how do relatives help you?

i had a talk with my parents today and expressed to them how disappointed i am because they participate so little in the girls life. i mean they recognize the lady at the coffee shop we go to and not their grandparents!
as a result of our discussion they offered to babysit if the babies are already asleep. given that they are not that familiar with the babies i think it would be tricky if the babies woke up and found them here.
i was wondering though what other help i could ask from them to make my life easier and also so they can get closer to the girls.
how do your relatives help you? what do you find useful? what have you asked for or would like done for you?
i'm so not used to asking for help that now that i can i don't know how!!

 

i had a talk with my parents today and expressed to them how disappointed i am because they participate so little in the girls life. i mean they recognize the lady at the coffee shop we go to and not their grandparents!
as a result of our discussion they offered to babysit if the babies are already asleep. given that they are not that familiar with the babies i think it would be tricky if the babies woke up and found them here.
i was wondering though what other help i could ask from them to make my life easier and also so they can get closer to the girls.
how do your relatives help you? what do you find useful? what have you asked for or would like done for you?
i'm so not used to asking for help that now that i can i don't know how!!

 

My mom comes over for a few hours every Friday and Sunday. She plays with feeds, changes etc. the babies. This gives me time to do laundry, clean up the house or run errands if I need to. And gives her time to play with her grandchildren so its win-win if you ask me.


Just wondering if they want to spend time with their grandchildren wouldn't they want to watch them while they are awake not when they are sleeping?

 

Well we are visiting and staying with my grandparents right now. My grandma is very helpful, she will babysit, do our laundry and shops and cooks for us. Her going and doing the shopping is the most helpful, since its RSV and flu season the girls dont get to go to the store with me right now so I make a list, give her money (if she'll take it) and off she goes to the store. Maybe you could see if she can watch them after bedtime so you could get out? It seems a little silly to be so scared of caring for her own grandbabies. BUt them again my MIL, when we lived 15 minutes away, talked and talked about how helpful she wanted to be but she only saw the girls a handful of times in their life.

 

My parents stayed with us for 2 weeks when the girls were born and were basically round-the-clock nannies. They bathed, fed, changed diapers, walked the floor at night, etc. They do everything DH or I would do.

DH's parents are different. They are older and not as physically able, so they can't do hands-on baby care. It's been harder for them to bond with the girls as a result. But they come over and hang out on weekends -- they can supervise and play a little, and distract the kids so that DH and I can get some stuff done. Also, MIL comes over sometimes when I am doing dinner & bedtime alone, and helps get the food ready, brings things in & out of the kitchen, etc. There are a lot of things they can do to be near the kids without actually doing hands-on care.

If your parents are nervous about doing direct care (which it sounds like they are), it might be best to start with that. After the kids get used to having them around, your parents can start reading them stories and things like that. Also, what you ask them to do depends on whether they want to help but are nervous or just don't know how, versus if they don't want to be more involved but are doing it because you are asking them to (if that makes sense).

 

Thaks for your suggestions so far.
yes it does seem strange that they are so reluctant to help out. i don't know why- it's a combination of fear of responsibility and them being out of the baby caring habit. it's difficult to discuss this with them- they get all defensive or sad.
that's why i'm asking you ladies how you involve your relatives so i can give them some suggestions of how they can spend time with the girls but also help me out. i also would prefer their involvement be in during the day so they bond.
dh and i are not even that interested in going out at night so the night babysitting isn't important to us anyway.

 

I hate to admit how spoiled I am. We moved to PA from VA and moved my father-in-law along with us. He is a deaf mute and lives in our quest house. He is retired so he watches my boys while I work (yes...I personally find I do better if I work some). My husband works late hours and so his dad helps me with everything. The boys love him.
I also live only about 2 minutes from my parents. They frequently (atleast 2x a week) watch the boys while we go out for dinner. They will also keep my 2 year old and that gives me time with the babies. Also, once a month they keep them overnight....that is wonderful.
I don't know how I would do it without all of the support I get.

 

my mom is very helpful (when she visits, they live in AZ_, but in general, i'm grateful to have any extra hands...they can prepare bottles, or hold babies while you prepare bottles...they can do any dishes or other "non-baby" chores.

good luck.

