How do you discipline them?

My girls will be one on Friday. So far, the "little one" Sarah is so fiesty! Kaylee is much more laid back & a go with the flow type personality. However, Sarah, WOW! She is wild. She has started to throw these little fits, stretching her body out & squeeling. Then at times, she will take her fingers & try to claw you when she gets mad. So far all I've done is grab her hand & squeeze it just enough for to get her attention. Then tell her in a very firm voice "NO Ma'am! " But she just looks at me & laughs & then tries to do it again. I don't know what else to try with her? I have removed her from the situation, but she will do it again later if something does not go her way. Is she too young for time out?

Help!!
jess

 

I say try the timeouts just so they get used to it. Also, when they start the kicking and screaming, just ignore them. Eventually they will stop when they realize it's not going to work and they aren't going to get what they want. Hopefully this is just a phase. Mine have gone through plenty of them in their short life.

 

IMO, your girls are WAY too young for timeouts.

At that age I believe that HEAVY redirection and consistency is your best bet. Be prepared to tell them "no" (or however you can think to say it without harping on the word 'no') 1,313 times a day. If she just can't stop, move to a different activity, different area of the house, or get out of the house!

[SIZE=24pt]Welcome to toddlerhood![/SIZE]

ETA: As for the tantrums, I've found that letting them 'work it out' on their own is often my best bet assuming that the sibling is not being hurt. Both my boys started in with tantrums at 12months and trying to 'coax them out' of a tantrum is not only exercise in futility, but often escalates it further.

 

my girls are 14 months old. Usually i tell them NO firmly and remove them from the toy, activity, etc. that they are doing wrong or whatever. If the lily takes something from Mia and Mia gets upset I take it from lily, tell her that Mia was playing with it and she can ahve a turn later and give it back to Mia or vice versa. If they are fighting over it, both of them back and forth I take it away completely. They definitely know what No means, but that doesn't mean they care or listen. Often times when I say no, they will smile and say no no and wag their finger at me then do it again... I just try to be consistent right now..

 

[SIZE=12pt]I agree with the redirection. At that age I never found anything else much good. As far as the tantrums I have learned to just let them go and walk away. I have told my kids "if you are going to act like that I am going in the other room" Ive never had much problem with tantrums but my Kolbie and Katie have had a few in their time.[/SIZE]

 

We used redirection. Changing rooms, giving them something else to focus on, doing something unexpected... even hauling them both up to take a mid-day bath. When I was a frazzled mess from their antics, I'd haul them out of the house which was our magic cure-all. It didn't matter if it was a walk up the driveway or a trip to the grocery store -- a change in scenery made all the difference.

Consistency is very important so decide which battles you'll fight and what you'll let slide and stick to it because that's how they learn. If they learn that whining and pitching a fit gets them what you initially said they couldn't have, then you've just taught them to whine and pitch a fit when they want something, KWIM? We ignore tantrums presuming nothing is being destroyed and nobody is getting hurt.

You hear so much about the "terrible twos" but honestly it's easier for me now than it was when I was spending the whole day on redirection. At least they listen sometimes and time outs are pretty effective.

 

Redirection and an outing like the PP mentioned was always the cure to the madness around here. It still is sometimes.

 

I do think they're too young for TO at that age (though some people disagree, I know). I don't think it hurts them, I just don't think they get much out of it.

My primary response to tantrums at 12 months was to completely ignore them. We mostly had a problem with Amy. I would tell her once (mostly to make myself feel better -- I don't think she really understood) why I couldn't give her what she wanted, and then I would just let her scream (in a safe place). The goal was simply to teach her that tantrums don't work -- all the subtleties can come later.

And ditto on redirection (hopefully before it reaches the tantrum stage) and repetition. I read somewhere on TS that from 12-18 months, you will feel like you are saying the same thing about 56,000 times, and it never gets through. Then bingo, as they get closer to age 2, suddenly you realize that the message is starting to penetrate.

QUOTE
Consistency is very important so decide which battles you'll fight and what you'll let slide and stick to it because that's how they learn.

