Just wondering if anyone can share experiences/advice about taking care of twins all day by yourself...is this possible?! My dh was home last week but went back to work this week. We had family out here last week, but all of our family lives 6 or more hours away and all of our friends work during the day so I have no help during the day.
You can totally do it! You're in survival mode right now so do whatever you can to get through the day. You guys will eventually get into a routine and it will become second nature. The first few months are such a blur. I can't remember how we got through it, we just did (and so will you!) Good luck and contratulations on your twins!! ETA: sorry I didn't have any advice or experience to offer, just support and hugs :hug: You will be amazed at how you are able to take care of 2 babies- all by yourself!!
QUOTE(Jenn G @ Sep 23 2008, 04:00 PM) [snapback]994093[/snapback] You can totally do it! You're in survival mode right now so do whatever you can to get through the day. You guys will eventually get into a routine and it will become second nature. The first few months are such a blur. I can't remember how we got through it, we just did (and so will you!) Good luck and contratulations on your twins!! I could not agree more!! Sleep when your babies sleep! Just remember that you are only one person and can only do so much! Don't be hard on yourself, just take things one day at a time. I definitely had days that I didn't know how I was going to make it through, but eventually that day ends and gives way to a new day filled with its one challenges. You can do this!! :hug:
Yes, you can do it! When my girls were born my dh was having to live away from home M - F. I remember those first few months as being really hectic and just being tired. It's true, you are just in survival mode but it gets easier after the first couple of months. I remember I'd bring both baby bouncers into my bathroom and turn the heater on - that way I had the girls in my sight while I took a bath and the sound of the bathroom fan soothed them and always put them to sleep. Don't worry about doing housework or anything else right now!!
I have been wondering the same thing. My help is about ready to leave and I'm going to have to do this by myself. What kind of routine did you all have going on when you have to do everything by yourself?
QUOTE(cvaughn @ Sep 23 2008, 04:24 PM) [snapback]994121[/snapback] I have been wondering the same thing. My help is about ready to leave and I'm going to have to do this by myself. What kind of routine did you all have going on when you have to do everything by yourself? We had no routine until the girls were 4 or 5 months old, other than bottles every 3-4 hours and baths every other day. They pretty much dictated the schedule, and at that point it was all over the place.
You can do it and it will get easier every day! I have been doing it on my own expect for my hubby's 2 week leave when they were born. We are 20+ hours from ALL friends and family, so I never even have a sitter! Also by 4 or 5 months and even later say 6 and 7, they can sit and play and it will be great! We are 9.5 Months and have been smooth sailing for a while now. Except for that whole sleeping at night thing,
Things were actually easier for me when I didn't have family over. Dh went back to work after a week also... I just used the time they were sleeping (which was honestly most of the time) to do things for myself, whether it was playing a video game, read forums or nap (I didn't nap much). I think it really helped not to worry about cleaning (I had to do dishes and laundry most days though). It got easier at 5 months. There are still bad days, but usually the dogs are involved in those... I think what helped is that I didn't take it personally if one of them cried because he/she was hungry and I was feeding the other... I know it wasn't going to last. Swaddles, pacifiers and bouncers really made things easier too.
I agree with all the pp. Just focus on the babies--feed them, changing diapers, etc...and sleep whenever you can! So important...I learned the hard way that everything else--house cleaning, cooking, etc...--don't matter at this point! And soon enough, you will notice a pattern/routine developing...we are 5 months into it, and I began to see things improve around 3.5 months (mine were 2 months premature). Hang in there--you will do great!!
I know you're mostly going to get pep-talk style responses from people encouraging you can that you do it on your own. Maybe you can, and if so that's wonderful. But maybe you can't. I couldn't - and I almost drove myself insane trying. Trying to do it on my own is probably the reason I failed at breast feeding and likely a major cause of my post partum anxiety/depression. When I finally realized that I couldn't do it and got myself some support, things were a bit easier. I hired myself a "helper" (you can find an ECE student or similar on Craig's List) to come just a few hours a few times a week to help with baby holding, folding laundry, and watching the kids while I showered. Financially it was a stretch and my in laws ended up helping with that (they asked what they could do to help and since they couldn't physically help they helped by paying for some support for me). Anyway, my point is this: you may be able to do it on your own, but you may not. You should follow other posters' advice about reducing your expectations (i.e. who cares if your house is clean, just make sure you're all alive at the end of the day and be proud of that) but if you can't do it alone and need to hire a bit of help, ask your neighbours to cook you some lasagna and/or food for your freezer, get your best friend to clean your bathroom and kitchen each week, or have some old ladies from church take one or both of your kids for a walk a few times a week THEN GO FOR IT AND DON'T FEEL BAD AT ALL. Whatever it takes to survive with your sanity in tact. Some women can do it on their own and others simply can't. We're all super mamas no matter what in our own way!
