How old for sleepover parties?

I've already said no, but I was curious about what other people thought.

Sarah got an invitation to a bday party. The first part is for the whole class at an inflatables place and then the girls are invited over for a sleepover. Everyone's in first grade, so it's a bunch of 7 year olds. I'll be the first to admit that I was never invited to nor attended a sleepover at a friends house growing up. Sarah's been to sleepovers at her grandparents house. I don't plan on keeping her totally sheltered like I was, but 7 just seems awful young.

There is also a secondary reason for Sarah. She has some kidney issues that are going to require surgery and neither her nor I felt like she just really needed to be messing with pull-ups and stuff for a party. She understands why she needs them and is okay with that, but she really prefers that to be private.

So what is the norm? Seven seems young for a party of giggly girls to me. I do think I would feel different if it was just one or two girls and I knew there was a chance at respectable sleep. (Sarah cries very easily without enough sleep). She is going to the part of the party at the inflatables place.

Marissa

 

I'm not sure about a party, but Sofia has spent the night at a friend's house several times. Granted they are like family, so it wasn't a big issue. I may agree with you that 7 may be a tad too young. Plus, I would have to feel really comfortable with the family/friend to even really consider it. Not that I plan on being super over-protective but I'm not inclined to let my kids sleep at a house where I don't know what the family is like etc.

 

I don't think I would like my 7 yr. old to go to one at a house I'm not comfortable with. And I don't know if I'd want to be the parents having that many young girls over...most likely is the first sleep over for most of them. That said, DD1 did attend one when she was 5 with a family I was comfortable with. I thought it was way too young, but was ok with it since I knew the family and all the 5 kids that were attending. All of my kids are comfortable sleeping at Grandparents houses and have done it often. I think I'd have to know the family well. I'm a bit of a worry wart and all the "what if's" go through my head. DD1 is turning 8 in a couple of weeks and she really wanted to have a sleepover for her b-day this year. I allowed her, but she was only allowed to invite 2 girls and luckily she chose 2 girls that I am friends with so there was no issue.

 

My boys went to one this year and they will be 7 in June. This said, the house is down the street and around the corner, they play there once a week or so and we would get them if something went wrong. They had a great time. They were tired the next day but nothing that has not happened before and not an every weekend occurrence. But if they were not comfortable, I would have picked them up.

 

My oldest was in 6th grade the first time I let her sleep over at someone's house that I didn't know. They wanted her to ride the bus home with the friend but I insisted on dropping her off to meet the parents and see the house. I still wasn't 100% comfortable with it. I knew the kinds of friends she typically hung around with and I knew I had to let her start making choices about what kinds of people make good friends on her own. She and the girl are still good friends 2 years later. The youngest I've ever let any of them spend the night with someone not related was 4 and that was with a family that might as well have been family we knew them so well! A big party of girls I don't really know? 7th grade was the first.

 

My boys attended their first sleepover last summer when they just turned 8. But, I know the girls in the area have been having sleepover parties since they were in K and 1st. For me, it would come down to if the child really wanted to go. You can always pick her up early if she calls. In fact, many kids don't make it all night and go home around 10 or so.

 

My dh grew up like you with never being able to sleepover anyone elses houses except for his grandparents. So he is not comfortable with the kids sleeping over anyone elses house. Now my girls have slept over my parents house a few times and my son has done it once. Katrina was just invited to a sleepover party this year but she will not be sleeping over she will stay until 9 or 10 or whatever time and we will go pick her up. I think one of my girls was also invited to a sleepover last year but wasn't able to go since we were away then. I do not think they will be able to sleepover a friends house for probably another three or four years and like others have said we need to know the family. Right now they are still making friends since they are only 8 and in 2nd grade so once they have closer friends then I will convince dh to let them be able to sleepover friends houses. I grew sleeping over my best friends house every other weekend (we took turns).

