How to discipline at 18 months

I need to do something with Jackson. he's screaming at us all the time and having tantrums when he doesn't get his way. He's learning that when he yells at us, we react. I want to stop this cycle now, I can really see him becoming a total brat (I really really hate to say that about my baby). I put him in a 5 minute time out in his crib earlier. I wasn't sure what else to do. Ideas please?

Jaime

 

We started timeouts at 18 months. It typically worked well for mine. The would go in their crib for 2 minutes. I would take everything out of the crib and they knew I meant business.

Typically when mine have a tantrum I let them have it and ignore them. When you keep talking to them they react to you, so I just ignore. If her wants to bang his head on the ground fine- let him. I draw the lie line though when throwing and hitting begins. They go straight to a timeout.

I think they biggest advice I can give you is to be consistent. If you decide timeouts are the way to go then stick to it. I also always try to give a warning before. For instance I will say, "if you throw the truck then you have to go on a timeout.. this is your warning."

Another thing that I do is make sure the punishment fits the problem. Sometimes just redirecting them works well. I am not all about jumping straight to the timeout. But when re-directing is not working I am firm believer that timeouts are the way for us. My kids seemed the understand that there behavior was not going to be tolerated.

Hang in there!

 

IF we tell them no and they down right don't listen- and they do know better for whatever it is they are doing- we will flick hands.

 

I just bought 123 Magic and really like it it is a quick read and has useful info!!

 

quote:
Originally posted by kma13:
I just bought 123 Magic and really like it it is a quick read and has useful info!!


I did too!! It's a good one and quick read!!! Check it out! I bought it off Amazon, but if you have the time, I'm sure it's at your local book stores....

The other thing is that I don't haul mine upstairs for timeouts. I put them in their feeding chairs faced away from all the action and I set the oven timer. They did more stuff between 18 mos and 2 yrs to warrant time outs than they do right now. So, there is hope!!

 

i Use alot of different tricks.
1. Time out on the futon is one of them.
2.Removing from the situation and take their head in my hands to get eye contact and talk to them quickly in my room.
3. role playing the correct responses when you aren't in the situation.
4. ignoring tantrums only partially worked for me. sometimes it was better to hold the offender until she calmed down.
5. sometimes I do spank. other times the child just holds the spoon and they get control.
6. I have also just started having the child fold her hands for 30-90 seconds. this redirects the energy and prevents a full blown tantrum. then I can have enough time to find a different activity for them.

 

Boy do I feel your pain. My only concern with putting them in their cribs for timeout is them associating the crib they sleep in with punishment. I just ignore the tantrums and it usually ends pretty quickly, I also do a modified time out (sit and stop whining before mommy gets you what you need, etc). Until I can figure out where to do the timeouts, I'm at a loss.

 

I only dropped him in the crib because he was making me crazy and we both needed a moment away. Overall my boys are really really good. It's the exception, not the rule around here that we might need a time out. The hard part with a chair or sofa is that they won't sit still. It's hard to get the full affect of the time out when they're on the go all the time!
Jaime

 

Yeah, the sitting still is part of my dillema too. I was just curious to see if anyone else had ideas for that. I have kept one of their high chairs out (they use boosters at the table now) maybe I could use that as the "naughty chair" until I come up with something better. This age is tough but somehow we'll all get thru it!

 

I used the crib too at that age. It's a tough line because they are learnig so much, but to give them a time out in a chair or somewhere else is next to impossible.
I do think my kids realized the difference in being put in the crib for bedtime vs for time out. I think the routine & tone in my voice helped to differentiate.

 

What about a pack n play for timeout? I have thought about doing this. I got the Supernanny book for Xmas and she says that 2 years old is really about the earliest they are able to "get" the Naughty Chair (or whatever you use). She says if they get out of the chair, you need to repeatedly put them back in, over and over and over, until they stay. I am still tempted to go ahead and start trying it sooner, using the PnP.

 

I think that your attitude will have more effect on their association than the location. Meaning...if you have completely different attitudes when putting them in the crib for discipline reasons and putting them in the crib for bedtime/naps, they will recognize the difference and won't associate the crib with punishment.

At bed time we are very affectionate - kisses, hugs, smiles, blanket, bears, and dolly. We say "I love you. 'Night-'night." But, when I put them in the crib for time-out I am very stern and frowning. While carrying them to the crib, I repeat the reason they are being sent there, place them in while scooping out toys, then just walk away.

They have never objected to being put in the crib at bedtime. In fact, sometimes they reach for it. It isn't the location that stays with them, but the fact that Mommy is unhappy with their behavior.

 

At 18 months they are discovering communication, and can't usually say what they need, so the end result is a tantrum to get your attention. My method at that age, I found a time out had no long term effect until they were over 2. When Marcus had a tantrum, I would let him go, and give Jon or something else my attention. Once he was ready to calm down, he would come to me, and I would hold him to get him calmed back down. He was one--and still is--a child who can't completely regain control without help. That said, I would simply hold him, no talking or anything. Once he was calm, I would work with him to find out the problem. He only got positive attention, and would only get my undivided attention when he was back to normal.

We did time outs, once we started them on the bottom step. At first I would sit near them, but they learned to stay put. It was good because most homes we went into had a staircase, so we always had a time out spot when needed.

 

Like I have read, time outs are effective on some children. I have found that if either of mine get into a tissy, MY reaction has the biggest influence on how long it goes on. If I allow myself to get angry or raise my voice, it really does add fuel to their fire, and it only escalates it or prolongs it. (learned this early fortunately!!) What works for my guys is REDIRECTION. If one gets upset because he doesn't get what he wants, I acknowledge his feelings, then move onto something else. It has always worked for me, and I have been consistent in responding that way; remaining calm, acknowledging feelings, and moving on. Once he sees his tantrum is 1)not getting attention and 2)not getting his way, he gets over it and rejoins whatever fun thing I have moved on to.

 

if a time out on a chair or couch/futon won't work, then try the PNP instead of the crib

I also had someone suggest using a TALL stool backed against a wall. The wall will help them support themselves and they hopefully will be afraid of falling off so they'd be still enough for one minute. At 18 monhts timeout was never longer than 1 minute. You could stand there and make sure they didnt try to jump down. Also at 18 months I have put the kids in their crib for a timeout and walked outside to get away from them for a minute. when the timer went off I went back in.

Now at 22 months my girls sit for 2 min on the futon. i've never used a tall stool but if they don't stay on the futon then I will resort to using the stool.

 

My issue with Moshe is that he doesn't understand enough yet to use any specific discipline method. He knows that certain things he's not allowed to touch/do. But when I try to discipline, he has no clue what I'm saying. I'll have to think about the above mentioned methods and what might work with him.