How do you deal with not having 2 of the same toy?

My kids are just starting to really understand that there are different books, different cars, different blocks... etc. They seem to always want what the other has. I have not bought two of any toy (except for two of a particular book they both go crazy for) and I am beginning to wonder if I'm going to have to start doing this. I really do not want to. It's so expensive to do that, and we don't have the room!!

How do you handle this problem?? I am exhausted putting out fires that keep erupting between them. Help!!

 

Lisa, I just want to let you know that with in the past week, my girls have started doing the same thing and it's making me BONKERS :wacko: . It seems that I spend the whole day playing referee between them although it's mostly Arwen who is constantly wanting to take everything from Lorien. It's very frustrating and I know this is only the beginning and we are probably in this phase for a good while. I refuse to buy 2 of everything. Like you said, it's expensive and I simply don't have the room and it's just not possible to have 2 of EVERYTHING. Today, at the supermarket, I bought them each a ball. One pink and one green. Big mistake. I should have just bought 2 pink so that they would think each one has their own at all times. Oh well. I think part of being a twin is that they are forced to have to learn how to share. Arwen has recently started getting into the whole this is mine and that is Lorien's thing but sometimes, like with a toy or a book, when she says "Mine." I say, "No, that's a share toy." And then she says "Lorien's." and I say "Yes, it's Arwen AND Lorien's." I have a feeling I will be saying this a couple more thousand times in the next couple of years. It's exhausting but I'm hoping to hear some other ideas from others of any successes they may have had in dealing with this. GL to us all

God, grant me the serenity....Amen.

 

2 minute rule... okay I'll set the timer then it will be your turn

 

There are very few things that we have 2 of. So we've had to deal with sharing probably a lot earlier than singletons.......I'm still putting out the fires, like you said, but it's gotten a little easier as they're understanding more. I usually make them take turns. FWIW, I recently got a little toddler sized slide & had to help them take turns for about the first 10 min, but after that they took turns on their own & played with it for about an hour w/o any fights!! I was pleasantly shocked.

 

I'm dealing with this already and its driving me nuts. DH and I go back and forth how to handle the toy-stealing (since its usually Ana stealing from Meara). I spoke to my SIL who has 4 y.o twin DSs and asked should I just break down and get two of everything. Her reply was "It doesn't matter. They will want the particular one that the other is holding no matter what. You can't win, so just give up trying." Guess all our kiddos will just have to learn to share sooner than singletons.

 

If it makes you feel any better, having two of the same thing DOES NOT SOLVE ANYTHING. They still want the one the other has. They will get better at sharing and taking turns but there were months that went by where I felt like I spent most of my time redirecting and serving as referee in their squabbles. The good news is that it's nowhere near that bad now.

 

I wish I had the answer for you. Definately don't buy two of everything, like the others said, it won't matter...plus you'll go broke in the process and still have two fighting toddlers. <_< I "try" and let whoever had it first keep it and explain to the other to wait. For the most part, it has been working and they really are getting used to sharing. If it gets really bad, I take the toy away all together for a few minutes. ardon: Another thing I've done is if they both want one car, for example, I try and make a big deal about another car in hopes that who ever doesn't have the first car will want the new one. :wacko: That was very long winded, huh? Hopefully it will be a quick phase for your babes!!

 

We can't afford to buy everything the same or have the room for it. They share everything with their toys but we have a few smaller toys that they have separately in different color or shape. The balls were the first training in how to "share" with rolling the balls back and forth and that is helping out. There are a few times they would take each other toys but they don't get into a meltdown about it. One of them walk away and find something else to do. My twins pretty much play independently at the moment but they always stay near w/each other.

They do push each other down sometimes especially if they are playing "tag me". We recently brought a slide for rainy days and/or hot weather for indoor. They'll be 18 months next week. In the next few month should be interesting but they'll be doing a lot of outdoor activities.

Wish me luck!
Diana w/Rianna and Justin

 

I agree w/ the pps that said it's about having what the other one has, not the item itself...We hardly have two of anything, but I've noticed that once Hannah my "taker" has taken toy A from Natalie she immediately runs to grab the next thing Natalie starts to play with (toy B ) even if she really hasn't even played with toy A yet !!

 

We got away without it really noticed that there is not 2 of everything until a couple months ago. Now whoever gets it first gets to play a little while... I tell the other, "It's your turn next". And they just have to wait. They have to learn this at some point, and have done pretty well waiting.
Now DD says "My turn, my turn". while she is waiting. :laughing:

 

The only thing we bought two of is their dolls. Other than that they are expected to share. They are now two and have been sharing for over a year. They still have screaming matches when one of them takes a toy away and it sometimes ends in them shoving each other. This happens maybe once a week. We remind them that they have to share and whoever was playing with it first gets to continuing playing with it while we count to 15. We count to 15 alot. If they are sitting on the toilet and refuse to get off, if they want to rock in the rocker before going to bed, etc.

Our pediatrician told us we need to let them work it out on their own so we are trying harder to do that.

 

This problem got better (somewhat) for us once they started learning about taking turns, which I'd guess was around 18 months. Fortunately our daycare reinforces this a lot. We still have to monitor them closely, but at least they're not literally fighting tooth & nail for toys all the time.

We do have two of a lot of things -- two baby dolls, two Elmos, two old cellphones, two purses, two pairs of sunglasses.... But it helps (for us at least) to not have two identical things -- they are much happier knowing whose is whose. Even if we can't find Amy's phone right away, she will not try to take Sarah's away, because she knows it's Sarah's.

It will always be a problem -- it would be a problem with sibs of different ages too. But it gets better when they learn more tools for sharing and cooperating.

 

QUOTE(debid @ Mar 25 2008, 12:26 AM) [snapback]685229[/snapback]
If it makes you feel any better, having two of the same thing DOES NOT SOLVE ANYTHING. They still want the one the other has. They will get better at sharing and taking turns but there were months that went by where I felt like I spent most of my time redirecting and serving as referee in their squabbles. The good news is that it's nowhere near that bad now.


So true, even if we have two of something they still want the one the other has. It does get much better as they get older, they learn to share, take turns, etc.

 

Oh Man, no matter WHAT Tessa has Danielle NEEDS it. And when she gets it, she then NEEDS what Tessa has next. I fluctuate between wanting to teach her no, No, NO, Danielle, do not take things from your sister (or anyone else) and thinking they need to work it out. It does drive me bonkers, however. I agree, it's not the item itself, it's that SOMEONE ELSE has it! Wish i knew the answer, but i have the feeling we'll be dealing with this for a while as well........makes me almost long for the days they just lay there and batted at the gymini toys........LOL

 

Mine have always been pretty good about sharing. They both have a few things that they each identify as "mine" or "hers" and that's okay. They need to have individual ownership of a few things. When we do have an issue fighting over a toy that one of them has and the other wants, we sing the following song we learned at our E/I preschool. Insert your own kids names and sing to "The Farmer in the Dell". You can substitute the toys name, book, color or whatever for toy.

Annika has the toy, Annika has the toy
Pass, Pass, Pass the toy,
Pass the toy to Natalie.

This makes a game out of it. We pass back and forth for a few minutes until they get bored with it. Sometimes, they will sing the song themselves if their sister has something they want. It's really cute to hear them sing "Pass, pass, pass to Natalie."

 

There are some things we have two of, such as comfort blankets, a few books, and rocking horse type toys. For the most part, having two of everything doesn't really help. What you REALLY need is FOUR of everything.. that way each kid has one for each hand :lol: