How you know you are done..

Okay our situation is we have a 5 year old and the twins who are just two months, now while getting Prg now who scare the heck out me, how do you know you are done for sure? Does me even questioning it mean that I am not sure? I scheduled my hubby a vasectomy appointment (per my request) and he is okay with it, but it makes me wonder... what if? We have a 13 year difference between us. I am 26 and he is 39. So I feel like he is out of child bearing age, I feel like I have a good 10 years left.. So what about when I am 35? Will I want another, sure it will be starting from scratch cause ours twins will be 10. He says we could have them whenever (meaning his dad had his last child at 54) not that that is ideal. I have the idea of my boys being grown while I am still young, ya know? But I don't want to fret about getting Prgt every time we have sex.. any thoughts? And there is always adoption too.. And what if I want to have a girl, not that there are any guarentees.. Just wondering.

 

I think that in a couple of years, i would love to have another baby (I want a girl so bad), but DH says absolutely not (I am 28 he is 37). He agreed to two kids, and so when we found out we were having twins, he said this is it. We have since talked about it and he is standing his ground. No more babies for me. If your DH is still on board to have kids, I wouldn't do anything permanent, but that is just me.

 

I know I'm done mostly due to health issues. It's a miracle that I have the twins and that they weren't born very very early. I have an incompetent cervix, so I really don't want to tempt fate by getting pregnant again and then either losing the baby or having a micro-preemie. I know I would blame myself if either of those things happened. (We didn't know I would have any cervical issues prior to my pregnancy with the twins.)

Plus, for us, financially speaking, two is better. I don't know that we could afford another one down the road. Especially if I went on bed rest again. (I was on hospital bed rest for 3 months with the twins.)

I do think just by you questioning it maybe you aren't ready for anything permanent. Have you thought about other options? I know they have an insert that is good for 5 years. Maybe that would be an option for you and then you could revisit the question in 5 years and see how you feel.

HTH!

 

When we first got the boys home I was ready to book my dh an appt to. The thought of having more kids made me want to cry I just couldn't picture it but now that the boys are a little older I think I would like one more in a couple of years. Ideally I would like the twins to be starting school(jk)and me having another baby at around the same time I just think like you maybe at that point I won't want to start over from scratch.

I wouldn't do anything permanent especially since your dh hasn't said no to more kids.

Erica

 

Thanks ladies! You all make perfect sense! HUGS~

 

I don't know that I'll ever really feel that I'm done having kids. Like you I have a 5 y/o and infant twins but I will be 35 in May. My window of opportunity is shutting fast and even though though I'm 99% certain we're done, I haven't completely ruled out the idea of more. My first child was a very high needs baby. It took a while for me to work up the courage to have more but these 2 have been so different. (Thank God) They make me think I might survive more children with what little sanity I have left. (Of course I realize this may be really premature as they're only 4.5 months old.)
I thought about having my tubes tied but had the babies via emergency C before I really made up my mind. Then I learned about the Mirena IUD which is what I went with as it took care of my immediate needs while leaving my long term options open. Ya just never know...

Good luck with your decision.

 

For me, I just know in my heart that my two girls are it. My husband and I weren't sure if we wanted one or two, so having two at once made that decision easy. As for any more, I just know it wouldn't be the right thing for us. So I guess it's just a gut feeling, but so far it feels like the right one.

 

QUOTE
Does me even questioning it mean that I am not sure?


I would say yes. I had that feeling of not being done, but not being sure, up until I had the twins. I feel like they completed our family, no question.

 

I know I'm done. Got my boy and my girl, and a 12 yr old stepdaughter. That's all I need.

 

Obviously, this is a very personal issue! But I wouldn't do anything permanent, especially if you're only 26. You have at least 10 fertile years left, and a LOT can happen in 10 years.

If there's anything life's taught me, it's never say never. Until my mid-20's, I was absolutely dead set against having kids, ever. By my late 20's, I couldn't wait to have a baby. (And then I got lucky and had two! ) I figure if I can change my mind that much, irreversible birth control is not for me.

Also, my mom had my brothers in her 20's, and 10 yrs later decided she wanted another, and that was me. She must have been "done" for a while, and changed her mind.

QUOTE
We have a 13 year difference between us. I am 26 and he is 39. So I feel like he is out of child bearing age, I feel like I have a good 10 years left.. So what about when I am 35? Will I want another, sure it will be starting from scratch cause ours twins will be 10.