 

My girls were going to sleepovers by 2nd grade. In fact, they were in Brownies and went to a sleep away camp for a weekend. Of course, I was one of the adults that went along, but I would have let them go even if I wasn't. Their sleepovers were always with girls I knew and I knew the parents too, so I wasn't worried. I know in some cases, like Sharon said, girls came and then their parents picked them up around 10 or 11. It really boils down to what you're comfortable with, no matter what anyone else is doing, though at times we do have to step out of our comfort zones so that our children can be a part of things and not feel left out of activities their friends are participating in.

 

My boys haven't been to one yet. I would let them attend the bday party itself and then pick them up afterwards though.

I'll be having the same issue with Jack when they go to their first though because he wears pull ups at night as well. My plan for when it does arise is to put one in his over night bag and remind him that it is in there and to put it on before going to bed. Hopefully that will work...

 

All of my girls went to their first sleepovers at 4. Oldest DD went to a friends from pre-k. We knew her parents from school and dance. The twins went to a sleepover at a friends from daycare/preschool. She was the daughter of the daycare director. They have all been to more sleepovers over the years. We don't let them stay with someone unless we have met the parents. Two years ago, we had sleepovers for their birthday so Caitlyn was 9 and the twins were 6. They each had two friends so there were 9 girls. 2 of the older girls did not stay the night. Caitlyn still has a friend that has not stayed the night at a friends house.

 

My girls were probably around 8 or so when we let them go. And it was to a neighbors we knew well. Most sleepovers we have, are either with a cousin or the one close friend (that same neighbor). They have been to a sleepover party too, but don't always make it. Even at 10, Morgan gets homesick when it is time to settle down and sleep. So many times we end up picking her up around 11 or so.

 

Meghan has had sleepovers at one friends house (not parties, just the two of them). She has been friends with her for a couple of years and we are friends with her parents, too. She hasn't gone to any other friends houses and would only if I knew the parents. As for a sleepover party, with lots of girls, I tend to think she is still young for that.

 

It's interesting to see the range of responses.

We know this girl probably as well as any of the girls in the class. Sarah hasn't really found a good friend yet to hang-out with. I know why they are doing it. They are having the girls bday early because they are moving in 2 weeks to Scotland for a 2 year assignment. They are keeping the house here and coming back. This just feels like they're trying to have a last hurrah before they leave. I know the parents sort-of. They do live in our neighborhood. If they were staying, I do think that Sarah and this little girl would become good friends.

Sarah is really quite okay with not going. She would use her pull-up because she knows there is a decent chance she would have an accident. And neither option is one she wants.

I've also noticed that Sarah won't speak up for herself. She'll get in the car from other parties and burst into tears from something that happened that she won't speak up about. So, I really doubt that she would call to come home if things weren't going right.

I do plan on letting her attend sleepovers. I noticed that most of you said at this age it had to be with friends you all knew really well. Sarah doesn't have that yet.

Marissa

 

When my twins were four, my dd came home telling me that she was invited to a birthday party. Ok. She had a name & a number on a piece of paper. I called it. A young girl answered. I asked to talk to her mom. Her mom got on the phone and mumbled something about a sleepover party and then stated that her daughter had wanted to talk to my DD. Umm.. turns out it was a girl off of the bus. NEedless to say, I 'forgot' all about that phone conversation and that number/name somehow disappeared.

Good for you and for her knowing what she would be comfortable doing!

 

My oldest DD was invited to a sleepover bday party in K, so the girl was turning 6. I was pretty surprised and thought that was pretty young for a sleepover party. My DD had slept at friends houses before, but not as a "party" type thing. She did go ( I was kind of surprised she would want to) and had fun.

That said all her friends now are doing them, she has been to 5 of them since July some for the child turning 9 and some for a 10th. She just had a sleepover party herself for her 10th party this past October.

As a parent who has now had a sleepover party, no way would I do one for kids younger than 8 or 9. Don't get me wrong the party went fine...until it was time to sleep. :wacko: Let's just say they finally fell asleep at 2:30am. :wacko:

 

My 5yos just had their first-ever sleepover a month ago -- they spent the night at their cousins' house. It went great, but it was family and it was just the two of them and their two cousins.

