How Much Attention Do You Pay to Babies at 6 Months?

My DP and I disagree about how much attention our babies need and how much interaction they should receive. I am a SAHM and can barely get any cleaning, etc. done all day because they only nap for 30-40 mins at a time, and the rest of the time I am usually playing with them or out doing errands... things they enjoy fairly well. My DP thinks that it should be fine to just put them in exersaucers or a Bumbo with some toys and let them play, and leave them there even if they are fussing/crying/reaching for us. I think it's fine for them to play and OK for them to wait a little bit, but after a minute or two, I have to stop and either play with them for a few minutes or redirect them (move from Bumbo to exersaucer or floor or another play station of choice, and also check diapers, etc...). My DP thinks that I am spoiling them and giving them too much attention and letting them "run the show"... I think she's being rather neglectful and unempathetic to the fact that boredom is still a need. I think she should be grateful that they play well alone at all... rather than being annoyed when they require her occasional (really, in the grand scheme of things, they don't ask for much) attention.

What do you guys think? Tell me about when you get things accomplished... while the babies are awake? When they nap?? I don't want to neglect OR spoil my babies...!

Thanks! :hug99:

 

It's impossible to spoil babies with love and attention. They simply don't have the cognitive development yet to manipulate you. I tend to agree with you that their need for play with parents is legit.

Of course it's always good to encourage independent play. And they'll probably develop more capability for it pretty soon. They get a LOT better at entertaining themselves when they can crawl and/or sit up on their own. But if they're not there yet, they're not. Sounds to me like you are doing a wonderful job striking that balance between giving attention and encouraging independence.

As far as getting stuff done - I say just go into survival mode! Let the house get dirty, do the bare minimum you need to. See if there are any chores that the babies will be entertained to watch you do, like folding laundry. Make huge pots of food, freeze half, and eat the other half for a week so you don't have to cook as often. And if you can afford any help, go for it! Even getting a mother's helper for a couple hrs a week could be a big help.

 

I think it is important to remember that to babies everyday chores can be very exciting. I used to fold the laundry with them right next to me, point out the red shirt/blue towel etc etc. I used to put them in the kitchen with me while I put away dishes or cleaned up or whatever. Singing while I worked or talking about the obvious things (the spoon goes here) were entertaining to them while also accomplishing a goal for me. I would strategize my days going from room to room and bringing them along with me. For example, I would fold the clothes in the living room then we would head into my room to put things away then into the kitchen to take care of dishes etc. It isn't necessarily always going to work but you might be surprised!

 

Your boys are adorable in their little Santa outfits by the way...
Lucky for me, hubby and I both agree with you...since at 6 months old they can't move themselves from one place to the next and get highly frustrated that they are unable to do so, it's our job as parents to supply them with "activities" like the ones you mentioned...
I can see your DP's line of reasoning in that she thinks they'll be spoiled; but it's not true..I've always heard you can't spoil a baby...
I think you are 100% correct when you say it's "OK for them to wait a little bit, but after a minute or two, I have to stop and either play with them for a few minutes or redirect them" ...
Mine are almost 6 months and the naptimes are getting shorter and shorter...ugh...I am also a SAHM and have to mold my day around my 3 boys...so trust me, I know it's difficult to get anything done; but when you are around your babies all the time, you figure out their patterns--which seem to be invisible to anyone but you--and you correspond accordingly...that's why you can clearly see they're bored and need their exersaucer time and your DP thinks the babies already have you wrapped around their pinkies!
And knowing their schedules ahead of time, that's when I get my stuff done...I know they are happy to lay around on the floor and talk with their fingers in their mouths and roll around right after their "lunch", so it's then I can get away with dishes/laundry/reading/TwinStuff....etc...

 

I have this exact same concern. Older family members (grandparents, great grandparents) seem to agree with your partner. I on the other hand do not. I kind of have a "we'll cross the spoiled bridge when..." attitude. Right now I think they need all the love they can get. I say just do what feels right to you. A couple of times a day I will sit mine in a bumbo, bouncer, etc. and let them watch Noggin for a while while I wash the dishes or something. I don't feel guilty as long as they're content. But I can not continue doing my chores while they just sit there and scream. I just think about what it feels like to me when I'm bored or lonely and that all I have to do is get up and do something about it. They can't and they can't even really communicate those needs so I feel it's my job to be there to help them out.

 

QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Dec 26 2007, 02:10 PM) [snapback]546641[/snapback]
It's impossible to spoil babies with love and attention. They simply don't have the cognitive development yet to manipulate you. I tend to agree with you that their need for play with parents is legit.

