I am losing it!

Every single day when I pick up my daughter, she cries and throws a tantrum because she wants X or Y (was a kitchen for her American Girl knock offs first, now it's 'Shopkins' because her friends have some at school - which isn't allowed for a GOOD reason. Gosh). Every single day. I'm losing it. Seriously she just cries and screams 'I want shopkins' for 2 HOURS after we get home. I'm losing it!!! She's getting some for Valentine's Day (which she doesn't know), and she's getting that kitchen for her birthday (which she knows) but it's not making any difference. I'm ignoring it, but it's not making any difference.
 
Her brother says 'oh I want that' or is sneaky and saying he does NOT want x or y for his birthday (hoping I'll give him beforehand maybe? One can dream I guess) but he's not throwing fits over this.
 
This girl is going to be the death of me.

 

I would (a) send her to her room for those two hours and (b) not give her those things.

 

 
I totally agree with this.  When my kids throw a fit like that, they can chose to stop or to go to their room until they stop.  They don't do it EVERY day, and it varies what it's about, but I would say we have this maybe 2-3 times a week still.  It used to be daily so at least it's getting some better.

 

how hard it is, try to ignore.
And said before, crying/screaming...fine butt do it in your room
 
good luck!

 

I agree with this.  She would have to earn the items she'd like to have by asking politely and not having a fit when she is not getting them right away.

 

I take a bit of a different approach when my kids are losing it like that and try to connect with them by acknowledging the underlying feeling. So I might say something like "You really want a Shopkins. You're really angry that you can't have it right now. It's so frustrating to have to wait for something you want! It's really hard. I see how angry you are. I'll go to your room with you so you can be as angry as you need to be." Then I usually stay with them through the emotional storm. For Danika especially, she often needs a physical release when she's dealing with really big feelings so we have tools in their room that allow for that (we have a box of old newspapers that she's allowed to rip into pieces and a yoga ball that I'll hold while she kicks and punches it). As the emotion passes and they're ready for comfort, I'll offer that. When they're ready, we move on with our day. Sometimes, we'll chat about what happened and sometimes we don't - it kind of depends on what caused the meltdown in the first place. With my kids, those kind of meltdowns, especially right after school, rarely have anything to do with the trigger that started them and often have more to do with being tired and/or overwhelmed from their day. They just need a safe place to let it out and then they can move on. We try to allow space for all the feels in our house as much as we possibly can and to support our kids in finding tools for working through those big feelings on their own (and as the girls have gotten older, we've started to see them using those tools independently without needing as much support from us).

 

I absolutely would not give her the toys she's throwing a fit about.  She will think all she has to do in the future is throw enough fits and she'll get what she wants.  When she's calm, I would probably talk to her about behavior, etc. 

 

I like Rachel's advice.  Talk it over and give her a way of releasing it.  It takes time, but in the long run I think she'd be more able to handle her emotions.  IF she is controlling her emotions then go forward with the V-day gifts.  I feel that if you give them to her on Valentines day the lesson learned will be that if she throws a tantrum she will eventually get it.  Just my thought.  At the end of school though, she is tired.  Perhaps a nap/quiet time after school is needed.

 

Does she feel excluded because other girls have them and she doesn't? Or is she having tantrums because she's tired at the end of the day and that's just the issue she picked? Whatever it is, I agree that you probably need to help her figure out the root cause and a better way to handle herself. I probably wouldn't give her the toy for valentines either... Wait until it's less of an emotional issue and power struggle.