I am so upset that I lost it

I have no idea why today I just lost it (when I say lost it I whipped a spatula so hard into the sink that I broke it and then just began weeping) ...things have been difficult the last few months but I have been trying to keep my mind off of things and thought it was working ( my mother died after a 10 year battle with cancer in Feb and my grandmother died a month later..these were my only family other than my sons and husband and then not having any help during the day with the boys)...well I guess not. I've been upset and thought for a couple of days here and there that I MIGHT lose it but figured all new mothers go through this. I'm just so exhausted of being reminded of those 2 not being here ( seeing pictures, getting my mom's and gram's mail, then the decision for the headstones, funeral bills) I think everything finally got to me. I know others are going through so much more and holding it together that I have been so afraid of breaking down I have been trying to avoid thinking about it...I hope I'm not nuts..just needed to speak (type).

 

:hug99: You have been through so much in the last year, not to mention the twin pregnancy, giving birth, and actually surviving the first few months in one piece! I'm really sorry to hear about your mom and grandma. Losing two very important people in your life must be extremely difficult. Have you considered going to talk to someone, like a therapist? It's not good to keep your feelings bottled up, you need an outlet. I hope you start feeling better soon and find someone to talk to, I think it would really help in your situation. Hang in there, and know that we are all here for you if you need us. :hug99:

 

:hug99: to you. You have been through so much, too much.

Things do eventually get better... I use to cry because the boys needed me every second, and whatever I would do it didn't seem to please them. I would cry with them. Now, I cry because they don't need me, and I want to be needed!

Hang in there :hug99:

 

Oh bless your heart, I am so sorry about the loss of your mother and grandmother. It's natural to feel the way you do! Added to the pressures of raising twins which is a hard job under any circumstances, and then especially if you've been "stuffing down" your emotions about your losses in order to try and keep it together, no wonder you've reached a breaking point. It is so hard to loss a loved one, even more so a mom. My mom's been gone for 13 months and I still have horrible days ... and I'm 50 years old, for pete's sake! I tell myself I should be "over it" but I continue to mourn her daily, I just miss her so much. I can't imagine going through that as a young mom with twins, and also losing my grandmother so quickly afterwards. Please consider yourself hugged, I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I don't, just know that you're being thought of and prayed for. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You are completely justified for "losing it" and you're not going crazy! Sometimes we have to let it all out. Please take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up for having what seems like "weak moments". You're human! And you're a very strong woman to be dealing with so much on your plate, and you're doing great! I'm sending big hugs and blessings your way!!! May you have a peaceful and a weekend of fun with your babies and full of happy memories of your sweet mom and grandmother.

 

:hug99: You need to give yourself a break. You have held up wonderfully through alot of emotional turmoil. I think one meltdown is probably good for you. :hug99:

 

:hug99: I'm so sorry! You've been through so much...it's no wonder you are upset. I hope things get better for you.

 

:hug99: :hug99: :hug99: !!! You EARNED that little freakout, don't beat yourself up about it. You've sufferred two terrible losses in the same year that you are raising twin babies, that is a huge load for one person to carry alone. My father died when he was 57, I was 25 and I can tell you that it does get better, it takes a while but eventually you'll start to feel better and better.

 

Don't bottle up your feelings for too long. If you keep trying to be the strongest person all the time you will eventually crack. :hug99: I'm sorry for your losses.

 

I just lost it with my two and I have no excuse what so ever (except I gave them a warning, they continued, I followed through with punishment, they still didn't listen, I screamed, they listened and then cried and told me I hurt their feelings). I am soo sorry to hear about your losses, that is definitely alot for anyone to handle, never mind also trying to raise two babies. I hope you can find someone to talk to, not necessarily a counselor but just someone who is a good listener. You absolutely need someone to share your thoughts with because they really can build up!

 

It is so hard to feel like you have to keep it all together. Sometimes you just have to fall apart. You will pick yourself back up again soon...but let yourself grieve and give yourself permission to stop being all things to all people. I can't imagine how much you must miss your mom and grandma---I'm so sorry for your loss.

reyna

 

:hug99: I'm so sorry for your loss.
That's a lot to go through in such a short period of time. The stress of having twins, along with losing two people very dear to you takes a lot out of you. It's no wonder you let loose.

It's so much better to let it out than to hold it in. Sometimes, losing it is the only thing that makes you feel sane again...the longer you hold on to the hurt and frustration, the worse it gets. You just go hug your kids and let them know mama loves them and remember that tomorrow is a new day.

I also recommend finding someone (doesn't have to be a counselor) to talk to. About eight years ago, we went through a period of nine months where we lost six people we were very close to. My grandmother died from ALS (Lou Gherig's Disease) and another dear family friend lost her battle with cancer. I found a grief counselor and a class to go to through a local church and it really helped me get through the worst of it. I hope you're able to find someone who can just listen.

Lots of hugs. You're human...it happens to all of us, so don't beat yourself up, okay?