How good is their memory?

L&M had been in the same at home daycare since they were 6 weeks old. She and her husband were friends of ours. DH was even in their wedding. At the beginning of the summer they started having marital problems, but she assured me those problems wouldn't affect the girls. After some things happened that we were uncomfortable with, DH & I decided to remove the girls from that daycare. They started staying with a dear friend of our family at the beginning of September. It really is the ideal situation.

They still ask for "J" often and sometimes cry because we aren't going there. How long will they remember her? It isn't necessarily that I want them to forget her, it is hard for them to understand why they don't see her anymore.

 

Mine are 4 and have excellent although selective memories. For example, they will talk about things that happened on vacation 2+ years ago, but they talk about it like it was yesterday so their sense of time is not always on track.

Did you talk to you kids about why you were switching daycares? Even something simple like J is unable to watch you anymore because she has needs time to take care of her own family. Do you ever visit since you said she was a friend? Not sure if this is possible. I would acknowledge their feelings, but continue to explain the necessity to switch.

Best of luck.

 

Thanks! We just told them that they were not going to go stay at J's anymore. I am sure that we will see her since we live in a teeny town, but DH has sided with her husband and isn't too fond of her now.

 

:hug: :hug: That sucks because if she didn't do anything to you guys the girls should still be able to see her every once in a while. I hope they stop crying soon.

 

We have/had a babysitter that would come to the house once a week. Then my work schedule and her school schedule changed and she stopped coming to the house. It had been about a year since they had seen her, but every once in a while they would get reminded of her and ask about her. Fortunately we were able to have her babysit for us over the weekend, so they got to see her again - a boy were they HAPPY!! I am amazed what they will remember. I find that when they don't want to do something they will find anything to cry about, not that they are really upset about it, but it get the reaction from me that they desire. Could that be what is happening?

Anyway, I am not sure if they will ever forget about her, especially since she took care of them for so long!! What is your opinion about her? Would you like your children to forget about her, or would you like to continue the relationship? Maybe you could plan to see her at a playground, or allow her to babysit for a day during the weekend? Is there a solution that you and DH could agree upon to keep the kids happy (if that is what will make the kids happy)?

Good luck!!

 

My kids have quite a memory. My son, who is nearly six, will remember things that happened when he had to live with my folks across the U.S. for a few months while I was pregnant with the twins, and he was only 18 months old. Also, my twins used to have an early intervention specialist come until age three, and they will turn for in Dec. and still ask about her.

 

I don't really have any advice but I just wanted to send big hugs to you. :hug: This is the routine they have known for so long, I'm sure it's going to take a while for them to stop asking. :hug:

 

Yeah, our two often surprise me with their incredible memory of tiny details that happened ages ago. They still remember well their childminder who moved out of town over a year ago.

Even though she and her family are not exactly who we would usually choose to become friends with (she's very nice, we just have different backgrounds, ages, outlooks on life), we have worked hard to remain in contact with the girls' babysitter who came to our house for a couple of hours most days from birth til 18 months). Having no family nearby, I felt it was really important to maintain the connection with a person they had grown to love.

Is there any way at all they could still meet with her without it being 'politically' difficult? Maybe you and she could go to a playground together? or she could come over one time while DH is busy? or you could drop them off at her house for an hour? These would gradually fade naturally and then things would be easier.

If this isn't possible, then you're in a similar situation to with our childminder who left town. It was hard for the girls for the first few months, initially they spoke about her and her family lots. They didn't really 'get' why they couldn't see her anymore. They even spoke on the phone a couple of times. We managed one trip to visit them, but it's 400 miles away. Even now they still talk about her and her family. From the other side, Iris (the childminder) said they were like part of her family and it was really hard for her not to see them too. Certainly it seems that all 3 of our childminders/babysitters come to love the girls in a way.

Good luck whatever you decide.

 

Thanks everyone for your advice! I sent her an email asking if she would like to get together, but I haven't heard anything back.

 

I think it was a good idea to try to meet up to allow the kids to see her. If you were friends with the wife, and your DH was friends with her husband, is it possible for you to maintain your friendship with her, even if DH doesnt care for her? If not, then I agree that they may ask about her for a while, but eventually they will not cry so much, but maybe just ask about her, and even that will be less often.

My children go to a daycare/preschool and there have been teachers there that have left, and they will ask about them for a while. How long they ask about her will depend on whose teacher it was, or how long the teacher was at the daycare.