I just came back from an awful outing. My twins are 19 months old today. We went to an indoor toddler playground. I drove 40 minutes to get there only to stay 10 minutes because my kids kept insisting on climbing up the slide as other children are trying to slide down. So, I drove back home and bawled for 40 minutes. I feel that unless I have someone with me (which isn't possible) that I cannot go anywhere with them and as a result they'll be socially inept not to mention have a mother who has gone insane because she never gets out. For those of twins of this age or when your twins were this age HOW did you go OUT?
Hang in there! That is a hard age. It does get a bit easier (in some ways at least) when they're closer to 2 years and can understand and follow instructions somewhat better. At 18 months, they hear you, but they are completely ruled by their impulses. Crowded places are also hard. I try to hit the playgrounds early in the morning, when there are fewer other kids to negotiate around. If the kids have a good time and no one gets injured, it's a successful outing, even if you feel like you spend your entire time jumping from one child to the other and saying no. I've just accepted that I'll never be one of those moms who can talk to friends on the phone while supervising her child at the playground -- at least not for many years! It also takes practice. If this is the first time they've been told that climbing up the slide is not OK, they're not going to get it right away. Last summer, I felt like I should have "We do not dump rocks on the slide" tattooed onto my forehead, because that was ALL they wanted to do. But they did get it eventually, and now hardly ever do it (OK, sometimes). Also, sometimes things just don't go well. That doesn't mean you're a bad mom or that no future outing will be successful! I've had to bail out of visits to the library because it just wasn't worth it to chase them around and try to keep them from destroying the books, etc. -- but we still go to the library again.
one big thing is when they are tiny.. they do know what i NOSE IS.. so i would say LOOK AT MY NOSE.. AND THEN GIVE THEM DIRECTION.. such as dont go up there, please come down.. and then applaud them for doing it right. for me.. my biggest thing was stroller training them.. i put them in the stroller for everything.. even if its to walk out to the car.. they are 3+2+2 and just starting to taste their freedom.. the other thing i tought mine was MUST HOLD HANDS. we live on the groundfloor apt.. and they waite for me to lock the door every time we go out.. the word must is very strong when you look them in the eye.. tell them what you expect before hand.. were going to the mall.. you must listen and stay with in arms reach.. this works.. good luck.. ( get control now before they take over) m
Don't give up! Keep trying! This is a tough age, but I agree with PP that things do get easier with a) time/age and B) practice. My kids are 2.5 and have gone with me pretty much everywhere since they were about 18 months with few problems. Start the simple outings that are short and have little potential for trouble. Maybe a park, library, quick trip into Target or the grocery store -- anything that will give you confidence that you CAN do it and them experience getting out and listening/staying with you. I also use reverse threats -- not sure if this is good or bad, but it does work. My kids also love to go up the slides -- when there are other kids around if they insist on doing it, I will give them options to climb up and slide down properly, leave, or find something else to play with. I also explain why they can't go up the slide while other kids are trying to come down. Just as an FYI, I hate those indoor play areas!
We had to leave after just a few minutes MANY times! It is so frustrating to take all the time getting ready and getting there, only to turn around and leave. I cried too! But then I realized we DID get out, even if it was just for the drive or for a few minutes. That is something. It will get a little better, but for now try to feel good about that much. Sometimes that's as good as it will get, no sense getting upset over it, KWIM? :hug99: (I know, easier said than done!) Keep trying, keep going out, it will help you in the long run not to be couped up in the house all the time.
Try going to less-crowded areas. Definitely tough in the winter (my library's story time was standing room only yesterday). If it's a sunny semi-warm day (above freezing), I don't hesitate to take my kiddos to the local outdoor park on school days when few other kids are likely to be there. Once they get some practice, they'll be better at following directions in public places. Good luck!!!
Honestly, I don't really do things like that by myself. The only way I will do it is if I have someone with me (which is usually only on weekends, dh or sister). However, last summer, I joined a twins multiple group and I totally feel comfortable doing it when there are a couple of other mommies there. Even though we all have twins, we are all looking out for each other's kids which is great when your kids don't tend to stay together. So I might be able to keep an eye on one of mine and one of another's because they are close by each other. It still gets a little chaotic at times and there's always someone saying "Does any one see (so and so)?" and someone is always saying "Yeah, they're right here." I also try to only go someplace that is somewhat closed in so that I know they are safe and can't get too far from me. I prefer playgrounds that are fenced in. As for them always trying to climb up the slide, I've been working on trying to teach them that we don't ever go UP the slide but they see other kids doing it and monkey see monkey do. I think to be honest, if they get knocked down a couple of times, they will understand why they shouldn't be there and hopefully learn on their own to stay away when someone is coming down. However, I do admit that my heart still pounds a little everytime I go out with them. You just never know what to expect.
Just keep trying! 19 months is hard. Ainsley had just started walking and was still unstable, she needed constant hand-holding. I do let mine play at walking up the slide, as long as another kid is not trying to come down it. When it's crowded, I just tell them they need to find something else to do. I know that is tough to do at 19 months, they still don't quite "get" a lot of what you are saying. You did the right thing by leaving if it is not going well. I have bailed on outings too.
