How to handle this situtation...advice needed, please! (LONG)

Okay, I have a situation that I don't know how to handle, at all. First, let me say, that my husband's family is VERY sentimental, and they have lied saying they weren't sick before so they wouldn't miss certain events (not his parents...I'm referring to aunts, cousins, etc.) At the end of last week Kris's cousins child who is about 3 months old, went to the doctor and she has RSV. The doctor did not keep her at the hospital, but sent her home. She was back at the doctor yesterday b/c she has been having trouble breathing. My girls' birthday party is Saturday, and they INSIST that the doctor said she isn't contagious...PLEASE...I'm not a fool! They just don't want to miss the party, nor do we want them to...BUT, I also don't want everyone's children, including my own, catching it! I was hoping they would have the good sense and courteous nature to say that they were sorry they couldn't come, but NO, they will be there. I don't want to be rude and say, "You can't come!" but what do I do? My MIL tried to throw hints yesterday about how contagious it is, but they said that it was only contagious if she sneezed directly on another child...WHO CARES...it is freakin' RSV!!! Also, my MIL doesn't want the baby around Kris's 87 year old grandmother who is not in the greatest health and very susceptible to catching things herself...I know this was way too long, but what do I do?!?!?!

 

Okay, I have a situation that I don't know how to handle, at all. First, let me say, that my husband's family is VERY sentimental, and they have lied saying they weren't sick before so they wouldn't miss certain events (not his parents...I'm referring to aunts, cousins, etc.) At the end of last week Kris's cousins child who is about 3 months old, went to the doctor and she has RSV. The doctor did not keep her at the hospital, but sent her home. She was back at the doctor yesterday b/c she has been having trouble breathing. My girls' birthday party is Saturday, and they INSIST that the doctor said she isn't contagious...PLEASE...I'm not a fool! They just don't want to miss the party, nor do we want them to...BUT, I also don't want everyone's children, including my own, catching it! I was hoping they would have the good sense and courteous nature to say that they were sorry they couldn't come, but NO, they will be there. I don't want to be rude and say, "You can't come!" but what do I do? My MIL tried to throw hints yesterday about how contagious it is, but they said that it was only contagious if she sneezed directly on another child...WHO CARES...it is freakin' RSV!!! Also, my MIL doesn't want the baby around Kris's 87 year old grandmother who is not in the greatest health and very susceptible to catching things herself...I know this was way too long, but what do I do?!?!?!

 

Oh, boy, that's really tough. We've had relatives come over when really sick around the babies & yeah....you'd think they would know better. It's just common courtesy.

I don't know anything about RSV, honestly. If it were me, though, I think what I would probably do is to call MY dr and ask them how contagious it is. That way, if they still insist that they won't get anybody sick you can say, "well this is what our dr has told us about RSV". Maybe you won't seem like such the bad person, it's the Dr. And besides, how in the WORLD do you control where a kid is going to sneeze???? Is she going to follow them around with her hand over their mouth for the entire party? Good grief. I'd call for some backup on this one, so you're not the only telling her it's not a good idea.

 

OK, just went back & didn't realize she was only 3 months old. Come on, she's not even going to remember the party! If it's so important to the mom, she should find a babysitter.

 

You will have to be the bad guy here. Lie if you have to and tell themjust to be safe you called YOUR pedi and asked about it and he/she said it wasn't a good idea to have the babies around it. It is VERY contagious btw. I'm also very surprised the baby's doc sent her home with RSV. Maybe times have changes but my son was in an oxygen tent for a week when he had it! I know it stinks, but you need to politely tell them it's not a good idea. Good luck to ya.

 

well, in your cousin's defense....when my girls had RSV, the dr. told me that they were not contagious anymore- only right before they had the clear runny nose were they contagious, which had been two weeks before. so, she might be telling the truth.
we were around my nephew who was two months younger, and he was just fine, as was everyone else, and all the other kids- no one else became sick, regardless of the fact that my twins and my three year old were all sneezing, drooling, and their noses were dripping like crazy, and they were coughing.

 

RSV is very contagious - when my son had it and was hospitalized -
they wanted me to glove up before i touched him (yeah right! he was 20 days old!) and they hung a huge stop sign on our door telling
the other nurses to put a gown on and glove up before entering!!
RSV has been the devil in our lives my son has had so many breathing
troubles since - you don't want RSV at your house!!!

 

I would be honest with her. Just ask her to consider what they have and are going through with their little one and ask her if she wants anyone else to have to go through that too. Tell her that the risk could potentially still be there and is avoidable. If that doesn't work, lie like a pp said and tell her your pedi advised against it. That is definitely a tough one.

I have a SIL whose kids are always sick because her 7yr old still sucks his thumb. We had ID boys born into the family 2yrs ago at 28wks and lost one after 10 days. The surviving twin is still struggling with catching up and has had numerous surgeries for shunts to relieve pressure on the brain. My SIL has on numerous occassions tried to justify her kids being around my nephew when they were sick. Sometimes I wonder what people are thinking.


Angela

 

I would ask your personal ped, but IMHO, I would be concerned.

