How do you get your 3-year-olds to bed before 8:30

Our kids used to be in bed by 7, but that was before the advent of the 3-year-old independence-and-ritual stage. For the past several months it's been more like 8:30, with them not falling asleep until 9ish.

Now that Amy's not napping anymore (at least on weekends), I'm trying to get them to bed earlier, but I'm at a loss. If I start the bedtime routine at 7, it's still 8:30 by the time we turn out the light. <_< And we can't eat dinner much earlier than 6 -- we don't even get home till 5:45.

If you manage this, what time do you eat dinner? Do you have a much shorter bedtime routine than we do?

 

I've found it helps if u just keep going after dinner, we like to sit down with a cup of tea, but if we just keep going one runs the bath one loads the dishwasher, it keeps us on track, so if u get them in the bath by 6.30 if possible, then reading etc.. by 7pm, fingers crossed.

 

I don't work outside the home but our bedtime routine is short and sweet for the three little ones because we don't eat dinner til about 6 and without naps they MUST be in bed by 7 or they will drive me crazy from being overtired. They eat by 6, done by 6:20ish, a very quick bath if it's bath night, straight into pjs, read one story (whoever is dressed first gets to pick the book), three songs (each picks one) and into bed, lights out by 7. It's a crazy hour but it works!

 

QUOTE(ktfan @ May 19 2009, 10:43 PM) [snapback]1320309[/snapback]
read one story (whoever is dressed first gets to pick the book), three songs (each picks one)

This is part of our problem -- for us it's three stories EACH, and two songs each. And as they get older they are picking longer and longer stories.

 

We eat at 5:30/6 and they are in bed/lights out at 7-asleep by 7:30.

Bath are everyother night unless very needed. It is dinner, play/clean up (if no bath), bath, potty/ teeth/pjs, stories (one or two each), bed.

If playtime goes to long or they dwadle getting dressed we tell them fewer stories. from potty- bed it is around 30 minutes.

It is a busy hour- but it works for us.

They are up at 6:30/7 and no more naps (quiet time).

 

QUOTE(Minette @ May 19 2009, 07:05 PM) [snapback]1320334[/snapback]
This is part of our problem -- for us it's three stories EACH, and two songs each. And as they get older they are picking longer and longer stories.

Ooh ooh! We have the solution to that!
One gets to pick a long story, and one picks a short one. The short one is normally a leftover baby book, or a very simple story like a Gossie book, Eric Carle, a Spot book. They alternate who gets to pick the long and short book.

Here's basically our bedtime routine. We do get to eat a little earlier, but you can probably still get them to bed a bit earlier.

5:45 Dinner on the table
6:15 Done
If bath night, proceed to bath. If not, they can play for a little bit.
6:45 Either bath or play done, in pajamas
6:50 Books (one long, one short)
7:00 Pick out "Friends" (stuffed animals, they get two each)
7:10 Brush teeth
7:15 In bedroom, hugs and kisses.
7:20 We are out of their room

8:00ish, sometimes as late as 8:30, asleep. They are staying up later since it's light out so late. They do play, and sometimes get back up to go potty.

This isn't exact, and it does adjust for possibly going out to eat and stuff like that. HTH!

 

We eat dinner around 5:30/5:45pm each night. And we give baths every other night. Emilie and Trevor go upstairs at 7:30pm to brush teeth, read books and go the bathroom. We read one book before bed. They are in bed between 7:45/7:50pm each night. I need them to be in bed by then so I can get my 8 year old in bed by 8:30pm.

 

Darn...I actually thought I was doing great getting mine to sleep by 8:30. We put them down at 8 and they are USUALLY asleep by 8:30. But we don't do naps..occasionally we do...cause mommy gets tired these days. But if I let them take a nap, they will stay up to upward of 11 p.m. Mommy can't deal with that. I have no real advice, since I'm not getting mine to bed as early as some of you...but we also sleep in around here since I work from home.

