My twins are 4 months old now and I STILL feel like I'm drowning. I just don't know how to handle it all. My house is a mess, my pets are neglected, and my days are spent feeling like I can never catch up. The babies DO NOT nap long at all and if I have them down at the same time I dillydally on the internet just to wind down (I'm doing it right now!!!) It's never more than 15-20 mins that they are both sleeping at the same time. Thanksgiving is next week, we are supposed to be hosting the dinner, and I don't have a menu planned or a turkey bought. They don't sleep through the night and I'm still getting up 4 times a night. One baby is super demanding so he gets all the attention while the other tends to be ignored simply because he is better. I;m constantly having to attend to Preston. I feel like I'm on my way to creating sibling rivalry or some other issue that, in the future, will be discussed in depth on a couch for $85 per hour. With my first baby, I just sailed through it. I felt like I knew what I was doing, and was so confident in my parenting abilities. With the twins forget it, I feel totally clueless! On top of this, my 7ye ar old is having all of these events at his school which I am not able to attend because of the babies. He goes to a school where parental involvement is super important and this year I haven't done anything. Moms with older twins, please, please, PLEASE, tell me it gets better, or easier. PLease tell me I'm not a complete failure.
It does get better honestly. Could you get everyone to bring something for the thanksgiving dinner and you just make the turkey. Your house is going to be a mess just try to do what is necessary for the little ones. Hugs to you
i'm hoping it gets better too! my twin boys are 11 months and although i'm getting more sleep than when they were 4 months, they are constantly needing me to feed them, play with them, change them, hold them, they hardly EVER nap! my house looks terrible, my dogs are on their own, and i shuffle around in my robe looking like a homeless person in my own home. i feel your pain, i do! thankfully i'm not having anyone over for thanksgiving, but lots of luck and love to you!
:grouphug: It does get better. Mine are 7.5 mos old, naps are longer now, and night times are better. But I still don't do it all!!!!!! Hosting T-day??? You are brave!!!!!!!! I second PP who said to have others bring food. I don't know if it's an option, but how about getting a house keeper once every week or two? Finally I had to break down and do it. Or find someone to come help with the babies to allow you to have a hand or two free to clean, laundry, whatever? Good luck mama!
You should not have to do Thanksgiving with 4-month-old twins! Can it be moved to another house or a restaurant? If you need to do it at your place, your friends or family should take over and at least do a potluck and have a 'cleaning day'!
You are not a failure, but are certainly overwhelmed, which is completely understandable. Can your DH/SO take over a little at some point during the day/evening/night? A little extra assistance helps, and it seems you have the entire burden of all three childrens activities 24/7, solely on your shoulders. Get the help you need, and hang in there.
I recently hired a girl to come and clean our house every other week. It is well worth the $75 cleaning charge too! She vacuums the whole house, cleans 2 full baths, mops the hardwoods, changes the linens, dusts the living room and bedroom furniture, and a few other things. I wish I would have looked into that months ago!! I figure we don't get to go out and spend money in restaurants anymore, so I justify that $150 a month. I almost offered to host a Thanksgiving dinner at our house this year. I figured there would be several people around to feed and play with the babies and I would easily be able to cook. But then I got stressed figuring I would ruin the turkey and everything else so I changed my mind We're going to the in-laws now.
First question: WHY are you hosting Thanksgiving dinner? (We didn't even attend Thanksgiving dinner when my twins were newborns -- though granted they were only 1 week old.) Is it too late to get out of it? If not, is it too late to make a reservation at a restaurant, or at least get family & friends to bring the food so all you have to do is set up the chairs? Second: Are you a single parent? If not, what is your spouse/partner doing to help? Third: Can you afford to hire a housecleaner? Bonus points if he/she will also do laundry. It DOES get better. You have to give yourself a pass for the first 6 months at least. The only person I would worry about at all is your older child, but even he will survive if you just don't attend school events for a few months. (At least he is old enough to see what's going on.) Don't worry about sibling rivalry. Babies have different needs, and you do what you have to do. I worried about that too, because I had one fussy, easily bored baby, and one who could sit in a bouncy seat for an hour and just look around. The daycare teachers (who are experts at juggling multiple babies!) helped me understand that was OK. Hang in there -- I couldn't believe how much things improved between 3 and 6 months, both sleep-wise and in general sanity. :hug:
I agree with PP....I would bail on Thanksgiving dinner, at least having it! I'm in the same boat right now as mine are also 4 months old and don't really nap that well during the day. My house is a wreck but I figure my main goal right now is caring for my babies and their older brother. My DH does help with the clean up, we both run through every night to get things back to what I've started calling "center"...just to do it all again the next day. If you have to have Thanksgiving, I wouldn't worry too much about the house. A quick pick up is all it needs and don't worry about rooms that won't be seen...that's why doors were invented, to hide the mess! I always laugh at myself because my house is the cleanest before I throw a party and everyone comes in and messes it up again anyway. Figure out what "doesn't really matter" and concentrate on the rest. Good luck!!