This is true -- however, you do have some latitude with the specifics (IMO). I used to stress a lot about how to deal with every single situation: Can they have milk instead of water for snacks? Can they climb on the couch? Can they wear pajamas to school? I felt like I had to decide every little thing right now and stick with that decision for the rest of their lives, or else I'd be "inconsistent."

But now I've decided that it was unnecessary to worry about that. Be consistent in HOW you respond to tantrums (i.e., never give in) -- but if you realize that you need to change your mind in 4 months about letting them have milk instead of water, don't sweat it.

 

QUOTE(debid @ Feb 11 2008, 09:02 PM) [snapback]616469[/snapback]
We used redirection. Changing rooms, giving them something else to focus on, doing something unexpected... even hauling them both up to take a mid-day bath. When I was a frazzled mess from their antics, I'd haul them out of the house which was our magic cure-all. It didn't matter if it was a walk up the driveway or a trip to the grocery store -- a change in scenery made all the difference.

Consistency is very important so decide which battles you'll fight and what you'll let slide and stick to it because that's how they learn. If they learn that whining and pitching a fit gets them what you initially said they couldn't have, then you've just taught them to whine and pitch a fit when they want something, KWIM? We ignore tantrums presuming nothing is being destroyed and nobody is getting hurt.

You hear so much about the "terrible twos" but honestly it's easier for me now than it was when I was spending the whole day on redirection. At least they listen sometimes and time outs are pretty effective.


O yes, change of scenery ork wonders every time

 

My pedi actually encouraged me to start the time outs when they turned one. So I took his advice and they get time outs for serious offenses. I think the scratching would probably count as one. I tend to ignore tantrums too, they start right around that age...but I've also started the 1,2,3 approach too. Just today one of the girls started throwing a fit and I was trying to get them out the door for an appointment and I pulled out the 1,...2 and she quit. They know when I start counting I mean business. I dunno what I'm going to do if I have to pull out 3?
I don't think they're too young for time outs. Good luck.

 

We use redirection and timeout when needed.

 

Mason has good little tantrums when he doesn't get his way...rolls around and kicks his feet and as soon as he sees I've walked away he usually stops...I don't usually even say anything to him...perhaps I'll use a facial expression like "what is that all about??" but I leave him be to get through it on his own and to understand that he won't get any attention for it...so why bother?!?
Austin though has breakdowns rarely but when he does its from absolute exhaustion...he gets time out in his crib, where he usually curls up with his teddy and calms down. Its not really the punishment kind of time out though which I suppose will happen soon enough...

I've found that tantrums are usually 1. hunger, 2. sleepiness, 3. over-stimulation...and thus I guess I redirect to what the problem is at hand...food, nap and turn off all radio/t.v. etc.

Luckily we haven't really gotten in to any hitting or scratching per se...however Mason likes to bite me - more because his molars are coming in - not to harm me...When he does though I often take his hand (with a firm grip) and say "Ouch, that really hurt mummy, Don't do that" and I find that although they are only 17 months I feel like they understand that they've hurt my feelings and wow - they don't like to do that...

Overall I don't really have any advice - I think that trying anything to see if it works is definately worthwhile and I don't think that there is any right or wrong in "time outs"...I think often a child gets as overstressed and bothered about things as adults do and a quiet time away from all the noise and chaos is beneficial to everyone...just like when we go to relax in a bath or unwind with a good book...hahaha when does that ever happen?!?!LOL

 

QUOTE(Minette @ Feb 11 2008, 01:12 PM) [snapback]616487[/snapback]
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This is true -- however, you do have some latitude with the specifics (IMO). I used to stress a lot about how to deal with every single situation: Can they have milk instead of water for snacks? Can they climb on the couch? Can they wear pajamas to school? I felt like I had to decide every little thing right now and stick with that decision for the rest of their lives, or else I'd be "inconsistent."
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Oh, goodness yes! I didn't mean be consistent in your answer every time for each situation forever (who could keep track?!) What I meant was if they want to do something and you say "NO", stick to the "NO". If you say "NO" and then waffle after a couple minutes of tantrum, they'll tantrum the next time you say "NO".