How schedule-dependent are your 2-3 year olds?

We had visitors the beginning of the month who stayed for a week. The boys' schedule was all out of whack from the activities and events and they were getting maybe 9-10 hours of sleep per 24 rather than their normal 11.5-12.5. Needless to say, they've been in rare form with tantrums and unusually destructive behavior and we've had a record frequency of timeouts. It took me a full week to get them back on schedule and last night we FINALLY had our first post-visit bedtime with no screaming/crying/whining delays (bedtime is normally peaceful for us). DH gives me such a hard time about them being too scheduled and there being too much routine in their day but I swear they NEED it and life is so much easier for me with the schedule. I should add that I don't schedule all of their activities, only their sleeping and meal times and we have a weekly trip to the library that they anticipate. So, I don't think it's excessive at all and I fight him when he wants to arbitrarily take them off schedule because he's convinced he can make them more adaptable by forcing it (and, of course, I'm the one who deals with the repercussions).

SO, is everyone else very scheduled, not so scheduled, or not scheduled at all and has it changed since they were younger? Is there some magical age where they can handle schedule changes without falling to pieces or is it an individual thing? Am I causing their schedule dependence?

 

I am pretty schedule oriented. I don't mess with nap times and bed times. Just like you, I am the one that deals with repercussions when things aren't going well. DH for the most part sticks with me, but occasionally he will try to change things up and he just knows that I will not deal with it.

 

Mine are much younger then yours but I am very strict about their schedule and plan on being that way for many years to come!

It's better for them and for DH and I!

 

Mine are still on a schedule for naps and bedtime. Now that they're getting older, it is much easier to tweak their schedule if we go out, but if we're just at home, the schedule pretty much sticks. Mine do fine if we're somewhere for the weekend and their schedule gets thrown off, but I can definitely see where after 3 or 4 days, it would start being a problem if they weren't getting enough sleep.

 

We still have scheduled naptimes and bedtimes. If the girls have had a good nights sleep and we need to have a later nap it doesn't affect them too much. They can handle going to bed a little later than normal, too. But I don't like to deviate more than an hour for either because they begin to get really cranky. If it happened several days in a row my girls would definitely suffer.

 

Hi Debi:

I"m SO with you on this. I am pretty rigid about the schedule, in terms of mealtimes, nap and bedtime. When we were on vacation visitng my family a couple of weeks ago, all the schedule went out the window and it was tantrum city -- lots of neediness, getting upset over little things, tons of time outs for all sorts of misbehaviour. I'm sure it was because of lack of sleep, due to disrupted bedtimes and naps -- ours usually get 11-12 hours at night and a 2 hour nap. On vacation, there was limited napping (if any) and 9-10 hours sleep at night. That just was not enough. It has taken a full ten days to get the kids back to their normal (easy) nap and bedtime routine.

What it is about DH's and schedules?? My DH thinks our twins are too scheduled, too. He is always trying to push the envelope on mealtimes or bedtimes, which drives me bananas. My DD will go from having a smooth easy bedtime to having a tough, crying bedtime, if she gets more than 30 min. off from the routine bedtime. For us, we NEED to be on a schedule, particularly for eating and nap/bedtime. But, I've heard that, around age 3 or so, the need for a strict schedules changes somewhat -- that routines and consistency are hallmarks of the development of the 2 year old, in terms of how they "process" their world.

But, I also know that, if MY sleep schedule is off for more than a few days, I get MIGHTY cranky, too. So, I'm guessing that your kids (and mine) won't have big changes in their overall sleep needs in the near term, which means that anything that's more than a day or two disruption in sleep routine will be most unpleasant for all.

Hang in there -- glad to hear that bedtimes are getting back to "normal"!

Meg -- Mom to Carter and Fiona -- 2 years 4 months

 

Mine are scheduled for bedtimes and naps as well. Sometimes, we miss a nap on the weekend but we generally end up paying for it. They are in daycare during the week so they definitely have a schedule there. As for a magical age, not sure.

 

I , too, am a on a schedule as PP said if we deviate too much one of my DDs gets crazy wild and ubercranky.

DH- as well does not think such a strict routine is needed(he sees other parents deviate and stay up late, etc), but with twins it is different AND he does not have to deal with the crankies the next day or days that follow.
Though he does not understand, he is supportive and I am thankful for that!

We have been 'scheduled' since abotu 6 months or so. Just naps/bedtime and meals...the rest is whatever we are doing that day!

KC

 

I'm a schedule nazi. Now that the twins are three, we can miss a nap up to twice a week without serious consequences but they MUST go to bed early or I won't have any hair left. I can also shift naptime around if we get home from somewhere late or have to get out in the afternoon earlier than normal. Everybody in our lives knows that a screwed up schedule to often leads to cranky kids and one PO'd momma!

 

We got majorly screwed up with July 4th and staying up for fireworks. We didn't get home until 11:30, and it threw them off for the next couple days.

 

My schedule is not as tight as it used to be. I am a little more flexible. Their naps and bedtime can vary between a half hour (nap can be at 2 one day and 2:30 another) and their lunch can vary between an hour depending on when they woke and if they had a small or bigger morning snack. So the time may vary with naps but they never skip them.

