how do you cope

ok...so I have 5 week b/g twins.. I am just wondering how you all coped through this time.. it seems like its getting worse then easier.
it seems like when one cries the other one is crying and I can not physically get to both to hold and soothe.. I also have a 3 yr old..
they seem more cranky through out the day not just at night.. at night is a diffenent story they are cranky longer...
what to do.. I feel like all me and my husband do is argue and we are neglecting my 3yr old because we are so tired and cranky ourselves
family does come and help when they can but everybody works so help is limited.

 

Big :hug99: s! You are right in the middle of what I considered to be the hardest part. You just have to do whatever works to get through it in one piece! Have you tried feeding the babies more often? They might be going through a growth spurt. The nighttime fussiness was really bad for us around that age and feeding them more often would help. Giving them a bath in the middle of the fussy time was also calming for my babies. Make sure you use your swings, vibrating bouncies, and whatever else you have available! This will pass! Hang in there. :hug99:

 

BIG HUG!!! I had a VERY tough time with the first 4 months, but I survived- and actually like having twins now
Do you have swings? They were a life saver for us. Do you swaddle? Take them on walks outside, just being outside may help your mood.

Can you hire some help? Maybe a highschooler to come a few afternoons?

 

QUOTE(excitedk @ May 6 2007, 10:45 PM) [snapback]245657[/snapback]
BIG HUG!!! I had a VERY tough time with the first 4 months, but I survived- and actually like having twins now
Do you have swings? They were a life saver for us. Do you swaddle? Take them on walks outside, just being outside may help your mood.

Can you hire some help? Maybe a highschooler to come a few afternoons?


did you find that keeping them in the swings too much that eventually they wouldnt like the crib?
I do put them in the swing alot.. most times we are sleeping on the sofa where the swings are. we swaddle as well. and I totally get when you say "actually like having twins" its really hard and no one can prepare you for twins.. you can read 100 books on twins and still nto get it until they get here in the world.
thank you for your support.
:itwins:

 

QUOTE(becky5 @ May 6 2007, 10:41 PM) [snapback]245653[/snapback]
Big :hug99: s! You are right in the middle of what I considered to be the hardest part. You just have to do whatever works to get through it in one piece! Have you tried feeding the babies more often? They might be going through a growth spurt. The nighttime fussiness was really bad for us around that age and feeding them more often would help. Giving them a bath in the middle of the fussy time was also calming for my babies. Make sure you use your swings, vibrating bouncies, and whatever else you have available! This will pass! Hang in there. :hug99:

i feel like if I feed them more often one throws up and the other gets really bad gas pains. so I feel like I just let them tell me when they are hungry and I will feed. I am kind of old school on teh feeding.. I feel like if they are sleeping dont wake them up.. doyou feel that its differnet with twins.. Should I wake them up after 4hrs of sleeping. I feel like If I was to wake them every 3hrs during the day.. that means thew will wake up every 3hrs at night .. I will take your advice you have been there done that so I am just new at this.. I have another child but didnt feel like it was this tough.. I know its double but I breastfed her and I think it was altogether different when you breastfeed.

 

QUOTE(nicolina @ May 6 2007, 07:07 PM) [snapback]245674[/snapback]
i feel like if I feed them more often one throws up and the other gets really bad gas pains. so I feel like I just let them tell me when they are hungry and I will feed. I am kind of old school on teh feeding.. I feel like if they are sleeping dont wake them up.. doyou feel that its differnet with twins.. Should I wake them up after 4hrs of sleeping. I feel like If I was to wake them every 3hrs during the day.. that means thew will wake up every 3hrs at night .. I will take your advice you have been there done that so I am just new at this.. I have another child but didnt feel like it was this tough.. I know its double but I breastfed her and I think it was altogether different when you breastfeed.



