How to put baby down for nap/ bedtime

My twins are almost four YEARS old and JUST started sleeping through the night (still inconsistent). I made a lot of bad decisons as a first time Mom- I was nervous because they were preemies, exhausted from nursing/ pumping, DH workes nights, soI was by myself most of time. He was away for three months when they were 7 months old, so I did what I had to do. I nursed them back to sleep whenver they made a peep, never put them in their crib- they just stopped sleeping with us this summer. I did what I had to do, even thought I knew I was going to have to "undo" a lot of habits. In the long run, I know that I caused a lot of bad sleep habits that contributed to my girls' sleeping problems.

Now I have a 6 week old singleton and I would like to do things differently. This sounds so stupid, but I don't know how! I fell really dumb. I just bought Helath Sleep Habits, but have not had a moment to read it. RIght now the baby is still youngs, so I wnat to do the "right" thing. I don't want her to have sleep problems.

So help me! How do I go about establishing routines? I Know that she's too young to expect to follow a routin/ sleep throuhg the night. Right now I just let her eat (breastfeeding)/ sleep whenver she wants to. She wakes up about every 3hours at night. During the day it's very random, bu tl;ots of nursing. Also, She's on reflux meds. Sleeping upright seems to help.

My one problem is that she cries whenever I put her down, even if she's sleeping. Then she wakes up and cries. I have tried putting her down for a nap when she is awake but really sleepy, but then she fully wakes up and cries. I give her the pacifier. I know that she's too young to let cry, but what do i do? I try to rub her head, pat her back, shh-shh, white noise, but she still wakes up when I put her down and can never settle herslf back to sleep. She will only stay alseep in the swing and only if she's in a deep sleep. Also, she cries whenever I put her down, not even during sllep times, but when whe's fully awake and not tired.

I've read a little about eat/ play sleep. routtines. How does that work? Sorry for the long rambling. any advice would help! Thanks!

 

The only thing I can suggest is swaddling. My girls are 10wks and my Maia also cries alot, but if I swaddle her and then pat her bum she'll fuss but then she falls asleep, she does get louder before she falls asleep though. Sometimes I have to hold her and other times I can put her down and she'll sleep for 30 mins, and if I am real lucky she'll take an hour nap!

Also make sure to burp her really well. My girls also have reflux and I have a h*ll of a time getting burps out of them sometimes but I try to get 2-3 out of them since I have to keep them upright for 1/2 hr before laying down anyway might as well keep patting their backs.

Good luck!!

 

I do the eat/wake/sleep routine with mine, but when they were 6 weeks old all I was doing was trying to get them to eat at 6, 9, 12, and 3 consecutively and trying to survive! The way I do it now is I feed them (takes about 30 minutes each baby) then they have awake time, and then I swaddle them tightly and put them in their crib. I don't just put them in the crib to cry, I will rock them in the rocking chair, or put them on my legs sideways swaddled and shake my legs gently until I see that they are relaxed and sleepy and then I lay them in their crib, on their side on a wedge, with really loud white noise. If they start to fuss in the crib I will listen for a few minutes, and if the fuss turns into a cry I will go first and put my hand on their head and talk to them and try to calm them down, and sometimes that works. If she is still crying I will pick her up and rock her while standing for a few minutes until she calms down and then I put her back in the crib. But ultimitately she ends up back in the crib to take a nap, I always am able to calm them down as long as they aren't hungry and have clean diapers.

They pretty much do 90 minutes awake total (including eating) and then 90 minutes asleep. All day, starting at 6 am.

They are used to the routine, and after they are awake for a little while after eating they will fuss and put their arms straight down by their sides so that I will swaddle them. I watched "The Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD and it really helped me!

ETA: "Happiest Baby on the Block" is what I used for the calming techniques. I follow "Babywise" for their routine, and they already STTN.

 

I agree with PP. I still am swaddling mine. They love it. I have a DD that describes yours EXACTLY. She screams and cries until held. And she's a bad silent refluxer. When I swaddle her she seems to calm down. Try that. Swaddler her nice and tight and hold her till she is calmed. Then try lying her in the bouncy seat or swing. Then for naps try the crib. You said she likes the swing. If that seems to work for her continue it. Whatever works for you at this age is the best for your sanity. I wouldn't worry about habits until about 4 or 5 months old. HTH and GL!!!

 

Hi there. I know your baby is very young and demanding so it's hard to get a moment to yourself, but you really, really should watch The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD for some short-term strategies that will actually allow you to put your baby down (swaddling, etc.). Get your husband and anyone that assists you to watch the DVD too (grandma, etc.) so they can be helpful and consistent in dealing with the baby. When you do get a moment, you really need to read HSHHC - at least the first 1/2 (up to 4 months) and then put some of the principles into practice. I know your baby is young, but I read the book when my boys were 7 weeks old and I started doing some of the stuff suggested right away, like an early bedtime. It saved my life! By 12 weeks I was able to do real naps in cribs (okay so they were only 45-minute naps, 4 or 5 times a day, but that's something!!). One of my babies was colicky and I had to be patient, but wearing him in a moby wrap a lot of the time kept him calm and left my hands free to do other things, like unload the dishwasher or go to the bathroom. Evan was done with night feedings at 12 weeks and James was done around 14 weeks. They ate frequently all day long, but I always thought that getting lots of calories during the day may have helped them to actually sleep instead of eat after dark.

