Hurt my own feelings

How i did not see this coming is beyond me but now i am sad and i need some reassurance from the one forum i know wont let me down.
I post on accession on another forum and yesterday i read a post that got my dander up so i responded to it.............shouldn't have but did. The poster was tyrating about how all kids should be completely potty trained by 4 period no excuses. Well my DS is 3 and a half and is working on but not any were near done with potty training. The poster talked about how she was a preschool "teacher" and it really ticked her off when lazy parents failed to get their kids trained. Other poster railed around what she wrote and cheered her on, I was a little ticked so i responded.
All i said is(not exact words but close) is that my son is 3 and a half and still not potty trained it does bother me but i know different kids potty train at different speeds and i have twins and was pregnant with them when i started so i wasn't able to be consistent. I included that i was a stay at home mom because one of the other poster had made a comment about how one of her neighbors kids where not potty trained until they where almost four and she didn't understand why since hers where potty trained at 2 and a half and 3 and she worked 32 hours a week so if she could do the other woman should because she obviously had nothing else to do all day. I also said that there are factors involved that people may not know about so it isn't really fair to judge. Potty training hard rather you work full time or are a SAHM. The woman copied my entire post into her reply and all she said was "so you expect your daycare to potty train him for you???!!!"
I know i should of seen this coming, I have read other post from this woman about her job and to be honest i think she might be in the wrong field but i wasn't opening my self up to attacks i was just trying to point out a fact. I replied again and restated that i am a stay at home mom and i don't expect anyone else to potty train my son for me and restated my points but i know that more then likely i will just get another rude comment back from her and i feel stupid and a little hurt.
Am i really a complete failure. I am really trying to potty train my son but i cant and wont fight and force him. I am not lazy and i love my son very much. i am so upset right now and just was hoping to get some support or maybe to be told i am wrong again. :mellow:
i should just stick to the forum i know and love i guess.

 

You are not lazy. All kids will come to it in their time. My daughter was 3 and 2 months, my son was 3 and 5 months. Offer him some incentives if you are worried about it. I know a friend of mine with 2 1/2 year old twins has hers potty trained, but she also said that the girls' daycare worked with her on it and really initiated it. Don't let her comments bother you...she is just some stranger on an internet board. You know your son and he will let you know when he is ready.

 

You are right. Different kids train at different rates. You cannot expect them to do something their bodies are not ready for. My son was almost 4 as I recall by the time he was fully trained for daytime. The daycare kept trying to force him but that just made it worse. I worked at a daycare with kids 18 months to 3 years. They were very interested in having the kids potty trained by the time they went into the next room. This was very difficult because some of them were just not ready and they would just start behaving badly because they were upset. It is a hard thing. There are posts that I read and so badly want to express my point of view, which like you is often different. I don't often times because I don't see the point. If people want to be so close minded and judgemental then it is better to leave it alone, they will not change their minds. I also feel that she is probably not in the right profession. The idea of a daycare is to be a team and raise the child in a manner that will instill stability and confidence. This is why I do not want to put my kids in daycare, a lot of the workers just do it because it is the only job they can find and they think it will be easier than McDonalds, no offense to those of you who work in daycare and truly care about your job. Anyway, I support you and hope I haven't offended anyone with my point of view.

Jen

 

Thank you and I know you are right. I think the only reason it got to me is because i am trying and i sometimes i feel like i am letting him down even though i know full well he will do it in his own time.

 

My DS was potty-trained (but still the occasional accident), oh, about 2 weeks before his 4th b-day.

I tried, he resisted. A few months later I'd try again, he'd resist. And then about 2 months before he turned 4 he decided he wanted to start peeing in the potty! YAY! But he wasn't at all interested in pooping in the potty. Then one day he came to us and said he had to go. My DH took him in and talked him through it. That was early July and he turned 4 on 7/14.

He still wears pull-ups b/c he is worried that he'll have an accident. He occasionally has an accident (maybe 1 or 2 a week) b/c he's too busy playing. But I'm fine with it.

Your little guy will potty train when he is ready. Don't let anyone give you any grief for him not being potty-trained yet. And definitely don't feel bad about it - it will happen when he's ready.

 

Plus, if you were pregnant while you were trying to potty train him, there is a good chance he could regress when the babies are born and you'd end up with a son who was peeing all over the place! That would be worse than waiting, no?

