How do you handle them "ignoring" you

Hi Friends,

My gals will be 4 next week (yikes!) and they have recently started an incredibly frustrating habit of ignoring almost every request that DH and I make. It takes us forever to get out of the house, get shoes on, sit down for dinner, get into carseats, get ready for bed- all because the first 3 or 4 requests are completely ignored until I finally end up yelling at them or physically forcing them to do what they have been asked. It's maddening.

What techniques do you use to get your 4 year olds to do as requested without it being a fight all the time?


Thanks!

Lisa

 

From what I observe about my own girls, they are not so much ignoring us as having "selective hearing". I think at this age (they just turned four) they get so engrossed in what they are doing/thinking, that it becomes their only focus. I've noticed that if I get right in their face and tell them to come to the table for dinner (for the third time), they are actually startled at my tone and I really believe they are not intentionally ignoring us, they really are just so engaged in their own playing and imaginary worlds that our words don't sink in unless you actually interrupt their play and make sure you have their attention. So that's what we do. We actually get down to their level and make sure they're listening and then they usually comply. If I thought they were being defiant I would handle it differently, but that doesn't seem to be the case around here.

 

My girls have been doing that as well. We just started a ticket system that is making a difference. I put three rules on the refrigerator (For us they are - Listen the 1st time, No taking things from others, No climbing on the furniture) and each girl has 5 "tickets" that I made out of strips of construction paper covered with tape. Every time the break a rule we take a ticket. There's no warnings. If they lose all their tickets then they have to stay in their room the rest of the day to go to bed an hour early. Sierra only lost all her tickets twice right at the beginning while Ainsley hasn't done it yet. We'll slowly add another couple of rules and then subtract a couple of tickets as they get better at it. They're doing fantastic though.

 

My 6.5 year old still does this when it is convenient for her. It drives me crazy. I just tell her I'm going to ignore her to and how would she feel if I did that, and then she realizes that she wouldn't like that, so it stops for awhile. It's not nearly as much as she did a few years ago. I can't wait to go through that stage with 2 of them. :wacko:

 

QUOTE(Sharon with J & N @ Jun 1 2007, 04:19 PM) [snapback]275570[/snapback]
From what I observe about my own girls, they are not so much ignoring us as having "selective hearing". I think at this age (they just turned four) they get so engrossed in what they are doing/thinking, that it becomes their only focus. I've noticed that if I get right in their face and tell them to come to the table for dinner (for the third time), they are actually startled at my tone and I really believe they are not intentionally ignoring us, they really are just so engaged in their own playing and imaginary worlds that our words don't sink in unless you actually interrupt their play and make sure you have their attention. So that's what we do. We actually get down to their level and make sure they're listening and then they usually comply. If I thought they were being defiant I would handle it differently, but that doesn't seem to be the case around here.

This was my first thought too, because mine can be the same way. Are you sure that they are purposely ignoring you? Sometimes I will have to call a name 3 or 4 times in a row (whilst standing right next to the child) before they register that I am talking to them.

If they are really ignoring you to get out of doing stuff then maybe try giving them a 'choice'. For example "We need to put your shoes on now. Do you want to wear your sandals or your trainers?" Then if they still ignore you you can say something like "I see you don't want to pick. I will choose for you then" and then fetch the shoes/take the child to the shoes and put the shoes on for them. For dinner/bed time etc. if they don't come when you ask then I would just pick them up and carry them to where they need to be.

 

One thing that I do to make sure they even hear me is for them to answer me when I call them and if I ask them to do something depending on what it is I have them repeat it back to me. If I know for sure they heard me I will say one more time "wash your hands for dinner and sit down or you're not getting any" or "I'm leaving now, so I guess you want to stay hear by yourself", they usually start running and doing whatever they are supposed to be doing when I say that, like washing hands or finding shoes to put on. If I am in a hurry to leave I will just do it myself like getting their shoes and putting them on myself and if they complain I then explain that I asked you twice to put your shoes on and you didn't listen so now you have to wear these, then I basically drag them out the door since they are whining about wearing something they didn't want to.

 

Just wait until they are teenagers!! Yikes....there are some days that I am ready to hang it up...then the next minute they are amazing!! I just need to figure out which teenager is present....the good one or the bad one!!

I agree with the above post, the kids get so into what they are doing....just keep up the constant learning curve....keep up the rules!

 

My boys (5.5) listen, they just choose to disobey me, their dad, their teachers, etc. It is a constant struggle.