 

QUOTE(MSB1203 @ May 20 2009, 01:19 AM) [snapback]1320535[/snapback]
Darn...I actually thought I was doing great getting mine to sleep by 8:30. We put them down at 8 and they are USUALLY asleep by 8:30. But we don't do naps..occasionally we do...cause mommy gets tired these days. But if I let them take a nap, they will stay up to upward of 11 p.m. Mommy can't deal with that. I have no real advice, since I'm not getting mine to bed as early as some of you...but we also sleep in around here since I work from home.

If mine were asleep at 8:30 I'd jump for joy. At the moment, 8:30 is when we walk out of the room, and that just starts the round of demands, whining, crying, potty trips, etc.

Today we got through the whole routine really fast and they were in bed at 7:45. I knew it couldn't be that easy, but I had hope. Two tantrums, two potty trips, two changes of clothes, and 20 minutes of screaming (when I said to myself "I don't care if the bed is on fire, I am NOT going back in there") later, they were finally asleep around 9:20. Yeah -- not so good.

 

Just here to offer sympathy...if I had the solution to getting them to fall asleep before 10pm I wouldn't be here looking for answers myself. Sigh.

 

Im in a similar situation as OP. I work full time as well, and lately we havent been getting home until 6:15ish. .so this past weekend I prepared a menu! Ive never made a menu for what we will eat for dinner until now. I also went ahead and cooked two of the big dishes on sunday, so I wont have to worry about doing it when we get home. That might help cut out some time when you get home as well, if you just have to heat something up, rather than preparing the whole meal.

So, we usually finish dinner by 6:45ish and as seems to be the norm, we do bath every other night. So, if its a bath night, we go straight to the tub, otherwise they get to play while I clean up the kitchen. I usually try to have them done with bath/play time by 7:30, so they can brush teeth, get dressed, and lay down by 8pm. Sometimes the schedule runs over, and they may not even lay down till 8:30. Not falling asleep until 9-9:30pm.

So, I guess Im no help on how to get them to bed earlier. Ive actually been torn between trying to get them to lay down earlier, with the hope that they'll fall asleep earlier. . or should I let them play longer to get their energy out, in hopes that they'll be exhausted and fall asleep fast if they dont lay down till 9pm. . ??

 

QUOTE(Minette @ May 19 2009, 11:05 PM) [snapback]1320334[/snapback]
This is part of our problem -- for us it's three stories EACH, and two songs each. And as they get older they are picking longer and longer stories.



QUOTE(Minette @ May 20 2009, 04:22 AM) [snapback]1320823[/snapback]
If mine were asleep at 8:30 I'd jump for joy. At the moment, 8:30 is when we walk out of the room, and that just starts the round of demands, whining, crying, potty trips, etc.

Today we got through the whole routine really fast and they were in bed at 7:45. I knew it couldn't be that easy, but I had hope. Two tantrums, two potty trips, two changes of clothes, and 20 minutes of screaming (when I said to myself "I don't care if the bed is on fire, I am NOT going back in there") later, they were finally asleep around 9:20. Yeah -- not so good.


Okay, here's what I would do. (and have done occasionally when they try to stretch things out)

Start talking to them early in the day (maybe start on a weekend so you have all day) about what the new routine will be. If mine dawdled getting ready for bed, they don't get the choice of a long book, it's a short one or nothing. In your case, I'd allow each to pick a book from a selection YOU previously put out so that you control how much time is spent actually reading. Then one song each, goodnight, shut the door and don't go back. It's the toddler/preschool version of CIO. They have to learn that they cannot manipulate you into extra things in order to delay bedtime. We enjoy our routine and before bed cuddles and laughs. Once they are in bed, had their special hug (each one has their own little thing we do) and the light is off, fun mommy is gone til morning. I really try not to go back in at all unless they are going absolutley nuts but then it's plop them in bed with little or nothing said and leave again. That's only a problem occasionally with the boys since Kayci is by herself. I say, get tough for a week or so and I bet you can cut the routine way back. GL!

 

I did it similar to Ktfan. They were also starting to pick longer books (we've done each pick one book for a long time), but it was getting to be too long with them each picking a long book. So that's when we started the one gets to pick a long book, one a short, and we'll switch each night. I also had to do the talk to the during the day thing about the endless call-backs. When it's getting out of hand though, I do threaten to take away a friend, and that works. If it's a bad night, I do take them away, and they have to be quiet for five minutes to earn them back. That ALWAYS works when nothing else will. 75% of the time, they are asleep by the time the five minutes is up!