 

I have heard the same comments from other mothers about potty training. I have heard several tell me they should all be potty trained by 2 !!! That's just silly. You cannot force the issue of potty training or you will cause more problems and put off how long they will take to do it on their own. My son, who is almost 5, just potty trained this year. I felt horrible about it and I did try everything to encourage him to go and it made things much worse. He began to withhold poop and would not go at all. He became horribly constipated and ended up on Miralax daily and even then he would not go. He was so determined not to poop on the potty! He also stopped wanting to poop at all because he knew we wanted him to go on the potty and he felt bad b/c he was afraid to do it after a while. Long story and much emotional pain later, we went to a therapist at my Peds office and she said drop it completely! She said the pressure is too much for him and it is a huge issue now. We didn't mention the potty for 2 months and he suddenly started going to pee on the potty and then just a coupld of months ago he pooped there. He is no longer constipated and he feels so much better physically and emotionally.

If I could post where you did, I'd be sure to tell my story and not feel bad one bit. I am not a terrible mother because my son trained late. We did all we could think of and it didn't work. All kids really do train at thier own pace. My best friend's first son trained at 18 months and didn't even need a pull up at night by 2. Her second son is almost 2 and isn't interested in the least. All kids are different, just as we adults are. Please don't feel bad, they just aren't very nice,supportive people.

Kelly

 

i have to agree as a former daycare teacher and mom to very stubborn boys My oldest Ds trained at 3.5yrs we are STILL working on my 3.5 yr old now-he is ALOT more stubborn than his brother its a work in progess some days are better then others but putting undue stress on the child is not the way to train; that will make them dig in thier heels even more.

 

I haven't experienced the 'joys' of potty-training yet, but I have heard/learned that you can't force a child to learn - they do it when they're ready. All you can do is encourage it and wait till they are ready.. they'll let you know when they are.

Don't worry hun, and please don't take it personal :hug:

 

:grouphug: Ugghhh people! Love how people like to tell others what to do! You can't make a kid go in the potty. They will do it when they are ready. I have not dealt with this yet but my friend just went thru this recently with her son. The more she persisted the more he refused so she just decided to back off and he finally came around. She didnt' say anything and put cloth diapers on him and he didn't like the feel of the poop in it so he started saying he wanted to go to the potty. It worked for her.

You are a great mom!

 

:hug: I'm sorry. Kids do train at different ages. According to my mom, all her kids were trained by 18 months! :shok: If it is any consolation, my twins at about 3 years, 4 months didn't seem ready. But at 3 years, 4 months and a day, one of them stated.. no more diapers and for the most part, we've been diaper free since then. :hug: It'll happen. It is a difficult thing to do though (potty training) until the kids are ready.

 

I am so sorry that you had to hear from such grumpy people. I have no personal potty training experience (and I am not looking forward to it) but one of my girlfriend, her son would not potty train (despite her best efforts ) until he turned 4. Another girlfriend, her son just started potty training at 3.5. Kids do stuff at their own speed. Good job to you for sticking up for yourself and don't let those snots make you feel bad about your mothering skills, you are a fabulous mother!!!!

 

Potty training is one of those things you can't really control. It's up to your child. You know what they say: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"

All you can do is offer him the opportunity to learn. Give him incentives, make it fun. But ultimately it's up to him! And if he wants to take his own, sweet time, that doesn't make you lazy. It makes you a mom who knows her son and is giving him the patience he deserves.

 

Don't argue with trolls, it's pointless.

 

I am sorry. It is so true that they potty train when they are ready, despite all of our efforts.

As for getting hurt feelings, I know what that is like. I sometimes get sad when people don't reply to my posts! Try not to give it a second thought.

:hug:

 

QUOTE(Her Royal Jennyness @ Oct 28 2008, 10:55 AM) [snapback]1045344[/snapback]


Don't argue with trolls, it's pointless.

Excellent reply. Who cares what trolls think?
My daughter trained between 2 and 2 half - we never used a potty and I don't plan to with the boys. We just took her to the 'big' toilet and used one of those seat thingies. Maybe give those a try to spice it up!

 

QUOTE(Her Royal Jennyness @ Oct 28 2008, 09:55 AM) [snapback]1045344[/snapback]


Don't argue with trolls, it's pointless.


I agree with Jenny!

:hug: I am sorry that she hurt your feelings.

 

Hey... If your a failure.. Then i am too.. I didnt get my DD fully potty trained until she was 4. Dont feel bad. :hug: Like you said everyone learns at different speeds. :hug:

 

Having twin babies at home is hard enough, I can not imagine throwing in potty training to that mix. Bless your heart. As others have said, each kid is different.

 

WOW---People can be so inconsiderate. I am a SAHM too and I did not get my son potty trained until he was 2 and a half, which is old for alot of people I know. Dont worry about it. All children are different and some takes longer than others.