oh, just wanted to add something about your neglected pets... Mine are too! We have 2 dogs who were our babies before kids. Boy has this been an adjustment for them too. I remember one time I was on my bed feeding the babies, and I heard this noise...lap lap lap. I thought, well, what's that!? I looked around and noticed my poor dog was drinking out of the toilet. I've never EVER seen her do that before! I felt so guilty. I guess we all find ways to survive this!
My H helps as much as he can but he works long hours involving lots of deadlines and usually has work to do at home. He tries but just doesn't *get it* as far as the work load goes. We have help but a day after the house is cleaned the mess just starts to pile up. Thanksgiving is, if I don't do it nobody does, so I'm thinking catering and to-go stuff from local restaurants.
mine are also 4 months (well technically they will be on monday) and my husband works crazy hours too so i'm pretty well on my own with them round the clock. i don't think you are doing anything wrong, you're just doing what you need to in order to make it through the days. my good friend, who had singletons, calls the first few months "survival mode", you're pretty much a robot just going through the motions because you are so zombified from the lack of sleep. and i it's totally understandable if you want to play around on the internet instead of doing housework. everyone needs to unwind and if that means the toilet doesn't get cleaned so be it. in the grand scheme of things it won't hurt anything but mommy not being able to unwind will. so don't worry about the chores, they will get done eventually. i know it's hard to be in a house that seems such a mess especially if you were used to it being neat, organized and company ready. it's great that you were able to hire someone to help though! once your babies start sleeping through the night things will get better, i promise - even if it's short lived that 7-8 hours of sleep makes all the difference in the world. getting up 4 times a night is not fun. plus when you're sleeping more you'll have more energy to keep up with things, or at least i do (lack of motivation is a factor sometimes though). hang in there momma, try not to stress. if there is one thing i've learned from being totally overwhelmed is that tomorrow is another day and another chance at getting your head above water. twins are my first children so i don't know how to compare it to a singleton or the differences between them but it's not always a picnic. try not to beat yourself up and remember you're doing the best you can and that you are the best mommy to them and no one else can do a better job then you! :youcandoit:
Simple...I don't! LOL. We have the twins who are 2.5 months old and a 17 month old as well. My hubby helps tremendously when he's not at work but still, the days are all me. We have learned that the deep cleaning just doesn't get done, but we can quickly pick up around the house or close doors like pp's said. Catering definitely sounds like a good idea if you have the money for it!
It does get easier, but life with two babies who are the exact same age is just different. There are still days where I have to say to myself "Ok, first things first...what really matters today?" or "One step at a time" because some days (especially when they were younger) will/would leave me totally overwhelmed if I started thinking about the whole day or all I needed to do, etc. Don't worry about creating sibling rivalry. My DD was the easier going of the two until about 5 months and then the roles completely switched and now I worry about DS getting enough attention. I expect them to pull fast ones on me like that throughout their entire life so it all balances out in the end. I had to learn better time management and how to stay a step ahead. Even now, that makes all the difference and they're almost 11 months old. Ask for help when you need and accept it when it's offered. For Thanksgiving, order sides from somewhere and have others bring the turkey, drinks, etc. or just make it a potluck. Take the easy way out for now - it'll save you so much time and your sanity. I'm right there with you on the pets...our little fur babies were our children before the twins arrives and now I have to remind myself to give them a pat here and there and talk to them like I used to. It just happens, so don't be so hard on yourself. I don't have older children, but my Mom had my baby brother when I was 13 and I remember how she struggled to be everywhere at once, but overtime it got easier and my little brother just adapted to going everywhere and watching his big brother and sister do stuff at school, the ballpark, church. Hang in there...it will get better! :youcandoit:
i just wanted to add two suggestions that might make your life a little easier, i know it has helped me... i was thinking maybe you could hire a night nurse once a week instead of a housekeeper? or maybe a friend or family member could come over and do the night shift every couple of days? in the first few weeks i had friends and family come by at night when DH was on shift for 24 hours. this helped me get some much needed sleep and my mom and her husband really enjoyed spending that silent time w/them bonding even though they had to work the next day. do you have a swing or a bouncy seat? our boys don't like the bouncy seats so much anymore but we have the fischer price woodland animals rocker/swings and they love them. most of the time if i need a break i just put them in the swings and they rock to sleep or stay silent until they go to sleep. maybe that might help?
