How much of the "aggression" to intervene with?

We're having what seems to be pretty typical mild aggression, over-exaggerated whine response.... IE, K butt-bumps T, T freaks out "NOO! Stop hitting me!" Now granted, I wish neither would happen, but I can't tell if K wanted the attention from T or from US, and sometimes T will yell about something when K isn't even nearby. (Usually this is the dynamic, as T is more verbal in this way.)

Like I said, I'm not really concerned they'll grow up to be monsters, but right now it's sort of new and I want to nail down a model before we get too wishy washy. For the most trivial of things, we let it go. After that, we try empathizing with the "victim" first, and sometimes offer something fun and exciting to do that'll get them out of the situation (outright ignoring the offender). If something is especially egregious, on top of that we'll suggest to the offender that some sort of "reparations" be made - hugs, sorries, etc. (We try not to force apologies, but at this age the stage has to be set, I feel.) If they continue to stay in the situation and gnaw at each other, I try to remove the situation (exit and shut off play room, take stand away from counter, put toys in time out, etc)

Do these things sound reasonable - I feel like I'm feeding the whine too much? How much whining about this stuff do you involve yourselves in?

Oh, also, sometimes for a laugh I watch these and imagine my kids' faces on the players: http://www.toptensthings.com/2012/05/10-funniest-soccer-dives-gifs/

 

I have "forced" all my kids to apologize. You have to teach them, both by modeling the behaviour but also by encouraging it. They don't just instinctively know how to apologize. So, an apology, a hug, and a kiss are what we've taught them. Now, my twins are a little over age 3 and they apologize on their own now. I do have to remind them sometimes but for the most part they apologize to each other pretty good.

Whatever you decide to do you have to be consistent. Kids can sense when you don't have a plan Sounds like you have a good plan to work from!

 

Eh, at this point their speech isn't good enough that I can guarantee a "sorry" will come out, and I don't want to encourage the idea that an insincere apology will get them off the hook later either. And besides, if I forced an apology every time one of these spats happened, I would literally be doing it for hours on end, and much longer than the "victim" even really cared anyway.

Our "make up" speech usually goes, "Oh, look how T is crying! He is upset because you pushed him off the couch. Maybe you could make him feel better with a hug or an I'm Sorry." We do really repeat that to try to get a sorry out, but eventually drop it and step up to apologize ourselves that whomever it was got hurt.