I am NOT a kids person... anyone else?

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by Fran27, Mar 1, 2011.

  1. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    There, I admit it. I don't know how to relate to kids. I was never around kids when I was growing up, and I can't even force myself to try and interact with them... I suck at it. Yesterday it was my turn to help at the preschool co op and I think I will just opt for non co op next year. I was awful at it. I admire homeschooling moms because I'd rather shoot myself in the foot than doing it.

    Am I alone in this? I know that everyone will probably think I'm a lunatic to post this here but oh well. It's probably why I don't enjoy being a SAHM too... I don't know how to play with the kids and when I do I just get bored. Maybe it's how I got raised too, who knows (parents never played with us). Thanks god I got twins and they can play with each other. It's just really tough when I get blamed for their speech delay and whatnot, and for not playing with them... I wanted kids for all the things we could do together, but the toddler/preschool age was never something I was really looking forward to. Of course I still interact with them all day, but crafts, activities and play are really not my thing...

    Please tell me I'm not alone... we're done with Early Intervention and I'm going to miss having someone come and play with them.
     
  2. Meximeli

    Meximeli Well-Known Member

    I'm not really a little kid person either. I feel like I do great with the 0 to 3 years. But I've done terrible with the 3 to 6 year range. And I work full time! But you know what? I was in the hosptial for four days last year when my baby was born and I missed my girls like crazy. More than I ever imagined I would. I had, in fact, been looking forward to being hospitalized to "escape" from them for a few days. If you can afford it definately opt for a non coop preschool next year. Other people's kids are generally harder to stand than your own. Does your school district have pre-k? maybe see if you can get them in there. You said they have speech delays, that may qualify you for headstart.
     
  3. becasquared

    becasquared Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Heh, I'm not a baby person. I can handle the 2 and up crowd, but the baby stage, no thank you.
     
  4. nikki_0724

    nikki_0724 Well-Known Member

    The baby stage is my favorite!! My boys are in ECSE program and I often wonder if its because of me. I dont too often get down on the floor and play with them. Id much rather take them out and do something fun with them. IM starting to regret it the older they get and Im really trying to be different with my 2 year old. I am starting to do more with the twins and Im actually liking it!
     
  5. rrodman

    rrodman Well-Known Member

    I'm not a baby person and not incredibly fond of other people's kids. But I think my kids are the coolest little people ever. I still struggle with "playing" with them, and I'm not particularly maternal. I don't think you can blame yourself for any delays they have.

    I wish for you that you could make it work to WOH. Based upon how you describe yourself and talk about being a SAHM, I think you'd be happier. In any case, you need to find a way to improve your own personal happiness.
     
    5 people like this.
  6. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    This is me, too. I've never been a fan of other people's kids, but I am crazy about my own.

    I think being a SAHM must be incredibly hard and I applaud those who can do it, because it's not for me. If you're struggling with it, you should definitely consider whether there is any way for you to WOH, if even just part time. I think it might bring you some relief.

    And don't blame yourself for developmental delays. Maybe get them into a play group so that they can interact with other kids or a daycare for a few hours a week? It's tough, I know.
     
  7. meganguttman

    meganguttman Well-Known Member

    I'm really not a fan of 3yr olds. AND I teach Kindergarten! There are so many tantrums and whining that it's really just frustrating to me. I too am happy they have each other to play with. Driving racecars around their play parking garage is not my dream way of spending the day. I too love taking them places and doing things instead. Luckily my DH loves this age. I'd go back to the first year in a heartbeat!
     
  8. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    Oh how I wish I could work lol... but it would cost us more in daycare that what I would make. I tried to find week end jobs but it looks impossible.

    I much prefer going out and doing things with them too, just hard when there isn't much to do and they are still not too good at listening... it's improving though, so hopefully this Summer won't be too bad...

    I too really love my kids obviously, which I knew would happen when I had my own, I just feel terrible because I just don't like playing with them more than 5 minutes... I like kids better when they are 7+.
     
  9. rrodman

    rrodman Well-Known Member

    I think winter is a lot of it. It's just brutal when it's tough to get out. That's true for me when it's just weekends. I can't imagine all the time. Hang in there. One thing that seems true is that everything is a phase. So if they are not listening now, it will probably be better in a few months!
     
  10. rrodman

    rrodman Well-Known Member

    And of course we know you live your kids! But different people enjoy different things. There is nothing wrong with enjoying 7+ best or not being a baby person or being a baby person.
     
  11. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    Thanks lol. I just feel like a monster sometimes when I hear about SAHMs that do all kinds of projects and crafts all day with their kids... ugh!
     
