How do you respond to nosy questions?

I'm usually not at a loss for words, but the first question everyone asks when they hear we're expecting twins is: "OH! Are there twins in your family?" Which for some people, is basically a more polite way of asking, "Were you on fertility drugs?"

We did IVF, and most of the time I have no problem talking about it, but I don't think that everyone and their mother is entitled to the details of my personal life. Now, I know that most people probably aren't trying to be nosy.. its just the first thing they wonder, but I just don't know how to respond to these questions!

Any ideas, anyone? Thanks!

 

Sometimes I am humorous when they ask is it fertitilty, I reply, "Nope. It was just good sex." That tends to sum it up and they rarely ask any more questions!

But it isn't going to hurt anything if you tell them No. It is nobody's business, especailly random strangers..

Just wait till you have them precious babies, then the comments are even sillier..

 

Just say yes it runs in the family. Most times they don't know your family anyway !! Heck it could be a couple of aunts or uncles back.... "yes they will be running all over the house" Nothing wrong with lying to people you dont' know.

 

I do the same thing too....I just say yes now. Yes, they run in my family.....soon I am going to add and climb and scream and get into all the cupboards. Being on our second set of twins now...we have already gotten this question so many times and I am only 12w3d.....I can only imagine how many more times I am going to hear it before it is over. Not to mention that quad stroller i just ordered....that is sure to draw the questions....ugh

 

Twins don't run in my family, so I always answer that question "no". We didn't do fertility treatments, and we get that question too as a follow-up to the first question usually. I typically answer that question too depending on who the person asking is.

Someone once made a comment on here that other individuals struggling to have a baby are encouraged by her answering that she did have fertility treatments successfully. But I can understand why a person wouldn't feel like divulging that info to a stranger. It is personal. I wish I knew a better, thought-provoking way to answer these questions.

 

We conceived our twins through IVF also, and it depends on the situation how I answer that question. Someone I know, I will say that they were IVF babies. Random people I don't know, I say yes they run in the family (which is true for me). You will get this question a lot.

 

Just tell them that you had great sex twice in the same night! That will make their heads spin!! :blink: ( My hubby loves using that one!)

 

we did use fertility meds and conceived triplets and lost one but the way I tell everyone is "yep lots of twins in my family and DH's" and that's the truth....it's none of there business if we used meds or not.....I get that question ALOT

 

You could always say "Now they do!".

 

I like that answer!!!!!

 

I think that perhaps some people ask for some reassurance that their own infertility struggles can be solved with meds. (That would have been why I would have asked that question...)

I actually haven't had anyone ask that question but I do love the sex answer. If they are going to ask a personal question like that, why not give them and equally personal answer? lol

 

I'm having identical twins so I just say, "no, but identical twins are not hereditary". I thought that was an interesting fact I didn't know before I got pregnant. It keeps them wondering but with no follow up question available if they aren't willing to flat out ask if you used fertility treatments, which we didn't.

 

<_< I always hated/hate that question. I just tell them that it does run in our family. ardon: We do have twins, but it's not on my side, and luckily people don't really know that it has to be on the females side of the family. I haven't told many people that we used meds to get the kids, I'm too scared of what they might say or think. I'm not one who really cares what someone thinks of me, but when it comes to my kids, well, that's a different story.


:hug99:

 

Do twins run in your family?

No they will probably have to learn to crawl first.

 

LOL love that one

 

LOL! Y'all are hysterical! I would totally use the great sex response if I thought I could do it with a straight face. And PJ and Her Royal Jennyness.... great answers! I guess its really gonna come down to just how fed up I get with the question! But yeah, it looks like this question is pretty common. Thanks, ladies!

 

I've had the "run in the family" question a lot, but the only people that have asked me if we used fertility drugs have been my doctors. I really liked how one put it. He called them spontaneous. That pretty much summed up everything about this from when we found out I was pregnant to finding out it was twins! Plus, spontaneous is just fun to say! So it's what I tell people now.

But if you want a really personal question, a co-worker asked my husband if we had sex upside-down because that's how they had heard you can get twins. I'm still confused by this, because even though I have a wild imagination, I'm not sure how one would have upside-down sex! :blink:

 

Most people I just say no they dont, we were very surprised. That typically (so far) is the end of the questions. With family we told them we had a little "help" but even they dont know the extent of "help" we went through. IMO its no ones business unless I feel the need to share.

Would love to use some of the wise comments, maybe one day I will have the nerve to tell someone we had sex upside down and twice and boy was it great!

 

Every single one of my co-workers asked this question. To which I said, yes, on both sides of the family. True but meaningless, since these are IVF babies. But my co-workers don't need to know that.

 

I didnt do IVF and I got that question alot. Many people are very curious about twins and will ask lots of crazy stuff. If u think its rude now just wait.I think it will be worse when after u have them they want to know, Was it natural? Did u have a c section? Who was born first?

