How do you deal with dawdling?

I understand that dawdling isn't necessarily meant to drive the parent crazy (at least not at this age), but it's driving me crazy!

I've tried various strategies:

• Two options: "Would you rather climb into your carseat or have me lift you up?"
• Time limit: "I'm going to count to 10 and then I'm going to buckle you in."
• Consequences: "If you don't pick up the books by the time I count to 10, we won't have time to sing songs at bedtime."
• Explanations: "I'm giving you a chance to do it yourself, but we need to leave the house in 10 minutes, so I need you to do it now or I will do it for you."

Sometimes I can motivate the girls to do something with reasonable speed. Sometimes I wind up forcing them (into the carseat, into their shoes, onto the changing table, whatever), and often provoking a tantrum. And most of the time I just stand there feeling my blood pressure rise while waiting for them to get a move on.

What strategy works best for you -- even if it's just deep breaths to keep the steam from coming out your ears?

 

We say, "Ok, who can do XYZ FIRST?" It seems to work pretty well!!!

 

Welcome to my life! This is why I changed them from the 9:00am preschool class for next year to the 11:30 class. Maybe we won't be in such a rush if we have three hours to get there.
We're also big time into the "I want to do it!" even moreso than we were before. What seems to be working is if I go ahead and do whatever it is, or at least start to, then they start throwing a fit and I give them the chance to do it. The dawling is getting a bit better, or maybe I'm more used to it, I'm not sure now. Ainsley can really drive me crazy sometimes. Oh, I also only count to three, and sometimes I set a timer, depending on the issue. Sometimes I do just have to go ahead and do the task or pick them up and carry and deal with the tantrum.

I'll have to give Diane's idea a try!

 

Mine are a little older, but we have an M&M jar. Everytime they listen the first time (without me repeating the directions) or help around the house, play nice, etc.. they get an M&M. On Sundays, they get to eat all the M&M's in their jar. It works really well. We still have our moments, but ever since I started they are listening much better.

 

Since we have twins, I also make that work for us and turn things into a race. Maybe it's not a good idea and it has caused it's own tantrums when one wanted to be first and didn't get to be. I certainly DO NOT do this with things I know one can do and the other can't yet. But for things like getting into the car seat and getting dressed.

I have also left them at home (with dad) when I was going to take them to the store with me because they weren't ready on time. I'm not sure if they are old enough to remember but now I can say, if you're not ready to go when I am, I'm leaving without you.

 

DH has done the race thing once or twice and I scolded him because I didn't want to make them feel like everything was a competition. :blush: I am just very competition-phobic and I think I'm projecting.

Our daycare has a keypad entry and they love to push the buttons. Sometimes I'll let whoever gets to the door first push the buttons, but I'm not sure I've ever explicitly told them that's what I was doing. I guess I was afraid that if I made it a race, the one who didn't win would have a fit, and then things would be even worse.... :unsure:

But it sounds like it's definitely worth a try. Mostly I probably just need to meditate in the evenings.

 

QUOTE(Minette @ Apr 8 2008, 02:48 PM) [snapback]711713[/snapback]
DH has done the race thing once or twice and I scolded him because I didn't want to make them feel like everything was a competition. :blush: I am just very competition-phobic and I think I'm projecting.

Our daycare has a keypad entry and they love to push the buttons. Sometimes I'll let whoever gets to the door first push the buttons, but I'm not sure I've ever explicitly told them that's what I was doing. I guess I was afraid that if I made it a race, the one who didn't win would have a fit, and then things would be even worse.... :unsure:

But it sounds like it's definitely worth a try. Mostly I probably just need to meditate in the evenings.


had to laugh at that one, because I did the same thing with my DH being worried about the competition. That being said I have the same problem with dawdling.

It can take 1/2 hour for one of them to get their clothes on in a morning, but if I try to help then tantrum ensues, mornings are not fun. "put on your underwear" " put on your socks" etc.. ahhh I guess too many distractions and other important issues on their mind.

 

We can't really do the competition because in general this is Melissa's game only. She's the dawdler suprema!

I'm thinking I might need an M&M jar!

But for the seatbelt thing I can now pretty much say, "Let's see how fast you can do it!" and start counting and she seems to scamper into action. So it's a race against time not her sister.

 

Oh Boy do I have this problem too!! And - they are always trying to turn things into a race (they do this themselves) and the one who doesn't win throws a fit. I can't win. Your description of blood pressure rising made me laugh because it seems like you were writing about me!

I am constantly trying to get them to "move along", and the nature of the 4-year-old attention span is seriously getting to me. I think they have good intentions; they start out listening to me, but are so easily distracted that they run off right in the middle of whatever they were told to do. When I do have "success" (if you can call it that) I say something like "Time to pick out your pants for tomorrow..... Ok.... I'm picking out the pants for you" and by the time my hand gets in the drawer they come running. I wish I could get them to stay focused the entire time they are in the bedroom (our bedtime routine: put on pajamas, pick out next day's clothes), but they flutter around the room like they're butterflies. I bet if they were singletons I wouldn't have this issue - I think they distract each other.

...the trouble is.... some of their shenanigans are really cute. At bathtime, my worst attention-span daughter will almost always get all or partially undressed, then get distracted by something, then say "OK, OK, I'm coming" and race around between her room and the bathroom, all the while laughing ridiculously because she thinks its funny to be all or partially naked. One of her favorite distractions is to march around the upstairs with her underpants (the clean underpants meant for after the bath) on her head. Sometimes the two of them march around with underpants on their heads... and Mom can't keep a straight face while saying "Ok - get into the bath!".

 

Alden, I use all of those strategies. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. I just have to constantly remind myself that they are three and take that deep breath you mentioned!