You'll find a way to do it, and what works best for you. I kept my girls all summer while DH was working and even a few times overnight while he was at camps with our church youth group (he's the youth pastor). This week he is at a conference so I was so proud of myself when I got the girls up, fed, and out the door on time and was actually early for work. I agree to take naps when they nap, and don't be afraid to just sit and relax when they are sleeping! Don't try and run yourself to death, you'll go crazy.
I swear every time I have a problem I look on here and there is a topic about it. I was wondering the same thing I dread night time it is sooo hard and during the day I drink so much caffeine to be able to get through the day I can't sleep. I am getting cabin fever and a little depressed because I feel like all I do is try to make them sleep. No time to spend time with them besides feeding and changing and I am constantly worried about them...It feels good to know this is normal. I hope it gets better for you...and me!
It will get better! Don't be shy asking for or hiring some help during the day. I agree with other posters, reduce your expectations. Forget about it if the house is clean or that you are able to cook dinner (some days we ordered pizza, others we ate cereal)...do what you gotta do to get through the day. :hug:
You have already received a lot of great advice. It is tough but you can do it! We are all here to help.
I agree with all these smart mommies Those first few months were rough....but somehow someway we make it through. When my DH went back to work I vaguely recall following him to the door on my hands & knees crying & saying 'don't leave!!!, I don't know what to do' (sad but true story!) When he did go back to work the amount of pride I had in myself for getting through the day was like nothing I have ever experienced. I didn't take a shower & probably forgot to eat, but we were all in 1 peice when he got home from work :good: I also suffered from PPD, but contacted my Dr. after those feelings didn't just 'go away' like I thought they would. Hang in there momma & just take each hour as it comes :hug:
It is hard, I had help for 2 weeks and then was on my own with the twins and my almost 2 yr old! Just take things one day at a time- I kept mine on the same schedule for about 6-8 weeks, then started letting one sleep longer and not waking them to feed if the other one woke up. That helped some. Also try and get out for a walk or just ouside for a while every day if it is nice. Just a change of scenery can be a stress reliever. And give yourself permission to put the babies safely in their swings, cribs, or bouncy, and take a shower and eat! if one or both wake up and cry, it is not the end of the world! A fed and refreshed mommy is a better mommy!! Even now, at 7 months, some days are good, everyone naps when they are supposed to, and mommy is happy. Other days are still a train wreck!!!! Just tell yourself tomorrow is a new day! ANd like PP said, if you have any feelings of depression, talk to your OB about PPD. Hang in there- it will get better (or so I've been told!! LOL!)
You can do it!! My DH actually took 2 weeks off. I also had PPD so that 3rd week when he went back to work, a couple times I called and he came home early (he works nights). You are in survival mode. I did whatever it took to make it through the day/night. Mine were super fussy in the evening- there was many a night where I had to sit holding them on my chest while they slept. That was the only thing I could do to get them to stop crying. Then, I would put 1 in the swing and I would have to constantly hold the other. The hardest part in the beginning was adjusting. I am 34, so I've spent my whole life only taking care of myself. I learned that I had to accept that my #1 priority is taking care of them and doing whatever to get them to not cry! So I got 2 newborn loungers, set one on each side of me on the couch. I had the tv, dvds, and my laptop and cell phone. I sat on that couch daily for I don't know how long. But it worked. I also had a pack n play there too so I could set them down if I had to go to the bathroom or something. You can totally do it! It is hard, but you will get used to it. You will start to get to know your little ones and you will eventually get a routine going. Hang in there!!!!
I remember sitting there especially at night and doing a lot of crying wondering how I was going to survive. I learnt how to accept that sometimes they have to cry, I couldn't pick up both at once, settle both at once or I couldn't manage to feed both at once as they had reflux so they had to be burped properly straight after a feed. You aren't alone and if you need to cry we are all here, we have either gone through it or are going through it. My girls are soooooo much better now so always remember it gets easier (I'm sure I will probably change my mind when they turn 2 lol) So concentrate on yourself and your twins and breath, big deap breaths help and before you no it you will be proud of yourself for what you can do and feel like you can take on the world cause if you can deal with 2 screaming babies then you can deal with anything.
