How long did it take you to be excited to be having twins?

After all I have gone through - spending many thousands of dollars, trying for ten years, dealing with eight losses...you'd think I would be on cloud 9 now. But I am not. Now that I am facing the reality of twins, I dread it. I am 9 weeks so have a good ways to go and hopefully make the necessary mental adjustments. If you started out with major ambivalence, when did things start turning around for you? Was there a certain trigger?

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy and :hug: :hug: :hug: !!!

Oh I cannot tell you how much I identify with you. I think that those of us who went through infertility have an even more complex reaction than some. Your mind is still "programed" for the worst and you've just been through so much...you start off your pregnancy worn out emotionally! As for me, I was shocked by my own reaction...and I was a little sad for having been "deprived" of what I thought of as a "normal" singleton pregnancy. We only tried for 2 years but I have struggled with endometriosis for years before that, and we went through many tests and procedures and treatments and finally IVF, which led to this pregnancy. And even though I wanted a baby more than just about anything in this world, and even though we obviously knew that multiples were a significant possibility with IVF... I went through shock, dispair, fear, panic, guilt, and even anger for a long time. Now at 20 weeks I am in a better place about it, though I am still having trouble imagining how my body will handle two full sized infants in the coming months. And I am sometimes reluctant to express these thoughts to anyone (even my therapist!), since for so long all I'd been doing was crying and complaining about not being able to conceive!

I know MANY others (not just IF survivors) feel this way too, since when I first found out I posted a similar thread and I got pages of answers from people just like us. I think you'll find the same, and if not, search for similar threads, you'll see. Its normal. And I think the amount of time it takes is different for everyone. But if you're a "thinking person," it is NORMAL for you to be pondering the drawbacks, whatever they may be for you personally.

BUT...it does get better. I promise you that. I'm told that one day we will not be able to imagine just having one of them. And thank goodness pregnancy is long and there's time to wrap your mind around what is happening.

For me, the "how long" answer is a gradual one. I think the first shift came when I realized before an early ultrasound that I was terrified that one would have "vanished." I realized then that I already wanted and was invested in both babies. And though I have my days...I do feel better about it all the time. H

Here's what has helped me:

1) Ultrasounds: We had our Level II scan today and the babies were so easily visable and beautiful. And I just fell in love with them. Even before today I was very moved, but today is the first day I felt connected to them as twins and not just happy to have a baby inside me.
2) Baby stuff : Browsing and/or picking out baby stuff online helps too. Finding out about things specifically for twins makes that part more fun (and seem more manageable). Here's one site I recently found that had me very excited about the possibilities: Twin Onesies
3) OTHER PEOPLE Talking to others - On this board as well as those who are raising twins on the other boards. Finding peopel you know who have twins **And who are positive about it*** (I can't stress that enough - some people would probably complain and talk about the negatives no matter how many children they had). It will make you feel like you're not alone and you can do this!
4) Reading - But same warning as above, some books/websites are unnecessarily alarmist
5) "Quickening": It is helping that I feel their kicks every day now. That helps make it more real, and helps me to "bond" with them. And seeing them together in the womb is truly amazing.

I hope you're feeling well and that you find the support you need on this board. You'll get excited, you'll fall in love with them, and YOU CAN DO THIS!
Be well!

 

Congrats on your pregnancy. You have worked this hard, but I totally know how you feel. Infact, for me it goes in waves.

At first I was not happy at all. Then I meet my TS Big Sister and she made all the difference. I got excited during the showers, but once everything arrived at the house I just became overwhelmed. I mean, there is so much stuff and I have so little space.

I have had to learn to lean on people. That has really helped.

Now that I am off work and staying home to finish cooking my boys, I am ready to meet them. I do not know if I could say I have been "excited", but I can say that I am happy to be getting pregnancy over in one event.

Maybe, I am just not good at being pregnant.

It will get better for you I promise that. Especially, when you can feel them move and then they respond to you....It is fascinating.

Good lUck,
Jenn

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy! :hug: :hug:

Honestly it took me a few months to get used to the idea of twins. I was very scared and concerned & nervous.
I think around 3.5 months I started to 'accept' the fact I was pregnant with twins & started getting excited
Thank goodness pregnancy lasts so long so we can *try* to prepare mentally!!

