How horrible is this?

This is a big "no-no", or issue, in my eyes. Last night I left our house and went over to a friends for a little while. Before I left I noticed there were no wipes in the wipe warmer, I intentionally didn't fill it because DH and I are trying to work on his lack of "helping around the house." So far he's been great and helping out a ton, and realizing this is a team effort. However, when I got home I didn't use any wipes because I changed our twins downstairs at 11pm (warmer is upstairs in the nursery). He fed one of the girls and changed her at 330am and the other slept through the night until 7am. At 7am I heard him change the same twin he changed at 330am, and then I changed the one that slept through the night (hope this isn't getting too confusing). I was changing the one I had and went to reach for wipes and there STILL weren't any in the warmer. So I took the 2 previous diapers that he changed out of the trash bag and there were NO wipes in them. He didn't wipe her- TWICE. I was flipping out. These are females, their little parts need to be cleaned. He admitted to not wiping her, and I was livid. He said he was so tired and just got lazy. Are you kidding? I was so mad.

What would you do? Do I have a right to be mad?

 

i can understand being mad just because you guys have been working on a "helping out around the house" issue. not having girls i can't quite say we have a parallel. we don't wipe every time with the boys, but we do wipe when they've slept all night and have a big peepee diaper in the morning. my gut tells me i would want to wipe girls every time. skipping two would definitely feel like a poor decision. but we all make poor decisions sometimes when we're exhausted.

i think the important thing is to remember that you already have emotion behind the issue because he didn't replace the wipes. so you might be angry out of proportion to the situation. if your daughter only had peepee diapers i don't think it's a huge disaster. if he didn't wipe her after a poopy diaper i would be much angrier in your situation.

it sounds like you're angry at level 10 when what he did is maybe a 5.

 

Honestly, I didn't wipe every time there was a pee pee only diaper, especially at night, so I wouldn't be upset. It doesn't sound like any harm was done, and at least he changed them...not sure if I could count on that here! :lol:

QUOTE
it sounds like you're angry at level 10 when what he did is maybe a 5.


I agree.

:hug:

 

Wipe? Every time?

Most of the time I let her air out for a few minutes and put another diaper on.

 

This should take you to a poll taken a little while ago about wiping after peepee diapers...wiping after peepee poll

I personally don't everytime either. Although I have gotten upset with my mom for not doing it. Why the double standard? Not sure...but trying not to do that! I agree with pp about the added emotion coming from soemthing else. If he has been helpful around the house and with the babies, and making more of an effort, then I would cut him some slack.

 

I never wiped my girls with every diaper. Definitely after really wet diapers and dirty diapers. I see that it is really important to you, so I would just mention again why you want them wiped every time. However I don't feel this is as horrible as your think it might be. I would just be happy that I had some time to myself.

 

QUOTE(Natalochka @ May 15 2009, 09:51 AM) [snapback]1314948[/snapback]
This should take you to a poll taken a little while ago about wiping after peepee diapers...wiping after peepee poll

I personally don't everytime either. Although I have gotten upset with my mom for not doing it. Why the double standard? Not sure...but trying not to do that! I agree with pp about the added emotion coming from soemthing else. If he has been helpful around the house and with the babies, and making more of an effort, then I would cut him some slack.

Wow that ended up being a really close poll! Thanks for the link.

 

I agree, I think I might have blown it out of proportion a little. I told him I didnt like them not being wiped and he said it won't happen again.

 

We (meaning DH and I) don't wipe after pee diapers either. It's not necessary. It can actually *cause* diaper rash to wipe after pee diapers. I did wipe them down in the morning because things seemed a bit stale, but not after every pee diaper. This is for both my girls and boy. The girls rarely had diaper rash, really the only time they would get it was if they had diarrhea or they pooped overnight and I didn't know. Caleb has yet to have diaper rash.

ETA - I know this bothered you, but you really can't micro-manage DH's. I used to get annoyed that DH didn't put the clean diaper under the baby first while changing. Well, it's just his way of changing diapers. Or that he doesn't always use a bib. If you pick at him about everything, he'll feel like he can't do anything right. And if you wanted him to fill the wipe warmer, just ask.

 

I used to wipe every time too but was advised by my doc that when it's just a pee diaper not to wipe. It is actually better for them to wipe less. Can't remember why now, it's been a while. He's actually doing it the recommended way, even if he doesn't know it.

So, no, I wouldn't be mad. Now if it was poop diapers, yes I would be upset.
I agree that it does sound as if you are wanting dh to do things your way and you need to give him some space to do things his way, even if they are different from you.

Not helping around the house is a whole other story and definately worth a discussion. I don't agree with setting him up by purposely not filling the wipes container to see if he fills it. If you want him to do something just ask him. I know it'd be nice to have dh take initiative and do these th ings without asking but that may come in time when he knows the things you are wanting him to do. It may sound simple but after 14 years of maiirage I've realized I shouldn't assume even the small things, communicating works much better.

ETA: I see your babies are just over 2 months old. There aer lots of things that have to get done that have never been an issue before, like filling wipe containers. It is not something that he is thinking about I am sure. I think some adjustment time is reasonable.

 

It's not horrible, unless she pooped. My pedi actually says not to wipe them for urine when they have a diaper rash, that using wipes too often irritates the skin. So I use wipes only every-other wet diaper.

 

QUOTE(Kaie05 @ May 15 2009, 11:10 AM) [snapback]1314967[/snapback]
I agree, I think I might have blown it out of proportion a little. I told him I didnt like them not being wiped and he said it won't happen again.


