How do you start a schedule?

I can't seem to get a schedule going here. When I say it's chaos, I'm not exaggerating. I'm going to be honest, even though I'm mortified. DH went grocery shopping yesterday and all the groceries are still on the counters in the bags. There's a dirty diaper on the floor by the trash can and dishes in the sink and a ton of other stuff all over the house. The lawn hasn't been mowed in 3 weeks. I can't keep up with the laundry. I don't remember the last time I dried my hair. I do get a shower every day, but only because my 2 yr. old showers with me and needs to be bathed every day. The babies don't go to sleep until between 11 and 1 am no matter what we do. I'm so tired and DH is too, he's in school full time and works full time. I feel like I should be able to get everything done, but at this point I don't even know where to start. Please help. If anyone has any ideas, I'm open to anything that will help.

Oh yeah, I don't have any help during the day and I can't afford to hire any either. I did pay my wonderful SIL to mop the floors yesterday. It's so nice to be able to walk through the house without sticking to the floor!

 

i dont have much encouragement because i only have one lil one, but here is big HUG!! I work 40+ hours a week and my dw goes to school and works, we have my mil watch our son when we are not home and we only pay her 25 a week which is a big help but im in charge after work and weekends. I am a very perfectionist type person so my house has to be clean for the most part before i even sleep. I try to put him down for a nap, get in some laundry, bottle washing, and quick computer time, then he is woke up about 730 to play his naps i only like 30-45min long. I keep him awake even though he is fussy, we take a bath at 900 eat bottle and are in his bed by 930-945. He sleeps til 3-4 ish then its his 1st feeding and he wakes up for the day at bout 7. takes an am nap at bout 11 to 1230ish then his afternoon nap from 2-430ish. I dont know if any of this is helpful! but i do feel for u and im sorry many hugs and i hope u get some well rested and needed sleep. maybe a relative can take them overnight for you. my mil or sil will take him 1x a month overnite so we can get some sleep.

krystal

 

I feel you! I have help at home, and I know that if it wasn't the case our house would be really messy! It will get better as they start to have a more predictable pattern. You could start with feeding them on a regular schedule, every 2-3h depending on whether you're breast-feeding or formula-feeding. And at this age, you can probably still put them down for nice naps after feedings. I know if you're BF, it is more difficult because they eat so often, so you could try to stretch to 2 1/2 hours. Then, give yourself ONE SINGLE objectif per day that you could do during one of the babies' nap (like mopping that floor, or cleaning the bathtub, or putting the dishes in the dishwasher, etc.). This way you won't feel overwhelmed and have thus a better morale, which in turn helps you do more things

Good luck :hug99: It will get better!

 

It is so hard when they are that age. It will get better when they start napping and sleeping longer, I promise!
Are you working on a schedule for them? We did Eat, play, sleep, repeat. All day long until it was time for the nightfeeding then right to bed. Once they are taking regular naps, you can *run* around the house and get a few things done. There will be good days and bad days. I remember that around 9-10 weeks I had some days where there was enough time to make lasagna from scratch, and other days I didn't have time to wash the bowl of cereal I had that morning.

My mother helped me until 8 weeks and she almost didn't leave because she didn't know how the heck I was going to do it all by myself, but it did get better. I don't have a two year old, but I have a dog that needed to be let out 7 times a day and would walk around and take her time puking while the babies were inside, so I can relate on a tiny level!

I picked a few things that had to be done: laundry and meals, and the rest of it got done whenever. I wouldn't worry about cleaning the house too much. If someone comes over (a friend etc.) and asks if they can help, make them fold laundry or vacuum, or make you dinner. I am serious. If they offer to help, they should expect to help! You can joke about it - if you vacuum for 10 minutes, you can hold the babies for 20 mins. Seriously, they can't have any idea how swamped you are.

For laundry - I just basically had it running all day long. Not much got folded. I dressed myself and the girls right out of the clean laundry baskets. DH did his own laundry.
Food - frozen dinners, pizza delivery and crock pots are your friend.
Anything that requires little to no clean up is also your friend. (paper plates, etc. I know, ecologically unconscious, but this is not going to be forever, just until you get things under control.

Hang in there, sister. You will get some of your life back eventually! When they go to two long naps a day, you will have time to shower, wash your hair, make dinner and play around on Twinstuff!

