How do you handle violent kids?

Jack got jumped at the playground today, and then the little girl that did it proceeded to whallop two other little kids before pushing Tom hard, all in about 15 minutes. She couldn't have been more than two, and she seemed to be happily playing the rest of the time. But when someone littler than her got within a few feet, she would go out of her way to hurt them. We're not just talking a smack - Jack had a swollen eye and scratches on his arm and mouth.

After she hurt Jack, my friend and I just tried to keep away from the girl and her mom. But when the girl pushed Tom, I told the mom that maybe it would be a good idea to leave the playground if her daughter kept hurting people. That wasn't the right thing to say - who am I to tell her to leave? - but what would you do? Would you say anything? She said that little kids are like that and that she was trying to keep her away from other children, but obviously she wasn't trying too hard. And I don't think most babies would attack others without any kind of provocation at all...am I off base? Is this normal?

I'm still kind of upset that Jack has already been introduced to random violence. It's one thing if he's stealing toys or frustrating someone, but being lunged on out of nowhere... :angry:

 

I'd have gotten on my knees and told the little girl sternly and w/ a smile "DO NOT touch my son!" since her Mom was no help.
And even though I positively LOATHE confrontation, if I saw her do it again I'd have been very loud w/ the Mom.
I wouldn't have walked over to her, I'd have stayed where I was and say it loud enough for her to hear me.
Parent's just cannot allow that. And that Mom was given the chance to make it right and since she chose not to, I'd have likely embarrassed her a little on behalf of all the children there.

 

Little kids WILL act like that, but it's supposed to be our cue to correct the behavior and offer an acceptable alternative, not to shrug and say, "oh, that's just how kids do."

When my boys were about 5 and 3 we were at a playground. They were on the merry-go-round, and another boy, maybe 6 or 7, was throwing rocks at all the kids on the merry-go-round. If he had a parent there, it was not obvious. DH walked over to him and said, with a smile, but with steely eyes, "I'd appreciate if you didn't throw rocks at my boys." He didn't say anything, but after that did not throw any more rocks at my children.

I learned from that and if the parent does not intervene, I will intervene directly and firmly with the child. A boy kept trying to push O off a ladder (about 5 feet up) at a playground last year. His dad was just reading. I told him, "NO, don't you push her, and I'm going to keep watching you." He did in fact stay at the top of the ladder, checking to see if I was looking for several more minutes, clearly wanting to push her if my attention lapsed. I thought the father might confront me, but he did not.

 

I will talk sternly to the kid (my teacher voice comes out!). The other day a little boy pushed P off a slide at the playground. I went by him and said "If you do that again, I will tell your mommy. You seem like such a nice boy, don't do that." He stared at me, but left my boys alone.

 

QUOTE(Amanda @ Jul 18 2008, 11:13 PM) [snapback]884288[/snapback]
I'd have gotten on my knees and told the little girl sternly and w/ a smile "DO NOT touch my son!" since her Mom was no help.


I would have done the same thing. If the parent is not there, then I will the advocate for my kids. I would handle the same thing in school, even with kids that aren't in my class. Sorry he got bullied. :hug99:

 

It seems that some kids just need to be told what to do/what not to do, and their own parents fail to do this. Some parents are just...ineffective. They don't know how to correct negative behavior and don't know how to discipline, or refuse to do so for some reason.

My children are very calm, gentle children that have never been aggressive with each other let alone another child. But we have had several incidents with other children being aggressive, and even passive/aggressive toward my girls. When the offender won't back off, we leave. Fortunately we have the option of several playgrounds close together, but we have left Chuck E. Cheese, and McDonald's play areas because of other kids that were out of hand and the parents or other adults in charge of them didn't do anything to correct the behavior.

I agree with the advice -- first say something to the child, then confront the parent, and when that doesn't work, make sure everyone within ear shot understands why you are leaving. And yes, if the little girl wasn't behaving properly on the playground, her mother should indeed take her and leave. THAT is the right thing to do. Her response only confirms what the problem is in the first place, ya know?

 

QUOTE(somebunniesmom @ Jul 19 2008, 01:24 PM) [snapback]884590[/snapback]
And yes, if the little girl wasn't behaving properly on the playground, her mother should indeed take her and leave. THAT is the right thing to do. Her response only confirms what the problem is in the first place, ya know?


I guess this is what I assumed was the "right" thing to do - it's what I'd do if T or J misbehaved. What made it kind of bewildering is that her mom was right there the minute she hurt someone, pulling her away, but not keeping her from doing it again.

This is great feedback. Thank you all so much.

 

I don't have any actual advice because just the thought of my boys being in that situation and having battle wounds from a playground is making my blood boil. So I would more than likeyl offer some pretty tacky advice. But I just wanted to tell you that I really think you handled it well. There's nothing wrong with you suggesting she take her little one and come back on a day that she's not feeling so satanic. In fact it was quite kind of you to offer your help . Sorry you had a rough day.

 

When the boys were just a little bit over 2, Ben was attacked by a slightly older child in the mall play area. The mother was chatting with a friend and apparently the child had also gotten loose in the mall several times without the mother noticing. He pushed poor little Ben over twice before I could run over and intervene. The first thing I did was stare at the mother. When it was clear she had no clue, I told the boy firmly that he was NOT to push my child over. I was so angry, but I hate confrontation so I did not approach the mother. We left shortly thereafter.

I seriously think there is a parenting problem these days. If I saw my kid do anything like that, I'd march right over, scold him very sternly, make him apologize, and at the very least, stick him in timeout or even leave.

 

I might have told the girl very loudly "It's NOT OK to hit and push" "We don't hit" (A boy did this to Martin at a playground and 3 adults with him didn't see it ) I looked him in the face and told him "We don't hit or push" and told Martin that we would go play somewhere else.

I've had a few run-ins at the playground and am SO saddened that parents don't actively parent and watch their kids!!!