how do you get a 2 yo to ...

... well, do anything that you want them to do? Alright, before you all start rolling on the floor laughing, I know the kids are 2 and yet I'm serious. Some days are worse than others but it does seem like sometimes I cannot get the kids to do anything that I want them to do. Yesterday seemed like that. We were going over to see Grandma yesterday morning which they love to do. But getting dressed was a big struggle, getting shoes on ditto, getting in the car a challenge, and yada, yada, yada. About drove me crazy because I wanted to get over there and be back home before lunch. And maybe that is part of the problem -- they can tell I'm in a hurry and getting a little frazzled and feed off that. I do try to give warning that we're going to do something soon (i.e. "OK, we're going to get dressed in a few minutes to go to Grandma's" -or- "One more time down the slide and we've got to go"). We still can get a big meltdown though leaving some place like McDonalds. I also try to let them do it themselves since we are really into "I do it myself!" these days. For bed, what does seem to work is to say "OK, I'll count to 5 and then I'm picking you up or you can walk yourself". I'm hoping TS'ers might have some more tricks up their sleeves.

 

... well, do anything that you want them to do? Alright, before you all start rolling on the floor laughing, I know the kids are 2 and yet I'm serious. Some days are worse than others but it does seem like sometimes I cannot get the kids to do anything that I want them to do. Yesterday seemed like that. We were going over to see Grandma yesterday morning which they love to do. But getting dressed was a big struggle, getting shoes on ditto, getting in the car a challenge, and yada, yada, yada. About drove me crazy because I wanted to get over there and be back home before lunch. And maybe that is part of the problem -- they can tell I'm in a hurry and getting a little frazzled and feed off that. I do try to give warning that we're going to do something soon (i.e. "OK, we're going to get dressed in a few minutes to go to Grandma's" -or- "One more time down the slide and we've got to go"). We still can get a big meltdown though leaving some place like McDonalds. I also try to let them do it themselves since we are really into "I do it myself!" these days. For bed, what does seem to work is to say "OK, I'll count to 5 and then I'm picking you up or you can walk yourself". I'm hoping TS'ers might have some more tricks up their sleeves.

 

Well, I have to resort to picking them up and moving them onto the next activity. There is alot of kicking and screaming but after a minute they are fine. Sometimes they will do what I want them to do - like eat or go upstairs to take a nap. But, sometimes when we have to go to the store - they cry getting their coats on and into the car - but stop once we are moving...

it must be the age!!

 

I am rolling with laughter because as I was opening your post, I said to myself......"do anything."

I bought the book, "Parenting with Love and Logic" based on a friend's reccomendation. I have only skimmed it but have started using the principles mostly as explained to me by the friend (who has time to read a whole book these days). Anyway, here it is and it is sort of working...

They always have 2 choices and one of the choices is NOT a punishment.

So, Walker is having a fit (as usual) because he doesn't want to put his coat on so I might say, "you have 2 choices. you can wear your Cars coat or your blue sweater." or "do you want mommy to put your coat on or do you want to put it on yourself." It could even be.... "do you want to wear a coat or do you want to be really really cold when we get outside." (he actually chose that one once, thinking he was outsmarting me but then got outside and realized IT WAS really really cold and asked for his coat). If we are heading out to do something they reall like like going to see Grandma and Bapa or going to Blast Off (a play place), then I add that to the sentence.... "which shoes do you want to wear to Blast Off, the green ones of the blue ones."

The basic theory is that they feel grown up because they get to make choices and you are teaching them responsibility in being able to make choices (gee I wish someone had taught my husband that, lol). In reality, once my monster almost 2 year olds got used to hearing about their choices all the time, they usually calm down a bit from the fit of the moment and give it some thought. It doesn't always work but what does w/2 yos?

 

We also try to do the 2 choice method. It doesn't always work for us. If the don't choose then I choose for them. If they cry it only last a short time.

 

My girls are really imitative, so I do lots and lots of praising even a little bit of good behaviour from whoever is being the "lead twin" that day - "Oh, wow, Alice, you came right away when mummy called. I am so impressed!" and lo and behold, Claire, who was studiously ignoring me, is suddenly walking over to have her shoes put on, or whatever. I do this using their cousins as role models, too, because all of them are older - eg, "You know what, Jordyn always lets Aunty Debbie brush her hair and it doesn't get any knots in it. She's such a big girl!" I also do lots of "talking things up" - eg, "We are going to Grandma's, and you are going to have so much fun. So let's put your clothes on, etc". And lots of explaining, even when I'm not sure if they understand - "You need to let me brush your teeth because otherwise they're going to get holes in them one day and be really sore."

Sometimes NOTHING works and I walk away and quietly gnash my teeth for a few minutes. Occasionally I yell (like today...I have a cold...I'm exhausted...the girls were at each other's throats constantly). But I think having strategies - giving two choices, using positive reinforcement, choosing a sibling or other kid to be a model, giving explanations - makes you feel more like you're a basically good parent with good kids who just happen to be at a rather...er...challenging age, rather than being trapped in a Twin Toddler Vortex. Maybe. Anyway, good luck, and know that there are many, many of us out there waging war against the concept of taking a naked (because they won't get dressed) screaming (because everything is a battle) junk-food-eating (because they won't eat anything else) pair of toddlers out the front door in the mornings!

Tania

 

Tania, I like your approach as well and your post cracked me up also. "Twin toddler vortex."
"naked...screaming...junk food eating...pair of toddlers"

Some days it really helps me to know that I am not alone in "the fight"

 

Thanks to all for the replies. I like the idea of offering two choices. I do that with food all the time but didn't think to try with other things. Some things, of course, are nonnegotiable -- like getting strapped into the car seat. I have said "Do you want to go with us or stay home with Daddy?" when someone is not wanting to "move along". It's not too bad if it is only one being difficult, but if it is both -- aghhhhh! The other day I had about had it and was taking a couple of deep breaths. DD (who talks very clearly) asked me: "Mommy, are you frustrated?". At least it made me laugh a little. As someone mentioned, I also resort to picking them both up and moving things along but hate that since they are getting so big.

Thanks Tania for the chuckle. The kids are definitely their own force of nature .

 

My kids were born the day before yours and let me tell you that I feel your pain. Everything seems like a battle these days. The car is brutal right now...it takes forever to get them in their car seats. I feel like the worst parent ever when I'm shoving them into their seats while they are screaming. Getting them dressed right now is like an Olympic event. I feel pretty good if I get them out the door with everything on.
I'm definitely finding that giving them two choices helps speed things up. And when its time to leave somewhere, I tell them I'm going and start to walk away...they always come running after me. We're still trying to get the time outs working...Brendan will stay in time out but Logan won't. So we're trying to figure out what else we can do.
Hang in there...I keep hearing it will get better.

 

Balie generally listens and does what she is told, Dakota has her moments, and when this happened i usually take her by the hand and walk her to what needs to happen.