How do you teach them not to fight?

I have one daughter who is quite a bit "rougher" than her sister. If she wants a toy she will grab it from her sister. If we witness it we say "that is not your toy" and hand her another toy and give the toy she stole back to her sister. Well, this morning this was happening again but she got upset that she couldn't have the toy so she started hitting her sister. Yikes. I reacted in a split second and took her hand and in a firm but not too firm voice I said "no, we do not hit - that is not nice". Of course, at 8 months old she didn't get it! So, I moved her sister.

Any ideas? I think they are too young for time out and discipline so I am not too sure what to do.

 

Other than changing the situation, and redirecting, I have no advice... what you are doing is right. Firmly saying no, and redirecting.

 

I think what you did is ok...mine don't really fight, just take each other's toys. I usually say something like, 'no Max, that is Eowyn's toy...here play with this and you can have it when she's finished' They haven't started hitting each other yet, sometimes one will get a bit overexcited and someone might end up with a poked eye or pulled hair but it is not out of anger.

 

At this age they really can't understand the concepts of fighting and being nice. That doesn't mean you should let them hit each other, but redirecting (or separating them if necessary) is really the only thing to do. They barely even understand that the other baby is a living thing, rather than an object that frustratingly holds onto all the good toys. And maybe if you hit the object, it will cough up the toy.

So, remove the toy from the one who stole it, say something like "Your sister is playing with that right now," and offer the thief a different toy. The only things you are trying to teach at this point is that hitting doesn't pay, and that there are lots of toys in the world.

 

If someone has the answer I wish they would tell me. The babies are great at playing together and working things out. The older ones - notsomuch.

 

QUOTE(TeeandGee @ Jul 5 2007, 05:39 PM) [snapback]318303[/snapback]
I have one daughter who is quite a bit "rougher" than her sister. If she wants a toy she will grab it from her sister. If we witness it we say "that is not your toy" and hand her another toy and give the toy she stole back to her sister. Well, this morning this was happening again but she got upset that she couldn't have the toy so she started hitting her sister. Yikes. I reacted in a split second and took her hand and in a firm but not too firm voice I said "no, we do not hit - that is not nice". Of course, at 8 months old she didn't get it! So, I moved her sister.

Any ideas? I think they are too young for time out and discipline so I am not too sure what to do.


I have the exact same problem. The only difference is I have b/g twins, and the girl is soooo much rougher than her brother. She is starting to hit all of us. :lol: This morning she was playing with DH. She began making a noise with her mouth. He mimicked her and she would do it again. Well, when he made the noise, she had this really mean look on her face and popped him right in the mouth!!! LOLWe weren't supposed to laugh, but we had to. it was too funny. She was actually mad at him.

 

For small babies (under 2 years) you give the toy back to the one who was robbed and either give a different toy to the robber or (what works best here) move the robber to a different spot. With hitting I grab the hand and tell the hitter "No hitting, it hurts!" while making a sad face. I also hug and kiss the one who got hit if he is crying.

For older kids (2 and up) I recommend "How to behave so your children do too!" by Sal Severe. I think that is one of the best books on how to effectively discipline children out there!