How to Handle a Sassy-Mouthed 2 Year Old?

Okay! So, for months I have been really proud of the intelect of my ds. He has been speaking in complete sentences since he was about 1 1/2. He gets concepts unbelievabley well. I will spare all the details and examples but here is the problem.... Because he speaks very well, gets concepts, etc. He is really, really, sassy. He back talks like a teenager!

If I or dh do something he doesn't like he tells us to go to the corner.

He was stealing his sister's crayons on the bathtub, so I pushed him to the other end of the tub, he says, "don't push me. no pushing. that not nice."

If we do something he doesn't like, he tells us "no (whatever), you know that." as in we have told him not to throw his food on the floor, you know you are not supposed to do that.

It goes on and on. It is really unbelievable. We have tried telling him "no, you don't speak to mommy and daddy like that," etc. That doesn't work, he just sasses us back with something we have told him before. We have tried the corner/time out. That doesn't work he just stands in the corner (if he stays) and continues to sass at us.

Because the first ill behaviour he started exhibiting long ago was hitting his sister all the time, we decided not to hit them as punishment due to the irony of hitting a child while telling them not to hit. Prior to this we really were not opposed to spanking but this kind of changed our mind. Now I am starting to wonder?!

We have discussed ignoring him when he starts sassing but I am not sure I am capable of that. Has anyone tried this? If it works, how long do you think it will take?

Any other ideas?

The other thing is that he acts much worse towards dh and I than anyone else like the daycare provider or grandparents. Which I suppose it good. I would rather that he not behave for us but it is getting old!

 

Okay! So, for months I have been really proud of the intelect of my ds. He has been speaking in complete sentences since he was about 1 1/2. He gets concepts unbelievabley well. I will spare all the details and examples but here is the problem.... Because he speaks very well, gets concepts, etc. He is really, really, sassy. He back talks like a teenager!

If I or dh do something he doesn't like he tells us to go to the corner.

He was stealing his sister's crayons on the bathtub, so I pushed him to the other end of the tub, he says, "don't push me. no pushing. that not nice."

If we do something he doesn't like, he tells us "no (whatever), you know that." as in we have told him not to throw his food on the floor, you know you are not supposed to do that.

It goes on and on. It is really unbelievable. We have tried telling him "no, you don't speak to mommy and daddy like that," etc. That doesn't work, he just sasses us back with something we have told him before. We have tried the corner/time out. That doesn't work he just stands in the corner (if he stays) and continues to sass at us.

Because the first ill behaviour he started exhibiting long ago was hitting his sister all the time, we decided not to hit them as punishment due to the irony of hitting a child while telling them not to hit. Prior to this we really were not opposed to spanking but this kind of changed our mind. Now I am starting to wonder?!

We have discussed ignoring him when he starts sassing but I am not sure I am capable of that. Has anyone tried this? If it works, how long do you think it will take?

Any other ideas?

The other thing is that he acts much worse towards dh and I than anyone else like the daycare provider or grandparents. Which I suppose it good. I would rather that he not behave for us but it is getting old!

 

No ideas, just sympathy. My 3yo is the SAME way

 

Well, this is coming from a spanker.

My oldest DS was the same way (hes almost 5 now) and I would tell him that "is not the way you talk to your mom" and he would say something like 'you talk to me that way' so then I would remind him thta I am "big" and when he gets big he can talk however he wants, but while hes at home and little, he will talk the way I want him to because I am the "boss"... Well, that didnt really work either...

So finally DH asked why didnt I spank him for talking to me that way (since it IS disrespectful)... i told him I was trying "alternative methods" Well, then one day he got WAY sassy with me, so I took him to his room, explained to him that that was NOT acceptable and that he was going to get a spanking... So he did... EVERYTIME he sassed me he got one. He also had to stay in his room until he was going to talk to me the right way.

Well, about a week later I had seen a super improvement... As soon as he realized that he wasnt going to get away with it, he stopped. You have to remember that 2 is when they are testing their boundaries, and he will keep pushing until he hits a wall.

HTH!!!!!! I know how you are feeling!!!!

 

My daughter waves her finger in my face and says "Do you understand me?!?!". I hate it, but like you, I wasn't too sure what to do about it. She only did this with DH and I and one day when picking them up from daycare, she spoke to me that way in front of her teacher and the teacher was floored and scolded Megan in front of me! I was actually very embarassed about that. I still don't know what to do about it but I hope more people respond to this thread. I'm not a spanker, but I do think Heather is onto something. I've considered doing it for that behavior because I just fear what it could lead to in the future.