PS - I just saw that you have a few other children - are they around after school? Can they each do something small to help? Stack dishwasher & empty it, vaccuum, empty grocery bags and get rid of them, entertain or hold babies while you get something done? You shouldn't overburden them, but everyone in the house should be helping out in their own little way.

 

:hug99: Those first months can be so trying. I would squeeze in laundry throughout the day - and even had it running while we were asleep just to try and keep up. Fold was an unspoken 4 letter word for a while at our house.

Could your SIL maybe help out more with the housework so you can concentrate more on the children and taking care of yourself? As a PP said, once they get a little older, it does get easier. :hug99:

 

I was thinking of you mom's with an older child and baby twins... we think you are next to angels !! I only have twins and they were never fully on a schedule. I liked feeding them one on one bf or bottle it was nice to have one on one time. They are 6 months now and I somewhat feed them now at the same time. What ever works is always the best answer.

heather

 

:hug99: I am so sorry that things are so tough right now. They will start sleeping eventually and then you will have some more time to get things done around the house. Right now its just survival mode and then things will eventually fall into place for you.

DH did the laundry and still does. We did a lot of take out and the house was a mess. I picked up when I felt like it. I chose to spend my extra minimal time with my 2 year old because she was just dying for some attention. So I would take her out by myself and just leave the mess behind. It would still be there when I got back, unfortunately. But it felt great to get out. Hang in there it will get better.

 

I think this is the most difficult part of having twins. When they're newborns, you're constantly at their mercy. At that stage, we fed on demand, so it was eat/sleep/eat/sleep for them. I had a toddler and an older child at the same time, which forced me to continue their schedule and I think that helped quite a bit. We couldn't afford to hire help either and DH has very little vacation time, so I understand.

I started getting up as early as I could handle. I could sneak in a shower, quickly dry my hair, and be ready for the day when everyone got up. I got a really good start to my day and eventually had enough time for a cup of coffee and maybe a quick breakfast. From there, it was just doing the bare minimum cleaning-wise and waiting until everyone was down for the night before I did the major things. And even then, sometimes it just didn't get done.

Just watch your babies and you'll see that they're developing their own schedule. For example, think about what time they get up for their first feeding each day. If it's around the same time, you know you have X amount of time to do X,Y, or Z before they're up and hungry. Maybe if they're happy in their swings or bouncers, take five minutes to start or fold a load of laundry.

Someone else mentioned this, but I can't say it enough...when people ask to help, say YES and give them something to do. If they didn't want to do it, they wouldn't offer. Even if it's just so you can nap for an hour, do it. Within the next few months, things will get significantly easier. You're in survival mode right now. We've all been there!

As a side note, please don't be so hard on yourself when it comes to not getting things done. We *can't* do it all. I run a pretty tight ship here and I still don't get things done. Mostly because I need ME time and so do you! Just hang in there! :hug99:

 

We followed the rules in "Becoming Babywise" and it was wonderful on helping us develop a schedule. The twins are on the same schedule. When they were your twin's age, I BF them every 3 hrs w/ a wakeup every morning at 6:30 to start. By 3 months they were sleeping thru the night w/ no feedings and an occasional diaper change. The book was wonderful and laid out everything for us to follow. Good luck!!

 

:hug99: Those first months are crazy. I think instead of trying to set a schedule maybe try to establish routines. This helped me change my perspective in those early days. Eat-sleep-play (play is just laying there looking at you or our a window or under hanging toys, etc). As for housework, let it go. Try not to worry about it. If people come over to visit the babies and ask them to help... or better yet if they say "What can I do?" and reach out to hold a baby, suggest maybe they start a load a laundry instead!!! Then they can hold a baby

GL, hang in there, eventually you'll get a schedule and things will start to normalize. Until then try not to stress about the mess.

