How much did your husbands help with feedins?

I'm wondering how much your husbands helped with feedings? My husband works from home 3 days a week and in the office 2 days a week, so he is around to help alot and does a great job. I really shouldn't complain.

However, I'm wondering how many of your husbands helped with the middle of the night feed. He is the one working full time, so I understand that I should do most of those feedings, however, he hasn't taken a single middle of the night feed. He'll do the last one around 10pm so I can go to sleep earlier and get a 4 hour stretch of sleep. However, I would love to do the 10 pm feed and then sleep through to 6, but he insists that he can not possibly do the 2am feed and work full time. Not like I'm asking him to do it every night, but once a week or so would be nice. I also usually do the 6am feed alone, but he will help with that one a few times a week when he doens't have to drive in to the office. Also, I am starting to get a bit resentful at times when he complains about getting short on sleep if he only gets 6.5 or 7 hours rather than 8 or 9! Argh....men are clueless sometimes.

Just wondering how others have split up the feeding duties? Our approach has been shift work, where I will go to sleep around 8 or 9pm and take anything that happens after midnight, where he is responsible from 8pm to midnight. Our girls are pretty good sleepers and usually go down after their 9/10pm bottle until atleast 130 or 2, so he never has to get up after he puts them down...

 

How old are your babies?

My DH always helped with middle of the night feedings. I have/had a day job too-taking care of kids. It is tough, but they are his kids too and I think he should share the responsibilities at night especially when they are really small and getting up all the time. But are they just getting up at 1:30 and then going back down until the morning? So you go to bed at 8 and then get up at 1:30 and then get up at 6? If so, then I would be fine with that. But that is just me.

But, I also dont see why you cant trade off here and there. My DH works from home and I think that allowed him to be more flexible in his thinking. Also, maybe he could take Friday night and Saturday night? I would tell him it's only temporary...until they go to college. :lol:

 

I nurse our babies... and my dh was very helpful while we had night feedings. for the main part he would get up and change diapers and then hand me the babies to nurse. He'd then go to sleep. I realize that this was a HUGE help, but even so, I was resentful that he was able to go back to sleep immediately and I was still there nursing for 30 more minutes!

how old are your babies?

I would suggest doing everything you can to get them to sttn... I swaddled (until 6 mo.) and at first they kept getting out... so I quit at probably 2 to 3 wks. I started up again at 5 wks and they started sleeping through their 2a feed... from then on I was hooked. by 8 wks they were sleeping 11p to 6 or 7a... I also implemented white noise around 6 or 7 wks and that seems to really help.

good luck, it is really hard in all aspects to not be resentful of others who are getting sleep or something else we desire... hopefully you'll get them sleeping soon so you can both get great sleep.

(my resources were: Happiest Baby on the Block, Baby Whisperer, Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child...)

 

DH gets home just as the kids need to be fed and put to bed. So he handles this while I do chores around the house. He then goes to bed while I finish getting everything ready for the next day--I even put his clothes out for the next day :FIFblush: but only because....he also handles DS's middle of the night feed (about 3:30AM) and then leaves for work. This way I can get some sleep (about midnight to 6:00AM) so I can run around all day long like a chicken with my head cut off.

On weekends, he works at home. We set his desk up right outside our bedroom, so he can take a shift while I do errands or chores. He will work while they nap and then feed them, play with them, put them back in pnp for napping and go work until they wake again. This way I can go do a chore that will take a long time (like cleaning the garage) without having to constantly check on the kids. When he needs to concentrate on his work, I watch the kids and can do small chores (like laundry) while they sleep.

And DH leaves for work at 4:30AM and gets home at 7:00PM, so what your are proposing is doable!

 

I do all nightime wakeup duty during the week and care for them all day while he works FT. (no longer feed in mid of night but they still get up and want to play or need diaper changed, etc)after he gets home I go to work(PT=some nights) and he takes full duty. If I don't work that night, we split feeding duties evenly. On Fri or Sat nights he takes an overnight "shift" so I can sleep w/o interuption.

 

My husband works from 6am until 3pm. From the very beginning, he got up in the night to do ALL the feedings with our daughter and I got up in the night to do all the feedings with our son. When he goes to work, he gets scheduled breaks and a lunch HOUR. I don't get these specific benefits being at home with the babies and he knows this.

There is no "helping" or "babysitting" in this house. It is a partnership and it has been since day one.

 

this is a great way to go about it! one of my friends said once (when her dh was home with her baby and she was with us at a baby shower) that her dh was home "parenting"...!! yep, its not babysitting when its your own kid!

again, to the OP good luck figuring out what works for your family. I have a very helpful husband, but still find myself on full-time mommy duty... though he is a great dad.