Of course it's always good to encourage independent play. And they'll probably develop more capability for it pretty soon. They get a LOT better at entertaining themselves when they can crawl and/or sit up on their own. But if they're not there yet, they're not. Sounds to me like you are doing a wonderful job striking that balance between giving attention and encouraging independence.

As far as getting stuff done - I say just go into survival mode! Let the house get dirty, do the bare minimum you need to. See if there are any chores that the babies will be entertained to watch you do, like folding laundry. Make huge pots of food, freeze half, and eat the other half for a week so you don't have to cook as often. And if you can afford any help, go for it! Even getting a mother's helper for a couple hrs a week could be a big help.


I think this was very well said and completely agree - you ARE doing a fantastic job. I think you've got the right attitude/theory about caring for 6 mo old twins. And yes, stuff will get done when it gets done. Stuff gets done when they are sleeping, being entertained by DH, or during those RARE moments when they are fine entertaining themselves. i have a cleaning lady b/c I just CAN'T get the house as clean as I'd like while watching two babies. Dinners are whatever i can throw together quickly or that I've made at one of those make-and-take places (which I highly recommend). Laundry - I put the babies right by my clean laundry and play peek-a-boo while I fold it. And then, of course, DH is a HUGE help when he is home. It's complete survival mode - do what i can and just get through the day!

 

I let my beebs play independently after a meal for as long as they are content (sometimes in the bouncy seats, sometimes on the play mat or on a blanket in the living room with toys). When they start fussing, I interact with them until it is their nap time. During nap time, I do what I can. The nap times are shorter and shorter so not much gets accomplished. The house is messy but I do my best. They will only be this young once. I am here to be part of it with them.

I also second the idea of getting help with cleaning if you can afford it. I have been trying to find someone to come in once a month and help, so far I keep striking out but I am trying!

And I use Dinner's Ready, a place where you make meals then bring them home and freeze them and make them when you want. It sure helps save time with dinner time.

 

I share Dianne's philosophy and still do. I think that there are lots of ways to interact with kids and still get your "chores" done. The laundry "lesson," which Dianne shared, is exactly what I did. Now that they are two, they help even more by sorting the laundry before and after it is washed. They even help fold! I also don't think that there is anything wrong with leaving them unattended for a moment or two, as long as you know that they are in a safe place. I have pictures of them playing with clean rags at 6 mos. old, while I dusted around them. You know a clean rag makes for a fun version of peek-a-boo.

Sure, if they are fussy, that is one thing. But if they are content, then let them entertain themselves as long as possible! I disagree with your DP that the babies are running the show. 6 mos olds require an insane amount of attention, times two...you have your hands full!!!!!!

 

QUOTE(kj2racing @ Dec 26 2007, 02:13 PM) [snapback]546645[/snapback]
I think it is important to remember that to babies everyday chores can be very exciting. I used to fold the laundry with them right next to me, point out the red shirt/blue towel etc etc. I used to put them in the kitchen with me while I put away dishes or cleaned up or whatever. Singing while I worked or talking about the obvious things (the spoon goes here) were entertaining to them while also accomplishing a goal for me. I would strategize my days going from room to room and bringing them along with me. For example, I would fold the clothes in the living room then we would head into my room to put things away then into the kitchen to take care of dishes etc. It isn't necessarily always going to work but you might be surprised!


I agree with Dianne and Kate, and what they described is exactly how I do things. My babies follow me(I moved them before they were mobile) from room to room, and I am able to get tons accomplished. They love changing rooms, it's like a whole new world to them! Most of my house is baby proof, and I can take them into almost any room and they have something to do.

Around 6 months, we had the exersaucer, walker, high chairs, jumper, and mainly just a big blanket with toys on the floor that could be moved to any room, while I cleaned, folded clothes, etc. If they are happy, I think it is a great thing for them to learn to play independently! While I am getting things done, I talk to them, sing songs, etc. Jake was very fussy(still is!), and I do have to stop a lot and give him whatever he needs, but he is a lot better off when we are not in the same setting all day long. I try to get a lot done while they are awake, so I can have a break while they are napping!

I don't think you are neglecting OR spoiling your babies! :hug99:

 

Your DP sounds like she has some antiquated ideas about parenting. I support your approach 100%. At that age, if they were just quietly playing or interested in something, sure I would go do something "productive" (as if helping your children learn and develop is not productive!) but if they were crying or fussing or clearly uncomfortable, I would go an take care of them. The truth is, for that first year, their wants are their needs, and they pretty much DO get to "run the show."

 

I feel like my DH doesnt understand why my house is in survival mode. He even gets snippy when things are not done. Baby B is very needy and whiny right now. My days are filled with crying and poop, he pnly sees the happy babies that are ready for a bath and bed. I totally feel you!! :nea: :itwins: