How do you decide?

I'm an emotional mess and it's only going to get worse in the next 12 days...Don't worry-that post is coming!

So-tomorrow we are moving our bedrooms around-we are moving to the first floor and putting the nursery on the second floor-so all the kids will be on the second floor. Well-I bought a new bedset for our bedroom-it came with everything...EXCEPT the sheets. I've been meaning to get them, but totally forgot about it until tonight and I was not going out again.

Anyways...If I drag myself out of bed(my day to sleep late) before my MIL and cousin come over to help, I was thinking of taking one of the boys with me. And then I was thinking of stopping by Dunkin Donuts(I know-HORRIBLE mother that I am ) and getting some munchkins and having a little breakfast with whoever I take with me. Then I got all teary eyed and started to cry..because how could I choose(it would be easier with one...and dh could bond with the other). And then I got to thinking of how their world is going to be turned upside down in two weeks...and oh I just can't go on! :cry:

I've never had just one-unless it was Anthony going for a Dr. appt and I had a babysitter to watch him. So-how do you choose? Or do you? It's always the three of us-as dh works and I stay home.

 

:hug: I have no advice as I haven't yet taken just one for a leisure trip somewhere while leaving another one at home. I did take Sullivan to the doctor today and then to the grocery store - and I had so much fun treating him like an "only". Walking slowly up and down the grocery store aisle while he held my hand and looked at the shelves, carrying him into the doctor's office instead of pushing him in a double stroller, holding him in my lap in the waiting room, etc.

Try to look at it as THIS time you will take one and NEXT time (whenever that is) you will take the other one. You won't forget who is due - even if that next time doesn't come for 6 months!

And, your boys will be just fine when their little brother or sister arrives, I promise! While they won't be receiving as much attention from you - they will be gaining the love, life-long relationship, and friendship of another sibling! That is a gift! :hug:

Can't wait to hear when your baby arrives!!

 

Meaghan,

I'm sorry you feel so emotional over this but I don't think you should look at it as choosing one over the other but taking advantage of some good one on one time. You have to remember that which ever one stays home is going to be getting some one one time with daddy (if I understood you correctly that you were going to go BEFORE MIL and cousin come?). Which ever one stays home is going to be fine. Honestly, whenever dh or I go out, we almost always take Arwen because she is just a much much better person to shop with. Lorien just doesn't have the patience for it and will have meltdowns so for us right now it's a no-brainer. Lorien doesn't feel hurt or upset that she didn't go. She still gets to play with which ever one doesn't go. As for DD, trust me, when you walk in the door with some munchkins for the one who didn't go, they aren't going to care that they didn't go. They will be too darn excited to shove a donut in their mouth.

Next time you have an opportunity to go run an errand or dh goes to run an errand, you take the other one with you. You might be surprised and find like we did that one is just much easier when it comes to running errands. Do eeny meeny miny mo or just take with you the one that seems to be in the better mood and go for it. You will be fine. GL and let us know how it went.

 

:hug: Aren't you just the sweetest?! You must be so overwhelmed right now, but it will all be okay, sweetie.

The great thing about this age is that one won't know what the other will be doing... and while you will be enjoying some one-on-one time with one of your little ones, the other one will be enjoying having his Daddy to himself. Mommy guilt is tough to get over, but try to look at the big picture - everything will be okay. I always have the dilemma that Jacob likes spending time with both of us but Jackson has a strong preference for being with me rather than DP. So, when I split them up, I have to deal with Jackson crying hysterically while I leave or guilt that we always split up me & Jack, DP & Jacob. In some situations, you can't win. But, in the big picture, you are an amazingly loving, wonderful mom who takes great care of her kids. They know you love them and they will each have plenty of chances for alone time with you in the course of their lives. While they are twins, they are each individuals, and it's great for them to have a chance to bond with you one-on-one rather than their usual two-on-one.

Pick a child, any child... maybe Nicholas since you've been alone with Anthony even if it was just for a doctor's appt? Or maybe if Nicholas has a stronger bond with DH, take Anthony so that it's easier on everyone? Either way, go enjoy your donuts and the easy, breezy life of a singleton mom (for a moment) - there is no way to lose.

 

QUOTE(twinboys07 @ May 29 2009, 11:00 PM) [snapback]1333729[/snapback]
:hug: Aren't you just the sweetest?! You must be so overwhelmed right now, but it will all be okay, sweetie.

The great thing about this age is that one won't know what the other will be doing... and while you will be enjoying some one-on-one time with one of your little ones, the other one will be enjoying having his Daddy to himself. Mommy guilt is tough to get over, but try to look at the big picture - everything will be okay. I always have the dilemma that Jacob likes spending time with both of us but Jackson has a strong preference for being with me rather than DP. So, when I split them up, I have to deal with Jackson crying hysterically while I leave or guilt that we always split up me & Jack, DP & Jacob. In some situations, you can't win. But, in the big picture, you are an amazingly loving, wonderful mom who takes great care of her kids. They know you love them and they will each have plenty of chances for alone time with you in the course of their lives. While they are twins, they are each individuals, and it's great for them to have a chance to bond with you one-on-one rather than their usual two-on-one.

Pick a child, any child... maybe Nicholas since you've been alone with Anthony even if it was just for a doctor's appt? Or maybe if Nicholas has a stronger bond with DH, take Anthony so that it's easier on everyone? Either way, go enjoy your donuts and the easy, breezy life of a singleton mom (for a moment) - there is no way to lose.


