How long do you make everything equal?

Just wondering, how long do you go out of your way to make sure they each have the same or equivalent items? Here's my example from today -
We had just come back from the library, where they each got a sticker. Somewhere between the library and home, Ainsley lost hers. Bea still had her sticker. Things are normal for a little while, until Ainsley notices that Bea has a sticker so of course she gets all upset. I told her she lost her sticker, and Bea kept hers. She got more and more upset, so I found some stickers we had and gave her one. Then she was upset because it wasn't her library sticker, but finally got over it. So, how long until you break the news that life isn't always equal and fair?

 

I always tell my kids that "life is not fair" when ever there is an inequality issue. I really don't go out of my way to correct things like that.

I would not have replaced the lost sticker since she lost it. Life lesson. I use distraction instead of trying to make things equal. My two older kids still struggle with that at times. It's a long hard lesson to learn.

 

QUOTE(twoplustwo @ May 17 2007, 11:21 AM) [snapback]259130[/snapback]
I always tell my kids that "life is not fair" when ever there is an inequality issue. I really don't go out of my way to correct things like that.
I would not have replaced the lost sticker since she lost it. Life lesson. I use distraction instead of trying to make things equal.


I agree with Alison. I probably would not have replaced the sticker either, but your girls are still a bit younger than mine. Life is not fair and why shield them from that? Plus the earlier they understand that, the less heartbreak, IMO. The teacher in our Mommy and Me class has this same philosophy as well. Whenever we do felt boards and she passes out animals, shapes or whatever she also reminds the kids-- "you get what you get." I find I have picked up on this phrase as well and the kids seem to get it for the most part.

 

At your girls age I would have probably given her the other sticker. I'm not sure they are old enough to understand the Life Lessons thing yet. I do agree that when they get older I wouldn't give a replacement sticker.

 

I'm a bit of a whiner myself when it comes to equality, so I try to keep things as fair as possible for them. For things out of my (and their) control, they still don't grasp the "life ain't fair" concept. Frankly though, I still have a hard time with it myself

 

i try (stress the try part) to use those opportunities (which happen ALL THE TIME for us) to teach about sharing and taking turns. if/ when that doesn't work, i usually give the fought over item to the one who seems to want it the most and use distraction with the other one. sometimes that means that the person who didn't lose the item originally ends up not getting it. not sure if that's unfair, but thus far that works for us.

 

I still find the "equal" thing very difficult. If I'm holding one girl the other usually wants up. The other day one asked to be picked up and I said ur a big girl now and she said u just held Jorja (yikes), its so hard. If I give one something even down to a cheese string, the other wants the same. Probably from me always keeping things really equal when they were younger.

So not sure that I"ve helped you haha as I'm still in the same boat as u.


amanda

 

This is something I have issues with...I am always trying to keep things equal with my girls. Honestly, I think if I didn't try so hard, it wouldn't be such an issue for them. KWIM?

 

Thanks for the input. I think I will stop going out of my way to do it, and I probably shouldn't have gotten Ainsley a new sticker. It probably is time to start letting them know that things are not always equal.

 

It's not about what is equal and what's not, it's about not listening to an hour worth of whining and tantrums when one has something the other wants...lol!!!! I hate that!!! it's hard not to make it "equal" I'm guilty of it to. But, our girls are still young too (I guess I can't use that excuse too much longer b/c they will be 2 in a month - YIKES) but, some days it's just EASIER! Hehehe!

 

QUOTE(twinzmom2b @ May 18 2007, 12:17 PM) [snapback]260090[/snapback]
It's not about what is equal and what's not, it's about not listening to an hour worth of whining and tantrums when one has something the other wants.

Amen! I agree that they need to learn the "life's not fair" lesson sooner or later -- but at this age, I'm still following rule 1 of toddlerhood, which is "smooth the way if you possibly can." It doesn't mean giving in to every tantrum, but if Ainsley is upset that she lost her sticker, and you happen to have another sticker around, why not give it to her? It sounds like she still learned the lesson that she won't always get exactly what she wants, since she was upset about it not being the "same" sticker but then got over it. She's learning that you (Mom) will do what you can to make her happy, within reason, but sometimes there is only so much you can do.

I admit I'm kind of a whiner too.

 

QUOTE(twinzmom2b @ May 18 2007, 08:17 AM) [snapback]260090[/snapback]
It's not about what is equal and what's not, it's about not listening to an hour worth of whining and tantrums when one has something the other wants...lol!!!! I hate that!!! it's hard not to make it "equal" I'm guilty of it to. But, our girls are still young too (I guess I can't use that excuse too much longer b/c they will be 2 in a month - YIKES) but, some days it's just EASIER! Hehehe!


Yes, I know! That's why I gave Ainsley another sticker. Sometimes like if Bea has something Ainsley wants, I will ask Bea if Ainsley can have it for a little while. Sometimes it works.

 

Kelly...I would've done the same thing as you! I always try to make things fair. They are too young, IMO, to understand fairness.