My DH and I also have a 13 yr difference! He was 42 when we conceived the twins. And we don't rule out having more kids (though really don't know either way yet). Even if it seems like your DH would be "old" down the road, his fertility should be just fine. Men make fresh sperm all the time, it's not like us and our poor aging eggs that we've had since we were in the womb ourselves.

Just my 2 cents! Good luck making your decision. It's not an easy one, that's for sure.

 

Done here. Even though part of me would love to experience having one full-term baby and having a successful breastfeeding experience, I don't want it bad enough to bring another child into the world. If I get "the urge" in five years, I will either get a dog or become a foster parent. There are so many unwanted kids out there who desperately need homes. Anyway DH has his "appointment" in one month.

 

We wanted one, got blessed with twins so we were complete. I have an 11 year old and 6month old twins. The twins had ttts. I was worried what if something were to happen to them during delivery or shortly thereafter. So I didn't have my tubes tied during c section (also was trying vaginally so didn't know I was having c section until one flipped during birth) Babies were born healthy and doing great. OK we were done. I go on the pill and we were happy. Well pill didn't work and I'm almost 4 months pregnant. After the shock wore off we are so excited and we laugh. It will be ridiculously hard but right away I became attached and thought if I lost this baby I'd probably want another now that I'm used to the thought of it. I sure wouldn't try so soon. Then again in a few years maybe I wouldn't have felt that way but I would still have the option. And I swore up and down we were done. Obviously not and I just didn't know it. (I am trying to talk him into getting fixed after this one though lol)

 

This is a tough question for me b/c we worked so long and hard to get the twins, that I don't know if I have it in me to go through infertility treatments again, but at the same time I would love to have more kids. DH wants to be done, 2 kids is enough for him. We decided to table the conversation for 3 years and in the meantime not to use birth control and if it happens, it happens (although it's very unlikely b/c my tubes are blocked, I don't ovulate regularly, and DH's sperm swim backwards).

I would say if you aren't 100% sure, don't do it, I have seen so many people change thier minds later and have to go through a vasectomy reversal or ivf, there are less permament forms of birth control

 

When I was pregant- there was no way I wanted any more kids. I always thought I wanted 3, and hubby wanted 2- the twins gives me my three. I was going to have my tubes tied- but the girls were born at a Catholic Hospital- so it didn't happen. Hubby was going to do the vasectomy- but I never scheduled it. I was looking at my girls when they were a week old- and started crying because I just could not imagine never having an infant again! In reality I will probably not have more- but I just can not say never right now. I am 27 and DH is 26- so there is still a lot of time. I am going to get the IUD to last me 5 years. I figure I will be able to make a better decision down the road!

 

I would say that if you are questioning it at all, hold off on doing anything permanent.

As soon as we found out we were having twins, we knew we were done. No matter what. DH and I had planned for 2 kids.

When I signed the papers to have my tubal during my c-section with the boys, my doctors and nurses all questioned me about it heavily. At that time, I was in the hospital being monitored, at 24 weeks, making sure that the boys didn't have any cord issues. My doctors didn't really want me to commit to a tubal with the chance the boys would be delivered very early and have the possibility of not making it. But, I knew in my heart that even if that happened, I did not want to be pregnant again.

I have never had a nice pregnancy - with my dd I had extreme morning sickness and pre eclampsia. Then I had a miscarriage in September '06. Then with the boys - more horrible morning sickness and migraines plus their TTTS and the laser surgery and the bedrest and all that. It was just more than we could handle ever contemplating again.

Also - all that aside - these boys just complete our family and I have not doubted my decision to have a tubal.

 

I am pretty sure i am done. I dont know yet though. DH thinks that we will be having another one(or 2) down the road.. After that i will opt for a c-section and get my tubes tied!!!

 

We're pretty sure we're done. Since we're pretty sure, I got the Mirena inserted last week, instead of doing something permanent. If you are not 100% sure, I would wait, but that's just me....GL.

 

I am done. I always wanted 2 kids, no more. I got 3 thanks to having twins, so when I found out, I knew this would be it. I am happy and thankful for my 3 kids, love them to death, but I would never have gone through another pregnancy to get a 3rd in case the twins were a singleton, so having twins only made things more clear. I have 2 girls and 1 boy, so I am covered. I also turned 35 yesterday, so it's good now. I don't want to go through baby stage, etc. again.

