How to ignore tantrums with twins?

So I feel defeated- I understand the logic/reasoning behind ignoring tantrums, really. They need to realize they are ineffective. I get it and want to do it- but the problem I am running into is how to do that while managing twins. One had a tantrum tonight when it was time to clean up to get ready for dinner. I let one tantrum while i cleaned up part of the mess with the other, DS. He got in his chair and started dinner, i went in to help clean up when DD stopped tantruming and was ready to go. however, then DS gets ignored as he eats while I get DD ready for dinner to join at the table. Or DD did not want to put on shoes when it is time to go- do i just go about business and put shoes on while tantruming OR let her tantrum and the 2 of us wait? If I had one, I could let her tantrum and resume upon finishing but with twins, I am torn. It is exhausting to keep moving along, feel as though it takes all i have to get her shoes on when she's tantruming but feel like i'm ignoring son either I way. Suggestions? Tips?

 

I used to give the other twin attention while the other one was having the tantrum. For example if the tantrum was over wearing shoes, I would thank the non-tantruming child for allowing me to put their shoes on and praise them. Tantrums are very hard to ignore, but I would do my best to act like nothing was happening and hope that the other child followed suit. As they got older, the one who was not tantruming would ask what is happening and I would reply "L or S is mad/sad because we are doing what he/she wants..."
In your example with the shoes, I would put shoes on the non-tantrum child and just go about my business the best I could as if the tantrum was not happening. If during the tantrum, the other child needed my attention, I gave it to him/her.

 

I like Nancy's suggestions! :good: I also have been known to wrestle a tantruming child to the ground and put their shoes/clothes/diaper/etc. on them whether they like it or not. :blush: I know toddlers like to feel that they are in control of their world, but if they are being unreasonable (especially when you need to be somewhere) I think they don't get a choice. If I have all the time in the world, I will let them tantrum, but sometimes I just need to get something done! If I don't get angry and go along in a matter-of-fact manner, it often has the same result as if I ignore the tantrum.

 

So, you guys have found ignoring to be effective? I just can't figure it out. Yesterday, dd threw herself down on the ground at the grocery store because I wouldn't let her use the car cart. The day before she stood up and kept trying to climb out of the cart at Target so I let her walk and she wouldn't hold my hand. Both times I took her to the car screaming and flailing and forecefully put her into her carseat - but should I have just let her lay there and yell? By picking her up am I giving her attention and making it worse even though I am removing her from the situation she wants to be in? I didn't mean to hijack the thread, but I thought it was similar questions! if it is about putting shoes on, not getting in the highchair, etc. I usually do the same as pp - praise the one that is putting shoes, clothes on, or sitting like a "good boy" and ignore the other. Ignoring just doesn't seem to be working, though - they are both stubborn little things and will yell and beat there heads for a loooong time. If at home I don't give in, but now that it has gone public I am at a loss!

 

I think that totally ignoring tantrums is really only something you can do at home, but I really have found that not engaging them is almost as effective as ignoring. So if they are tantruming in public, I calmly pick them up and tell them what we're doing ("no you can't run into the road, now we're leaving Dairy Queen"), put them in the car without discussing the issue and keep it moving. Yes, sometimes people look at you like you have 2 heads when you're carrying a screaming, flailing toddler, but I could care less what they think. I just wanna get out of there!

I guess I was (and still am) a terrified twin mom; I always expect the worst, and always have an exit strategy! :laughing: If we're out and they have a fit, we're gone, no matter how much they scream. If you are very intrepid, you could always just strap her in the normal cart and let her have a tantrum through the grocery store, but I'm not that brave!

Another strategy is distraction, and I will use that if I absolutely have to. A few months ago at Target, both boys started melting down them moment we walked through the door. I grabbed 2 giant rubber bugs from the dollar bin which distracted them for at least 10 minutes (until they started fighting over who got the ladybug). :headbang:

 

Yes, we have found ignoring tantrums effective AND time-outs for bad behaviour (immediate time out for biting or hitting, time-out after 3 warnings for other bad behaviour) however, we haven't figured out WHAT DO WE DO out in public? There is no room for time-out, and it isn't fair to other people around to tolerate a screaming child..


So yes, very effective. But, to add to this thread, I would love suggestions on bad behaviour and tantrums in public.

 

I find a quiet spot (or the quietest spot I can find) and take the child there. I had to do this at the Please Touch Museum a couple of weeks ago to give my DS a minute or two to calm down. I didn't say much to him because he wasn't in a place to hear what I was trying to say. I did offer him water and a snack (because I figured after all that drama, he had to be hungry and/or thirsty) and within a few minutes he calmed down and we went about the rest of our time at the museum.
I agree that ignoring works best at home. In public, finding the quietest spot or removing the child from the situation (if you can) seems to work best, at least it does with my two.

 

This is a tough subject with twins. Sometimes when one of my toddlers is throwing a tantrum the other decides to join in, so now I got two toddlers throwing temper tantrums for no reason, just b/c they want to.

But i have come to learn to ignore them and let the temper tantrum pass, it usually does not last long when I ignore them. If I give them attention it last's longer, go figure.

Sometimes I try to distract them when I can. But we also have to remember, this is their way of getting THEIR WAY!! They know how to play us like Yo-Yos...and we can not give into that. We are the parents, we make the rules, what we say goes, and they have to realize that they are not going to get their way all the time.

I have been lucky when it comes to outings at stores, i have not had many temper tantrums to the point of wanting to pull my hair out. They have been really small and over before they started, and I talk to them while it happens, calmly talk to them - but it's still early...LOL...I know the worst's are still to come.

In the meantime, just take a deep breath, deal with the child that is not throwing the tantrum then turn your attention to the other who hopefully by that time will have calmed down, if not, then you have to do what you have to do - ie: getting shoes on, or dressed, eat, drink, sleep etc..

unfortantely it all comes with the territory..LOL..as stressful as it is, if we act like it DOES NOT bother us when they throw tantrums, hopefully they will get bored of it, or it will be over before it starts, or just wait till it passes..LOL...Good Luck!!