Not to mention Are they identical? Who is the bad one? Who tells who what to do?

I thought this question was about the onslaught of viewers u will recieve after their birth. The first time we went to Wal Mart after the boys were born a woman actually walked up snatched their blankets off the stroller and said in spanish that I was gonna let her see cause she wasnt gonna miss her chance. I promptly pushed my stroller as fast as possible out of the store and didnt even respond to her. I was practically running as fast as I could with three week old twins in a stroller.


Advice for that time, When people speak to you dont stop just respond and walk quickly.Most likely they will say Are those twin and u just say Yeah and walk away with out looking at them. While u are out pretend u are mad and just need to get your buisness done this way u seem unapproachable. Its kinda crappy at first but within a year less people will talk to you but in the beginning they will hound you every time u step out of the house.

 

I didn't really do fertility treatments. I guess we did - we took one round of femara - but that was it. When people ask if twins run in my family I tell them "Nope! Just a fluke!" and leave it at that. Most of the time they assume at that point that it wasn't with assistance.

My super rude ******* cousin (fill in any rude remark there - it would fit) accused me of "spending thousands" to "get pregnant with twins" and how dare I miss his wedding (that was right after Christmas, and we were broke - couldn't afford the travel). I will NEVER forgive him for those remarks. Number one, it was none of his business HOW we got our twins, number two, we didn't spend anything more than a $5 copay on the Femara - and Number three - back off! It was right after christmas! We were BROKE! Can you tell how incredibly ********* bitter I am???

Anyhoose - it doesn't matter if you did treatments or not - the assumption is still bothersome either way. Like I said, when I tell people it was a fluke, they pretty much leave it at that.

 

Wow! OK, so I haven't experienced anything yet! I can't wait! :lol:

Thanks for all the suggestions, everyone! I think I'm just going to go with what seems the easiest... the whole, no they don't run in the family.. they were a total surprise. The truth is that DH is a twin (but his mom was also on fertility meds so there you go.) The one time that I mentioned that when someone asked me, she actually told me that twins on the father's side don't matter... it's the Mom's side that counts. Like she was telling me something I didn't know.... I had sort of hoped she was clueless but I guess not. It amazes me how people can come to resemble pit bulls at times.

 

QUOTE(JediMom @ May 21 2008, 09:18 PM) [snapback]786895[/snapback]
My super rude ******* cousin (fill in any rude remark there - it would fit) accused me of "spending thousands" to "get pregnant with twins" and how dare I miss his wedding (that was right after Christmas, and we were broke - couldn't afford the travel). I will NEVER forgive him for those remarks. Number one, it was none of his business HOW we got our twins, number two, we didn't spend anything more than a $5 copay on the Femara - and Number three - back off! It was right after christmas! We were BROKE! Can you tell how incredibly ********* bitter I am???



JediMom- I don't even know how to respond to this. Except, wow... aren't you glad you didn't break the bank to attend his wedding now?!? Guy sounds like a real prize.

 

I think a good answer is always "I'm sure there is a set floating around somewhere on one of our sides of the family" that way you aren't lying and you don't have to give a detailed explanation and it answers their question. That's what I always say even though my boys are ID which has nothing to do with genetics, it's just faster than getting into all of the details and I don't think they really want to know anyway they're just making conversation.

 

I like the "They do now" response and have been using that for awhile. It takes them a sec to get it and laugh and by then you are on your way.

 

I also conceived through IVF and EVERYONE has asked me if twins run in my family. I actually have twins on my mum´s side of the family so I just say yes. People then ask who - can you believe that!

I´ve also had a couple of people who have just come out and said, "Did you do IVF?" which has caught me off guard. Funnily enough I answered truthfully. Turns out those people had either been through it or knew someone who had. I might use the good sex one next time, that made me laugh!!

On my DH´s side of the family (they´re Spanish), they just congratulated him for having "good strong masculine sperm" obviously blind to the fact its down to the woman to produce 2 eggs in the first place (when it´s fraternal twins)!

I wonder if Jennifer Lopez & Angelina Jolie get asked these questions too...?

 

When people ask me if twins run in my family I am always truthful.
I tell them we used IVF and a surrogate. If they are still interested at that point I will continue to educate them on the topic (as most people are clueless). Most people either get too bored or depressed listening to your strory, so they will change the subject and perhaps next time think again before asking a personal question. :FIFblush:

But a lot of people do ask becuase they or someone they know is struggling with infertility, and are often looking for information or advice. I had nobody to offer me any advice whatsoever when I was fighting infertiltiy for 9 years and wish I did,. If women shared stories with each other more and not keep their stuggles under wraps, we could make a little progress. Not suggesting we all take out a billboard ad, but you KWIM...