 

This is coming from a non-spanker. You need to get the upper hand here. Making him stand in the corner is not working. When we do time outs at our house, they sit in a chair in another room. That way if they do have bits of frustration they still need to work out, we don't have to listen to it. That might be a start. The other thing is posting rules. The rules need to be clear to your son. You will speak appropriately to mommy and daddy. You will not hit. An effective tool is creating a reward system for good behaviour. A star chart might work, with a big reward at the end. Any time he does not follow the rule, he will go for a time out, or lose a privelege like watching television or going on a special outing. If what you're doing is not working, there are lots of other alternatives. Consistency usually wins out in the end. Make sure you are consistent with what you say and what you do. IMO this is the only way to truly change negative behaviour, and make sure it sticks.

 

You have just described Matthew!!! He also is a very good talker and I get the same thing, "Don't yell at me mom, it's not nice." Time outs work well with my boys and seem to work well for this behavior too when I think he crosses the line. Matthew doesn't continue the behavior while he is in time out. However, I am not usually in the same room as him while he is in time out. Also if they act out during time out they are sent to thier room to start the time out over again. He also has to apologize or he gets another time out and he hates to apologize so sometimes the time outs last a long time. Every 3 minutes I give him another chance to apologize and get out of time out.

I have also had numerous talks with him about who is the boss and why he has to listen to him mom and dad. We just watched Nemo this weekend and when Nemo gets taken at the beginning I made a big point to explain that Nemo should have listened to his dad.

 

I also am not opposed to spanking although I rarely use it. In your situation where timeouts/separating him haven't worked, I would make it clear to him that speaking to you that way is not acceptable and the consequence will be a spanking. To me, spanking is very different from hitting. When I spank, it is a forewarned consequence and their continuation of the behavior is their choice. Hitting out of anger or frustration is not acceptable no matter your age. Like a pp said, you are the adult and it IS acceptable for you to talk to him in that manner. HE is the child and will not talk back in the same tone. My now 6, almost 7, year old got his share of spankings between 2 and 4 for different things. There came a time where the spanking as a consequence was not effective so I no longer spank him. Good luck finding a solution!

 

I am not a spanker but am not against it (done right) either. Just never felt the need per se. I had a dd who was quite verbal very young. If she talked tous like that we did put a dab of tabasco on our finger and put it on her tounge. She hated it and stopped her attitude quite quickly. We also used time outs which only worked slightly. Favorite toys and activities also would get taken away.

Good luck. IT is not easy.

 

My 4 year old is the same way. Nothing is working with her though. I've tried time out, spanking, no bedtime story, and she's still talking back about everything. She does it with everyone though. Her teachers are really good about dealing with it, but they've got to be frustrated too.

I still put her in time out, and follow it up with a spanking if it doesn't stop, but I wish I could find the one magic thing that would make the back talk stop.

 

quote:
We just watched Nemo this weekend and when Nemo gets taken at the beginning I made a big point to explain that Nemo should have listened to his dad.


That's a good one. Walker loves Nemo. I don't know for sure if he will get that concept but, then again I am usually surprised by what he gets.

I forgot about the apologizing. That is one of our requirements also and sometimes he refuses, so back to time out. A couple of weeks ago, they both ate a great dinner so when they asked for "nacks" (fruit snacks) I was all ready to pass them out, Jordyn said "please" and Walker refused to do so. We literally went back and forth off and on for an hour, meanwhile Jordyn ate hers and went on to something else. When daddy got home, Walker ran up to him and immediately asked him for "nacks." Luckily, I heard and screamed from the other room, NO!!!! Then daddy says, "Walker, what do you say?" Walker says, "please" as nice as pie. Battle of the wills. I think I won because he did end up having to say "please" before getting the snacks and all along had he just said it, I would have given them to him, but boy, did I want to strangle the little monkey!

Thank you for your suggestions. It is always comforting to know that My monster is not the only one out there.

 

It can be so frustrating when our little darlings begin displaying behavior that we are not use to! (and I've already been through the teen part too so believe me our little angels can have us wondering what happened to them!!!) The good news is that this will pass but you must get the upper hand. I personally do not spank because I just can't see myself striking a child. I LOVE a book I have used over the years called "The Power of Positive Parenting" by Dr. Latham. I think the most important advice I would give you is to be consistent. Don't waver with children. They will have more respect for you too. Also, have you ever seen that show on TV - Super Nanny? I've watched it a few times I think her name is Jo and she is so cute with the kids. Good Luck!