How do you deal with the 'I want's?

Well, it just started. I guess I'm lucky, considering that they're almost 4. Glad they don't see many commercials at all or it would be even worse (although I'm not gonna lie... I fondly remember the toys commercials around Christmas when I was a kid!).

How do you deal with it? DD started telling me that she wants a dollhouse. She spent 6 hours crying and whining yesterday when I told her that she would get one on her birthday and that, no, it's not her birthday yet. Today she's back at it... The funny thing is that I've never seen them have a meltdown in a store because they wanted something (yet), and she hasn't really seen a dollhouse anywhere except at school (and it's an old model without rooms or anything).

Will she 'get it' eventually when I tell her she can have one at her birthday/Christmas? Or am I doomed for hours of tantrums?

 

When my girls start whining or tantruming for anything, they get sent to their room. I answer them once and then thats it. For things that will happen in the future its hard for them to grasp the concept of time. I would probably just tell her "Maybe you'll get a doll house for your birthday" and then if she keeps pestering, give her a time out. Or just stop answering her and ignore her. Good luck.

 

I also use the word maybe. I also am quite up front with my kids about money. "That costs too much money and we don't have that money right now. You want to go visit Grandma and Papa this summer right? And go to the beach? And go camping? We have to save our money so we can have fun this summer!" My kids have all been really good about not asking for too much, or if they do ask for it, understanding when we can't or won't get something for them. My 5 yr old asks for the most, but she's slowly learning that everything has a price, and we can't simply buy everything or we won't have money for food, gas, clothes...etc.

If they ask and ask and ask.....they get sent to their room. Especially if they are old enough to start understanding why we are telling them NO.

 

I wish I had an answer because we are dealing with that right now too. Mine say "Santa is going to bring me X" or "For my birthday I'm getting X" and it is driving us crazy. I keep saying "we'll see" or "maybe", but they probably want something at least 10-15 times per day each. I almost HATE children's tv because it is almost 1/2 commericials for toys. I am hoping this phases passes soon, but I doubt it.

 

I'm wondering if maybe she doesn't have a good concept of how long it is until her birthday? Maybe you could have a cheap calendar and mark off the days or have a countdown of some sort? That might at least stop the constant questions if she has a visual to help her out.

 

I gave up on trying to explain that my girls would need to wait until their birthdays, or could have whatever it was next week, or "maybe" their dream item would show up later. It just never seemed to work. So now I simply say "well, I want a unicorn" whenever they start whining about what they want. At first it was just odd enough to stop them in their tracks. And now it's become sort of the family joke so everyone laughs. But it's also a way to show the girls that I'm not going to take them seriously so they shouldn't either!

 

I don't have any miraculous way to solve this issue but so far I have responded with "I certainly will not be responding to you saying 'I want' anything. It's not polite." So far that has worked. My little guy has begged more than my girl but he quickly realized it wasn't going to get him anything, not even attention. My two figured out that asking "May I..." got a response, but then I responded with "That costs a lot of money. We can save up for it." "What are you willing to give away to Goodwill, your cousins, etc so we can make room for it?" I was astounded when they came down from their bedrooms the last time I said that with bags full of toys for their cousins. Then they merrily gave the bags of toys to them when we saw them. It made me happy to see them so delighted to give their toys away. Plus, it was time to empty the toy box out and replace with age appropriate stuff... I don't usually take my kids out shopping too much so they don't get much exposure to things(aka junk) they may want. I am very careful how I word things when I'm talking to my husband/girlfriends about things that I may want.

 

I agree with being a bit ridiculous back with the kids. My kids know that mom wants a baby giraffe but that isn't happening. It's also now a family joke.

I also starting keeping a list for the kids. It seemed to help the "I wants" when they were able to "put it on the list". We write down things on a running list. When it gets close to xmas and bdays, we pull the list and come up with what they really want.

Also, they are getting old enough to start understanding how money really works. We started introducing the kids to the concept of things cost money. We would help them count money (relatives would send them dollar at holidays). Then we would let them buy that little toy (my kids' first purchases were Thomas trains). Then when they would want something we'd ask them if they had enough money. Usually they didn't and that would end the conversation.

Marissa

 

I do the oddball answer too, but I change them up, so no running jokes in my house. :cry:

I want:

a turkey sandwich
World Peace
a clean playroom
the dogs to stop barking
a laundry fairy
a new vacuum
to go to the moon

And the best is when I invoke the Amazing Mumford, instead of "I want", I say

"ALA PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHWESSSSSSSSSSS"

 

I try not to say "maybe" (unless it's an extremely vague "maybe," like "maybe someday when you're older"). It just gives them hope and makes them keep obsessing. At that age I found that the best response to the "I wants" was just "No, we're not going to buy that." And "If you keep having a tantrum about it, you can go have one in your room." Also, children who have tantrums as a result of watching TV may not be allowed to watch TV for a few days.

Our tantrums were more a result of turning off the TV -- since we mostly watched Netflix and DVDs at that age, they were rarely exposed to commercials -- but the principle was the same: If you have a tantrum when I turn it off, that means no TV tomorrow. It s*cks when we have to enforce that rule, but one day of sticking to our guns pays off for a long time.

When we started watching shows recorded from Nick, they did see commercials, and I just made a joke of the "I wants" from the very beginning. I explained that watching commercials would make them want things, and that's the whole point of commercials, but that we weren't going to buy things just because we saw them on a commercial. Then they would see some Barbie castle and start going "Mommy, I want that!" and I just said, "I want! I want! I want!" with a laugh, and then reminded them (lightly) about the tantrum rule, and that usually stopped the begging.

OK, I wrote all that out and then read everyone else's responses -- lots of great ideas! :good:

 

I usually respond with, "And I want you to stop whining." That ends it. But we don't get a lot of exposure to commercials thanks to DVR.

 

I do the "well I want (insert crazy item here)" when they start with the I wants. Like a PP said, it tends to stop them in their tracks. They also have a little notebook that we tell them to write their I wants in and then it will be up to Santa. Depending on my mood, sometimes I flat out tell them no and move on. They never have much of a response to a straight up no.

 

My short answer is "we will put that on your list". For christmas, it ends with "and see what Santa brings you" for birthday it is "and you can choose what you really want when it gets closer (with the oldest, he is told a price limit and has to keep it under that). We sometimes also indulge a little bit and ask him to tell us more about why he wants it and how he would play with it. I honestly think a lot of whining is not over stuff but the fact that kids don't think we are listening. When you show you are hearing them, at least in our house, it cuts down the whining and tantrums. Even the two year olds respond with less tantrums when we repeat their requests to show there is understanding. With the oldest, we try to balance it by trying to listen to what he is saying (we repeat what he has asked for, ask him to describe it, tell us how he would use it) and telling him when/if it would be an appropriate purchase.

That being said, the system isn't perfect. If whining ensues over a decision, we send the oldest to his room because we have the rule that you cannot whine/complain that mommy and daddy do not buy you anything.