How to deal with unwanted attention when the twins arrive.

I thought I'd post this here since while you are buying your strollers and other items it would be helpful to know what you are in for. With twins you get alot of attention when you are out in public and I think it can be very overwhelming if you aren't a bit prepared ahead of time for it. To add to your "unsolicited advice" I thought I'd add mine. I just hope it helps someone.


---- when you are buying a stroller be aware of the number of people who will stop you, put their heads too far into your stroller, and even yes even touch the babies. There are some great covers that go over side by side strollers (like a large white netting) or even individual netting for baby seats. here is the website I purchased mine. for about 24.oo

http://www.greatbabyproducts.com/ProductDe...00&CartID=0

some strollers the baby faces the mother and later can be turned around.

--- make sure your dh is aware of the extra attention, it might take him off guard as well.

--- as twin moms we are "doubly" protective and know that us twin moms are behind you on this one even if your family and friends are not. often our babies are born early and smaller than a singleton and therefore we are more protective. just remember that "they" have had their children it is now your time to have yours and do things the way YOU want to. I often said "twin moms do things differently because you have two babies to worry about" .

--- this website has a great sign to attach to your stroller to help get rid of touching and the proceeds go to charity

www.mytinyhands.com sign says "please wash your hands before touching mine" I'd recommend buying two.

--- watch out for woman ages 40 - 60 often they are too young to have their grandchildren yet and it has been way too long since they had their kids. They will FIND YOU OUT and hunt you down sometimes. Woman get baby obsessed and TWINSTRUCK. Don't make eye contact this gives them permission to talk to you and get their head in the stroller, etc. etc.

--- walk fast, if someone makes eye contact immediately pick up the pace. No you are not required to talk to every nice person out there if you don't want to.

--- if you have a bossy friend or family member take them with you and let them know you don't want other people to get too close, this helps that you aren't the constant meanie. Plus you will feel safer leaving the babies while you hit the bathroom.

-- as soon as people come close immediately say "just dont' touch them" this sets the stage. you can follow it up with a "you would not believe the number of people who get too close to them". yes they will think you are mean but who cares you don't know them.

---- people have been known to stop right infront of your stroller ... use the stroller pull it back towards you and turn it to the side. You can either keep going or you can immediately get infront of the stroller and block them. Put yourself between them and the babies.

--- for the friends /family that you dont' want to offend, if they are putting their heads right into the stroller, you can put your head in there too, the lack of room and your closeness will get them out quickly and you didn't have to say a word. I've heard of people not liking the babies to be "passed around" the room at family functions. Assign the baby to the person you know who will not give them up with instructions that they dont' get passed along.

--- We would have people call us and not "show up" to see the babies. We often told them a time limit "you could come at 5 until say 7 pm but then we are heading to bed at 7" Also ASK EVERYONE "have you been sick in the past 10 days or anyone who is coming with you, we are/ are not allowing kids to come over just adults, etc." Put a sign on the door that reads "please wash your hands" and then guide them to where they can wash their hands.

---- A blanket is great to cover the babies when you have just one of them.

--- wearing socks can prevent people from touching their feet -- if they are putting those feet in their mouth.

---- find a corner of the room with your back against the wall for restaurant outings..... less attention more time to spend with who you are out for dinner with.

---- when they are older and able to sit in a grocery cart you can put one in the back in a booster type seat while the other is up top.

-- yes you can lie and say No they are not twins just cousins.

--- You might get asked if they were "natural or IVf" or if they run in your family. You can say "yes they run in your family" (they will be running around soon), or say nothing and keep walking. Good to think of what you want to say now. it really is either asking about your sex life or your medical history which either is none of their business......

---- having them in separate slings, etc. will bring less attention as well if you have someone with you.

--- don't forget to use the stroller to your advantage. Move it around so it the babies are closer to you and away from someone you might be avoiding.

--- look for a good parking spot and put the stroller beside the car not behind the car. it is worth the extra 15 mins of driving around looking for a good spot. Load up the stroller first then the babies.

--- be prepared that if you are out with a friend/family with her singleton, the twins will take all the lime light.

I'm sure my post sounds negative but if you wish to talk to everyone that really is your choice. Some women love the attention and meeting new people. There will be times when you might not have much time to get things done or want to focus on spending a day with a friend. Hopefully these will help.


Heather

 

I am thankful for all this advice because I am totally worried about other people and the twins.

 

Thank you. Great advice!