  12. MLH

    MLH Well-Known Member

    I'm not a get on the floor and play with them kind of Mom either. I feel bad about that, but it's just not something I do often. I think taking them places and doing other activites teaches them a lot. So does playing alone and with other children. I've gone through phases of feeling terrible about it, but I see how they are growing and thriving and learning. What I still kick myself about is trying to carve out special alone time for each of the kids. Mommy guilt never ends around here. :)
     
  13. Dielle

    Dielle Well-Known Member

    See, I'm not a middle school person. I like little kids, and I like older teens. But from about 11-14 I generally just want to smack them. Except I really like my own kids (two of whom fall in that category), and am one of those homeschooling moms. I had a conversation about this with someone I know who's a middle school Principal. I would rather scratch my eyes out than deal with those brats, er um, kids, all day long. He loves them, but really struggles with smaller kids. I think it's great that we all have different strengths and likes when it comes to kids. Makes the world go 'round, so to speak. But I'd probably opt for a non-coop if I were you, too.
     
    2 people like this.
  14. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Sorry, I saw this thread & peeked in. Uh, I really hate the toddler stage. Love my boys but prefer the baby stage or 6+ vastly to toddlerhood. :gah: You are not wrong for feeling like this and I agree- no more co-op preschool would probably be best. ;)
     
  15. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Fran, I try to keep in mind that my kids do not have a long attention span and unless the project or craft can be done in less then 5 minutes, we won't do it. I'm not a crafty or creative person by any stretch of the imagination. I know at this age, I have a hard time coming up with things for me and the kids to do together. I am so glad that they play well on their own without too much interference for me. I doubt that your children's speech delay has anything to do with how much you played with them.
    And you certainly are not a monster if you don't play with them a lot or do a lot of crafts!
     
  16. mommymauro

    mommymauro Well-Known Member

    THANK YOU... i needed to hear this!!!!
     
  17. Minette

    Minette Well-Known Member

    I'm not a baby person. I was never so happy as when my twins learned to walk and then talk. I still am not that crazy about other people's kids unless I know them really well. I think I am actually pretty good with them (I just say & do whatever I think my own kids would like, and most kids the same age respond well to that) but I don't seek out opportunities to spend time with them! And I'm really happy to be a WOHM.

    That said, I enjoy them more and more as they get older. My parents often said the same thing about me -- maybe it's genetic.
     
  18. KCMichigan

    KCMichigan Well-Known Member


    I am another 'not the middle' person!!

    I love babies, toddlers, preschooler (I teach 3 yr olds), early Elem (taught here too). and late High School....but from 11-15. UGH!! I worked with Middles school age/early HS and found it incredibly frustrating. It will be interesting when my two get older--- I hope I find them way more tolerable than other peoples 'middle' school kids. I admire and have the utmost respect for Middle School teachers because as PP said, after days of the drama, tween angst, and attitute- I was ready for the looney bin!!!

    I totally agree--- we really need adults to 'love' our children since our kids interact with other adults daily, but few people do well with all age ranges!!

    I think it is very wise and introspective of you to know your limits and what ages of 'other peoples' kids you can deal with- some people dont think about it and are miserable working with an age range that they dont 'get'.

    I wish most people learn what age they like and focus on that....it would make all of our kids happier when dealing with adults that want to be working with them.

    It drives me crazy that we have a local librarian that works in the Childrens Section that does not seem to like kids!!! It makes parents miserable, she seems crabby about it, and the kids realize she does not like them. Bad situation. I wish she would realize her talents would be better used and she might be happier in the teen or adult section.

    I would drop the coop and just tentatively plan to be involved in Middle School Science Fair, chaperoning field trips, and other older kid activities that parents can really take an active role in and enjoy! The older kid activities often have a hard time getting parent involvement--I am sure the teachers would be thrilled to have someone that wants to get active in 'older' kid activities.
     
  19. Katheros

    Katheros Well-Known Member

    I am totally with you so don't worry, you are NOT a monster! :lol:

    I felt the same when my two were toddlers, that playing with them was boring, it felt like a chore. One thing I found that helped me feel better about it was reading to them. I love to read, so it was something I could easily do with them. Ever since they were a year old or so, we read together all the time. As they get older, I am enjoying it even more as we can have real conversations about what we read. It's also been a good excuse to re-read some of the old kids' classics to them. And now they are old enough to play cards and board games (albeit kids games, which are kinda boring), so that helps.