 

At first when they first came home I had my mom or someone else to help so taht he could sleep at least 5 hours a night since he works construction and drove alot he needed to have some rest. I did however have him help once everyone left. Needless to say we were tired for a while. Once they were only getting up 1-2 times a night, we both got up at the same time since both wanted to eat at the same time. Now we have one that STTN pretty frequently and one that still gets up for one feeding. We trade off. For example last night I got up with the one and tonight he will get up with DS. If both get up, whoever got up with the 1st baby gets to sleep through the 2nd one

 

I get a lunch hour too! I feed DD and then I feed DS. Takes about an hour. :ibiggrin:

I think the one thing I'm jealous of is that DH can run out quickly and grab a sandwich or do an errand mid-day while I can't. I mean with two kids, quickly just doesn't happen, so it's not even worth bothering for something small.

And PPs have got it right--you don't babysit your own kiddos! But, with us, his full-time job is to earn money (and this is important since I no longer work and our family size has doubled!) and my full-time job is taking care of the kids and the house. So I'm happy to do most of the stuff at home, but he needs to pitch in too so I can have some downtime. He gets the entire commute to work and back home again to relax. And he gets to take a shower every morning and every night. OK, I'm jealous of the showers too!

 

I just chalk the missing showers to saving on water! ha ha!!

 

If he 'can't' possibly do it during the week, then he can possibly do it on the weekends. Who wouldn't want to get uninterrupted sleep? I BF but DH is unemployed. As a job incentive, when he gets a job, I'll do the night feedings (he gets up to change & bring them to me/put them in their cribs when done) for the first 2 weeks. I feel it's more than generous. His work will be hard, but he's a parent now. Life is hard.

 

My husband is deployed now, and has been for only 7 weeks so he doesn't help at all.. BUT.. He was here for the first 6 weeks of the twins life and he only got up in the middle of the night with me 4 times and those were times I was dying and really really needed his help. He literally slept through both babies screaming in bed right next to him. Many mornings he would complain about how tired he was and it would piss me off because he was snoring in bed next to me while I was trying to nurse, then going to pump, (I finally gave up nursing entirely and pumped and gave bottles). I'll be honest I was really grumpy with him for those 6 weeks because I knew he was leaving on deployment and was pissed he couldn't help more. If I would have woke him up more to help he would have, BUT, he is incredibly grumpy when he gets woke up and I always ended up getting pissed at him for being pissy so it just seemed easier for me to just sit and glare at him while I nursed and he slept! :spiteful:

So to answer your question my DH didn't help after the 11pm feeding, and on weekends he got to sleep in since he was up and off to work by 7 am every morning and was working/flying 11 or 12 hour days.. Good luck finding a routine that works for all of you guys!

 

I would have to agree with other pp's, I have one of those great husbands who gets up during the night (he did with our older son too so it's not just the twin thing). He grabs them, changes the diapers and hands them off to me. Then he goes back to sleep and I wake him up when they're done (if both are feeding at the same time) and he puts one back in bed for me. I guess I never gave him a choice :ibiggrin: . And like others said, I figure it's part of his parenting!

Laura

 

I have a great husband - that being said, he didn't get up to do the middle of the night feedings with me during the week but he did on the weekends. During the week DH would help up until midnight and then I took care of them from midnight onwards. I would also get about 5-6 hours a sleep in the late evening (most of the time) while my DH took care of the girls so that helped in terms of surviving the "graveyard shift". It was definitely rough but I did those feedings in bed with the girls propped in boppy pillows (DH slept on the couch in the living room) so at least I was comfy. Thankfully the girls dropped their 3am bottle at around 2.5 months so red-eye feedings are now a thing of the past.

 

My DH works FT outside the home and has cheerfully and competently shared equal duties and then some with the babies since day one, even at night. We each "take a baby" at night and tend to his or her needs. He gets home from work after 11-12 hours at the office, changes, and starts doing whatever needs to be done. I get really steamed when I hear about husbands who get all huffy because their precious free time or peaceful slumber is reduced when he has to "babysit." Hello, moms rarely get free time. Like PPs said, buddy, when they're your kiddos, it's not babysitting, it's parenting.

 

My advice, FWIW....YOU CANNOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS. I was in your boat last year. My DH hardly did anything to help with the girls. He's a teacher and I stayed home with the babies. I did everything with the help of friends and family. It got to the point where I was really resenting him and his picky-ness about getting sleep. I did the night feedings and was so exhausted, that I actually began to not hear the babies during the night. It got bad, and I mean real bad. I heard a lot of ladies on here talking about how they did all of the night duties themselves and they wouldn't ask their hard-working husbands to give up sleep and then others who demanded their relationship was a partnership and DH always chipped in. The bottom line is that you have to do what's best for you. Yes, ask opinions of other moms who have BTDT, but don't expect for you and your DH to be able to replicate someone else's situation. All babies are different and have different needs, so all parenting situations will be different too.

Talk to him before it gets out of hand. Good luck!

 

I agree that what works for one person might not work for another. THat said, my dh would get up if BOTH of them got up in the middle of the night. I breastfed so there wasn't any feeding help for him to do. I would talk to him and compromise. Figure out something that works out. Perhaps he is a great dad doing something else at another time of the day. Perhaps he helps around the house more so that you can get a break. A lot of dads feel helpless around babies. Ask him what he would like to do to help you more. My dh always told me that he didn't know what needs to be done and if I would just tell him to do something he'd do it. (Now, I'm not saying that it happened that way though.) If you do keep thinking that he should be getting up in the middle of the night to help you out, resentment probably will occur. :hug: Good luck!

