How hard was it for you

After your twins were born and you first brought them home from the hospital? I am almost 14 weeks and I have so many worries. I don't stress over it, but I am constantly thinking of how we're going to do things when they're here. Did it take a few days/weeks to adjust to having 2 newborns at the same time? How did you keep your sanity????? As I mentioned before, I am a hair stylist and have only been at my current salon for 4 months, I am building my clientelle and I wonder if it's realistic for me to assume I'll be back 6-8 after having twins. Not only physically, but also being able to leave the babies to go to work. I currently work 3 days/week and every other week I work 4 days. My plan is to return just the 3 days and shorten them to 5 or 6 hour shifts. For those of you who also work outside the home, when did you return to work and did you have some kind of a plan/routine? I'm thinking my mother-in-law can come one day and the other 2 days I can work when my hubby is home. He has 3 days off a week but I like for us to keep at least one day a week where we're all home together. Am I being unrealistic? I'm so tired of people asking me "how are you going to do it???" In a tone almost as though they pity my "situation" of being pregnant with twins. People are constantly putting more fear in me by stupid things they say, I know most of them mean well but I get tired of hearing it.

 

I dont think I really worried about it. I knew I would do it because I really didnt have a choice and it would work itself out. A schedule definately helped me, that way I knew what was coming and what needed to be done and when I would have 5 mins to shower. I also had a 2 yr old when my twins were born so a schedule was a necessity. As for working, my plan was to go back when my boys were 11 months, but I am in Canada and we get a yr paid maternity, however my situation changed when the twins were 10 weeks old, I moved away became a single mom, so I havent been back yet. I am starting school though in 2 weeks, my oldest will be 4 in Nov and the twins will be 2 in Dec.

 

And your plan about how you would go back to work with you MIL helping sounds great! As for going back 6-8 weeks PP it really depends on your delivery

 

I already had a 6 year old and a 3 year old and I worked part time outside of the home when my twins were born. I was scared to death of bringing home 2 babies and believe it or not it was much easier than I thought. I found that if I just told myself, "It is okay if they both cry while I take a shower or while I grab some food." Making myself relax and realize as long as their needs were met everything was good. If you deliver vaginally I would say 8 weeks is when you would feel good enough physically to go back to work. I have never had a c section so I wont give you advice there. Good luck!

 

I'm another one who never thought about what being at home with two newborns was going to be like - I was so focused on their birth that I never really considered after. For me, the first 4 months were brutal. We really struggled with breastfeeding for the first couple of months & we also really struggled with sleep (it got to the point where I was holding both girls 24/7 & I wasn't sleeping really at all). I'm sharing this not to scare you, but because looking back I see that my husband & I made a lot of rookie parenting mistakes & we could have potentially avoided some of the really stressful things that were going on at that time if we'd been a little more prepared. The biggest thing that I would do differently is hire a postpartum doula for the first 6 - 8. Her experience, insight & expertise would have been invaluable (we've hired one for our upcoming baby). You can learn more about postpartum doulas at DONA.

Also know that, no matter what, you will get through it. We all figure it out as we go because, quite simply, there's no choice in the matter. It's definitely worthwhile though to pick up some books on parenting multiples to get some ideas & maybe spend some time lurking in the first year forum to get an idea of common newborn concerns - then you & your partner can discuss now what your preferred way of dealing with common newborn issues (feeding, sleep, taking care of yourselves) are & have a place to start from.

 

I could pretty much have written what Rachel wrote. I also focused so much on the pregnancy that I didn't think enough about what life would be like after the birth (I think this is a first-time parent mistake). I will also tell you that our first few months home were brutal and I think it is great that you're thinking ahead and asking these questions now so hopefully you'll have a smoother go of it. Our beginning was rough, in part, because the boys came so early (hopefully, this will not be the case for you), so when we brought them home we were terrified. It is hard, definitely hard to care for two newborns, especially if they're your first because it's all trial-and-error. Add sleep deprivation to it and it can feel overwhelming. BUT, I really believe that the more you prepare, the better off you'll be. Like Rachel, I'd highly recommend hiring a post partum doula if you are able. We hired one (out of desperation) about 10 days after we came home and it was the first time we came up for air. She came in, got right to work, we could rest, she helped with breastfeeding tips, she was a teacher for us. We also tried to do too much ourselves. Ask for help from family, friends, people you trust. Do take a look at the first year forum and you'll see the common questions/issues that parents have. It will take you a while to settle into a routine, but establish one as quickly as you can so you're not flying by the seats of your pants.