Here's a silly trick too. If one is looking a bit sleepy, I'll play up that "Poor Bea looks SO TIRED. She really wants to go to sleep! Ainsley, you need to be quiet so Bea can go to sleep." Bea will then be all "Yes, I'm trying to sleep! Ainswey be quiet!"

 

Well, we are trying to shorten up the bedtime routine, too! Somehow at our house, we've had bedtime "creep" since it kept getting later and later (first it was 7:30, then 8 pm, then 8:30, then 8:45 for us to walk out of the rooms). I tried to blame DH (who is a bedtime "softie").

I'm reading all posts responding to yours, but here is what we are doing now:

Divide and conquer. Right after dinner (I means right after, no going to sit on the couch or whatever), DH starts KP duty in the kitchen and a general house pickup, while I do baths (on bath nights) or start the bedtime routine. He then comes upstairs (only after they are in bed, tucked in) for good night kisses/hugs (and to pick up bath toys ). Since I am a better enforcer than he is, this works much, much better than having us both help with bedtime routine. Still, at least once a week, we trade out and I do the KP duty while DH does bedtime, so that doesn't "forget" how to do it (but I can tell you that his bedtime routine takes much longer than mine!)

Blame the clock. "oh look, its [insert time, say 7:30], there is only time for one book tonight. Next time, we will have to get jammies on faster, so we can have TWO books" or "Wow, its 8:00, time for lights out!"

Bedtime routine is no nonsense. Potty, brush teeth, jammies, book, song/story, kisses/hugs and lights out. Minimize running around, playing and goofing off. I feel like a drill sergeant, but I keep things moving and everybody on task. (I'm wiped out by the time bedtime is over!)

Set the mood. Pull shades/curtains, dim lights in their rooms, turn on music players, all before the final snuggle with the book/story or song.

Deep pressure hug. Last thing before leaving the room. A longish deep pressure hug for each. Longish means like 30 seconds or more. Seems like it soaks up the last bit of leftover energy.

Call backs. We don't have a big problem with call backs after bedtime, since we've been pretty consistent about not going back in (unless there's a real reason.) We had to get firm about call backs a while back.

Optional pre-dinner bath. We've also experimented with the pre-dinner bath. One of us preps a quick dinner, while the other does a very a quick bath (i.e., we walk in the door and right up to the tub!). Dinner is then in PJs (not good on spaghetti night! :lol: . Then, same bedtime drill.

Anyway, good luck to you with a "new improved" bedtime routine. I can tell you that its been hard to "reclaim" bedtime, but I think its working well for everybody. It is counter-intuitive, but the kids are falling asleep FASTER with the 30-min earlier bedtime!

Much peace,

Meg

 

Everyone's given you good advice, go straight from dinner into the bedtime routine. We started this routine when they were 2.5, I think, and it's evolved to the schedule below. Cut down on the books before bed, ours switch off picking a book each night. We only read one with the kids and then they go into their beds with 3 books, and they have 10 minutes to "read" on their own in their beds, then we come back in to turn out the light and final kisses.

We do have Nite-nite rules that we go through every night:
Turn out the lights
Get in bed
Close your eyes
Lay very still
Go to sleep.

If you have to go potty, you get out of bed, and then get right back into bed.
If you are coughing you get a drink of water (they have a sippy next to their beds)
You can only call Mommy & Daddy if you are: sick, hurt, bleeding, throwing up, or emergency.

They know these by heart, and are pretty good about following them. The 3 books they are allowed to read for 10 mins are my bargaining tools. They can loose one at a time or all of them depending on the offense, usually not listening or talking back, or temper tantrums.

We eat around 6:30, start bath around 7-7:15 if bath night, if no bath, start routine around 7:20-7:30, brush teeth, PJs, read a book, 10 mins to read their books, and lights out between 8 & 8:15.

 

OK, you all have filled me with a new resolve! I know it's going to involve crying and tantrums at first, but hey, right now we bend over backwards to make them happy and we get tantrums anyway.