 

Mine are about the same age as yours and we can't afford help and have no family around. It's rough. DH helps out w/ cleaning a LOT. I get what I can get done. For example, I put them down for a nap 30 min ago and went to clean the bathroom. Of course, 15 min in Sofia woke and now I am holding her until she is good and asleep. Then I'll try to finish. A lot of times, I just have to let it go. I do what I can. DH understands a lot better now that I lefty him one evening (during their fussy period) for only 3 hours. It about killed him, but he gets it now

 

Even so much as a month 1/2 ago I still felt terrible from c/sect and hormones still going crazy. It is hard when it takes 2 hours to clean the kitchen or the whole day to put one load of laundry up. I don't understand the schedule either and thats not the kind of person I am. But I do like the routine that we have naturally fallen into. Maybe try to keep track of what time they eat and sleep for a few days and then see if you can encourage one to eat a little earlier or later in the afternoon. If you could move even just one nap so that it was together and it was when your other kids were still at school it could free you up to get some things done or take a nap yourself! The nap for myself is something I am working on.

 

You sound just like I did. It does get a lot easier. You will look back in a few months and wonder how you made it through. Hang in there.

 

I think acceptance is all you can do right now. I tried to put them on a schedule around how old your little ones are and it didn't work and just frustrated me. So I accepted they would do it when they were ready. and they have now.

Just accept the house is going to be a mess. Mine still is. But now I manage to clean things up when they go to bed at 9pm every night.

It's part of having twins, chick. Just relax

 

I think at about that age was when we started trying to develop a schedule. I was still home with them all day.

We followed HSHHC for naps - they don't have a predictable nap schedule at that age, but if you follow that guideline then at least you know that they are going back down 2 hours after they woke up - so you have a little light at the end of the tunnel in each sleep-wake-play-eat cycle. It really helps if you can move them towards the same schedule. I'd say we also had more of a 'routine' vs. a schedule.

What I did for the housework - as soon as they went down for the first nap - I did a big sweep through the house: go through each room and gather up the laundry, dump it on the floor in front of the washer and start a load; then gather up all the dishes, toss them in the dishwasher and start it; then run a brush through my hair, put on a clean shirt, grab myself something to eat. I could get all this done really quickly - I move fast. I run around the house like a crazy woman trying to get all this done in a 1/2 hr (mine were short nappers at that age).

then they wake up, we do our feeding, playing, changing, etc. - and before you know it 2 hours has gone by and it's nap time again.

Second nap - I put the laundry in the dryer and start another load, empty the dishwasher, make my bed, get myself lunch.

Third nap - start dinner, maybe clean myself up a bit before DH gets home.

I actually wrote all this out at one point - because I found that I would have chaos throughout the day, but if I wrote out my goal of a schedule for the day, and what I planned to do at each nap time, that really helped me focus on what was important for me to get done.

Can you get a friend or relative to come order and help you with a one time big cleaning/organizing to get the house back in order? Personally I find it easier to keep on top of it if I'm starting from a good place - but if it gets ahead of you then it's really hard to catch up.

 

My kids are schedule-phobes. Every time I think we're making it somewhere, someone gets sick, has a growth spurt, or starts teething - throwing us back into the chaos. So I can't really help there.

But as for getting things done ..

My kids are (sometimes, certainly not always) content to sit in their bouncies and watch me do things. So if just one is awake, he comes with me to do things, if both are awake, they both come with me. It works for things like dishes, and folding laundry. I turn on some music, "idiot dance" (you know, wild motions), and get whatever it is going.

Could you have your 2 year old (or other kids) try to entertain them like this for a few (like 10) minutes, just so you could get SOMETHING done? Bounce around to music, make faces at them? Just long enough for you to get the groceries put away or take a quick swipe at the floor?

We've also instituted a "daddy time" on the weekends. He's in charge, all by himself, for like an hour. He can take them out, or not, but I'm free to do whatever it is that I want/need to do. Last week it was a nice soothing shower. I think this week it's going to be the less glamorous cleaning of the floors. But it's nice to have just that chunk of time to do the things that are hard to do with the kids around.

 

Thank you guys so much! At least I'm not alone and I take great comfort in that! It's funny though, I thought after reading about all of this that I could do it all, no problem. It's been an eye opener and I really feel for all those single moms. I don't know how you can do it.

heather

 

So funny what you said about your hair, the first three months when I was maternity leave I never dried my hair. Just didn't have time or was just too exhausted to.

I understand how you feel. the way to do a schedule is consistency. If you put them down for a nap at 1pm, you must do that everyday. It may take a few days or so for them to start doing it. It is exhausting, but you are doing fine.

It's too bad you have to pay your SIL to help you out though