The biggest thing I learned from HSHHC is that routine makes life manageable and babies NEED their sleep - it's no optional, it's as important as food. Also, overtiredness is the most common cause of scary, crying babies. Newborns need more sleep than I ever imagined. (and more than they thought they needed!)

I read The Baby Whisperer and did her EASY method with my newborns: Eat Activity Sleep You Time (never had much you time you, I must admit, with 2 babies). It worked well for me. My boys did do a lot of their sleeping in swings and their stroller for the first few weeks though. And in people's arms.

Whatever you do, remember that despite any mistakes you may have made with your twins, you have two happy, healthy 4-year-olds...you did a million things right! Everyone knows that the first baby is the "test" baby - we're just in the crazy position of having TWO test babies as mothers of twins. Enjoy this opportunity to mother a singleton - do some things that were not even remotely possible with one baby (like breast feeding in Starbucks! Try doing that discreetly with two babies attached!).

 

I read HSHHC while nursing!!! I finished it in about a week. I got it when my girls were about 2 weeks old. I ordered it online as I didn't even have time to go buy it!! I only read about half tho, I figure I'll read more when they're getting close to 5 months. Good luck with your little one!

 

Ditto pps' recommendations - the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD is awesome for soothing techniques. And HSHHC is my favorite baby sleep book. It will tell you what to realistically expect at any age, and how to start with good sleep habits from the beginning. Right now, you're mainly looking to avoid letting the baby get overtired, and avoid sleep in motion (swings, etc) whenever possible. It has good tips for later too though.

Good luck! And ITA with CHJH - just think of all the wonderful things you did RIGHT with your twins!

 

I have 3 wonderful sleepers in this house....only 1 out of those three was a naturally good sleeper...she slept through the night on her own at 3 months. The other two were pretty bad, and definitely had potential to turn out like your twins. Here is my motto...do what you need to do to survive for the first 4 months. Do your best to use all the gradual "tricks" to get them to sleep...the book reading for sleep techniques, bathing, dream feeds...whatever floats your boat...don't stress about it. Then around 4-5 months if none of those tricks seem to be working go for a cold turkey CIO. By that age you will know for sure she is getting enough to eat during the day. You'll feel confident b/c her weight gain will be fine... So decide on her bedtime, change her, feed her, burp her and put her down. Let her cry for pretty much as long as she needs until she falls asleep. The first night it might take an hour or even two. It's not fun (but keep telling yourself it's worth it.) At this point if she sleeps at least 3 hours or so, and wakes up, let her fuss a little bit...if she really starts to scream then you can get her up and feed her. Do the same thing until the first lay down of the night goes smoothly...where she cries only a minute or two then conks out. With my older dd I went in with a gradual CIO and it took 3 weeks...where i'd go in and try to soothe her after 5 mintues, then 10, then 20 like the books recommend... With my ds I let him cry...he cried for 2 hours off and on for the first night...45 minutes the next night...20 mintues the night after that...5 minutes the next...after that he'd go right to sleep. Once the first lay down of the night is good then the other wake ups tend to be easier. So you focus on the first wake up, if she's still waking up. Let her cry, again as long as she needs to fall back asleep...most of the time it'll only take 20 mintues or less b/c she now gets the message that she needs to fall back to sleep. With my ds once I got past CIO for the first wake up (it only took a few nights after I got him fine on the first lay down) he just started sleepign through his other wake up times on his own. Within 1 week I went from a baby who was waking up every 2 hours to a baby who slept from 8 pm until 6am. Much better than 3 weeks!! And way better than having 4 year olds still in your bed!! LOL! Some people think CIO is cruel...but actually I feel like it really was a kind thing I was doing for my kids. It helped them all become very sound sleepers. My philosophy is that there are no bad habits that can't be broken by CIO at 4 months. I don't feel good about doing CIO any earlier than this b/c I feel like the babies are just too small...Babies that sleep at night are good for the whole family...good for your marriage too!! Well Rested Mommy = Happy Mommy....Happy Mommy = Happy fAmily!!

 

You've had lots of wonderful advice. One thing I would suggest is starting to get the baby on a feeding routine. If she is constantly snacking she isn't going to be getting to the calorie-rich hindmilk. It will also make it harder to get her on a sleep routine. One other thing to try may be to let her cry for up to 5 minutes when you put her down. I am definitely against CIO for any baby under 6 months old but she might just need to fuss for a couple of minutes before falling asleep. Dax has always been like that. If you've already tried this, then just disregard it.

 

QUOTE
If she is constantly snacking she isn't going to be getting to the calorie-rich hindmilk.


Actually, this is a myth - the more frequent the feeding/snacking, the HIGHER the fat content of the milk.