There's a big difference between spending the night at a friend's house and going to a group sleepover party. I can't imagine wanting to host such a thing! It would be a tough call if Sarah really wanted to go and you didn't think it was a good idea, but since she and you are on the same page it sounds like it's a good decision.

I remember having tons of them in 4th grade, so around age 8 or 9. Before that, I slept at friend's houses once in awhile, but I don't think we had group parties.

 

My experiences with sleepovers as a child make me hesitate to let the girls sleepover at anyone else's house unless they are very close family or friends. From horror movies to porn, I was exposed to stuff I just should not have been exposed to at 8 and up. One time, my friend's parents had a sex party while we were "sleeping" upstairs. Ewww. This is the same family that had homemade porn recorded over movies they had taped off the Disney channel and left with the kiddie movies. Our movie and popcorn party got an ugly little surpise about an hour in.

 

The girls had their first one in 1st grade. We actually do them all the time. Us parents enjoy switching off.

 

Id let the girls spend the night at their best friends house because it's like 3 miles away and just 3 blocks from my boyfriends house. She is almost family any way. A strangers house I'd be more cautious though maybe 12.

 

My oldest had her first sleepover at age 5. She went there, girl came here. I know the mother quite well. Then she had another one earlier this year, had only met the mom once, local (HK) family so very different (she went to bed at 11 pm ... arggggghhhh), but they had a blast! She's quite an easy kid. So no I don't think 7 is very young, in general.

 

My kids started with sleep overs when they started school so around age 5 or 6. I always knew the parents and I usually try to be the one to host the sleep overs. I think they are fun for kids and no harm in losing some sleep every couple of months, IMO. My 12 year old usually sleeps out or has someone sleep over every weekend. She is in the 7th grade, though, and we have never had any problems with it.

 

We have 2 rules with sleepovers (not family) My child has to be 8 years old and I have to know the family. That means I know more than their name and a hi at the door. I think way too much goes on at sleepovers and if I do not know the parents then I do not know what environment they are in. I will usually let my child go over for 2-3 hours and pick them up about 10:30 so they do not miss all of it. Most of my memories of sleepovers are not good. Arguing and feeling hurt and pranks pulled on whoever falls asleep first. I am' not a fan of sleepovers....good thing I only have one girl. Boys don't seem to care for them as much.

Cindy

 

We don't allow sleepovers. I was allowed to go to them as a child and teen, but DH and I have decided we aren't comfortable with it for our children. In fact, my 9 year old son is at a party right now that is a sleepover. He went to the movie, had pizza and cake, and is playing games. When the kids are settling down and getting ready for bed, I'm going to go get him.

I also had some experiences at sleepovers that, looking back, make me very uncomfortable.

Also, setting it as the 'rule' at our house, means that I don't have to talk my way around the issue when my kids are teenagers and they want to sleep over with a friend I'm not entirely comfortable with! It's just our rule.

Oh, and FWIW, I don't think I'm overly protective in other ways. I let my kids go to a week long sleep away camp, and they do occasionally sleep over at Grandma's or cousins houses if DH and I are out of town.

 

We tend to have lots of sleepovers at our house and my eldest DD goes to stay quite a bit at friends places. She had her first sleepover birthday party when she was 6. Only 2 friends that were really comfortable in our home. I was just thinking rather than rush into having a sleepover why don't you just have play dates with dinner at your home until you feel your DD has started to feel comfortable. Then have a sleepover at your place first. It's the place she will feel the safest. She will have years of sleepovers and parties. Developing some close friends (and you with their parents) may make it easier. I have to admit to being overprotective at the best of time and I find it hard to step outside my comfort zone with other parents. When the kids talk about a new friend I will try and contact the parent of that child and ask them to come together for a coffee after school. They get to meet me and it's a great way to get a feel for their family dynamics. So far there has been only one family that I have refused to let my kids spend time with, and a lot of other families we regularly invite into our home. Good luck. My DD first sleepover at another house had me up half the night worried. She had an AWESOME time.