I have had some moments like that. The park was really hard this past summer. They ran everywhere not knowing if they ran in front of a swing what would happen, etc. I am going to try again this Spring and hope they are more into the equipment than running. I would say maybe try to go during a not so busy time... maybe lunch time or in the morning when there may be less kids. A new park was built right next to an older one near me and the older one got forgotten. I used that to my advantage.. it is fenced so I made sure all the gates were closed and let them go. To my surprise, they stayed near each other but when one ran away it bit, it was not such a big deal since there were barely any other kids. I am going to try that this Spring and hope they will be more eager listeners. Hang in there.
it is hard at that age to manage both of them. sometimes i did wait until weekends to get out when DH or teenagers were available. I got alot of teen help the first 2 yrs. you just have to keep trying. one thing that helped with my girls at the age was to role play everything using dolls or stuffed animals. show the wrong action one time, and say NO, we don't behave this way. and then show the right way over and over. then get them to take turns practicing it.
QUOTE(double-or-nothing @ Jan 29 2008, 05:50 PM) [snapback]595061[/snapback] I think to be honest, if they get knocked down a couple of times, they will understand why they shouldn't be there and hopefully learn on their own to stay away when someone is coming down. This is true too. Unless the other child is really big or the slide is really high, it won't hurt them to get bowled over. So, I do tell them "Get off the slide, someone wants to come down," but if they don't listen and get knocked over, I just chalk it up to a lesson learned. Same goes for if they are climbing up the little stairs to the top of the slide and they forget to hold on to the handrails. However, I don't use that logic for running in front of the swings (which they STILL haven't learned), because it's way too dangerous. For that, I still just have to grab them by whatever body part I can get hold of.
From about 18-21 months I just gave up on the parks. If there weren't two adults, it wasn't really happening. We spent that time in our backyard, which was just as fun for them. They loved to just roam around, it is fenced and I felt much safer...plus it didn't involve car seats and a drive. Only in the last 4-6 weeks have I let them out of the stroller in public when it's just me. They are finally getting to the stage where they will listen. It's been a lot of fun, but I usually limit our out-of-stroller experiences to 15-minute stints (though we may have 3 or 4 of them in any given trip). If it hadn't been snowing/freezing for the past 6 weeks I would trust them with the park again....maybe in the spring. They still prefer the yard any day.
It really was SUPER hard till they were WELL over 2! I know that's not what you want to hear!! :hug99:
QUOTE(nicolepag @ Jan 29 2008, 09:58 AM) [snapback]594970[/snapback] I just came back from an awful outing. My twins are 19 months old today. We went to an indoor toddler playground. I drove 40 minutes to get there only to stay 10 minutes because my kids kept insisting on climbing up the slide as other children are trying to slide down. So, I drove back home and bawled for 40 minutes. I feel that unless I have someone with me (which isn't possible) that I cannot go anywhere with them and as a result they'll be socially inept not to mention have a mother who has gone insane because she never gets out. For those of twins of this age or when your twins were this age HOW did you go OUT? :hug99: Don't you just hate days like that that :80: I do take mine out and they hold onto my hands pretty well, so that has gotten a lot better, I would say in the past month. What we did to practice that was do it when dh and I could both be with them, and then once I felt confident I did it on my own. For the slide/listening I just try and do the best I can. If no one was getting hurt I probably would have stayed, pulled the one who was causing the issue to the side, told them to sit down and if they don't stop they will sit there the whole time, and WHEN ( ) they try it again remind them one more time and if it happens again they sit there. But really, they are 19 months, all the other parents should understand that and be a little understanding!!!! Can you host some playgroups? Do you have a local twins club? I found other moms of twins to be the most understanding and FUN to hangout with!!!
Keep trying, An outing is still an outing even if it does not go as you expected(normally does not go as you expect). Go early. We would go to the indoor play area at the mall when it opened. By the time others show up, you and they are ready to leave. Also, find a buddy. Either with twins or a singleton. I would meet my neighbor. she had a boy three months older and eventually a daughter younger. We did not get to talk much, but it was another set of eyes on eachothers kids.
I feel for you - we are going through the same thing right now. Unless I have a second adult I stick to the park close to home, the yard or the basement. I have started using harnesses recently when we are places where we are walking around for a bit (the aquarium, bird sanctuary). They've really helped, they have the freedom to explore a bit more but if they stop listening I can grab the reins and keep them close. Often they just wear them and the reins dangle behind them - it's short enough that they don't trip but long enough that I can grab it. Otherwise it's the stroller for them. My girlfriend whose boys are now 3 1/2 tells me it's going to get worse before it gets better - sigh.
I think that the moment your babies start getting mobile, ie crawling it is impossible to go out on your own. I am fortunate that I have bigger boys to help with such outings otherwise we will just be staying at home the whole time.