I know it is the Holidays and such, but I would really think about hosting Thanksgiving like some of the others have said. That's taking on a bit too much I would think. Hopefully your DH "gets it" in regard to the workload. I work crazy hours as well, but so does my DW(with taking care of Merrick and going to Hospital to see Marlee after I get home). I get home from work, take Merrick and DW goes to the Hospital for a 4-5 hour stint. Needless to say I've "gotten it" in regards to the workload right off the bat. We still have one in the NICU (and have 2 very needy dogs as well). Not sure you whole situation, but it's gotta be a joint effort. Me being at work most of the day, has nothing to do with my duties at the house. Sounds like you do need a helping hand. Maybe bring it up to DH again, or see about getting some help
Also...maybe if you live in a neighborhood and trusted some of the older children, you could have them take your dogs out for runs, walks, or just run with them around the yard. You might be able to find a responsible kid or 2 that doesn't have a dog, but would love to be able to play with one.
It is so hard to see the light of relief when in the tredges. Once you get more sleep in any way possible, things will be a bit better. Thanksgiving... we also (were crazy then with 3 month olds) had Thanksgiving. We ordered it all from our local grocery store & had it picked up. All you have to do is warm it up. It was plenty for our small group. We ate on disposibles. It was nice to have family I could trust to hold my guys too. Get someone to help clean your house at least 2x. Then check out the flylady online. I haven't used any cleaning service since my guys were 6 months. But again there wasn't much to clean because we were "living" in their nursery 24/7! Good luck... it does get a bit better with more Mommy sleep, and it gets Different at each stage.
It does get better with time... though then he babies get mobile... and oh boy... then they start adding to the mess. but life is quite a bit more breathable. you'll make it... keep your head up! sleeping & napping... I know it was about the 4 month mark that mine started taking better naps, hopefully that will kick in for you. BUT I'm a little concerned that you are getting up 4 times at night, that is VERY wearing on you! For the longest time I would feed every 2 hrs during the day (birth to about 3.5mo I think) so and they actually slept 8 to 10 or 12 hrs a night during those months... I also followed a lot of what The Baby Whisperer says about sleep/daytime routines etc. Sleep seems to be a tender mix of enough food, enough sleep so they aren't over tired, white noise and pacifiers etc. I spent a lot of time reading about various sleep methods and how to get naps & night time, its such a precious comodity, that its worth delving into to figure out what works for you and your family. I think you do have a lot on your plate with your older child, these days there is SO much to do w/children in school and activities.... you sound like you are doing a great job, don't feel like you are a failure, being a mom is huge job and we all have to learn how to meet the challenges, you'll find your groove! For me, I am glad that I put the effort into figuring out how to get my babies to nap & sleep... that really makes a big difference, and the work & effort you are able to put into it will come back and bless you! good luck! as for Thanksgiving dinner... oh my, that is a challenge, I hope you're able to find the easiest way to host it or organize the family to get together somewhere.
It does get better. There will come a time when they take good, simultaneous naps, sleep through the night, play well. You just have to get through this time. For Thanksgiving, buy dinner from somewhere, and have the guests help you clean up! People understand. For naps and night, will they sleep in swings? Mine napped in swings from roughly 3 to 7 months, and it was glorious! 2 beautiful naps every day swinging away. Don't worry about bad habits, just worry about getting everyone some sleep! Sounds like you already have a cleaning service. You just need to learn to not worry about the house. Eventually, things will calm down and you'll be able to do projects again and get things back under control.
It will get better, it is normal to feel you are drowning. You should not be hosting Thanksgiving or even going to a dinner if you don't want to. Try to get your babies on the same routine, be consistent and they will follow your lead, this is the right time to do so because at four months they are definitely ready and it's harder if you wait too long. Try reading the BabyWhisperer, it helped me a lot with understanding what to do at certain stages. I always did the same thing with my twins, and they took naps at the exact same time, not always for the same length though. Work on the 45 minute nap problem if you have it, soothe them back to sleep or let them settle themselves, at four months they can start taking longer naps and at more consistent times. My two were always on a schedule but that only made it a little easier. Nearing the 10 month mark or so they started sleeping through the night, all night. They are now 11 months corrected, they sleep from 7:00/7:30 until 6:30/7:00 and take a nap at 10:00 for 1-1.5 hours and at 2:30 for 1-1.5 hours. You will get there.