 

We also have a pretty regular schedule. We just celebrated the twins' 3rd birthday and it was an entire weekend of late bedtimes and short naps. It has been over a week and we're still struggling to get the normal schedule back. They are definitely less patient than usual. I don't know if it is just typical of turning 3 or if it is just due to the excitment and change in routine. Either way, we're getting close to normal. It just takes a bit longer with little ones. I do know that we go through a very condensed version of this when the daylight savings time changes occur. Seems pretty typical to most kids this age.

 

Our schedule is pretty flexible except for bedtime. The girls gave up naps back in February and life has been much easier since then. We just moved up bedtime a bit and that I am firm about, though DH will try to wiggle it around a bit. DH is the one home with the girls while I teach, so he has the run of the day and doesn't like to be really scheduled. I'm working on adding in some more structure this summer while I'm off and here to implement it but know DH will need flexibility when I got back at the end of August.

 

At that age, we were still very schedule dependent. Like the others have mentioned, I was very rigid with the nap and bedtimes and that worked very well for us. The boys are 4 and we are just now allowing a little more flexibility with the schedule.

 

Mine definitely do best on a food/sleep schedule. DH likes to point out my inflexibility in this area, They woke up from their nap XX minutes later than usual (meaning they should stay up XX minutes later at bedtime ). Or, They aren't acting tired, why do you insist on putting them to bed when they are so awake? :crazy:

That said, at 28m the boys have shown great leaps in adaptability this summer. I will go to my grave waving my 'routine and consistency' banner, but I also feel that ocassional disregard for the schedule for special events is fine. I figure that 85% of the time they should be following the schedule, and that when not following the schedule that as much of the schedule (eating times if not sleeping times or vice versa) should be retained/observed when feasible. Yesterday we didn't nap, but everything else was business as usual. They were a bit cranky in the early afternoon for lack of nap, but bedtime went just fine and they are back on track (and I've only a few additional grey hairs as a result ).

We took a trip in early May in which they were sleeping 9-10 hrs at night and took MAYBE 4 two-hour naps that week. It was a clingy, whiney, no-down-time disaster. I actually had to walk out of the Aquarium with Nick in the middle of the whale show because he had an enormous meltdown over yogurt. He can tantrum like any toddler, but this was off the charts for him. It took us 2-3 weeks to recover our bedtime peace after coming home.

On Saturday we took a day trip which included a ferry ride to an extended family picnic (which started right at nap time). I thought we'd stay until they started showing signs of breaking down. We ended up staying until 5pm, and I'll be darned if the little buggers didn't even bother to fall asleep on the nearly 2-hour return trip. As an isolated schedule-free day, they did fine (great, in fact); it's the day after day of blown schedules that gets us into a downward behavioral spiral.

 

We are pretty scheduled -- and they're in daycare M-F which is very scheduled too. They really seem to thrive on it. And, when we're going off schedule for some reason, it helps them a lot to know what to expect: "We're going to Grandma's for dinner and we'll be home a little late, so you're going to need to go straight to bed" -- that kind of thing.

They are pretty good at rolling with it for a day or two, but if we have more than that before we get back on schedule again, things deteriorate. (As Siri said.) When I was out of town last month (first time ever since the girls were born), DH had them doing so many fun things that they were going to bed an hour (or more) late every night. They had a wonderful time, but I noticed a significant increase in tantrums etc. the following week. Of course it may have had something to do with anger at me for being gone, but DH also admitted that they were looking pretty sleep-deprived by the time I came home.

 

We have a routine. But the "schedule" aka timing gets shifted as needed.

If they nap (which is rare these days), I move their bedtime later. If they don't nap (more common), I move their bedtime earlier and wake time later (when possible). Our routines are pretty similar. especially bedtime (dinner, cleanup, baths, milk sippy cups, books, dress, crib (crib tents!).

 

I'm scheduled obsessed for food, nap and sleep times, BUT I learned my lesson when they were off it once and went nuts. They tortured me with all the tantrums and crazy behaviour. I mean serious torture for about a week!! :laughing: So once they hit 3, I started using weekends to throw them off schedule a little. A nap pushed back here, slight delay in meals there... all very slowly.

Now, Saturday is our 'off schedule day' and they're pretty well adjusted. They do pretty well if I suddenly take them off their regular schedules during the week too.

HTH

 

I was always very strict with my schedule, let's face it you kind of need to be just to get out of the house with twins sometimes. Now that they girls are older I have relaxed a little bit if there is a special event or something. On regular days though we still follow our schedule. I have found that when they go to bed later or miss a nap for some reason, we pay for it for the next day or so.

 

I was very schedule oriented when the kids were 2 years old, but after they turned 3, I got much more flexible. I think their schedules got much more flexible when they gave up their naps. Now, the only thing I really make sure is that they get at least 11 hours of sleep a day. So they usually sleep at 7pm. But once in a while they'll nap on the way home from an outing, and I push back their bed time a little later.

When I'm alone with them, I'm pretty strict about meal times. But when my DH is home, I'm more flexible. I think the schedule helps me as much as it helps the kids, and when my DH is home, I don't need to use it as much because having another adult makes it easier to handle the kids.

 

I am only scheduled with bedtime and that can be a little flexible depending on the situation. My kids do not nap.

We are always doing something so a hard schedule would not work for us.