Alright ladies...I'm finally finding time to post here. I had my boys at 38 weeks on October 18. My first pregnancy after 4 years of trying and 4 IVF's. I've wanted to be a mother my entire life...And now that I am...I wonder if I am doing anything right! I'm not the type to read books about parenting, etc...DH and I are very laid back people, in the sense of we don't get worked up about things, etc...If that makes any sense! I was a preschool teacher before the boys arrived.... Now-I have some questions...Hopefully someone will shed some light. No one knows I feel this way, or think this way. Maybe it's hormonal or something, I don't know...I feel like I'm not doing my job. How does a typical day go? I feed them, change them, and then lay them down in their pnp or put them in their swing. I'm guessing I shouldn't do that all the time?!?! This might sound like a stupid question-but when they are awake-what can I do with them? I talk to them, etc...but end up laying them down to sleep. I honestly feel lost and not so smart about all of this... I put them in their pnp and they go to sleep...When should I have "bedtime?" Right now they are in the pnp asleep and it's 8 o'clock. They will wake up in about an hour to feed... Can they go in a bouncer now?!!? Did anyone exclusively pump???? Helpful hints appreciated!!! I hope at least some of this makes sense! My dh goes back to work this week and I'm not looking forward to it. I feel so lost and that I'm doing a disservice to my children who I've wanted my whole life. I never thought it would be like this. Any help/thoughts are greatly appreciated!!!!
Take a deeeeep breath, you are doing a great job! Your babies are very little, all you need to do right now is make it through the first difficult weeks by feeding and caring for them (AND yourself!!) and loving them. Playtime will come naturally later! At that stage, we were just cycling them through the day as best we could. Someone told me a good order was EAT, PLAY, SLEEP. Repeat! (Except at night, of course, it was right back to sleep!) That worked well for us. Play at that stage was putting them in bouncers (if they like them) or on the floor near things with bright patterns or a baby gym. Or we cuddled and talked to them. I had three different kinds of bouncers that I rotated them through, then put them to sleep in their cribs when they were tired. Mine slept a lot at that stage, and they eat so often that this really dictated the cycle. Mine LOVED the swings, but not until 6 or 7 weeks, at which point they really saved my sanity. But my brother's baby took to the swing within the first two weeks. Depends on the baby. Mine slept a lot in the swings too...but not until 8 weeks or so. Bedtime - well, it depends on when you are feeding them. We just fed them around the clock, and then some time around 9-11 weeks they slept through the night from 11 pm to 6, then from 9pm to six. Just feed them when they need it and go to bed when you need to, but you will probably be feeding them through the night for a good while yet, especially if you stick to breastfeeding. (We had to switch to formula at 9 weeks. Then they slept longer). I don't know about you, but once they were born I had NO time to read. I made it through "The Happiest baby on the block" while I was pumping, and THAT was it! (Very helpful ideas to get them to sleep, by the way, highly recommend it if you are having screaming issues.) I pumped, but didn't pump exclusively. Try the BF forum. We also did IVF. I love, love, love having twins, but that doesn't mean I don't have days when I don't want to tear my hair out, or have tears running down my face. That's part of being a mom. Finally, two pieces of advice that got me through the hard weeks at the beginning: 1. If they are crying, you know they are breathing. (Chant to yourself when all heck is breaking loose!) 2. Put out one fire at a time. You only have two hands. Deal with one twin first, then the other. When not in an Emergency, just pick one, and let the other cry. They won't remember later!!! Good luck, you are doing great!
