How do you deal with the moods/tantrums etc?

Noah and Sophie have been pretty reasonable kids up until now. Noah has always been more needy and whiny and such but somehow we made it through and found ways to re-direct etc. Lately they have been moody monsters. Some moments are ok and then others My head is still ringing and they have been in bed for 20 min.

Noah can't communicate well, so I think this is the bulk of it. When I try and talk to him about what he wants, he gets even more angry. We've had a few full out tantrums and I leave him to finish it out and say when you are finished crying Noah, come to mommy. I sit nearby or attend to something else. Sophie just started a tantrum today over dinner with refusing to eat the food I made and then SCREAMING. When she ate her apple sauce and cheese (I know lovely dinner right??!!) I put her in the playroom and said we are all still eating, you have to wait. SHE HAD A FIT!!! Full out, red-faced, tear stained FIT! By then I thought I would scream. I came home from a LONG day at work and the minute they see me they act up. When they are with their nanny or grandma, not nearly as bad. I have to wonder bc they get what they want from them or just it's the "mommy" curse.

Any advice on how to deal with the actual tantrums, my own frustration or just a virtual hug would be appreciated

Thanks

ps- is it just me or is it getting harder before it gets easier ??

 

The ages of 2-3 is a REALLY hard age for kids and for parents. They are just learning their boundaries, they don't have the words to say what they want and they don't have the maturity level to process all their feelings, so they react the only way they know how, by throwing tantrums. Isn't that just grand for us? For me I ignore them, I don't talk to them aside from, "When you are done, come and see me" I don't make eye contact either. Eventually they get the hint and stop. As for supper, I take away their food if the scream and or throw it, and they don't get it back unit they are more calm, and I don't give them desert. It may be harsh, but believe me it doesn't take them long to figure it out. I don't have time to cater to all 3 of them with different suppers. They eat what I make and that is that. It does get easier once they have more words. Donevan is going to be 4 in a few weeks and he still throws the odd tantrum , I totally ignore him too. Good luck, and you are not alone.

 

ITA! This is what we do in our house. We ignore the tantrum...as hard as it is. I wish you all the best, it's a tough age :hug:

 

We ignore tantrums as well.

I have also started ignoring whining (which we have had a HUGE increase of lately) and have had success lately saying things like "tell or show Mommy what you want rather than whining (or crying)". My kids have just enough words now that they can often tell me what they want, or many times they can show me at least, and that has been a huge help. Hopefully you will be getting there soon!!

I've been trying things like "Mommy will _________ (whatever they want - pick you up, etc.) when you stop crying/whining" - that seems to work for minor issues, but not when they are really wound up/upset or hurt.

I also have taught them to say "please" and "help" which has made a difference, too. They seem to be starting to get that using those two words will get them what they want or need much faster, whereas crying, whining, or a tantrum often gets them ignored.

Hang in there!! This is a tough age for sure. I thought today about lunchtime that I really wished I could just start the day over, but no such luck. Thankfully I have class tomorrow, so I get a bit of a break and get out of the house. I don't know how full-time SAHM's do it - I would lose my sanity!!!! I love my kids, but some days it is over the top.

 

We also try and ignore tantrums although mine need me to stay close by otherwise it gets even worse. I ask them to use their words and say "mommy, please _____" whne they are done with crying and screaming. Mine are a bit older and very verbal but once they are on the way to a tantrum they seem to lose to ability to use their words and take a while to recapture their verbal skills. Often they will come to finish their crying in my arms and then ask for whatever it is.

I am also constantly watching for what triggers the tantrums and then analysing the situations to decide if it is worth fighting all these tantrum battles. One big tantrum trigger for us is that I offer them choices as much as possible ("do you want to wear the blueor the striped shirt?") and then make them stick with the choice. But many other situations I try and defuse/re-direct before they are on the way to a tantrum. Some issues are just not worth the tears and upset.

This is totally normal. There are several contributing factors:
1. Most children have one person with whom they feel most secure and accepted, mom usually, and letting go (a tantrum is totally losing control after all) is only possible when the child feels absolutely loved and accepted no matter what, no conditions, not only on good behaviour etc. My children know that I suffer through their tantrum with them; very rarely am I so worn out that the tantrum makes me impatient or angry myself, usually I hurt to see them making life so difficult for themselves.
2. When we as moms come home after long day at work we are not our best selves, we are tired, impatient, still stressed etc. The children similarly are done after a long day, especially after the demands of a group all day long in daycare. Even SAHMs dread the happy hour before dinner, it is just not the best time in a household with children. Everyone is tired, overstimulated, stressed - and so more tantrums occur. In our house they occur before dinner whether it was a office day for me or a home day.
3. I find that I am stricter with the children on a consistent basis than most other people they deal with. A lot of day to day discipline comes from me and thus there is more potential for conflict. I am ok with this - for example, grandparents are allowed to relax a bit and being with them is a treat for the children as long as some basic house rules still apply.

