How do I know what is wrong with me?

Ok Ladies - I need some help. I'm just not happy. I have everything I have ever wanted, but I am so frustrated, have no patience with the girls, still very angry at DH for sabotaging my BFing the girls. I can't let it go. Life seems so easy for my mom friends with two singletons. I feel like all I hear all day is whining & crying. That isn't really true but the bad is definately overshadowing the good right now. Is it too late for PPD? How do you know if that is it or not? I'm sure not every unhappy Mommy has it! Just a bad case of the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence?? anger management issues? I'm not sure who to talk to - definately not DH. He never wants to hear anything that isn't happy news. Yes, we have communication issues & no decent parental role models - both of his parents are on their third marriage & my own parents was a disaster. I've considered asking him to go to counseling but I'm sure he wouldn't, wouldn't even want to talk about us going. I know I have it better than most people - maybe I just need a kick in the butt? I can't seem to get out of my funk!!

 

I don't really know what else to say except parenting is NOT easy, especially 3 under/at 3yo and is even harder w/o a good support group in the home. If not couples counseling have you thought of speaking to a professional on your own to try and help get to the bottom of what is bothering you?

:hug99:

Alyson

 

I had a bout with depression - found out it was being caused by my Mirena IUD -- had it removed and life got back to normal.

I found that the 9mo mark of bf-ing was hard for me -- cause it was so close to the end (12 mo) but still 3 more months to go. I will say that my boys got so much easier at 10 mo and they have become sooo much fun that it's hard not to laugh at them.

I will say that if you're mad about your hubby's sabotage you gotta deal with that -- either confront it or decide to let it go, it's only hurting you keeping it inside. life's too freakin' short to fret about stuff. you've go two healthy happy kids and that's pretty darn good.

good luck

Teri D

 

Looking back I am sure I had ppd. Actually, I think up until about 2 months ago. I told my dr at my annual and he said I probably did. I wish I realized sooner so I could have been put on meds. I would lash out at my mom or dh and then cry. I could not control it. I always said I need to see a dr but never did. I thought I did not have ppd because I did not have negative thoughts about the boys but obvioulsy that does not need to be a part of it. Please go see your dr. It cant hurt. :hug99:

 

:hug99: I am so sorry you are having such a rough time...and no, it is not too late to have PPD. If you can't shake the feelings of unhappiness, it can't hurt to go talk to your doctor to see what he/she thinks. I do have PPD and am on meds, but I still could have written your very post this week. PMS... :nea: I woke up yesterday morning thinking, "I don't want to be a Mommy today!" You are right, some days, it is just so hard! The whining and crying can get maddening. Some days, I would love to be the Daddy in the family! It never fails that even if the babies have been fussy all day, as soon as my DH walks in, they are all grins and giggles...I don't think that I am a bad Mom for feeling this way and you shouldn't feel that way either! We have a pressure filled 24/7 job raising our kids and, like with any job, we are going to have really bad days...we are allowed!...On the really good days, we need to remember to pat ourselves on the backs and say, "Today I am a great Mom!

Be gentle with yourself!

 

My babies are much younger than yours so I do not feel like I have much help to offer....however, I will say that I think the "singleton envy" is COMPLETELY natural and normal. MY DH is sooooooo sick of hearing me say "this is what it would be like if we only had one" or "can you imagine how easy it would be???". He also hates to hear anything negative and at times that is maddening (most times) but I also think it is probably good for me because I can get stuck venting about what is or isn't and that just does not get me anywhere.

Anyway, I don't know much about PPD but I do think having twins is EXTREMELY difficult. Everyone says it gets easier but we are past the 3 month mark now and I am not seeing yet...

Hugs to you,
Amy

 

I felt exactly the same way the past week or two. I had no patience with my children, and I just felt angry and annoyed all the time. I hated feeling that way, but I bottled it all up and didn't say anything. I finally broke down the other night when DH really pressed the issue to find out what was wrong with me. I just bawled and bawled and had a really good meltdown. It felt so much better! I can't imagine not being able to talk to my DH about it, so that's where I would start first. Maybe being more upfront and honest with your DH would help. He's got to know you're not happy, and just sticking his head in the sand about it won't help. If you approach him by saying, "I really think I could benefit from some counseling so I can learn how to better communicate, and I'd love if you came with me for support" He'd think he was doing you a favor. I've had a few friends who've had success with that tactic---and even just going alone to counseling when DH wouldn't go also worked. It wasn't long before the husband of my friend decided to go out of curiosity! You're mental and emotional well-being is so important! Not just for you, but for your kids and marriage. I would make it a huge priority. I decided with DH to really keep an eye on my emotions the next few weeks and decide if I need to see someone or not. But honestly, a good crying session did wonders! I really hope you find something that helps soon. please let us know how you're doing.