QUOTE(megkc03 @ Nov 4 2007, 08:09 PM) [snapback]480949[/snapback] Alright ladies...I'm finally finding time to post here. I had my boys at 38 weeks on October 18. My first pregnancy after 4 years of trying and 4 IVF's. I've wanted to be a mother my entire life...And now that I am...I wonder if I am doing anything right! I'm not the type to read books about parenting, etc...DH and I are very laid back people, in the sense of we don't get worked up about things, etc...If that makes any sense! I was a preschool teacher before the boys arrived.... Congrats on your new babies and welcome to TS! Now-I have some questions...Hopefully someone will shed some light. No one knows I feel this way, or think this way. Maybe it's hormonal or something, I don't know...I feel like I'm not doing my job. How does a typical day go? I feed them, change them, and then lay them down in their pnp or put them in their swing. I'm guessing I shouldn't do that all the time?!?! They are newborns and will mostly just be eating, staring around and sleeping for most of the time. The best thing you can do right now is try to get rest when you can and let them do their thing until they start being more "awake" usually not until 4-6 weeks. Since they are on their back most of the time, try to vary their positions frequently when laying them down, change their postions in the crib,ie; what side of the crib they are in, the direction they are facing etc to help prevent flat spots on their heads though. This might sound like a stupid question-but when they are awake-what can I do with them? I talk to them, etc...but end up laying them down to sleep. I honestly feel lost and not so smart about all of this... Talk to them, sing to them, just tell them what you are doing throughout their day, they love the sound of your voice and talking to them is great, not always the most exciting conversations, I know, but still important I put them in their pnp and they go to sleep...When should I have "bedtime?" Right now they are in the pnp asleep and it's 8 o'clock. They will wake up in about an hour to feed... I wouldn't worry about a "bedtime" right now maybe work towards a schedule based on how often they need to eat, usually 2-3 hrs depending on if you are BFing.. try to get yourself into a good routine though of feeding, changing, etc for your sanity and it will start to fall into place over time. If they like to party during the night however work towards getting them to differentiate day and night, get the lights on during the day, get some fresh air, take them for a 5-10 minute stroll etc. so they start to learn awake during the day. for night, do calming activites, turn lights off, speak very quietly etc. and expect that it may take weeks before they get the hang of it Can they go in a bouncer now?!!? If you have a bouncer that reclines enough that they aren't slidding all over in it sure! Swings are great too. Did anyone exclusively pump???? Helpful hints appreciated!!! No help here, but TS has a GREAT breatfeeding forum I hope at least some of this makes sense! My dh goes back to work this week and I'm not looking forward to it. I feel so lost and that I'm doing a disservice to my children who I've wanted my whole life. I never thought it would be like this. You are doing a great job, you got them this far! the first weeks can be both a challenge and tedious whirlwind of feedings, changings and putting to sleep. Then month 2 rolls around and it all changes again, the babies are more awake and want more stimulation, month three comes and they start doing more then too and on and on :icon_biggrin: Any help/thoughts are greatly appreciated!!!! TS has been a great source of advice, support and humor so keep checking in and enjoy your newborns! Alyson
Breathe! You are doing great! I think we all felt like we didn't have clue... It does get easier! I would say that I noticed a routine after about 4 months and then started a bedtime say routine... Before that it was feed on demand and sleep when they sleep. Get help if you can from friends/family and don't be embarrased to ask (I was) which I regret not doing earlier. You are one person and you can only do so much. I would ask my DH "which baby he wanted" during the night feeds b/c he was their parent too and we would wake the other and keep them on the same feeding schedule for your own sanity (I bottle fed, as my milk never came in they were born so early). At that age I read to them, not that they understood me but they seemed to enjoy my voice. You could read the tv guide and they wouldn't know the difference at that age so go read a good magazine and take a minute for yourself! You could do tummy time which is great for them developmentally, you can sing to them. We got the 'Baby Play' book that had simple suggestions in it for month to month actvities. I took a ton of pictures each day and no to mention the amount of video we still do to catch each new thing they do. Oh we also went out for walks which I enjoyed and I felt it made them sleep better. I also cried I think EVERY day the first few months just to get through the day! Your babies don't know you don't know what your doing... You will get through this and it DOES get easier!!