Thanks!

I can't read these replies without getting teary eyed! LOL! I was thinking Nicholas because he fell yesterday off a toy-RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME-and got a lovely gash on his eye. Luckily we had a pedi appt and the pedi used glue vs us going to the ER for stitches. I cried much longer and harder than he did! And Anthony is REALLY attached to me(who the h*ll am I kidding? They both are!), so maybe it would be nice for him and dh to spend some time together. And hey-I could always go and get more donuts on Sunday!

 

Not read the other replies so sorry to repeat. I just wouldn't worry about it - the one who stays at home won't have a clue and whenever you get the chance again you just take the one that didn't go. Easy! I do it all the time! I go out maybe twice a week with only one boy - the other stays with the housemaid. I love it and so do they!

 

Aww! Big hugs to you...I think everything is hard in the final days of pregnancy.

When K&K were younger, I often took Karina with me to the grocery store, only because she would sit nicely in the cart. Kevan was a little monkey and would try to climb out. And then, Karina started walking four months before her brother, so she got to go to the park with Nadia sometimes when Kevan didn't. (A non-walker is hard at the park!)

Did I feel mama guilt? Eh, a little bit, but it all evens out. Kevan now goes to a million different therapy sessions, and we sometimes stop and get a treat afterwards, or run an errand, etc. Karina gets to go with Daddy to pick up her big sister from school while Kevan is out with me. It's all good.

And...don't worry so much! Your boys may have an adjustment period after the new baby gets here, but eventually they will love having a younger brother or sister. I won't lie -- the first six months or so were really hard for Nadia (she was 3.5 when K&K were born), but now she is so loving with them, and has grown so much and become so empathetic -- and, it really warms my heart to see the three of them horse around. She is "teaching" them how to open a lunch box, open a Ziploc bag, etc. -- so they will be prepared for two mornings of preschool in the fall.

Seriously -- it will all work out, and the little guys will thrive!

 

:hugs: These last days of pregnancy are tough! I know I feel bad taking one out over the other but think of this way, one gets one on one time with you and the other with DH. The next time you go out, you could switch it up. When I do solo trips with one twin, I take turns. I still feel guilty but this helps me feel less guilty because they are at least getting solo time with me. Good luck in your decision and enjoy your time out!

 

:hug: Meaghan. I alternate who comes out with me. I don't do it as often as I'd like, but I do remember who came with me last. Plus the one who is home is getting special one-on-one daddy time which might be just as much fun for him as Dunkin Donuts (mmmm!). Or if is going to cause you a lot of stress, just take 'em both and DH. :hug:

 

i'm sorry you're a mess! i hope you begin to feel better about it... actually, my answer is that it shouldn't be so hard to decide because we should all be doing this more often! every single book i've read about raising twins says they need time apart. plus, most parents need time to bond w/each child alone..... so, it's a great idea to do it whenver you can!

there's no right answer. whoever you take this time will stay home next time.

gl and enjoy!
jl

 

I (or DH) take just one all the time. I think it's great for them and for me/DH. The dynamics are totally different one-on-one, and in our case I think it's good for the other two that don't go with me (or DH) to have time with just one sister.

My advice is to do something somewhat equal with the other one relatively soon, this weekend of possible. If they are both getting turns then it doesn't matter which one goes on any given trip - KWIM?

I think it's a great thing to do and I really enjoy it and I know my kids to too.

 

When we first started having one-on-one time, I flipped a coin in front of them to decide who went and who stayed with daddy. As much as I tried to make both options sound enticing, DH sitting like a slug on the couch was not appealing and there were many tears from the "loser" who had to stay with him. On our way home from our fun day, I explained to Trent that the next time it would be Trevor's turn to go with me and I expected that he would remember he'd had his turn and not cry about Trevor going. It worked, there were no tears. As long as we alternate and not go too long between, it remains a peaceful departure.

 

Thanks for all the advice ladies! I'm glad I have a place I can go to to let it all out! It helps make things easier sometimes!

So-I survived. But I'll be honest....LOL...I did cry backing out of the driveway...driving down the road...LOL! Anthony didn't have a clue we left. I told Nicholas to come with me and we walked out the door while Anthony was playing with some toys.

We went to DD first and he sat in the big chairs and had two munchkins(he must not be my kid-two? That's it? ). We then ventured off to Target and got some sheets for the bedroom and then off to home we went. It wasn't a long excursion, but it was a bit of time away. And it was quite easy with one kid in and out of the car, into a carriage...vs two kids, a stroller, etc..

When we got home I had Nicholas bring the Munchkin box to Anthony-who was totally unfazed by it all as he was playing Playdoh with grandma. Then Nonni came and as I am having Nicholas give Anthony a munchkin, Nonni interrupts with some pajamas she bought for them. Ah well...

I am thinking tomorrow if time permits, I will take Anthony to the grocery store. It's dh's turn to sleep in, then we are taking the boys to the zoo. I definitely want to do this more often once the baby comes(and we are all in some sort of groove...).

 

I love to take the boys out one-on-one. It's just so different. We typically alternate which one goes, and which one stays. Sometimes though I just pick whomever is being better and is more likely to be cooperative on the trip.

 

Why can't they both go? I always take my twins out together.

 

QUOTE(eatcelery @ Jun 1 2009, 03:11 PM) [snapback]1336638[/snapback]
Why can't they both go? I always take my twins out together.



Try it when you have someone to stay with the other twin. Mine love going somewhere one-on-one.