    I help out in one of my sons' class once a week and every so often I will do an activity with the kids. At first, I really did hate it and it felt so awkward to me because I really just don't like kids! :lol: But the kids in the class have kinda grown on me and I'm starting to get used to it.

    For me, it's gotten a lot easier as they've gotten older and as I have gotten older too!
     
  20. fuchsiagroan

    fuchsiagroan Well-Known Member

    I can relate to the "Now what?" feeling, though not so much at this age. I am definitely NOT a baby person, and I'm enjoying the kids more and more as they get older - I am the exact opposite of all the moms who get teary-eyed at each birthday/milestone because their babies are growing up "too fast" - I'm popping the champagne. :lol: Oh, and I am DEFINITELY not the crafty/creative mom. My idea of a craft project is "here's some paper and markers." I would go nuts in a co-op preschool. (Though oddly, I am a total kid magnet wherever we go - I'm the mom that all the kids at Gymboree want to talk to and climb all over, go figure. :wacko: )

    So anyway, you are not a monster! Of course you try your best, but you can only be who you are.
     
  21. dtomecko

    dtomecko Well-Known Member

    I feel that way too sometimes. I am good about doing crafts and things with them because those are the things I liked doing as a kid. I'll color with them or plan an activity where we cut out shapes and glue them. I'm often looking for ideas on line. I also don't mind playing games with them, they're pretty good at uno and go fish, or candy land. And I like reading to them, because they'll sit and listen quietly to as many books as I'm willing to read. But these are concrete things that I know how to do as an adult. When it comes to creative play and getting down on the floor with them, I really don't do it very much, and I really only enjoy it for very short time spans. And I also hate how when I do it, they expect me to play with them all the time. I have one kid that is great with independent play, but the other is not and is always clinging and whining and expecting me to entertain them all the time. That gets on my nerves fast.

    I sat back and thought about it the other day when I complained about all the whining to my husband and he wanted to know if I play with them during the day. At first I got offended because I feel like I'm doing something with them non-stop. But the more I thought about it it seems most of the day is taken up with feeding and dressing and cleaning or helping on the potty and trying to get 5 minutes in of not being bothered to get some work on the computer done. Instead, what I typically do is pull things out for them to do - a big bin of beans with mixing bowls, measuring cups, spoons - play-doh, crayons, markers, yesterday I pulled out the art easle and sidewalk chalk. Or I'll bring up toys that should keep them busy for awhile - train set, blocks. But when it comes down to actually sitting there and doing these activities with them, I don't. I use it as my chance to get more work done. I can build the train tracks or build a tower with the blocks, but that's pretty much my limit.

    And as for other kids, yeah, I have very little patience for kids that are not mine!

    I think the happy medium for me would be working part time outside of the home, maybe a couple half days a week. But the practical side of me doesn't want to spend the $ when I can do it myself and work from home. It would just feel like more of an accomplishment to be able to have big chunks of time to complete an entire tax return in one sitting and leave work at work. Instead I feel frustrated that I'm in the middle of 10 things at once, and nothing gets done - including devoting good play time to the kids. guilt guilt guilt...
     
  22. Fossie

    Fossie Well-Known Member

    It's funny because I used to be so uncomfortable with little kids and would never have classified myself as a baby or toddler person, but now that I have my own two it has made me much more comfortable with the kids in their class and the children of friends. That being said I am very glad that I work full-time out of the house since by the end of the weekend I am ready for someone else (preschool) to deal with the parts I have started to really hate - whining, defiant, and deliberately mischevious. I am not a get on the floor and play with them mom, but I don't apologize for that because I love that my two know how to play together and I don't think parents necessarily have to be playmates to be good parents. I dread the middle school years because I have always thought that boys, especially, are just so silly and immature in those years that it drives me crazy and I really hope that the same holds true as now - that when I have my own middle schoolers I will actually like that age. I think the main reason I dread them getting older is because it means that I am getting older and have less time with them :(.
     
  23. ohtwinmom

    ohtwinmom Well-Known Member


    This is totally me!! That stuff gets old after 10 minutes and they want to do it all the time! Why do I feel like I should be better at this simply because I was a teacher? Staying at home with 3&4 year olds is tough for me! I understand the things they do, but it doesn't mean I have to enjoy it all day long.
     