Once I got over that hump I felt so much better. Plus all the positive input I received from family & friends (and Twinstuff!).
Only having 1 pregnancy (I only want 2 kids) was a huge bonus too
My girls get a built in play-date every day (even if they aren't getting along)!
They will have each other for all of those scary times (first day of school, etc).

There are so many wonderful things that go along with having twins, that I find that people I know with singleton babies are envious of us!!

 

For me, I was PRAYING (not literally ) for twins ... we went through IVF, and we were self-pay. I didn't know if DH and I were giong to find the money to try again ... so through the entire process I wanted it to be twins.

But I knew quite a few people with twins ... and my cousin has triplets ... so I knew I could do it. The thing that overwhelmed me the most was the cost. And I had some really down days stressing about money ... but eventually, we figured it all out.

Hang in there!

 

I think all we said through the long silences on the way home the day we found out was, "Oh, crap!" It took me a few months to really get excited. I'm 34 weeks and am now starting to feel overwhelmed again. I love these babies so much, but two babies will be an incredible change in our life. The forums here have really helped. The ones about c-sections really helped me to relax about that being an option. I'm actually more nervous now about a vaginal delivery than a c-sec.

I hope that you have a happy, healthy pregnancy. I also hope that you are able to be excited or content with this pregnancy as it progresses. There is nothing like feeling them both moving.

 

i didn't go through fertility treatments but my husband and i did try for 2 years unsuccessfully and had actually given up when we got the surprising news that we were pregnant. we found out it was mono/di twins at 8 weeks 5 days and it was truly shocking. at first it was more of a novelty, WOW we are having 2 babies but then the reality seemed to have set in.

with me it's been more of an uphill climb of finding that excitement about 2 babies. i go in spurts but as the pregnancy progresses and things become increasingly more difficult for me (being comfortable, gaining weight, lots of acne, not sleeping, bladder infections, crying, you name it) i find it harder to just be happy.

i do agree with some of the other posters that what makes the difference is doing "baby things". for instance my husband and a friend of ours started designing the nursery last night, painting the hills and trees and grass that is to be our "landscape" theme. it was really exciting to see it start to take shape. another thing that is helpful is listening to the heartbeats. DH is a fire fighter/EMT so we have a stethascope at the house and sometimes i am able to find the heartbeats and just listen to them. seeing them on the ultrasound puts it into perspective too.

i hope you can find that excitement soon and don't stress if it's not a constant over joyous experience. the excitement will happen! good luck and congrats!

 

Hi, I totally understand where you are coming from. I am 21 weeks with di/di twins. I have a 2 year old already. My husband and I had finally decided we could handle one more....and low and behold, I get pregnant with fraternal twins! Scared out of my mind about that fact until about a week ago. Getting more excited now, but still scared about delivering twins! I really don't want a C section and unfortunately a lot of twins are delivered this way. I am trying to read everything possible on delivering and what to do, so that I am prepared for all possibilities.
Good luck to you! Twin pregnancies are an emotionally crazy ride!
Molly

 

It took me a few months to feel better about having twins. I am now almost 35 weeks and excited but, still have my moments. We were lucky and did not have any infertility problems so mine were a fluke and a total surprise. For me reading really helped me out a ton. I like to have information and having an idea of the unknown helps. What I would recommend is skipping all of the parts about the NICU and all of the things that can go wrong if they come early. I figured I could go back if I needed to.

 

About four years!

 

I honestly have to say that I did not have a happy pregnancy (mostly due to depression as well)...I would get so anxious
just shopping for their things and not knowing how I would be able to take care of two babies....

I was excited about having twins initially..then got really scared and overwealmed ....and found in this site
that it is COMPLETELY NORMAL to feel this way!
....Then....I went into the delivery room and heard them cry. It was truly a magical moment (even though
I had almost weekly ultrasounds it still didn't seem real)...all my fears, depression, etc etc dissapeared...

I did have family stay with me the first 3 1/2 months...otherwise I would have gone insane! so if you can
get help I extremely encourage it...but right now I am glad that I have twins. I look at them and
I cannot imagine my life without either of them. It is hard but it also so wonderul, when I look at them
and talk to them and get two smiles back at the same time...


and..... I never have to go through the emotions of another pregnancy again!

 

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. That is one of the amazing things about these boards. Not many people understand that many mom's do in fact experience the five stages of grief at learning they are expecting multiples. Here people not only admit how they feel/felt, but they don't judge which makes it all easier to deal with.