GL! This age can be hard and it is a very good thing that the kids are so lovable and sweet most of the time.

 

I totally agree with Tamara as well.

Noah sounds a lot like my oldest and for him things got a LOT better when he turned 2 and started to talk, before then he was a disaster...I couldn't even take him out much for fear of being arrested or scooped up by child services for dragging my kicking, screaming, flailing kid from pretty much every public place you can imagine .

I think part of it is also the "mommy curse"...my kids are miserable for me. On Saturday I was away for the day helping my sister get her nursery organized (she will be joining the Mommy Club soon!). DH and my Dad were alone all day with the kids. When I came home and asked how it went my husband said "They were perfect. No one cried all day, the 3 of them played together without fighting, everyone ate very well, there was no crying at bedtime...etc" I just about LOST IT!!! I was very happy he had a good day but pissed that he still has no idea what I deal with on a daily basis. So, the moral of my story is it's not just you . And yes, it's getting harder for me as well...I keep wondering when easier is going to get here! Hang in there :hug:.

 

Ah man, you guys are killing me!!!!! My kids are going to be 14 months tomorrow and they have been doing this for a while, and when I realize that your kids are almost 2, or some over 2, it makes me wonder... We are lucky enough to have my parents stay with our kids while we are at work, and the same thing happens, as I walk in the door they start whining and they want me to pick them up right away, both at the same time, before I drop my purse or take my shoes/coat off. My parents tell me how wonderful they are during the day and they are cute and behave and they don't cry at all.

I was even wondering if I was doing something wrong and I was feeling guilty for going to work, I was thinking maybe the kids are upset with me for being gone during the day. It's a bit reassuring to see that I am not the only one in this situation, but man, I was hoping it's just a phase...

Sorry I don't have anything helpful to say, I am just venting . I guess we should all take a deep breath and... ENJOY the ride .

 

Thanks everyone. I think this phase is super challenging on top of being sick, being that time of the month and working yesterday, I think we were all doomed no matter how the kids behaved.. lol!

I often look at the grade ones at the local school and enviously look at their parents who drop them off and LEAVE!

I am trying to get them to say what they want but Noah and Sophie are not that verbal to be honest. I am a little worried about that but I think they are in the norm at this point so reading and labelling continues

Thank you for making me feel as though it is ok that I leave them SCREAMING on the floor bc this seems to be the only way and it isn't easy.

Hugs to all of you as you deal with this. HOLY CRAP I need to buy stock in Advil/Tylenol

 

[quote name='E's 3' date='02 November 2011 - 05:39 AM' timestamp='1320230341' post='1832461']
I think part of it is also the "mommy curse"...my kids are miserable for me. On Saturday I was away for the day helping my sister get her nursery organized (she will be joining the Mommy Club soon!). DH and my Dad were alone all day with the kids. When I came home and asked how it went my husband said "They were perfect. No one cried all day, the 3 of them played together without fighting, everyone ate very well, there was no crying at bedtime...etc" I just about LOST IT!!! I was very happy he had a good day but pissed that he still has no idea what I deal with on a daily basis. So, the moral of my story is it's not just you . And yes, it's getting harder for me as well...I keep wondering when easier is going to get here! Hang in there :hug:.
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I agree, this also happens when DH looks after our twins. They demand less attention from him and will play more independently. The minute I step into the house they both want attention from me.

I spoke to another mom of twin boys over the weekend and she said she kept asking the same question, her twins are now 3, and she said it is much easier. I still have a long road ahead till we reach 3, but knowing that I am not alone, makes a difference. GL to all of you.

 

I was going to post the exact question. Thanks for letting me feel I am not alone.

Also thanks for re-itterating to leave them alone. I was going to ask that as well.

Just curious, for working mom's, do you notice more tantrums on the days you work compared to when you don't? I work 2 days a week, DH said the kids were fine today with him, but I get home and it's tantrum after tantrum...

 

Definitely. The kids are stressed and tired after daycare and have been on their good behaviour all day and it all needs to get out. The result - tantrums. I am also not my best self after the offfice, tired, stressed, less patient and acalm and creative. The result - more tantrums.

 

My twins stay home with a nanny during the week, but they still demand my attention when I get home after work. They love their nanny, but it is not mommy.

 

As hard as it can be....we just ignore the tantrums...that is the advice our pediatrition gave us as well...

I think it makes it more difficult with kids that are in daycare or are with others that care for them as well...that are allowed to do as they please....consistancy is best....

As hard as it can be....we just ignore the tantrums...that is the advice our pediatrition gave us as well...

I think it makes it more difficult with kids that are in daycare or are with others that care for them as well...that are allowed to do as they please....consistancy is best....