Hey that's what happens when you are a sleep-deprived mom of twins(or singletons for that matter!). Glad that you talked to him.

Kelly is right, if there is one thing I have learned, you definitely have to pick your battles when it comes to dh's ways of doing things(or not doing them). I used to get worked up over the little things, but now, as long as the house is still standing(albeit a disaster), everyone is still alive, fed(Poptarts are ok every once in awhile), reasonably clean, and happy, I'm good.

:hug:

 

QUOTE(becky5 @ May 15 2009, 11:23 AM) [snapback]1315051[/snapback]
fed(Poptarts are ok every once in awhile)


:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: Nothing like a good day of nutrition with daddy!

 

Interesting thread.

I don't use wipes for pee-pee diapers unless it seems they really need it. Even though I use the super sensitive wipes, I still don't trust all those chemicals, and also don't like how they leave the little bits all moist for the next diaper. I'm trying to transition to making my own wipes, but until then I use them sparingly. We also don't use a wipe warmer. They get cold wipes when they get wiped down. I do often dry their bits with a hair dryer and when I don't use that, I often dry them off with a dry cloth.

I'm glad you talked with him and feel better about it all.

 

I never wiped my girls after each pee diaper, either. But, I really think the issue is more of that if he knows you want it done, he should have done it.

 

I agree that I never wiped my kids after pee diapers, unless I saw the little gel things from the diaper on them!

However I understand you being upset that he didn't refill the wipes, it sounds like something my dh would do and something I pester him about all the time! :hug:

 

I would be upset but I don't think I'd flip my lid. My dh has done far worse then that (and yours probably will too in time) I would tell him that laziness does not play when it comes to the kids. You either do it right or don't do it at all :hug:

 

:hug: I'm sorry you were angry. It's hard when your tired and also working on the team effort. Just keep in mind that he will develop his own way of helping and doing things with the girls and that's okay. (Unless they are in harm obviously.)
It took a lot of work on my part to not nag DH for him doing things his way, but in the end it built his confidence as a dad. And it's made our relationship as parents better.


And just to add- I don't wipe after pee diapers either.

 

QUOTE(angie7 @ May 15 2009, 03:05 PM) [snapback]1315276[/snapback]
You either do it right or don't do it at all :hug:


Angie that is one of my favorite sayings. Lack of effort is one of my biggest pet peeves. The thing is that everyone has a different perception of what 'right' is in their minds, so your 'right' may not always be his 'right'. Things that are important to you, aren't necessarily important to him, and vice versa.

My husband would never think to fill up the wipe warmer, in fact he probably wouldn't even know what one was if he saw it. :lol: If he needed wipes he would probably spend 10 minutes looking for them, still be wandering around wipeless, grab some paper towels and wet them down, and use them instead. :lol: He would certainly never think to fill up a container, unless I said 1. walk into this room, the wipes are on the 2nd shelf, in the back behind the x(and then he would still say where?) 2. walk to this room and put them in this container(which he would ask me where?, and then tell me he can't find it). I swear he tries, but he is just so helpless when it comes to stuff like that and especially details. :wacko: Now give him 5 kids to entertain and he can do it! So, I definitely pick my battles here!

 

QUOTE(angie7 @ May 15 2009, 12:05 PM) [snapback]1315276[/snapback]
You either do it right or don't do it at all :hug:


And this is why 7 months later I'm still trying to fix all the things done by well meaning "helpers." I still keep finding stuff put in the wrong places, finding clothes hung up inside-out, etc. Okay, when I got back from the hospital with the babies I found that one such helper had put all of our clean laundry away - hanging all the underwear carefully on hangers and putting it all in the closet.

 

I do wipe after pee diapers, just to keep them fresh, but I can totally see not doing it every time.

On a side note, today DH and I took 1/2 days watching the boys (me in the am and him in the pm) and I used the last wipe in the warmer before I left the house, and I didn't refill it. I'm a BAAAAAAD wife! :lol:

 

QUOTE(Lizzybo @ May 15 2009, 03:50 PM) [snapback]1315359[/snapback]
hanging all the underwear carefully on hangers and putting it all in the closet.

:laughing:

 

I also never wipe any of my three with just wet diapers. I have to pipe up and be another vote for not telling Daddy exactly how to do everything. My DH does lots of things differently (and therefore wrong ) than I do, but I decided when DD1 was tiny that if I wanted him very involved I couldn't micromanage him on everything. I know you're upset, but maybe your DH doesn't think they need wiped after pee diapers. Why do you get to decide? Believe me - I'm totally not trying to sound mean, just trying to get you to look at it from his point of view. He is their parent too, can't he change them his way? He was the one that got up with the baby that woke up at 3:30, maybe this morning he was expecting appreciation that he handled the overnight waking instead of a reprimand for how he did it. I also agree with the pp about purposely not doing something just so you can see if he would do it. I understand the frustration of feeling that you are doing more than your share - but if he feels that you're just waiting for him to mess up he is going to be less likely to do things. Two months was a very hard time for us - being a team with him will help. Hang in there!!

 

Just chiming in as another one who doesn't wipe either one unless they are poopy and we were told to do this because the wipes are drying and have alcohol in them and contribute to diaper rash. FWIW.

 

I just posted a thread on Dh not helping around the house issues, so I can feel your frustration there. However, I have to agree with PP about letting him do things his own way. I have had to literally bite my tongue to not say something to DH. BTW, I haven't been out of the house with out the twins since, well, before I was pregnant!