Well if you have tried cluster feeding, and it didn't work, then I would rule that out. My thinking with the waking every 3 hours to eat during the day, is that they are going to get more in them during the day, be more awake during the day, and need less nutrition at night. BUT...as with anything, you need to do what works for you and your babies! As far as letting them swing, if it works...let them swing! Emma slept in her swing all night long for the first 3 months, and had no problem transitioning to her crib.

 

I would definately wake them every 3 hours during the day, and feed them. I think its around 6 weeks were they have a growing spurt too, so that might be it. I know its a very hard time, and you just can't believe it will get better,(and you actually don't want to hear it either) I know my babies loved the swing, they loved being patted on the bum.

But my first reaction to your post was to try to feed them more. Ours were very fussy in the evening, and we fed them more and they were much better.
Good luck, it will get better hang in there you are doing a good job, and the arguing will stop too(we argued all the time too) :hug99:

 

Things were from bad to worse aroun this age. They become more alert and more cranky and decided to pretty much not sleep at night. It was horrible but my kids slept in swings alot and bouncy seats. I used lots of batteries in this stage too. I did feed mine every 3hrs like clockwork during the day b/c I read that if they get enough nutrition during the day then they will begin to sleep longer stretches. They got into a good routine and theit did sleep go from getting up 2-3 times a night to only once and usually within a half hour of each other. It was more sleep than I was getting so I took it lol.

 

My dh and I too have NO IDEA how we managed the 1st three months, especially from about 5-8Pm. They both wanted to be held and it was impossible for me to do it alone until he came home from work late. We survived on baby lullaby CD's. They loved them. Mine hated the swing and the vibrating bouncy seats, but they helped everyone's elses kids so try it! And never be afraid to ask friends to come over and just hold them at night with you. I did and friends were glad to help! BEST OF LUCK! It will get better.

 

I agree with the PP that we had no idea what we were getting into the first few months. My husband had started a new job, we were new parents and it was exhausting. Thank goodness my mom lived with us during the week the first three months and went home to my dad on the weekends. Thank goodness he was okay with the arrangement. Try to get them on a schedule even if it means waking one to feed them at the same time. Like I just told another post; rest when the rest if you can. Do not worry about the house....in time it will be back to normal...as normal can be with twins..... :hug99:

 

thank you everyone.. this website is a true blessing.
I cant tell you how many times I come on here feeling so hopeless but then I come on here and feel so much better.
thanks again..

 

In regards to the swing- dd napped in hers till she was 4 months and had no problem transitioning to the crib. Ds was much more fussy and napped AND slept in his swing till he was 5 months. We then started having sleep in his crib but he still napped in his swing till he was 7 months. Trust me when I say do what it takes to survive and make them happy now, when you are better adjusted to them, getting more sleep, etc you will able to change things up if need be.
I also found white niose to be very helpful to lengthen naps and bedtime sleep.

 

I am so sorry to hear you are having a rough time. The nice thing about twinstuff though is that we all have a very close idea of what you are going through. Even though each experience is unique, we are all dealing with more than one baby. I do promise it gets better and as soon as the babies fall into a rythm (I don't like the word routine because routines change) your relationship will also settle down. My dh and I fought quite a bit the first few months, but we soon came to realize than acting as a team was a lot more beneficial than the bickering that we had going on. I won't lie, we still have rough days, but they are becoming fewer and fewer. Today was hard because we were stuck together in the house all day and the twins are teething...again. The nice thing is that I know it will get easy again. Good luck and keep your head up.

 

I was right there where you are last year! I have a 3 year old and b/g twins. It was so rough and ugly! I cried and cried about neglecting my 3 year old son. It was just crazy! I can tell you that it does get better! And as for advice.....here goes!

1. Try your hardest to get them on a strict schedule. At about 5-6 weeks I was losing my mind and I buckled down and got them on a schedule. It was hard but I used the "Babywise" method. There is a book but I didn't read it....who has time??? I just called a good friend who has used it on all her kids and she gave me a crash course one night at about 10:30 and I went by it like it was the law. It worked and things got better for me as far as schedule and sleeping almost immediately. They were only waking once at night anyway, but the schedule got them sleeping through the night by 7 weeks or so. It doesn't have to be "Babywise" but try to find some proven method and follow it.