I'll have to negotiate the details with DH before I present them to the kids, so we can present a united front.

QUOTE(AlphaBeta @ May 20 2009, 02:23 PM) [snapback]1321251[/snapback]
You can only call Mommy & Daddy if you are: sick, hurt, bleeding, throwing up, or emergency.

The sad thing is that we have this too (ours are "poop, bleed, throw up, or see a spider" ) and yet we still go back in for 10 million other things, such as:
- My arms are cold, I need a different shirt
- My legs are hot, I need to take my pants off
- I peed in my pullup, I need a dry one
- The door is open too much / not enough
- I want the hall light on/off
- My diaper is itchin' me
- I dropped my lovey
- I can't find my socks

So, those of you who manage to practice this strict bedtime, would you just ignore all those calls from the bedroom? Or would you go to the doorway and remind them "We only come in for poop, bleed, throw up, or spiders"? Or...?

I really did not want to have to do the drill sergeant thing, because I'd rather do "playful parenting," but there seems to be no middle ground. <_<

 

QUOTE(MSB1203 @ May 19 2009, 08:19 PM) [snapback]1320535[/snapback]
Darn...I actually thought I was doing great getting mine to sleep by 8:30.


Me, too We rarely are in bed by 8:00, especially in the summer because, as the girls say, "The sun is still awake, Mommy, I no go to sleep!" Even IF I can get them in the bed by 8:00, the will toss and turn and sing until 9:00. We can usually make it by 8:30 or 9:00, but it is really hard to have them actually in the bed by 8:00, especially if a bath is involved.

 

QUOTE(Minette @ May 20 2009, 03:22 PM) [snapback]1321329[/snapback]
The sad thing is that we have this too (ours are "poop, bleed, throw up, or see a spider" ) and yet we still go back in for 10 million other things, such as:
- My arms are cold, I need a different shirt
- My legs are hot, I need to take my pants off
- I peed in my pullup, I need a dry one
- The door is open too much / not enough
- I want the hall light on/off
- My diaper is itchin' me
- I dropped my lovey
- I can't find my socks


I love my children as much as I can, but I do get to the drill sargeant thing when it comes to bedtime. It takes time, but if they ask for stuff after we've left, I tell them they need to ask before the lights go out and leave the room and let them cry. I will go back and soothe them after 10 mins or so if they're still going, but usually they settle down in a few minutes and sometimes remember to ask before lights out. And I've gotten all the excuses in the book, but if they don't ask before lights out, it's no deal (barring something to do with illness).

Just last night, DD called me back up to talk about 2nd snacks for school. My response, "Are you sick?" No. "Are you hurt?" No. "Are you bleeding?" No. "Are you throwing up?" No. "Is this an emergency?" No. "Then we'll talk about it in the morning. I love you. Good night." And walked out. And she didn't call me up again, and she didn't cry herself to sleep.

The thing is, change will not happen overnight. It takes time and repetition. Start out changing one thing, then in a few weeks, change another. But be consistent, and don't waiver or they will jump all over you. It's not about you being a drill sargent, it's about you teaching your children to fall asleep and get the sleep they need. And there will be fallbacks and regression, but just stick to the plan and they will come around again soon.

Just an FYI, we have potty chairs in their rooms. I put an old towel down, covered it with a black plastic garbage bag, and put the potty chair on that, and have enough light in the room for them to see at night (a nightlight and a soft hall light) to be able to get up and go potty on their own. Maybe letting them sleep in wet pull ups once or twice will convince them to get up and use the potty instead.

 

QUOTE(Minette @ May 20 2009, 03:22 PM) [snapback]1321329[/snapback]
So, those of you who manage to practice this strict bedtime, would you just ignore all those calls from the bedroom? Or would you go to the doorway and remind them "We only come in for poop, bleed, throw up, or spiders"? Or...?