Congrats on your twins. At that age I would not worry much about stimulation and bedtimes. They are in the eat, sleep, poop mode and will be for a few more weeks. My advice would be to sleep when they sleep. Let them sleep wherever they are comfortable at night and during the day whether its in the pnp or crib. Keep them in a well lit area and somewhat noisy during the day and then keep is dark and all business at night when you wake to feed and change. And I know that you said you are not much of a book reader but I would suggest reading Healthy Sleep Habit, Healthy Child by Dr. Weissbluth. I had no issues with having one baby and getting her on a sleeping schedule, but doing 2 babies at once presents its own set of challenges and the insight from the book went a long way with me. Hang in there. You are in the throws of the most difficult time right now.
It sounds like you are doing all that you can at this stage in the game. I know how you feel about trying so hard to bring your babies into the world (I'm also an IVFer after 4 years of trying) and then questioning yourself about it. I felt so horrible, so lost, and sooooooo clueless. I even questioned whether I had made the right decision to have babies and felt horribly guilty about feeling that way but it was a horrible combination of hormones and sleep deprivation that were controlling my every being. The first couple of months were torture for me as I was on my own with the babies all day while dh was at work and I just didn't feel like I had any control. I would cry on a regular basis and scream at the top of my lungs at times and then just cry some more. It was by far the HARDEST thing I have ever done in my life. The newborn stage is not for me and if I could give birth to 6 month old babies I would have kids for the rest of my life (well, maybe not the REST of my life but you get the gist). Unfortunately, I didn't have this site until my girls were 4 months old so I was really alone and lost as none of my friends had ever dealt with twins. Not only are you a new mom but you are a new mom to newborn twins and it is TOUGH!!! You've already gotten some great advice from the pps and I agree with all of it. Just don't expect too much from the babies or of yourself and you will get through this I PROMISE. Congratulations on your twins and hang in there!! We will all be here for you so come and visit whenever you need to.
Hi!! I'm glad you have a minute to post and seek advice. Congrats on your new little bundles!! :wub: For a while in the beginning, we didn't do much other than sleep, eat, poop, cuddle. It was all about survival during those first several weeks. I formula fed so I have no advice for you on the pumping. I put my girls in a bouncy seat the day we got home from the hospital. It was very convenient. A lot of what you are daying makes sense, because I was there. It is VERY stressful when those dh's have to go back to work. You will make it though, I promise. The next few weeks will most likely get harder before they get easier though so make sure to lean on us when you need to. You are NOT doing a disservice to these little miracles. You are feeding them, changing them, bathing them and I'm sure showering them with kisses. That's about all you CAN do for right now. :hug99:
The only advise I really have is to feed them with a routine--the sleeping will take care of itself. Also, I always woke to feed, in that we were on a 4 hour schedule, and if they were sleeping when 4 hours elapsed, I would wake them--during the day, at night I let them wake me. My friends thought I was nuts, until they saw that my boys as they got older had VERY predictable naps and nighttime sleeping--and then with later children, they followed my example My pediatrician had given me this advise about not letting them sleep more than 4 hours during the day. I never read a book either, and my boys were great babies with a great sleeping routine!
You've gotten some great advice from the PPs about "what" you should be doing. It's absolutely true. At this point the babies can become overstimulated so easily that small amounts of "play" are fine. "Play" is actually the wrong word I think. Stimulation is better. They are learning and their brains are stimulated from looking around, listening, feeling the seat, blanket, their hands, etc. They don't necessarily need lots of interaction. Small amounts is better. When mine were that small we pretty much stuck to the "Eat, Play, Sleep" as mentioned by others. Honestly, very often the order got mixed up and "Play" was non-existent. Just take it a day at a time for now and worry about routines later. I needed fertility treatments (lots of IUIs) each time I got PG. My first PG was a singleton so it was a little different but the emotions were VERY similar to what you are describing. It WILL get better. I promise. I remember crying to myself and thinking, "I went through all those shots, ultrasounds, blood tests, etc. just for THIS? What was I thinking?" Right now the novelty is wearing off for you and you are running crazy with 2 newborns, hormones and are still trying to recover from being PG and delivery. It's a lot to handle. Remember ... "This too shall pass." It will - the good and the bad. What you are feeling is perfectly normal and natural. I taught first grade for 10 years. I think we as teachers are so used to schedules, commotion and activity-based curriculum that it's hard for us to make the transition to the needs of a newborn. Eating and Sleeping top the list of newborn activities. Absolutely put them in the bouncer. If you don't feel it lends enough support, then use rolled receiving blankets on either side of them. I pushed mine up against the side of the baby's head and then down under the arm a little against their side and tucked the end into the flap that buckled them in. It was a trick that Early Intervention showed me and it worked like a charm. Hope this helps! Feel free to PM me if you need to talk... Hang in there Momma - You are doing great!