All the responses are terrific Your post sounds almost identical to ones I posted when I first joined a couple of months ago. My advice (already been said so reiterating as it works for me) is to DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO to get through the day. For me, I need to get out, on my own, alone at some point every day. We can't afford a nanny, and while at times I'm envious of those who can, I also have a HUGE sense of pride that I am doing this all by myself! We reviewed our finances and hired a lady to come for a few hours in the morning two times a week. Even if I have nowhere to go, I just get out. I come home reenergized. I also agree to get out with the babies at least once a day if you can. Someone suggested a few months ago to me to go to a Starbucks or fast-food drive-through if necessary---I did that many a time and believe it or not it did help Today I took the babes to the pedi solo, for the first time, to get their 3-month shots. They were screaming in the office and I was able to get them to eventually calm down. When I got home, I was so proud of myself for getting through it and not letting their emotions take over me. Try to stay centered when they're both crying and decide which baby you need to tend to first. Do the best you can and compliment yourself regularly for getting through another day. You are doing an AMAZING job whether you realize it or not
You have some great advice here. Just know that it does pass and it does get better. But like a pp said, DH and decided that we needed to hire help for me during the day. It was a strain financially but it was worth every penny as it helped to keep me sane. Both our babies were fussy and liked to cry, so I really felt we needed two people around with them, I had a really hard time with letting one cry. So for us the right answer was to hire some help, we hired full-time help or I had family around with me constantly for the first 5months. I know a friend that hired someone 4 days/wk 11am-4pm. And her dh would get home at 5pm, so she only did a few hours/day by herself. IN the meantime, use white noise machines, swaddle, let them sleep in bouncy chairs or swings, try to sleep when they do, put them in a safe place and leave for 15 min if you need a break (most of us have done this!), ask for help from neighbours, church group, local moms group, or local multiples group, coworkers - wherever you can get it. Big hugs, good luck. Just make it through this next little while - there is light at the end of the tunnel.
were all alone too, at least 6 hours from friends/family. it sucks but somehow i survive each day, and boy do i look forward to bedtime!! dh is gone alot, today he was supposed to be done work at 5 (i even made lasagna, had it cooking to be done at 5:30), and he didnt get home til 7 cuz of some dumb inspection. argh! i do bedtime 9/10 times by myself. do whatever works for YOU, try to not do things by the book. if they fall asleep in the swing, so be it. at that age i did stick to a very strict eating schedule, well, THEY did lol. feeding every 3 hours, at the same time or 1 right after another was good cuz they would eat and fall asleep for awhile. TRY not to worry about housework. easier said than done, at least for me. i still dont nap when they nap, ill fold laundry or clean. i should nap, the nights are long. do yourself a favor and TRY. take time for yourself every day. i get a shower and put just a lil bit of makeup on every morning. it makes me feel more humane. i may be in sweats with my hair up, but it makes me feel better. anyway, big hugs, it gets better eventually!!
My DH had 2 days off the first week 2 days the second week and 1 day the third week after I had the twins and i somehow had to get my eldest to school and back each day. Its a bit of a blur now but I got there. So will you! Good luck and Congradulations enjoy this time it goes so fast. Please sleep when ever you can!
The house was a disaster, we ate take out and frozen dinners for months (ok we still do a lot of that), I don't think I showered but about every third day. Mostly we were planted with them in the papasan chairs on the coffee table and me on the couch for the first two months. If not that way then I was holding one and the other was asleep in the newborn lounger pillow. I lived on a three hour schedule until I went back to work at the end of three months. There was usually half an hour in each cycle with them both sleeping to do something around the house, check email, shower, change, etc. It's exhausting, but doable and it gets easier/better/different. I will say that you will need to get out of the house some, with or without them. When you are comfortable with them being out and about, just pack them up and go. It will get easier to do it each time. I would feed them and hit the door in the afternoons at least twice a week and it was a huge help just to see the sun and other people. You'll get in the swing of it and it will all be OK.
Yes, you CAN DO IT!!! I don't have family in the area and it is hard to adjust to but it takes a little time. Have patience for yourself and confidence in yourself too. you can do it. I find what helps me is a routine. At 1 week, that is near impossible so understand that to. the first 4 months are the hardest but with lots of effort you will develop what works for you. write thing sdown. That helped me alot since I was so sleep deprived I had a hard time remembering things. (I sometimes nursed the same baby twice and didn't nurse the otherone at all happens to the best of us) I think the best advice I recieved was to accept help when offered. When someone would ask if they could help, I would say yes, if you could make a meal for my family that would be great. It's amazing how much easier it is to not have to make dinner for the family on 2 hours of sleep a night. Having 2 other kids means you have to keep on going, no matter what the twins are putting you through. good luck! You can do it!!!
Thank you all SO much for your responses! I have a little more faith today because of you...you are all AMAZING!
QUOTE(Hsuter @ Sep 24 2008, 08:29 AM) [snapback]995261[/snapback] Thank you all SO much for your responses! I have a little more faith today because of you...you are all AMAZING! :hug: I fI can do it, You can do it!
