How Do I Tell My Grandmother...

Hi everyone! My girls just turned one, so this is my first SY post!

My grandmother is no typical grandma. She's as far from sweet and quiet as they come...and she scares my girls.

Everytime I take them to visit their great grandparents, they will laugh and play with Granddady but as soon as Grandma gets close, they cling to me and won't let me out of their sight. I don't know what it is. Maybe her voice or her demeanor--no idea! She's convinced they spend too much time with me and "just can't get used to other people." How do I tell her the truth without breaking her heart?

 

Ouch, that is a tough situation, and i am sorry you are in it, i really have no idea, maybe you could just try to say that they are having a bit of separation anxiety and that the best way for them to feel comfortable is if she just be very calm and soft around them?/? Gosh, i really don't know, i hope things improve for you soon.

 

It's pretty normal for kids to go through phases where they're afraid of certain things and/or people. I would just tell her they're going through a funny phase at the moment and maybe if she could just give them some time to warm up it would be helpful. My boys were wary of my grandma the first time they met her (they were 10 months) and it broke my heart. But my grandma just gave them their space and then we took them for a wheelchair ride and all was good. Maybe she could give your girls a special treat or play with a special new toy together?

 

Why tell her the truth? I mean, what would you gain from that? What's wrong with her thinking that they spend too much time with you? I'd just say--yeah that must be it, but I can't seem to get my fill. Or they grow up so fast, I'm trying to hang on to them as long as I can--that will probably ring true with her.
Getting a special toy or treat tied to the visit sounds like a good idea for you to help soften the experience up for them. You don't mention how far away they live or how often you get to see them--probably the best remedy is more frequent visits. That and time. They are so luckly to be able to have great grandparents in their lives.

 

I agree with this 200%

 

I agree also. :good:

I don't know that I would say anything because it might hurt her feelings. And to a point I agree with her, they are going to have to get used to all sorts of different people talking to them.

Is it that she's too much in their face, sort of thing? My mom was like that for a while. So I started making comments like "yeah, they've started acting that way with me" and then I would start acting how I wanted her to act, without saying a word to her. She would just follow me lead and back down a little and they were much more receptive to the interaction.

 

DH's Baba (Ukrainian grandmother) had some issues with my SIL's kids (they have stranger-danger pretty bad) and she would always have a pocket full of M&Ms to woo them. It really helped them to warm up to her quickly; she lived very far away (she has since passed), so they didn't get to see her very often.

I'm sure it's totally a phase, and the more time your girls spend with their Grandmother the more comfortable they will be with her.

 

Thank you ladies! I think I need to figure out a way to tell (or show) her how to be a little less in their faces without saying that she scares them. I almost thought she'd figure it out at their party. The girls were hugging everyone--my parents, the in laws, my friends and their kids, but Grandma made Lillie cry and Dani just stared at her while clutching my leg.
They live only 30 minutes away; I may need to set up regular visits.