Reyna

 

PPD is absolutely possible! It can't hurt to talk to your doc.:hug99:

 

I am so sorry to hear your feeling down, I too have had depression in my life (not ppd) and I was truly scared that I would get it after the babies were born.

I still have down days, and I too have so many singleton friends who go out all the time and do fun stuff and I get so jealous sometimes that they can get out so easily; but remember you have 2 awesome babies and deep down your friends are (at least mine) jealous that you have twins...

My Mom always says "this too shall pass" but I would talk to your husband, you are in this together and he needs to understand that if "Mommy isn't happy then her family isn't going to be happy either"

Don't you wish we got a 2 week paid vacation from this job sometimes? Go get a massage or a pedicure to pamper yourself and make DH watch the kids and maybe he'll appreciate what you do.

 

It could definitely be PPD, even this late - worth talking to a good doctor to check. The way you describe knowing that everything is ok but still feeling like crap sounds like maybe depression. "I SHOULD be happy..." Irritability is also a symptom of depression.

Also, are you getting any breaks & time to yourself? Nobody can do a job 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. Babies are wonderful, but being a mom is just plain boring, exhausting, and annoying sometimes. Is there any way you can get someone to watch the kids for a bit so you can get out and do something just for you, or even sit back and read a good book or watch a movie? I know I am a lousy mom if I don't get "me time" now and then.


:hug99: Big hugs to you. I hope you feel better soon. And if taking a few breathers doesn't help, see if maybe it's depression... You DESERVE to feel better!

 

i feel the exact same way! i have troubles feeding my boys (one takes the breast, the other the bottle, and feeding them both takes a total of 1.5 hours!!!) and feel trapped at home and trapped in my life in general. i am so jealous of mom's of singletons who are so free to go out and have a life... seriously, all i keep thinking is that if i had one, i could feed him and then go out to the mall, to the coffee shop, anywhere just to get some air.... but with having to feed two slowpokes, by the time they're done, it's naptime again and mom is trapped at home.

I know that i wanted to be a mom so bad and went through **** and back to get pregnant so why am i not ecstatic to be a mom now? i sometimes tell my husband that i don't want to be a mom anymore, i just want someone else to come and take care of them and he gets so mad. really, he doesn't know what to do... he knows how sad and frustrated i am but he can't really do anything about it... we have concluded that i just have to grin and bear it. really, there is no other choice it seems. sometimes i wonder if i have ppd too but then i am almost embarassed to bring it up to my doctor because i feel like i'm looking for a drug to solve the problems of my life and that will obviously not do it.

sorry for venting ... just wanted to say that i know where you're coming from and it is comforting knowing others feel the same way. twins are a blessing but they are really tough on moms!!
arda

 

QUOTE
sometimes i wonder if i have ppd too but then i am almost embarassed to bring it up to my doctor because i feel like i'm looking for a drug to solve the problems of my life and that will obviously not do it.


:hug99: Hugs to you and to all the frustrated moms.

Just wanted to add something about treatment for depression. Please, please, please don't be embarrassed to seek help. People don't get depressed because they're "weak," it's a mental illness, and you're not responsible for it any more than catching the flu. And seeking treatment is not about looking for a pill to solve all your problems.

If you have depression, and if your doctor thinks that medication would help, it's not like the pills fix everything. It's more that they help lift the oppressive black cloud you're under that keeps you from functioning, that keeps you from being able to solve your own problems. And ideally, if you're on meds, you should also be getting therapy at the same time. When you're depressed, you are not yourself, but you don't realize it. Depression is so insidious - it convinces you that the overwhelming negativity you feel is just the way things are. Therapy can help retrain your brain.

I was blessed to have a very good treatment program for PPD close by when it hit me. They did put me on Zoloft, but I also spent two weeks going to a day-long treatment program (intensive group and individual therapy). Looking back on it now, I am surprised at how much of the therapy consisted of help with mundane problem solving. I'd sit in therapy crying, saying "I'm so trapped, I hate this, I can't do anything anymore," and the therapist would gently challenge that with pragmatic, down-to-earth questions. You're so trapped - OK, what would you like to get out and do? (Go for a swim.) OK, what's keeping you from doing that? (I can't leave because what if DD needs to BF?) You could have DH give her a bottle of EBM. (No, I can't. (Typical depressed thinking - "No I can't" was my reaction to just about everything.) ) Why not?

And so on. Gradually we'd come up with a specific plan: when I get home from the clinic, I'll pump, and DH will have enough on hand for bottles, and I will go out.

Where do pills come into this? They gradually helped my mood improve enough that I could start thinking clearly again and be receptive to ideas for how to do things differently/better and make my life easier, instead of just despairing that everything sucks and nothing will ever change (except for the worse).

Sorry this has gotten long, I just really want to stress that feeling awful all the time is NOT normal, that you deserve to feel better, and that you CAN feel better with a little help. :hug99: