Hugging

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by mama_dragon, May 5, 2014.

  1. mama_dragon

    mama_dragon Well-Known Member

    So this is an odd question but my boys are affectionate.  I never thought I would say that our family is a group of huggers but I guess somehow we are.  They spend time with their cousins and always get hugs and kisses (older cousins) and the same with their uncle and aunt.  Plus my friend's kids are all huggers.  Even the neighbor kid they play with (older) gives them hugs goodbye.  At first he wasn't sure when they hugged him goodbye and now its pretty standard and the kid leaves with a grin and thinks its cute.  So they are naturally very open and affectionate.  I don't discourage it mainly because I think the entire world could use a bit more affection in it.  However I can tell it catches people by surprise sometimes.  We've had a lot of birthday parties and parties in general the last several weeks.  When we leave my boys always thanks the host.  One of the boys will also always hug the birthday kid.  At this age everyone thinks its cute (4-5 year olds).  This weekend we went to a friend's bonfire with tons of kids.  The boys both thanked the host and gave him a hug when we left.  He has 3 kids so it was no big deal.  The next day we had a birthday party and my big hugger thanked the father and gave him a hug plus he hugged the birthday kid. 
     
    Now I will say they don't hug random people or do it all the time at school etc.  In fact the rule at pre-K is no hugging.  They can follow the rule.  I guess my question is should I stop them from hugging when they say good bye?  I am torn.  Soon enough they will not want to hug or be hugged.  But I fear someone being uncomfortable.  I swear sometimes I feel like apoligizing for them.  They are both very sweet boys.
     
    Anyway is this something I should worry about and "fix" or let it go since it will end soon enough on its own as they get older.
     
  2. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Oh please don't stop them! I'd focus more on teaching them how to tell if someone doesn't want a hug or teaching them to ask first. But I definitely wouldn't stop them. The world does need more affection!
     
    3 people like this.
  3. gina_leigh

    gina_leigh Well-Known Member

    We're also an affectionate family. We are the type to kiss and hug in a greeting and departure. (Now, we don't go around kissing everyone! We do that with family though. And typically on the cheek, except with the kids, who always want kisses on the lips.) 
     
    The kids have learned when people like it and when they don't. And we did teach them not to go around kissing everyone. LOL
     
  4. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Our boys are SUPER affectionate too.. and I am a big hugger, so they probably get it from me. We talk about personal space and I never ask them to hug anyone they don't want to hug, but I mostly think this is something where they just have to learn the cues. Of course there will be missteps along the way!
     
    Hugs have actual health benefits: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/27/health-benefits-of-huggin_n_5008616.html
     
  5. mama_dragon

    mama_dragon Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone!  I will leave them be for now.  I hope they will learn to pick up on cues for who likes hugs and who doesn't.  I will just deal with any situations that come up.  I was not an overly affectionate child and I like my personal space but I was determined I would not pass that on to the boys.  Thankfully I didn't!!
     
  6. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I agree with everyone else.  Don't stop them! I also agree with Rachel, that you can teach them personal space or how to ask first.  But I can't think of a person who does not appreciate a sweet hug from a child.
     
  7. sulik110202

    sulik110202 Well-Known Member

    I agree with others and wouldn't stop them.  I think it is wonderful that they are so open with their emotions and give hugs (and say thank you).  More kids should be like that. 
     
  8. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    My girls are huggers too and I think its sweet.  :hug:
     
  9. BounceTigger

    BounceTigger Well-Known Member

    I've done a lot of research in the field of sexual assault intervention and many resources are now saying that it is important to teach young children the idea of consent/choice in any sort of touching.  For instance, saying "I really had fun today - is it OK if I hug you goodbye?" or "I would prefer that you don't hug me right now.  How about a high 5/handshake?"   The reason behind it is that there's many sexual assault cases in older teens/young adults that come out of the fact that many people are afraid to say no/never learned to look for the signs of discomfort or generally just ignore them.  So, I would teach them to ask first!  (Of course, this hugging behavior isn't going to translate into aggressive assault, but it's just good to teach the basics at a young age)
     
    The same resources also say that you should never force a child to hug/kiss a person or family member.  So many of us push kids to say "Give Great Aunt Ida a kiss goodbye" or "I'll give you a treat if you cuddle with me" - teaching them that they have a choice to say no will serve them well in life.  
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    Add me to the list of huggers! I am very physically affectionate and so are my girls. I also say "I love you" frequently and not only to family. The girls have picked that up as well.
     
    1 person likes this.
  11. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Steph, I am totally going to hug you one day.
     
  12. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    I can't wait!

    I hugged my coworker today because she got me a Mother's Day card. We were both quite sappy about it. It made my morning to get that affection from somebody I like!
     
  13. kim01

    kim01 Well-Known Member

    I for sure would not have them stop. They will do that on their own,and will continue to hug those that want it on their own. My two who are 12 are huggers. I am not a hugger at all. But have come across those that are and its fine. Hey who couldn't use a hug?
    My two always give my friends smaller boys hugs. They did when they were younger and have just grown up to do that. I never suggested it. I also never said give so and so a hug. I always left it to them to hug who they felt comfy hugging. I think they will be fine. Good job momma. What great boys it sounds like you have.
     
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