  24. mommymauro

    mommymauro Well-Known Member

    i think i never looked past the end of my nose when it came to the stages my kids were in... But these middle school years have taught me so much about myself as a parent... i just hope i handle the twins better than i have oldest DS… I know I actually LOVE the toddler year this go round than I did w/ older DS (I cried a lot back then)… maybe the same will hold true w/ S & N are 12-15…
     
  25. AmynTony

    AmynTony Well-Known Member

    I'm not a crafty person either!! and I've struggled with how to "play" with them since they were infants...I love it when they want to do play-doh by them selves!!! I pull out the mat and let them have at it for an hour!
     
  26. MarchI

    MarchI Well-Known Member

    I like certain other kids. I don't like all kids and don't seek them out to play with but I can get along with them once I know them. I also prefer boys over girls because I am familiar with how to play with boys. Girls really are different from boys and I have no idea what to do with them. I did not like the baby age with the twins because of how much work it was but I loved it with my older son. I am not loving 6 because of him trying to be independent and going about it with an attitude that makes me want to sell him.

    With the twins, I had to learn to be more creative and play more because they demand more than a single baby. I am not sure if it is the age or number of kids but I am doing a lot more itsy bitsy spider than I am used to. I suck at crafts. Seriously. I was happy when my oldest showed zero aptitude for art/drawing because I know I can slack in that department.
     
  27. Utopia122

    Utopia122 Well-Known Member

    Nope, you're not alone. I am not good at interacting with this age; I'm a middle school teacher for a reason. I really mesh well with kids that are pre-teen age and high school kids. For me, this age (preschool and elementary age )is the hardest time!! I get frustrated easily, and have to really work at being creative (which I am not), and I don't enjoy sitting down and playing games with this age. I am much better with the girls than I ever was with my son, but there is a part of me that can't wait until they get older.
     
  28. Gigantor

    Gigantor Well-Known Member

    I am definitely not a baby person.
    I play with my kids, I chase them, I color with them, I sing to them and I play a board/card game or two with them (well with my duaghter who is now 7).
    What I can't do is the pretend play. I can do it for a little while, I understand how important it is, but it's just not in me.
     
  29. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    I think Rachael described me to a 'T!' I don't know how to play with the kids. I love my own, but when I am around other kids, I am at a loss at to what I do. I judge myself when I see other people playing with their kids.
     
  30. nateandbrig

    nateandbrig Well-Known Member

    I am SUCH a baby person! I could watch infants all day long :wub: And I honestly enjoy the toddler years. But I am not a fan of the "pre-school" age, from like 4-6y. I hate all the questions and I am sooo not a teacher so I lack the patience and ability to teach. Plus this is when they normally stop napping but still get grumpy with too little of sleep.
     
  31. brookbranplus2

    brookbranplus2 Well-Known Member

    I love little ones (of my own anyway) up to the age of 6. I do not like 7-12 year olds age group. When their little i love to snuggle with them and I think everything they do or say is cute. I have a 8 and 9 year old right now and I've struggled with relating to them. They are not small anymore and they are not old enough to be able to speak with them on my level.
    I guess you can see from this thread that most people have some age group they struggle with. Try not to worry about it, I'm sure your children know you love them and that's all that really matters.
     
  32. mommymauro

    mommymauro Well-Known Member

    I agree! I am very glad the OP posted... :thanks:
     
  33. MamaKimberlee

    MamaKimberlee Well-Known Member

    Ok, I'll say it - I love my kids, but I love them more and more the older they get. I can't stand how they take over my life and my sleep and my boobs for the first year. I hate the irrational, tantrums, and whining for the next few years. AUGHHH!!!
    My twins have finally reached 4 when they start being a LITTLE reasonable. But I totally enjoy my 9 and 11 year olds SOOOO much more. The older they get, the more fun they are! I can't wait for the teen years, it's so funny to see them wrestle with their drama-queen emotions. They are so funny!
    Yeah for growing up!
     
  34. vharrison1969

    vharrison1969 Well-Known Member

    I'm not a particularly "maternal" person either, and I really don't enjoy other peoples' kids. :pardon: I don't love babies and never have; I still feel awkward even *holding* babies that aren't my own and don't automatically reach for a visiting newborn like some women seem to do. I got through my boys' baby stage, then to my surprise really fell in love with the toddler years. I'm not sure I'm looking forward to the school-ages when boys seem to get very rough-and-tumble, but I'm sure I'll still love my boys. I don't know if I'll love their friends though. :p

    So you sound pretty normal to me!! :lol: We all like certain ages better than others, and many people don't want anything to do with other people's kids. Women are just *expected* to like kids; no one would think twice of a man feeling this way!! You might find it easier to spend time with your kids when they get a bit older and have different interests.
     
    1 person likes this.
  35. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone, this thread has really helped!
     
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