QUOTE
Supporters of schedule/routine feedings believe that longer intervals make for hungrier babies who will demand more aggressively and who will obtain the necessary higher fat available at the end of a feeding. Woolridge, however, has yet another interesting observation that contradicts at least in part this belief:

"Prefeed fat is inversely related to the length of the interfeed interval, which means that
feed frequency influences milk fat concentration. Thus feed frequency, one of the key
parameters of feed patterning, shows a direct relationship to milk fat concentration and
so would appear capable of exerting a direct influence on milk quality.".................
"Overall, the fat concentration of milk taken at feeds would appear to be maximized both
by increasing feed frequency and milk volume removal (which itself is a combination
of unrestricted feed duration and optimal positioning), yet in Western hospitals it has
been common in the past to impose restrictions on both feed frequency and feed duration
to the likely detriment of the baby's fat intake. Such restrictions may well have resulted
in iatrogenic problems of breastfeeding, which would include fat restriction (resulting in
unsettled behavior), symptoms of breast milk insufficiency, and underfeeding."


From this article by two IBCLCs. It's pretty technical, but if you can slog through it there is a lot of valuable info.

 

Thank you for all of your wonderful advice!

 

Thanks for posting this question...I came here today to post the same one! I have 3 year old twins who were awesome sleepers and on a great formula feeding/sleeping routine. I followed the techniques in the Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child book. I now have a 5 month old singleton, who I breastfed but am working on weaning him to formula. He hasn't been on any sort of schedule....feeds on demand and mostly sleeps best in the car seat for naps. WHen he does nap in the crib it only lasts 10-30 min!

Unfortunately he is a slave to my twins schedule. I'm now working to get him on a schedule and I feel like I have wronged him by waiting so long. I think if I had started earlier with him, he would be doing better by now. I finally have him getting to sleep much easier and earlier now. However, last night he slept 8 hrs (wohoo!) but then when I put him back down after nursing he cried for an hour! I went in periodically and patted and rubbed him, but it didn't help. I felt horrible letting him cry so long, but I really want him to learn the crib is where he will sleep. I want him to be able to get himself back to sleep and not need the breast. I just put him down for his nap and he cried for 15 min, so I am hoping that each day gets easier as we work towards a routine.

I think I have been enjoying have just one so much that I neglected getting him on a routine. With twins I never really got the time or chance to cuddle them or rock them to sleep. It's also hard to get a singleton on a routine when you have two other children with needs as well. Good luck!

Amy

 

QUOTE(CHJH @ Dec 31 2007, 09:50 PM) [snapback]552646[/snapback]
The biggest thing I learned from HSHHC is that routine makes life manageable and babies NEED their sleep - it's no optional, it's as important as food. Also, overtiredness is the most common cause of scary, crying babies. Newborns need more sleep than I ever imagined. (and more than they thought they needed!)


What is HSHHC?

 

Stephanie that stands for "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" which is a book written by an American pediatrician. To be honest, this book saved my life! I recommend it to everyone. I don't follow everything suggested in the book, but I find it so useful that I re-read it on an almost weekly basis!

 

Amy - it's not too late to help your 5-month-old to get into a routine. Evan was reluctant to sleep in his crib as well. We had to compromise by letting him sleep in a swing beside his crib for a few nights during that transition. I know many moms of babies who sleep well in their car seats have lowered the cribs and put the car seat right into it for a week or so to get the baby used to his new surroundings!

 

We love HSHHC - within just a few days of following his guidline of back to nap w/in 1 -2 hours of wakefulness, ours starting sleeping longer at night. We started following it at a little after 2 months - I wish we'd started sooner. Callie is now regularly sleeping 10 - 12 hours at night, and Daniel is doing 6 - 7.

You mentioned you have no time to read it - he has a section at the end of each chapter that's like a summary or cliff notes - so if you're totally exhausted you can just cut to the important points.

I also will pile on to the Happiest Baby reco - Callie did/does much what you describe - she will be almost asleep in your arms, and then cry as soon as we put her down. We try to sooth her laying down for a bit, but if that doesn't work we will pick her up, do all the soothing techniques again for a few minutes, and then put her down again. It usually only takes a couple tries and she eventually will get her nap, and she's gradually getting better and better at getting herself to sleep.

I've been trying to get a routine - I'm trying to do nap, then play, then eat - they seem to settle better for a nap if they've just eaten, rather than feeding when they first wake up.

 

Thanks again for your responses!

I didn't realize that there is a summary at the end of each chapter in HSHHC- this will really help!

Also, to AmyDeanna- I know what you mean about enjopying your time wiht your singleton (holding, rocking to sleep, etc.). Tryong to get the baby in a routine aroud the twins routine is going to be crazy!

 

QUOTE(CHJH @ Jan 5 2008, 08:29 PM) [snapback]559174[/snapback]
Stephanie that stands for "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" which is a book written by an American pediatrician. To be honest, this book saved my life! I recommend it to everyone. I don't follow everything suggested in the book, but I find it so useful that I re-read it on an almost weekly basis!

Thanks! I will check it out!