 

Simple: YOUR house YOUR rules ( or whereever your having the party )
If you arent comfortable with the baby who has RSV there then piss on them! They can either get a sitter and come or stay at home with their child and deal with it like adults! IF they get pissy about it...well then they need to grow up and learn that they need to understand that other people feel differently than them about contagious diseases.
But this is JMO i'm a little blunter to people than most.

 

There is not a chance in teh world that I would let that child in my house, whether the doc says they are contagious or not. No way, not even with full term babies would I let them in. I think she is being extremely rude for even considering taking her baby out...that child needs rest not to be overwhelmed by people and children.

You have 2 choices, either tell her no flat out, just say no. Her feelings may be hurt but she wont be the one taking care of your sick babies adn I hardly doubt she would pay for the potential hospital bill, the meds, the doctors visit.

Or you can fudge it a bit and say you called the ped and the ped said your children should not be around anyone who has had or has been exposed to RSV in the last 2 weeks.

Keep them out

 

I would do like the PP stated and call your Pedi to see what the chances and dangers are for your kids. Then if the Pedi says no way can you let your MIL be the bad cop?

 

I am surprised they would still try to bring the child. If it were me I would apologetically explain that we can't risk bringing RSV into the house. Maybe suggest getting together another time.

Afterall, RSV is not the most thoughtful birthday gift.

 

RSV is very contagious, but you already know that actually, the boys' infectious disease doctor explained a study to me when the boys were in the picu just over 2 years ago. there were 3 groups of babies and each group had a different type of visitor. 1 group had visitors who touched them, held them, etc. one group had visitors who didn't tuch the babies but touched the things around the baby...pillows, cribs, toys, bottles, etc. the last group had visitors who didn't touch anything (they read, sang, etc, but didn't touch).

the group with visitors who touched things and the group with visitors who touched babies got sick (rsv) at very similar rates. the group with visitors who didn't touch had much lower rates of rsv.

it seems really obvious to protective moms!! But the point is that you are right to be concerned about sick visitors. I would have to play the bad guy and say I'm sorry, but our pedi said it would put our kids at risk or something like that. Maybe you could schedule a special play date so they still feel included? I know it's not the same, but I'm sure you know them well enough to know what's best.

Sorry this is putting a damper on your special day!

 

quote:
Simple: YOUR house YOUR rules ( or whereever your having the party )


I wouldn't risk the health of your child and of the other children who will be guests. Just think how guilty you might feel if someone else gets sick because a sick child was in attendance. Besides, why would that mother want to bring her sick baby? Shouldn't she be home getting well and not be out and about where she could likely pick up some other bug.

If I were you, I would not risk RSV...apologize profusely, but ask that they NOT come. Perhaps you can offer to have a little family get-together later when she is better.

 

quote:
that child needs rest not to be overwhelmed by people and children


So true! SIL is being very selfish. She's risking exposing children and an elderly person to RSV AND taking her sick baby out in the winter because she doesn't want to miss a party. Don't feel bad about asking her to stay home. I think she needs to be knocked down a few pegs.

 

quote:
Originally posted by Trillian:
quote:
that child needs rest not to be overwhelmed by people and children


So true! SIL is being very selfish. She's risking exposing children and an elderly person to RSV AND taking her sick baby out in the winter because she doesn't want to miss a party. Don't feel bad about asking her to stay home. I think she needs to be knocked down a few pegs.

She is my husband's cousin, not SIL If she were my SIL, maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about it, but she is one of those people who ALWAYS plays the victim, and I know how big of a deal telling her she can't come will be. Ultimately, the health of my children is way more important, but I still hate to make this call!!! I may just have to put it off on my husband since it is his family...it is good to know that I'm not overreacting to this...I thought I might be until the responses, so thanks for all the advice.

 

You want me to call her??

Now wouldnt that be a kick..."umm hello, you dont know me, but I know about you, anyways, you cant come to the party...sorry"

 

quote:
Originally posted by Cassie05:
You want me to call her??

Now wouldnt that be a kick..."umm hello, you dont know me, but I know about you, anyways, you cant come to the party...sorry"


LOL!!

I can't believe she is worried about attending a party when her 3 MONTH OLD HAS RSV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTH? Outside life would come to an end if either of my kids were sick, I don't care what is going on.

My kids are 9 months and have never been sick. I am a HUGE germ-phobe and INSIST that everyone who is going to come into contact with my kids wash their hands. Even then if I see someone cough or rub their nose, I will hand them hand-sanitizer in mid sentence! EVERYONE made fun of me and EVERYONE said I was paranoid...well you know what? MY KIDS AREN'T SICK! I have told IL's they couldn't come to my house after finding out they had the flu the week before and do not feel bad about doing so.

RSV is serious...and you are the one that will be up with them all night and most likely catch the bug (whatever it might be) too if they get sick. So, YES, you have every right to say no!!

 

You can do this...I had to tell my MIL that I would prefer she not come over one time and she's a nurse. Either she'll get over it or not...if not you won't have to worry that she'll bring sick kid(s) next time.