 

My MIL is awesome, and would do anything to help me out. That being said, I try not to take advantage of her or overdo it so she won't want to. So, I often will go shopping with some of my children and leave her some- each of us having just one baby at a time. That makes it easier for both of us, and then she loves to help. I'm not sure she'd help so much if I always left her both, it's harder. That's something to think about with your mom, leave her one at a time and take one with you. You'll be amazed how nice life is with just one baby!

 

Unfortunately, we have no family near to us. We live in VA...my family is in IL and DHs family is in CO. However, my mom came out for about 1.5 weeks and helped feed, calm crying babies and helped with the cleaning/cooking. It was as tremendous help! MIL came out for a week and then was just recently here for another 2 weeks. She helped me feed the girls during the day, watched them while I ran errands, etc. She also helped wash the daily slew of bottles/nipples, which was nice!!

I suppose if they aren't comfortable watching the babies there are tons of other things they can do, such as laundry, clean, cook, wash bottles that will make a huge difference in your work-load!!

 

I was kind of spoiled by my Mom, she was here every day until the kids were 6 months old (except weekends). Now, she comes over MWF from 8-1 so I can get out of the house/grocery shop/go to the gym etc.

 

My parents kept the boys overnight for the first time last weekend--they are 4 1/2. Until the past year, the boys were really too much for my dad. My mom would come over when she could, and loves to see them as often as possible, 2-3 times a month. I just feel that it isn't her responsiblity to help me. If I need help, then I finagle with friends, leave them with DH, or just work it out. My parents are really a last resort--besides they like having DH and I around as well.

 

Wow! isn't that strange? before i read hre's post it had never crossed my mind that i could leave just one baby with them!!! i guess i always see them as a set! that might make things easier for them to start with and i could get things done out of the house easier.

 

Wow how nice it sounds to have family live near by. Our family live about 2 hours away so they are not here every day. My mother recently passed so my MIL and family helped A LOT while we tended to the funeral arrangements etc. Otherwise we are on our own. If needed we have had to ask neighbors to babysit once in a while to run an errand but that is rare.
I would think if the GP's are nervous about physically caring for the babies they can do so many things around the house. I wish I had that assistance.

 

It sounds like you need to talk to your mom, and have her come over for a few hours at a time, to observe what you do with them... maybe teach her the little things they do, you know, have her interact with them, with you there. That might help her get use to the situation, thus maybe in the future making her feel like she could babysit whether they were asleep or awake?

 

You are really lucky that they want to be involved, and all of you are lucky to have help. My parents live an hour away and it's hard to coordinate help with them, plus they aren't so thrilled about doing it, lol. My ILs live 10 hours away and they like to help, but they need to be watched like a hawk, so it usually ends up being more work for me. I really wish I had more involved parents because it would make life so much easier! That being said, we're getting paid help now because I cannot imagine doing it alone with 3 babies, lol! Consider yourselves all very lucky to have such great parents and ILs!

 

When the babies were first born my mom and step-mom would each take a day and come stay at my house for a few hours while I ran errands or rested. They also would babysit when ever DH and I needed a night out or had plans. Whenever MIL was in town she would always help and try and get DH and to go out.

When they were 11 months old, I had to go back to work and the whole family stepped up to the plate as they did not want them going to daycare. So my mom watches them on Monday's and Tuesdays. My dad and step-mom have them on Wednesday and Thursday's and my DH's grandma (yes, his grandma! ) comes and watches them on Friday's after their toddler class which I take them to. Honestly, it has worked out great for us and they are very comfortable with all these people.

Since my parents watch them during the week, I try not to tie them down on the weekends, so a lot of times my brother and sisiter will take the kids, so we can go out to dinner or whatever.

I think the key to my sanity has been our families huge support and help. It doesn't hurt that the twins are the only grandchildren, neice, newphews in both of our families either and people ask to babysit them!

 

I think my mother is terrified of the boys. She doesn't like to watch them by herself but if my sister is in town she will watch them. My in laws are wonderful. My father in law has been amazing. When the boys were first born he would come over to help out with anything. He is retired so he came any time I called and he lives 1.5 hours away. I don't know what I would have done without him. My mother in law would do the laundry or cook or just talk to me.

 

The only help I get is the fact they always go against my wishes and spoil them so when we get them back we have to start there schedules all over again.