As for work, that's a hard question to answer now because there are so many variables. If you have enough help in place, your babies are adjusting fine, you have established a routine, and you are getting rest and feel physically and mentally recuperated, I'd see no reason why your proposed schedule wouldn't work. It actually sounds like a great schedule between you and DH.

So, just prepare, try to stay as calm and regimented as possible, and I bet you'll do just fine . Best of luck.

 

Thanks for the replies ladies. I looked through the first year forum a little bit last night. I don't know why it hadn't occured to me to look there, I guess because I'm still pregnant and it seemed like a forum for those who already have their twins. Our daughter is 3 so I remember a lot of what we did wrong as first time parents, but this is all going to be new again because it's not just one baby, it's two! I like the idea of hiring a doula, but it sounds like it may be out of our budget! Miss_bossy, thanks for the link you provided, I will look at it to learn a little more about it and if it's something we can afford.

 

I recommend the book "Ready or Not: Here We Come!" It was a great survival guide, especially for the first 3 months with newborn twins. Lots of feeding suggestions, sleeping suggestions, what gear you need, etc. It's a quick read. I read it while I was pregnant and while life with newborn twins is crazy, it made me feel like I at least had some idea of what to expect.

 

Something worth looking into is whether there are low or no-cost doulas in your area. Part of the doula philosophy is "A doula for every woman who wants one" and so many doulas will volunteer hours or are more than happy to work within a budget. Some doulas who are still working towards their certification often volunteer their hours as they're looking to increase their experience. It can take a bit more detective work to find someone who can meet your needs but I think it's definitely worth it. :good:

 

I've been looking for books for expecting twins, seems like the bookstores carry mostly books that are for singleton pregnancies! Thanks for the suggestion JoannaD. Miss_bossy, I will definitely look more into it, I clicked on the DONA link and there is only 1 post-partem doula in my area, and another one that's somewhat in my area. If you have any other sites you could suggest that i could find a doula in training or just a different list of doulas in my area, please let me know! I didn't know about their philosophy. That's real nice to know! I'd heard of doulas before but never knew a whole lot about them, just always assumed it's something for wealthier couples and not for us. I have several months to research the topic so thanks for your input!

 

You're very welcome! I would try googling your area & doula to see if there's a local doula association - or check on craigslist or kijiji. DONA only lists the doulas that are certified through them, so trying those other places may help you find some of the doulas who are still working towards certification, or doulas who may be certified through another association. You could also try contacting the two gals from the DONA site & chat with them - they may be able to help you out either by offering a low/no cost option, or putting you in touch with other doulas in your area. Just be up front about your budget concerns & I'm sure they'll be able to help you out.

 

I do agree it is a rough time the first few months... for us the biggest hurdle was getting through the sleep deprivation stage. My boys started sleeping well at 11 weeks and life got so much better. I highly recommend taking whatever help is offered to you. My mother came and stayed the night like every third night the first 3 weeks and this helped sooo much. She wouldn't do everything all night but she did take a shift. Honestly, I wouldn't have ever thought I would want my mother over night helping prior to me having the twins.
When she wasn't there my husband and I worked it so I went to bed at 8 pm. I would wake up and feed them at around 10-11 pm. Then he would have them another hour or two. Then he would sleep in another room the rest of the night so he could get 5-6 hours of sleep uninterrupted and go to work. This gave us both enough sleep to function. During the day for the first 4 weeks I had my 2.5 year old go to who used to watch him during the day for 2 or 3 days of the week. This helped with my overall exhaustion as well because he can be as much work as the twins. Also, you just have to keep your spirits up and tell yourself you will get through that early stage when they don't sleep and cry a lot, its just a matter of time.
Finally, I think you can definitely go back to work at 6-8 weeks if you are starting at that schedule of 3 days, 5-6 hours at a time. I went back at 9 weeks but I work 50 hours a week and if I had an option of starting with fewer hours I could probably have gone at 6 or 7 weeks.

 

It was tough and now that the twins are almost 1 year old, I can't believe I actually pulled through those first few months! There were a lot of issues - eczema, jaundice, eye infections, etc.

But I for me it was a really do or die kinda thing. I'm their mom so i'm the only person they can depend on, so I have to be strong!

Your anxieties are perfectly normal! I felt them since I found out about my pregnancy. Talk about it (with everyone here!) and don't beat yourself too hard about it. You'll be a great mom. Establish a good support network and you'll pull through, we're all live examples that it's possible!