My twins are products of clomid & IUI so I knew multiples were possible and I was excited about the possibility. Of course when the ultrasound tech actually said the word "twins" I went into a panic. I already have a six year old son and I know how to care for a singleton, caring for twins is going to be a completely new game for me and the financial hit was another huge shock. Just the thought of daycare for two can cause anxiety. It's weird because you love both babys so deeply and feel horrible for having negative thoughts.

It took me a couple months before I could tell people I am expecting twins with a smile on my face. It still comes and goes in waves. Bedrest and worrys of PTL really make your mind do crazy things. Fortunately, in my case my son is so excited about the twins coming that he brightens my outlook every day. Sure I have doubts about how I will manage caring for two newborns at once in addition to an older child. At the end of the day I realize this is happening and I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and deal with what is happening and turn it into a positive experience.

Hang in there and know that what you are feeling is totally normal. Try to sit back, relax and enjoy your pregnancy.

 

Oh, sweetie- I have BTDT!

We did not find out about the twins until I was 19 weeks along. We found out at the "big" u/s. I already have a DD, and we planned to have two kids. Adding a third child means having to buy a minivan and more baby gear.

It took a couple of weeks to get excited.

You have come to the right place. These ladies are full of information and advice. Here is to a happy and health nine months for you!

 

I agree with most of the people here.. it took some time to get used to the idea, longer to get excited about it, and I still have waves of 'singleton regret'. I think the turning point for me was finding out the genders, so I could say my "sons" instead of them being abstract ideas. It's mostly just important to know that what you're feeling is absolutely normal. :hug:

 

I have one child, a two year old, and I was ready for #2, and my husband was hesitant, as the two kids would have to share a room (we are in our starter home). So the news that twins were aboard, I CRIED! hahaha. I laugh now, but I didnt think that would happen. My sister has twins (naturally as well), so I thought, what are the chances! Well, chances are good I guess.
Hers are fraternal, mine identical. Strange.
Anways, I saw her do it, the twins were her first babies, and those twins are little buddies. I always said they entertained each other, while my DS would always want me to play with him, and I would never get anything done!!
So having twins is frightening, but its also a blessing. Once I realized I had mono-di twins, I realized the chance of complications, and I turned on a dime, from worried about caring for two babies, to OH my god, I hope nothing happens to them. It was crazy how quickly that changed.
I am sure I will change many times over again...but in the end, every new child is a challenge, but you just get used to what you have, and it just becomes normal to you!
I too had these feelings of doubt, even with my first I worried how good of a mom I would be. But once I saw his beautiful face, I was in love at first sight!
And money wise...my DS would spend a day with me outside picking up rocks over the 100 toys he has inside any day. They dont need a lot, money wise (after the first year)...all they want is your time and your love..honestly!

 

When I found out the sexes of my twins at about 18 weeks was when I really started to get excited. I think I was in denial for the first 18 weeks. Hang in there. :hug:

 

It took me until about 13/14 weeks to be excited. I was excited that we were pregnant but when I found out twins, I told my doctor that he freaked me out! Every thought I had about us having a baby turned on its head and meant everything would be different.
But I would say, seeing them on the u/s's really helped and everyone around me getting so excited also got me going. I have 2 coworkers that have 4 year old twins so I hit them up for advice too. I remember that the one guy told me that it's completely normal to freak out and that I would have those moments throughout the pregnancy.
Good Luck - it will be great!

 

I was completely terrified until I heard them cry! My DH is in the military, so he wasn't around much for the first year of our DD's life. He was thrilled when we found out we were having twins, but I was scared, because I knew how much work it would be. I have a bad heart and right away, my OB wanted to do a selective reduction because he thought my heart couldn't take it. I refused. During my pregnancy, I read some horrible stories about a mom losing one or both of her babies at the end of her pregnancy and I was terrified that was going to happen to me.

Against what the doctors told me, I carried my boys full term with no bedrest, I was so lucky. When my water broke and I went in for my c section, I saw the two pediatric teams waiting for us in the operating room and I stopped dead in the room and told everyone that I couldn't do it, I changed my mind. :laughing:

When they took Dillon out, Ryan flipped head down and shot down to the birth canal. It was a scary couple of minutes, I was yelling at the nurses to get the doctor what she was asking for. :laughing: When I heard both of my boys crying, I was able to finally relax and I just knew that I could do it.