:hug99: You are not alone! I felt just the way you do when mine were really little. Newborns are just little blobs, they don't "do" anything yet - but I felt guilty, like I should be doing more with them, and somehow it was all my fault... Just be with them, talk & sing quietly, take them on walks around the house, let them look at whatever they like to look at (mine loved the chandelier and the curtains). It's also a good idea to give them little bits of tummy time whenever they're awake, so they start developing those neck & back muscles. You're doing great! All they really need is food, sleep, and diapers right now. Don't worry about establishing a bedtime or anything. Until 12-16 weeks from their due date, their brains are too immature for any kind of organized sleep. I'd just gently try to establish a difference between day and night. Keep nighttime boring - feed, burp, change, swaddle, soothe, but low lights and no playing/interaction. And whenever they're alert during the day, take advantage of it for any kind of "play" they're up to at this point. I exclusively pumped while mine were in the NICU, but transitioned to BF ASAP. Agree with pps - the BF forum is awesome! Come on over sometime! I know some of the women there have exclusively pumped. My only advice would be to try to get the babies to the breast as soon as you can. It is SO much easier than pumping and messing with bottles all day. And don't worry, it sounds like you are doing a WONDERFUL job with your little miracles! Having babies is just nothing like you expect, there's no way you can really prepare for it. As long as you're feeding them whenever they're hungry and meeting their needs, you're doing great!
i felt this way at first too. i think those of us who did ivf or went through SO MUCH to have these babies tend to feel more guilty when we are not ecstatic all the time about having our babies. i can only tell you to keep talking to them, singing silly songs, play music or read to them (read your own book outloud, they just want to hear your voice). if you do this for 15 min. after each feeding (except at night) then you are giving them play time, even though they can't play. daily walks in the stroller were great for us too. one day, not to far from now, you will be rewarded with a smile and you will not believe how good that makes you feel! i had my first giggle today (they're 12 wks and they've been smiling for weeks now) and am beside myself! and, yes, bouncys and swings are fine early.
QUOTE(megkc03 @ Nov 5 2007, 01:09 AM) [snapback]480949[/snapback] Alright ladies...I'm finally finding time to post here. I had my boys at 38 weeks on October 18. My first pregnancy after 4 years of trying and 4 IVF's. I've wanted to be a mother my entire life...And now that I am...I wonder if I am doing anything right! I'm not the type to read books about parenting, etc...DH and I are very laid back people, in the sense of we don't get worked up about things, etc...If that makes any sense! I was a preschool teacher before the boys arrived.... Now-I have some questions...Hopefully someone will shed some light. No one knows I feel this way, or think this way. Maybe it's hormonal or something, I don't know...I feel like I'm not doing my job. How does a typical day go? I feed them, change them, and then lay them down in their pnp or put them in their swing. I'm guessing I shouldn't do that all the time?!?! Basically, for the first 3 months that is all we did too. Except near 2 months, they started to react a little more. Now, at 4 months, we have lots of interaction, cooing at sibling and familiar voices, it gets to be a lot more rewarding. This might sound like a stupid question-but when they are awake-what can I do with them? I talk to them, etc...but end up laying them down to sleep. I honestly feel lost and not so smart about all of this... All my twins did for the first 2-3 months is eat sleep eat sleep........ The days and nights could be really long and all ran together - this is normal. I put them in their pnp and they go to sleep...When should I have "bedtime?" Right now they are in the pnp asleep and it's 8 o'clock. They will wake up in about an hour to feed... From day one, we always have a night time routine. We start around 6PM - baths, play -talk to them, bottle, cuddle and off to the crib. I feel this gets them used to a routine and they recognize it when they get a little older that it is time for bed. Can they go in a bouncer now?!!? YES!!!!!!!!!!!! My twins LLLLLLOVVVVVVEDD their bouncers - especially when they are vibrating!!!! They literally lived in them for two months. Did anyone exclusively pump???? Helpful hints appreciated!!! I tried but I could not get enough milk unless I breastfed too. Hopefully, someone else can offer advice. Good LUck!! Everything your feeling is normal and you will do GREAT!!! I hope at least some of this makes sense! My dh goes back to work this week and I'm not looking forward to it. I feel so lost and that I'm doing a disservice to my children who I've wanted my whole life. I never thought it would be like this. Any help/thoughts are greatly appreciated!!!!