 

Tough question! If you aren't sure, I would do some soul searching before doing anything permanent. For us, the twins made 3 and 4. I feel confident about being done now- not because I don't want anymore babies, but because I cannot imagine going through another high risk pregnancy with 4 kids at home. And- I don't know if I have the heart to go through the anxiety of it again. I don't think it would be fair to my kids and I can't ask my mom to give up so much of herself again to help out if bedrest would happen again. (even though she would) A lot of people told me not to make this decision when I was pg or shortly after, but I think I HAVE to because I need to remember what a pregnancy could mean for me as far as the complications, etc. Dh is going to have a vasectomy soon

 

I have four and for the first year after my 4th I asked people this same question... and now I know... a few months ago I was sitting on the couch and I just got a feeling I think Im done and agian laying in bed one night I felt the same thing .... honestly I think you know when your done... I felt it..

 

We're definitely done, for so many reasons! I'll be 35 this year, and don't want to chance a "riskier" pregnancy due to my age. My body is shot after carrying twins. And, I can't imagine going through a pregnancy with three kids at home -- so many women do it, but I don't know how! I had a hard enough time taking care of one child while pregnant with my twins.

We went through infertility and treatment to get our children -- none of it was fun, and don't want to do it again. And, as much as I get wistful thinking about having a wee baby again, getting another chance to nurse, etc. -- dude, I am just past the point where I want to start over with months of sleepless nights.

My kids are all healthy, and I feel like I've been so blessed, so I don't want to tempt fate again. I'm also thrilled to have two girls and a boy to raise...our family feels complete. And, DH and I want to be young enough to travel and enjoy life after our kids leave home.

There are some practical reasons, too -- we're out of space, and I can't imagine moving to a larger home to accomodate another child. (Even though it's totally not necessary, I want them each to have their own room.) Another child is another private school tuition, plus another college tuition (both important to us), so that adds up...

Finally, DH is adamant that we're done. So, there you go.

All that said, however, we are not doing anything permanent. Who knows what can happen in life, you know? If you are that unsure, I would definitely wait on a final decision. (It's easier for us, because we've never once gotten pregnant without using assisted means.)

 

I would say that if you are even questioning it at all then it's something that is still possible. I never thought I wanted kids at all but now that I have the twins I'm not sure I don't want one more in a year or so.

 

My answer is kind of strange and in fact, probably not even an answer at all...

I have 18 week old id boys. I love them. I tried for 2 years for them. I have no other kids. I had a VERY easy, uncomplicated, healthy pregnancy and they were born fine and at a perfect time etc..

However, the first 14 weeks were literally the worst 14 weeks OF MY ENTIRE LIFE! I hated 90% of it and would NEVER want to do 'that' again. I went from 10 weeks of modified bedrest and kickin' it here doing what was best for ME--- to killing myself for 2 babies that NEVER stopped needing me. I consider myself a pretty good person but I am not patient. That is one thing that I know now FOR SURE.

I guess I wanted them SOOO badly and had some preconceived (no pun intended) notion of what "it" was going to be like and man oh man--- not only did it not live up to that (who can and what does??) but it was a zillion trillion gazillion times harder than I EVER dreamed it would be. It still is VERY challenging but I can see the forest thru the trees now. I still have my moments..

I am rambling but here is where the craziness comes in.. I am not POSITIVE that I do not want one more... Is that wild? I mean, I did this with my dogs also. HATED the puppy phase; majorly! Then as soon as my dog turned 2-- I snuck out and bought another puppy! Suffered WORSE with the 2nd dog- duh!

My problem is this---- I conveniently 'forget' how painful/hard it was and I know I'm going to want to do THIS again!

I am not on any birth control cuz I have endometriosis, PCOS, and dh's sperm are weird so I'm not terribly concerned I'll get pregnant naturally but of course IF it happened; I would be happy. NOT YET THO!!!

So.. I would NOT do anything permanent cuz you didn't even say how hard it was and that is a big indicator.... You'll want to do it again. That's just how it goes.

When these guys were 3 weeks old and I was going bald from stress and this place was in the shambles and my mom came over I said to her... "Why in the name of G*d would ANYONE EVER do this to themselves??" (Mind you-- she had 6 of us-- twins in there also!) She said,, "That's the crazy part about it... You seriously FORGET how bad it is!" Truer words have probably not ever been spoken cuz I know I am going to do that!

Either way- do what you feel is best for YOU!! That way you'll never go wrong!

 

My OB and RE (reproductive endocrinologist), both said don't make any permenant decisions within a year of giving birth. At 3 months pp I was ready to book DH for a vasectomy. Now that the girls are almost 1 I'm seriously thinking of doing a frozen embryo cycle with the four we have in the freezer. Not that DH can't get a vas to do a FET, but I'm glad we didn't make any permanent decisions because feelings change. I think if you have any doubt, you should wait and consider a non-permanent option like the mirena.