 

QUOTE(heathertwins @ Oct 30 2008, 07:50 PM) [snapback]1049478[/snapback]
I thought I'd post this here since while you are buying your strollers and other items it would be helpful to know what you are in for. With twins you get alot of attention when you are out in public and I think it can be very overwhelming if you aren't a bit prepared ahead of time for it. To add to your "unsolicited advice" I thought I'd add mine. I just hope it helps someone.
---- when you are buying a stroller be aware of the number of people who will stop you, put their heads too far into your stroller, and even yes even touch the babies. There are some great covers that go over side by side strollers (like a large white netting) or even individual netting for baby seats. here is the website I purchased mine. for about 24.oo

http://www.greatbabyproducts.com/ProductDe...00&CartID=0

some strollers the baby faces the mother and later can be turned around.

--- make sure your dh is aware of the extra attention, it might take him off guard as well.

--- as twin moms we are "doubly" protective and know that us twin moms are behind you on this one even if your family and friends are not. often our babies are born early and smaller than a singleton and therefore we are more protective. just remember that "they" have had their children it is now your time to have yours and do things the way YOU want to. I often said "twin moms do things differently because you have two babies to worry about" .

--- this website has a great sign to attach to your stroller to help get rid of touching and the proceeds go to charity

www.mytinyhands.com sign says "please wash your hands before touching mine" I'd recommend buying two.

--- watch out for woman ages 40 - 60 often they are too young to have their grandchildren yet and it has been way too long since they had their kids. They will FIND YOU OUT and hunt you down sometimes. Woman get baby obsessed and TWINSTRUCK. Don't make eye contact this gives them permission to talk to you and get their head in the stroller, etc. etc.

--- walk fast, if someone makes eye contact immediately pick up the pace. No you are not required to talk to every nice person out there if you don't want to.

--- if you have a bossy friend or family member take them with you and let them know you don't want other people to get too close, this helps that you aren't the constant meanie. Plus you will feel safer leaving the babies while you hit the bathroom.

-- as soon as people come close immediately say "just dont' touch them" this sets the stage. you can follow it up with a "you would not believe the number of people who get too close to them". yes they will think you are mean but who cares you don't know them.

---- people have been known to stop right infront of your stroller ... use the stroller pull it back towards you and turn it to the side. You can either keep going or you can immediately get infront of the stroller and block them. Put yourself between them and the babies.

--- for the friends /family that you dont' want to offend, if they are putting their heads right into the stroller, you can put your head in there too, the lack of room and your closeness will get them out quickly and you didn't have to say a word. I've heard of people not liking the babies to be "passed around" the room at family functions. Assign the baby to the person you know who will not give them up with instructions that they dont' get passed along.

--- We would have people call us and not "show up" to see the babies. We often told them a time limit "you could come at 5 until say 7 pm but then we are heading to bed at 7" Also ASK EVERYONE "have you been sick in the past 10 days or anyone who is coming with you, we are/ are not allowing kids to come over just adults, etc." Put a sign on the door that reads "please wash your hands" and then guide them to where they can wash their hands.

---- A blanket is great to cover the babies when you have just one of them.

--- wearing socks can prevent people from touching their feet -- if they are putting those feet in their mouth.

---- find a corner of the room with your back against the wall for restaurant outings..... less attention more time to spend with who you are out for dinner with.

---- when they are older and able to sit in a grocery cart you can put one in the back in a booster type seat while the other is up top.

-- yes you can lie and say No they are not twins just cousins.

--- You might get asked if they were "natural or IVf" or if they run in your family. You can say "yes they run in your family" (they will be running around soon), or say nothing and keep walking. Good to think of what you want to say now. it really is either asking about your sex life or your medical history which either is none of their business......

---- having them in separate slings, etc. will bring less attention as well if you have someone with you.

--- don't forget to use the stroller to your advantage. Move it around so it the babies are closer to you and away from someone you might be avoiding.

--- look for a good parking spot and put the stroller beside the car not behind the car. it is worth the extra 15 mins of driving around looking for a good spot. Load up the stroller first then the babies.

--- be prepared that if you are out with a friend/family with her singleton, the twins will take all the lime light.

I'm sure my post sounds negative but if you wish to talk to everyone that really is your choice. Some women love the attention and meeting new people. There will be times when you might not have much time to get things done or want to focus on spending a day with a friend. Hopefully these will help.
Heather


DITTO DITTO DITTO!!!!

 

Yes thank you.