The first time or two they call for something we haven't talked about recently, I'll go to the door and say very matter of factly that it isn't an issue and they can do it differently the next night if it bothers them. Like the cold arms thing...I'd say "I'm sorry your arms are cold, you know how to pull up your cover to stay warm. You may not call me for things that you can fix." and leave. The pee in the pull up thing...depends on if its a stalling tactic or if it was an accident. Aaron still wears them at night and we went through a phase of him calling me to get him a clean one because he peed in it. The first two nights I did change it til I caught on. <_< The next night I had him pee one more time right before lights out and when he did it anyway I told him "I'm sorry but you went potty enough times already. You can sleep in that one and we'll change in the morning." Never happened again! So, the main point is, I don't ignore them completely but when the issue is an attention getter rather than a true issue I will ignore. In our house the "true issues" are bleeding, on fire or throwing up.

(side note: I love that I'm on break and I have time to participate in these kinds of threads!)

 

Yep, I got sucked in by the "wet pull-up" thing too. I finally had to tell them that I am not changing wet pull-ups, period. Either go potty yourself, or sleep in it.

Alden, I try to make things do-it-yourself for them, so that the problem can get resolved, but I don't need to go in 1000 times. They have never tried to change clothes, but if they did, I think I would either not allow it, or let them do it, but they have to do it themselves, and have a minimum of one change. To get over "my arms/legs are cold", you could give them a sweatshirt and sweatpants to keep in their bed, and they can put those on themselves. A&B each sleep with a "Mommy Shirt" (one of my t-shirts, not sure how that one started) and they can put that on if they are cold. They also have a couple extra blankets. They go potty themselves, I only have to help if it's poop and they need a wipe.

I will go back usually twice. On the second time, that's when I give my warning about taking friends away. There's really nothing that they need that they can't do themselves. Most often, it's to put their blanket on. Ainsley now doesn't usually want her blanket on, she wants me to "set it up" for her so she can do it herself. I can tell when Bea is really tired and she genuinely wants me to put it on so she can sleep. Most of the time, I'm going back in to tell them to settle down or get in their own beds.

 

See, I tried to tell DH that they could go potty by themselves, but he doubted. I'll tell him the wise moms of Twinstuff say they can. (It's not like they don't go potty by themselves normally -- although Sarah's sleep sack does make it more complicated.) The main problem we have with the potty is that they want to read books in there, then they sit there for 15 minutes. I guess we could take the books out at bedtime.

If we let them go potty by themselves, that would also solve the wet pull-up situation, or at least put it in their control rather than ours.

I love the idea of having some extra clothes on the bed that they can put on if they get cold.

Sarah is the queen of changing her mind about clothes, covers, sleep sack, etc., so the one problem I foresee is that she really can't put her sleep sack on by herself. But I guess we can tell her that we'll put it on for her one time, and if she changes her mind after that she can take it off, but then it stays off.

I think we'll work on reducing/eliminating bedtime callbacks and screaming first, and then think about cutting down on the stories if we still have problems.

Thanks everyone, this has been enormously helpful! You all are awesome! :bow2:

 

We usually get home on the days that I work around 5 pm. Gotta love the crock pot on those days! We eat a lot of easy to prepare stuff that could be done in 1/2 an hour or like tonight it was $1.50 happy meal night at McD's. I know...bad. We are done eating by 6pm. If it's bath night, they get in the bath after dinner. If it's not, we play or water flowers, etc. We give meds around 6:45, 7 pm is pj's, potty and teeth brushing. By 7:20/7:15 we are in one of their rooms reading a book. Lights out by 7:20/7:30 and they are usually asleep within 10 or 15 mins. My older one then gets about 40 mins. of "alone" time without the little ones. She starts her routine around 8 and is in bed around 8:15. For her, we read out on the couch before she does the whole teeth/pj's/potty b/c she shares a room with my older DD and the younger one is already in bed so we can't go into her bed to read anymore.

 

Dh and I both WOH and it is impossible for us to get every thing done to get them in bed before 8:30. We used to have everything done and in bed at 9:00, but it takes longer now...gotta love this independence stage...so it usually takes us til about 9:30 now. Our biggest problem is picking out the pj's...they always want something that is in the dirty clothes, and the books. Recently DH has been having their stuffies read to them and this has helped some. We let (Curious) George pick out and read the book, and for now it has been helping.

I used to think that it was hard getting them ready for bed, but this age is much harder, especially with the 2 head stong little ones I have!