Meg, I hope you found some good advice here. Let us know how it is going. It is very hard with twins esp. those first few months. You are doing great and I am sure your boys are thrilled with anything you are doing with them right now. Welcome to FY! :wavey:
QUOTE(megkc03 @ Nov 5 2007, 01:09 AM) [snapback]480949[/snapback] First off- CONGRATS! And making it to 38 weeks too!! WONDERFUL! :yahoo: This might sound like a stupid question-but when they are awake-what can I do with them? I talk to them, etc...but end up laying them down to sleep. I honestly feel lost and not so smart about all of this... I did what you're doing- swing, bouncy, etc... I tried to swtich off between the two and move them around some so they could get different views, but when they're little, just looking at things (ie: you, the dog, the lamp) is stimulating! I put them in their pnp and they go to sleep...When should I have "bedtime?" Right now they are in the pnp asleep and it's 8 o'clock. They will wake up in about an hour to feed... We didn't have a "bedtime" for a good while- b/c you're right, once they're down, they'll just be up again to eat... so they got put in their "night time pnp (in our room) when we went to bed. I think not long after they started sleeping in their cribs in the nursery (around 6-8 weeks) is when we started the 8:00 bed time. Can they go in a bouncer now?!!? if they're not slumping over- sure! I think we first had to roll up a receiving blanket around their heads, but it was something "new" for them. Did anyone exclusively pump???? Helpful hints appreciated!!! YUP! I did! My guys got too bottle dependant from being in the NICU - (I KNEW I shouldn't have let the nurses feed them bottles! ) So after about 2 months when I finally got them nursing at all, it was mainly for comfort. J still comfort nurses daily- at least 2-3 times a day, nap time and about once when he wakes up at night- but B really couldn't care less. But up until their 6 month b-day, I pumped every 3 stinkin' hours, and once in the middle of the night. It was HARD, and I hated doing it, especially when they're getting fussy, and you're having to beg them to hang in there for just 15 more minutes, because that's where they get their food. You just have to make up your mind if it's worth it to you, because there will be MANY MANY days where you think "this is stupid, I'm tired of being attached to this thing." I decided it was, and I'm glad I did. I was only able to pump about 60% of their diet, but I think that was mainly due to some health issues I had PP. Make sure you have a hospital grade pump, and go buy a bunch of the gerber bottles (they fit the medela attachments and are cheaper than the medela bottles) so you don't have to wash them ALL day long. Also get the microwaveable steam cleaner bags so you can disinfect your parts between pumping- Saves a TON of time washing! :good: Any questions- PM me. I feel like a pumping queen. (not so sure that's a good thing, but oh well! :rotflmbo: ) Oh, and I'm still pumping, but I'm down to about 4-5 times a day, I'm SLOWLY SLOWLY weaning. Hang in there! You'll pull through and you'll look back and wish you were still rocking those tiny babies, sleepless and all. And you'll also look back and wonder how on earth you did it!
