go I would not let it get to you.
Just remember you guys made that decision for a reason dont let her get to you and second guess you. Just think you did it for your children and thats all that matters.
good luck in there I remember what it was like in there I spent 4 months of my prgnacy in the hospital so just look for the goal of bring your bunndles of joy home when you come home.