The impact of peoples actions can be big. My 3 yr old looks just like Sherley Temple. I love it but since she was about 6 mo we have been stopped EVERYWHERE we go usually several times. People always want to talk to her about her hair, touch it, and always always ask if they can have a curl (she has no idea what they are talking about!!! so it freaks her out a little). AT points it has even drawn a small crowed of "check this kid out". It is SO SO SO very overwhelming for her now that she gets very upset each time this happens in a store. I ask that she says thank you but that is all. I then do whatever I need to to "buffer" for her. Yes sometimes to the point of being rude. The poor kid is only 3 and HATES her hair and anyone touching it. Even at home now she starts to freak out a little if we touch it. I feel so bad for.

When they are babies it can still be "cute" or "fun" but as they get older and can notice what is going on around them there can be an impact on their lives as we have found out. I almost don't like taking her places cause I know how hard it is getting for her.

 

That is all good advice if you are really getting lots of unwanted attention -- but I just wanted to add that it isn't always like that. I actually enjoyed every bit of attention I got. Maybe it's because I'm sort of shy by nature and have trouble making connections with people -- but I loved that people wanted to admire my babies and talk to me about them. And I never felt like there was so much attention that it was overwhelming. I just wanted to mention that, in case anyone who is pregnant reads this thread and is worried they'll never be able to go out in public again!

 

QUOTE(mollyjm+2 @ Oct 30 2008, 09:48 PM) [snapback]1049615[/snapback]
Yes thank you.

The impact of peoples actions can be big. My 3 yr old looks just like Sherley Temple. I love it but since she was about 6 mo we have been stopped EVERYWHERE we go usually several times. People always want to talk to her about her hair, touch it, and always always ask if they can have a curl (she has no idea what they are talking about!!! so it freaks her out a little). AT points it has even drawn a small crowed of "check this kid out". It is SO SO SO very overwhelming for her now that she gets very upset each time this happens in a store. I ask that she says thank you but that is all. I then do whatever I need to to "buffer" for her. Yes sometimes to the point of being rude. The poor kid is only 3 and HATES her hair and anyone touching it. Even at home now she starts to freak out a little if we touch it. I feel so bad for.

When they are babies it can still be "cute" or "fun" but as they get older and can notice what is going on around them there can be an impact on their lives as we have found out. I almost don't like taking her places cause I know how hard it is getting for her.



I couldn't agree more - my daughter is 5 and she is a red head - she has a unique look with long red curly hair and of couse I think she is beautiful. But it gets to the point that sometimes we don't want to go out bc we know how many times we are going to get stopped so people can look at her and tell me how beautiful she is and all of that. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate people thinking she is a pretty girl, but whne it takes me an extra 1/2 hour just to go grocery shopping bc of it, it tends to wear on you a bit....

 

Very helpful advice. Thanks!

 

I just played the "deaf" act if they were far enough away and acted as if I didn't hear to keep going. If they blocked my path, which only rarely happened, I would just make it clear we had somewhere to be.

 

QUOTE(Joanna416 @ Oct 31 2008, 03:27 AM) [snapback]1049858[/snapback]
I couldn't agree more - my daughter is 5 and she is a red head - she has a unique look with long red curly hair and of couse I think she is beautiful. But it gets to the point that sometimes we don't want to go out bc we know how many times we are going to get stopped so people can look at her and tell me how beautiful she is and all of that. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate people thinking she is a pretty girl, but whne it takes me an extra 1/2 hour just to go grocery shopping bc of it, it tends to wear on you a bit....


We totally get ya here!

 

My twins are 17weeks old and I wish I would have read a post like this so I had a heads up.,. DH and I cannot go anywhere without being stopped at least 3 times.. GREAT ADVICE!!!!!!!!

 

Ahhhh thanks Guys. I think it gets better when they get older, people keep more of a distance with an older baby. It really is so much fun to take them out just mom and one baby. Do it as often as you can so you dont' feel like you are missing out on the singleton experience. It is so hard to leave one at home though but it feels great to put one in a sling and have them close.

Heather

 

Great advice. I have used a few of the suggestions. I am one of those people that love the attention and I don't mind getting stopped every once in a while but on those trips that need to be rushed a bit, I load the girls up and walk a bit faster and no eye contact!!

I've definitely had to ask people not to touch on a couple occasions. I really don't understand how people (especially adults) feel that it's ok to touch babies that they don't even know.

 

QUOTE
--- for the friends /family that you dont' want to offend, if they are putting their heads right into the stroller, you can put your head in there too, the lack of room and your closeness will get them out quickly and you didn't have to say a word.


I did this all the time! I don't mind the attention from strangers as long as they don't touch and you could just see some folks reaching in so I'd step around and "invade their space" under the guise of admiring my handiwork. It worked every time. This is great for all the pacifists out there.