 

I found that when we both started getting up everything was easier! We started out doing shifts and even though he took middle of the night shifts on a rotating basis it wasn't working for me. Once we started the each take a baby method it was so quick to get our baby up - change them feed them and put them back down that it was all told about 30 minutes and then we were back to bed. When we were trading off doing it on our own it took a lot longer and made for resentment. I only had six weeks maternity leave and then we were both working full-time though so we were forced to work out something that made it where we were both getting as much sleep as possible. My two didn't STTN until 5 months but from about 8 weeks on they would only wake once, get a bottle and go back to sleep and that was definitely doable! I don't know how old your two are, but this particular problem will soon be over once they start sleeping and then it is on to other things - just make sure you sort out now how you want everything to be. For instance - dh and I have worked out that he does all dishes, I do all feeding (within reason he definitely helps out a lot but it is mainly my responsibility unless I am out for the evening, we have a babysitter, etc) - he does poopy diapers, I dress them, he drops off at daycare, prepares diaper bag with milk, snacks, etc. and I do bathtime. Having talked about it and decided how we wanted to do things and what would make us each happiest really helped and now we are truly a team and there is very little resentment about the division of duties! Good luck!!!

 

My husband did every single night feeding by himself until mine STTN at 19 weeks. I needed my sleep and we both knew that. Yes, I stayed home and he worked (TWO JOBS-- GASP!)

But, I was home with tWINS and you know what?? THAT was harder! So, I slept in my OWN room with a fan on full tilt and he did it ALL! It was good for all of us and I am eternall grateful. He is also gratefull for my gaining 100 lbs, having a c section and having his kids.. We still aren't even CLOSE to even!

 

At the beginning when I was breastfeeding it was all me. And I was ok with that! When they started to take bottles, and I needed him, he would get up and we would do the feeding at the same time.
But I always tried to do it alone and I did not have a problem with that. He works really hard, so I thought he needed sleep more than I did.
Now, that we no longer have any feedings, if anything comes up, he is the first to get out of bed to check it out.

 

My DH's shift was from 7pm to around 1:30am. He took all feedings, diapers, etc. during that time while I slept. Then anything after that was my shift. This worked out great for us, he's a night owl and I am a morning person.

But it was pretty much equal duty...still is. We both work FT. But he did this even when I was on maternity leave.

 

My DH and I would both get up during the night for feedings, he would feed one twin and I would feed the other. While I got the bottles ready, he would change diapers. He works a FT job 8-5, but my job never stops.

The boys STTN now so on weekends we take turns on Sat. and Sun. with the first feed at 7a and let the other sleep in one day on the weekend.

 

My DH used to help with MOTN feedings, but now I insist on doing them myself. I am on maternity leave, and he needs to work all day. Frankly, I prefer that he be well rested and pleasant during the day. At this point, I bottle feed them breast milk at the same time, so him helping doesn't save much time. He does get up and do the first feeding of the day between 5 and 7 and lets me sleep until 7 if he can, which is AWESOME.

 

Our girls are 9 wks old.

Looks like there are a lot of different ways to divide up the work. I def. think what works for one couple may not work for another. However, it really annoyed me because my DH said that he doubts that other fathers working FT do the middle of the night feedings. I won't even tell him about the post cause its not worth an arguement, but for my own piece of mind, I wanted to know.

He does a lot with the girls and works very hard at his job...but like many of you said, for most mom's, it never stops. We never get a lunch break or anything like that when you are at home with the babies....

 

You are right in the thick of it. It will get better. :hug:

 

I nursed so he didn't help with the nightime feedings or any for that matter I guess heehee. :rotflmbo: Ours sleep from 8:30 to about 6am without needing a feed now BUT my boy wakes every half hour for his dang sucky! Even a good night is only getting up 2 or 3 times. What irritates me about that is that hubby then complains the next day about how tired he is...ummm you're not the one physically getting out of bed to plug it in. That is what irritates me. I try to just let it go though because he is so helpful otherwise. Good luck, I hope things get better for you!

 

I just wanted to say that I agree with your post and gave you a point for it!

To the original poster - if your DH not helping out at night isn't working for you then you need to discuss it with him and make some changes. As you well know, taking care of two newborns is very hard work and requires patience and energy. You need to be getting adequate sleep in order to get through it intact. Everyone who has posted here has shared their unique way of getting through those rough first few months with twins and you may or may not be able to implement similar schedules. You said you didn't want to share the results of this post with your DH but I hope you will at least talk to him and tell him how you're feeling. Maybe you don't have to show him these posts but perhaps discuss with him how other parents of twins on this forum shared responsibilities for taking care of the babies at night. Best of luck and believe me - it will get better!! :hug: :youcandoit: