How to deal with the guilt?

I am having a real problem and I hope you guys can suggest something. Now that my girls are older, they do a lot more things on their own and don't need to be entertained 24/7. They are always playing together so I am glad they have each other. My problem is that I feel if I am not doing stuff with them all the time, that I am being a bad mother. I know a lot of this stems from my childhood...although my mom was also a stay-at-home-mom, she was not involved with me at all. I do not have one memory of her playing with me or doing anything with me. So I don't know, maybe I am overcompensating now. I don't want my kids to grow up and think I didn't care about them and wasn't interested in the things they do or say. Even if I have to do laundry or something and I pop in a movie for them, I feel guilty that I am not sitting there with them. If they are playing and I have a little "me" time (like now) I feel guilty that I am not playing with them too. I do make sure that every day I have one on one time with them - we read books every day, we do other things like arts and crafts, going for walks together, running errands and letting them help me in the store, going to lunch with family, etc. I try to play pretend but I have a terrible imagination so it is hard. I just feel so guilty all the time like I should be with them all the time doing things with them. Does anyone know how I can get over this and stop feeling so bad about it?

 

I think it sounds like you've got a great balance going on! Children need, need, need time to play independently without parental involvement for so many reasons. It's an important part of childhood & growing up. I also firmly believe that if your children need more time with you, they let you know (in our house, this usually consists of increasingly obnoxious behavior in an attempt to get attention - any attention). That's always a sign to me to slooooow down & spend some focused time with my kiddos. Keep up the good work!

 

I could have written this post, word for word. I think it is normal for moms to feel guilt, constantly. My girls are almost 4 and, for the most part entertain each other. I also feel guilty that I don't spend more time playing with them, as I have a four week old baby boy. I do try and do one thing with them a day, like make cookies, paint or "makeovers" and that seems to suffice them just fine. That one activity doesn't take away from the things I need to get done around the house and it is quality time we all enjoy. I also dont remember my mom ever doing anything with us ever and I never doubted her love for me and she is one of my best friends to this day. I think feeling guilty is just part of the territory of being a mom. I believe, at the end of the day, as long as their fed, clothed and hugged they'll turn out just fine. Sounds like you're doing a terrific job!

 

I was also going to say it sounds like a good balance. I too felt guilty this weekend - we were working on a home improvement project so the boys had more time to themselves than normal. But often when I checked in on them they were having a great time and playing so well together it was really cute to see. When they started fighting I knew it was time to do something else. I do think it is hard coming out of the last couple of years of constant demand of our time and attention it is a little hard to take a step back.