2. Get help! If at all possible....if anyone offers to come over or take the 3 year old or buy groceries or anything....TAKE IT! I was so humbled by having twins. I have always been so put together and able to get it all done but these babies have humbled me. And you may have to ask for help. If you need someone to come over in the evening even though they have worked all day themselves then ask them to. Ask friends for help or just to even come over and hang out with you for a couple hours a day. It lightens the mood when things seem to be closing in on you.

3. Get medication if needed. I waited until last month to get medication for PPD because I hated to get put on medication and it made me feel defeated that I needed it. You may not need it but explore that possibility and don't feel badly if you do need it. Talk to your doctor. If it is needed, it makes such a difference!

Please know that this too will pass! Having twins and my son has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. I just tell myself that we twin moms must be pretty special people since God chose us to have twins! He must know we can handle it. Hang in there and good luck with your precious family!

 

Hi there! I had a 2 1/2 year old when I had my b/g twins! I remember the first 3 months were awful! Try and get your 3-yr old involved in helping you play with the babies, changing diapers, etc. It's hard! I think my toddler watched way too much TV during that phase because it was easy that way. But now, he is a big help and he keeps them entertained. I couldn't imagine having twins without an older sibling to entertain them! If family comes to help, maybe you can take your 3-yr old to a park just you and him or play a game with him or something to let him know you still are focused on him too. I also agree with other posts about getting them on a schedule! Work on this from the beginning. It was a lifesaver for me.

 

At that age, I found swaddling them in the miracle blankets was the ONLY solution for fussiness and sleep fighting. Now, there over the swaddling. But, the sanity we got with those two miracle blankets was TOTALLY worth the extra money!!

Big hugs :hug99:! You'll get thru this soon and it will be a big blur.

 

First off :hug99: it will get better. I found that the point you are at now is very difficult which is what made me realize that I needed to get them on a schedule before I lost my sanity. I did not read any books but simply took the advice of the other mommies here on TS because they are the ones who have BTDT so I took their advice.

Obviously every baby is different so this may or may not work for you but this is what worked for us and my twins were sleeping through the night by 8-10 weeks old (I forgot the exact age)

For the first few weeks we were in survival mode and just let them sleep wherever and whenever they would. They ate atleast every 3 hours or sooner if they were hungry before that.

At around 8 weeks we transitioned them to their cribs at night. They took naps in the livingroom either in their bouncy seats or swing during the day and were put in the crib for the night at 8 pm. I wanted them to realize that once in the crib they were there for the night which is why they still took their naps in the livingroom rather than the crib. During the day I would wake them atleast every 3 hours to eat. During the night I let them sleep until they woke me up to eat. When they woke up I would feed them and put them right back into the crib no talking, playing, cuddling etc just feed and back to bed. Less than a week of that and they were sleeping from 8 pm-6 am and have done so ever since then. Apparently mommy wasnt as exciting to hang around with at 3 in the morning if they weren't being cuddled or talked to during that time. BTW that killed me to Ignore my babies but they got tons of cuddles and attention during the day to make up for it.



Try your best to get them into a bedtime routine so that they know its bedtime i.e. Bath, clean jammies, bottle, bed. Swaddling also worked great for us at that time. I hate to brag but I have great sleepers and I dedicate that completely to the fact that I started them on a schedule / routine so early on. Right now we are still trying to get the naps worked out but I have a guaranteed 10-12 hours during the night where they will be sleeping which means I get me time plus time to sleep and then all day its about them.


