How do you keep from going completely insane?

I swear I am going to go nuts. Today I have: fed babies (9 times), put babies down for sleep (7 times), gone back in to settle babies (11 times and counting), changed diapers (11 times), done laundry (3 loads). I am so sick of my life - the monotony is killing me. Part of it is sleep deprivation - Max is a crappy sleeper and I am awake so many times at night I could just about lose it from that. And because he is such a bad sleeper, anything resembling a schedule is not happening - so getting out of the house when neither baby needs to sleep or eat is a pipe dream. I do have help - I have a cleaner/sitter three times a week. But that means that I only have to worry about one baby while she is there, or that I can get something done around the house, or spend some time with my older daughter - it doesn't mean I get a "break". Heck, I don't even know what a "break" is anymore... We have no family around, so there isn't anyone else waiting around hoping to feed/play with our babies. There is just me - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. DH is great - he always puts both DDs to bed, and sleeps in the nursery with Kate, so that I can keep Max in our room. But he has to work - he can't stay home and help me, even if he wanted to. And I am sure that he is happy to have that job - he wouldn't enjoy staying home with two infants either. I am seriously considering finding a job, just so I don't have to keep doing the same thing, every day, like Groundhog's Day. Any one else? How do you get through the monotony of the daily grind with two babies?

 

Have you read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child? I would strongly recommend getting a sleep schedule worked out. Just commit two weeks to setting a schedule...whatever it takes. Read the book to learn more... or other sleep schedule books...there are plenty. How old are they? It looks like your ticker ran out so they are over a year? If so, they should be able to get on YOUR schedule. I agree about the repeat of the day...it's very boring at times.

 

It gets better, just keep that in mind.

I do what you do with Katie, plus chase after the boys, cook their 3 meals a day, plus snacks constantly fill up their sippies, run into their room to make sure they are playing nice, clean house and take care of my little one...

One thing that really helps me... my paxil

Hang in there :hug99:

 

Do you have a multiples mom group in your area. I know I have one here and although I haven't had to use them yet, they have offered to come and help me and they get others with multiples to go for walks during the week or do a playgroup somewhere. Mine are too small for that but just getting out and talking to other moms who have multiples (in addition to this awesome site) is helpful!

 

I don't have any great advice, as I WOH (and thank goodness for it). If you are serious about that, could you actually consider getting a job? I know that doesn't really answer your question, but I have to say, going back to work made my life a zillion times better and I enjoy my kids a lot more too. Not necessarily true for everyone, of course.

I can't remember how old your babies are -- 6 months maybe? I also recommend HSHHC. Some babies are crappy sleepers by nature, but a lot of them can be helped, especially as they get closer to 1 yr old.

Also, you say that DH is great, but does he ever stay home with all 3 kids (in the evening, maybe) so you can get out by yourself? If you do it all day every day, certainly he could do it once in a while.

Mostly I just wanted to give you some :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

When mine were newborn, I felt the exact same way!!! I also had winter babies so like you, I could not even go out for a walk!! it did get easier but it did take time. Somedays I still feel that way just not quite as intensly as I did (I still breastfeed so sometimes I feel like a milk cow instead of Heather also!!)
One thing I did find that helped me was going to my aunt's house - she would help with at least one baby while I just sat and talked to her - adult conversation was great and getting out of the groundhog day house was PRICELESS!!!!!! Do you have a relative or good friend that you could go visit?
I was so desparate to get out of my groundhog day rut that I even found a mole on my leg that I insisted needed to be removed and scheduled an appointment! that bought me 2 hours alone! the pain was worth the sanity! that's pretty sad!

 

QUOTE(Heathermomof5 @ Nov 26 2007, 08:48 PM) [snapback]509436[/snapback]
I was so desparate to get out of my groundhog day rut that I even found a mole on my leg that I insisted needed to be removed and scheduled an appointment! that bought me 2 hours alone! the pain was worth the sanity! that's pretty sad!


LOL!!!! I felt the same way! I knew I was in sorry shape when a trip to the dentist felt like a relaxing vacation. Can you imagine???

It WILL get better. There will still be days when you are going out of your head. (Right there today!) But in general it is getting a little easier. Sleep helps once they start sleeping longer stretches. How old are the babies? Hang in there!!!

 

I can relate. My babies were born in March so as soon as they were old enough we were out of the house twice a day taking walks. That kept me sane. But winter is really setting in here in Toronto. Today I swear it didn't even get light out. I know the next few months are going to be very limiting and I'm already trying to think of ways to keep myself sane. I am going to take a night class starting in January (just Tai Chi but it's an excuse to get out) and I am going to try and get together with two other twin moms I know as much as possible. My sons are finally into a bit of a groove with napping (although today wasn't great) so I have a tiny bit of flexibility. They have stopped puking everywhere so I feel confident to take them out between naps and feed them a bottle at a friend's house if necessary. Anyway, I hope you can connect with another twin mom near you through this site or through your local multiples group. She's understand the pressure you're under and you guys can get together despite bad naps, piles of laundry, etc. because she knows exactly what you're going through.

 

For me, going back to work was a life saver! I am not a SAHM at all. I enjoy it on the weekends and a day or two during the week, but that is it. I noticed how much more I enjoy the girls when I work. Happy mom = happy babies!! It may sound bad, but this just the way it works for me. Here is the kicker, I go to work to get a break from my children just so I can be with other children!! I am a sub teacher, but I love it and plus I get to be around other adults. I have really enjoyed my day today with the girls. I work at least the next 3 days which will be tiring, but I know that I miss them and look forward to getting them at the end of the day.