Yes, it is hard to have twins, but I look at them and it makes my physically sick to think about not having both of them. When I think back to that conversation about reducing the pregnancy....Ugh, I can't even think about it. I know how lucky I am to have been blessed with twins, it has been such an amazing journey.

Good luck with your pregnancy and do not feel bad at all! Take care of yourself, it will get better. :hug:

Sara

 

I am 19 weeks today and I am just getting used to the idea and excited about meeting two new babies. I have an older son and I really thought we would only get pregnant with one.

I do have to say, it helped I did my projected taxes for next year. :laughing:

Seriously, I worry a lot more this pregnancy than I did with my son because the doctors keep telling me how much harder it is to carry two and given that I had complications with 1, it isn't going to be easy.

 

Congrats on your twin pregnancy!
I can relate. I am 21 weeks and still do not think that it is real or that it is going to happen. I guess that cry in the hospital will make it real for me.

It is easy to keep your defense up. I lost my first set of twins at 22 weeks, I thought I was home free. I had bought things for the girls and even had showers planned and then they decided to come too early. With my son, it was not real until I saw him in the hospital. I bought nothing for him and didn't even have a baby shower for him until after he was here.
Now I am scared as I can be. I am just taking each day in and hoping for the best.

My point is, that your thoughts are normal. If you want to feel happy one day about your pregnancy, feel happy, but if you are scared, that is completely ok too. If I have learned anything from my losses and pregnancys it is that my feelins are valid and they are mine, if I want to feel this way then it's ok.

:hug

 

I am 16 weeks pregnant with fraternal twins, and we are so very excited!!

We have a 5 year old little boy and had been trying for #2 for 4 years. I was ready for twins, bring is on I said, lol! We were self pay as well and gave IVF a shot in December. We knew we would only be able to try one cycle, and thank God it worked!! We were just blessed with two little miracles! So I do get worried about how I am going to do this or that, it will be overwhelming, but I know we will get through it!! I can't wait to meet them!

 

Congratulations! While I cannot relate to you on the infertility side of things, I do know what you mean. Twins were a total shock to me and DH. No family history, no fertility treatments, just spontaneous double girls! It took me a looooong time to let myself get excited about them. I was terrified at each appt that the doctor was not going to find both heart beats or that I'd be looking at a lifeless baby on the screen. Around the 24 week mark, I decided I had to do this for my girls, if for nobody else. I finally got their nursery put together (which was very scary). Then at 26 weeks I went into the hospital on bed rest. The whole time I was in there, I worried about what if something happened to one of them and I had to go home and face a nursery meant for two babies?

It's a natural fear, and it's easier said than done, but please let yourself enjoy being pregnant with twins. It's the most amazing and unique experience. Big :hug: to you!

 

I am 33 1/2 weeks and am still not excited. We were not trying in the least and were hoping to be married this spring and having babies next year. Boy were we in for a shock! While we were mildly excited about the pregnancy, there was too much out of line for us to get overly excited. I have a 3 year old from a previous marriage, these are his first. Trouble is, he lives 2.5 hours away and still needs to find a job here and sell his house. For now, the kids and I will be staying with my folks until things fall in to place. THIS IS TERRIFYING!

I just want to bring the girls home to a nursery I decorated in OUR home. Things just aren't how I pictured at all, and that leads to my panic. Of course, the thought of caring for 3 under 4 keeps me up at night. The debate of working vs. staying home is also on my mind. There is just SO much to consider with twins. And as the date gets closer, my mind has not been eased at all. I worry at every appointment. I don't want the babies in the NICU. I worry about not being able to give my attention to 3 kids...etc. etc. etc.

Every situation is different. Just don't feel guilty about not being excited. When people ask me, I am honest and tell them I'm terrified more than excited. They "usually" have words of wisdom!

 

Congrats!

I'm still trying to come to terms w it! While I'm excited, and wouldn't want anything to happen to them... I'm SO SCARED! Ours were a surprise, I have two dd's, 5 & 7.

It's like a roller coaster ride, I go from being excited, to scared. Right now I actually just want to be term so I know that they've arrived safely kwim? The delivery part is scaring me.

I'm also so tired of ppl saying to me... OH my gosh you're having twins, you must be so excited... and Boys, you'll have the PERFECT family. I almost cry every time I have to answer that w a yes, we're very excited I feel like such a liar!!