Okay I'm done writing my novel now I hope you will be able to gain something from it. :hug99:

Edited because I just realized your twins are only 5 weeks for some reason I was thinking you had said 7 weeks as well as the fact that I didnt really answer you questions. Oops still I would try what I just said but you may need to wait a couple more weeks since they are still fairly young

The arguing with DH will get better when the babies are sleeping more often. I think most of the 'conversations' with DH during the first few weeks were more yelling and arguing than actual talking. We were both sleep deprived and when you are so exhausted you tend to forget that your spouse is too. KWIM.

Try to get your 3 year old involved as much as you can so that they feel important. Such as asking them to bring the diaper to the garbage can or grab the pillow from the couch for you. My niece was 3 when her sister was born and she loved the fact that mommy needed her help and was so proud to help out with the new baby.

Okay now hopefully I have helped you out a bit. I will now retire from my novel writing and go to bed.

 

Just like everyone else, I can say that it WILL get better! It might seem like it will never end, but it does slow down. My boys are 5.5 months old and I was just asking my mom this past weekend if I am EVER going to get rest. I think that the answer is NO. My advice, which helped me the most, ROUTINE ROUTINE ROUTINE. It truly helps to keep you sane and helps your kids somewhat "know" what to expect. Good luck and much love. It WILL get better, just keep the faith. Also remember.....if right in the middle of screaming and you feel like you are going to lose it....walk away to a quiet place (bathroom worked for me) and slowly count to 10. IT WORKS WONDERS!

Good luck I know you can do it!!!!!!!!!!

:hug99:
:hug99:
:hug99:

 

I know it's SUPER hard right now, but it does get easier. I remember when we brought our twins home from the hospital, DH and I had a really hard time adjusting. We just kept looking at each other like, "what the heck did we get ourselves into!"

I'm a believer in schedules and I know it's tough because they naturally seem to be on different ones. Just do the best you can and remember they love you no matter what!

Hang in there!

 

:hug99: :hug99: :hug99: It will get better! If they sleep in the swing, let'em swing...if it's the bouncy they prefer, bouncy it is, maybe the carseat? (Sometimes a trip around the block or 10 minutes on top the dryer in a dark laundry room will work- don't walk away- and you don't want to take them outta the seats cause they'll wake up.) You are smack in the middle of what I found to be the hardest period- do whatever it takes to survive and your babies will thrive. As far as feeding goes, I never went on a strict time limit schedule but when one woke up to eat at night I woke the other. Sometimes they would only want a few oz but that meant there would be just a little more time between wakings and I could get a few more minutes of shut eye.

As far as arguing w/ DH, one baby is often a strain on a marriage, two is really hard. Are you comfortable with someone taking care of them for a little while (even 1 hour)? If so- you should try to get a little time alone with him.

Your 3 yo. My Micah is 3 (was when the babies were born too)- he is a really big help, I try to let him "rescue" the babies when they would cry (put the bink back in their mouth) and he would sit there with me and help hold the bottles when I fed them. DH and I also took (still do) time alone with him- McDs, park, grocery store or Walmart- so that he didn't ever feel like he was forgotten.

Good Luck and remember, we're all here for you when you need us...there were wonderful ladies here for us- That's what TS is all about.

 

:hug99: I know you have already heard it but

IT DOES GET BETTER MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

THANKS EVERYBODY. ALL THIS ADVICE HELPS ME SO MUCH..
THEY WENT FOR THEIR 1 MONTH APPOINTMENT.. AND ROCCO CAME HOME AT 6.3 AND IS NOW 8.12 HE IS A CHUBBA
LUCIA CAME AT 5.15 AND NOW SHE IS 7.11.. VERY HAPPY WITH THEIR WEIGHT.. '
QUICK QUESTION.. WHEN DOES THE 3HR WAKE TO FEED STOP.. FOR EXAMPLE.. I FED THEM LAST AT 5 TONIGHT SHOULD I LET THEM GO UNTIL THEY WAKE OR WAKE AND FEED NOW?
THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE YOU ARE THE BEST.
BIG HUGS TO ALL OF YOU!