April

 

QUOTE
Have you read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child? I would strongly recommend getting a sleep schedule worked out. Just commit two weeks to setting a schedule...whatever it takes. Read the book to learn more... or other sleep schedule books...there are plenty. How old are they? It looks like your ticker ran out so they are over a year? If so, they should be able to get on YOUR schedule. I agree about the repeat of the day...it's very boring at times.


I haven't read it yet - I keep meaning to, but no time.. I have read a lot of other sleep stuff. Max and Kate are six months old - yes, old enough for a schedule, but it isn't that easy. We are in the process of trying to figure out if there is a medical reason for the wakings - he isn't actually always awake, just screaming in his sleep. Last week he started meds for silent reflux. Also, I am so sleep-deprived right now that I can't handle attempting anything that would have him sleeping less, even if it is temporarily.

QUOTE
Do you have a multiples mom group in your area. I know I have one here and although I haven't had to use them yet, they have offered to come and help me and they get others with multiples to go for walks during the week or do a playgroup somewhere.


Thanks for the link - but I live in the Netherlands! I know that there is a local group, but my Dutch isn't good enought to feel comfortable doing stuff in Dutch. Also, most Moms here go back to work when their babies are three months old, so the social circle is different.

QUOTE
I don't have any great advice, as I WOH (and thank goodness for it). If you are serious about that, could you actually consider getting a job? I know that doesn't really answer your question, but I have to say, going back to work made my life a zillion times better and I enjoy my kids a lot more too. Not necessarily true for everyone, of course. Also, you say that DH is great, but does he ever stay home with all 3 kids (in the evening, maybe) so you can get out by yourself? If you do it all day every day, certainly he could do it once in a while.


I am actually looking for a job, but it is complicated by two factors - I teach college/university level, and there is only one college where I live - the universities are too far away to be feasible. I have considered looking for something at a lower level, but the salary difference, combined with the price of daycare (65-75 euros/day/child) makes that a not-great option too. But I am still looking for at least part-time stuff.

Yes, he has - and does offer. It is just really hard right now because Max will only settle for me, and so when I am out he just gets really overwrought and looking after the other two kids is almost impossible. I do try to get out in the evenings, but I usually end up canceling - Max wakes up several times in the evening, and that means that he'll be up screaming most of the evening when I am not here. And actually, I usually go to bed between 8-9pm myself, just because I am so tired. I need to do better at getting out though - a couple of weeks ago I went to England for the day (to buy baby food.... ) and it was a great break.

QUOTE
One thing I did find that helped me was going to my aunt's house - she would help with at least one baby while I just sat and talked to her - adult conversation was great and getting out of the groundhog day house was PRICELESS!!!!!! Do you have a relative or good friend that you could go visit?
I was so desparate to get out of my groundhog day rut that I even found a mole on my leg that I insisted needed to be removed and scheduled an appointment! that bought me 2 hours alone! the pain was worth the sanity! that's pretty sad!


All my family is in Canada, so no coffee visits there... and all (yes, I mean all) of my friends have young children of their own - I have tried taking the babes to friends' houses for tea, or having people here, but when they come with extra kids it just isn't worth it for me - it makes things harder in terms of mess/noise etc. They all have toddlers now, so they don't even have swings/saucers etc where I can put the babies, and with toddlers and pre-schoolers running around, the floor isn't a great option. So that means holding babies all the time... And they don't get a chance to hold a baby because their own kids keep them busy (or cry because they are jealous!). I will start trying to do this more when the babies are on two naps, and I have a window of time that they are not going to melt down at someone else's house. Wow, I sound really negative, don't I? I really have tried to get out with both babies, but it just seems to mess up what little routine we have.

:rotflmbo: My abdonimal muscles are in really bad shape from my pregnancy and complications afterwords - I am still in pain most of the time. And I fantasize that I need surgery to fix them... just so I can sleep in the hospital!


QUOTE
Anyway, I hope you can connect with another twin mom near you through this site or through your local multiples group. She's understand the pressure you're under and you guys can get together despite bad naps, piles of laundry, etc. because she knows exactly what you're going through.


I do know a couple of other twin moms - but every one of them has full-time household help... so their sympathy is limited!!

Thanks all - maybe today will be a better day.

 

I know you said that your a hesistant about a schedule, but it just might make your babies happier if they know what is coming and happy babies would make a much happier momma!! The Healthy Sleep Habits book stresses no more than 2 hours of wakefulness and then they need to go down for a nap. At 6 months mine were still taking about 3 naps a day and probably on 5 bottles and solids at night. Also I dont know what time you get them down in the evening but sometimes earlier is better. Just my thoughts...

 

They are actually on a "routine" - they go for a nap 1 1/2 - 2 hours after waking, and eat at regular intervals. I just haven't been able to get them doing it *together*, as when Max needs to eat/sleep is dependant on how bad a night he had and how early he woke up. So often they are sleeping consecutively rather than at the same time. Their bedtime is about 6pm, and rarely varies more than 15 minutes or so. I am just hoping that when they go to two naps (soon?) it will be easier to get them overlapping at least a bit....