How did your preschooler do?

My DD is four, and we having g/b twins sometime in May (hopefully). She was intially very excited about the twins, and still is sometimes. I think this is mostly because everyone is telling her that she should be excited. But in the lst few days she has begun saying that she doesn't want two babies, she only wants one. Specifically, she only want the girl baby. I don't know what to say to her. I don't want to deny her feelings - I am sure that she is old enough to find things a bit scary. Also, we don't know anyone who has three kids - all her friends have only one sibling.
So, I am wondering how your preschooler reacted to the arrival of twins? I am really worried about her feeling left out and unhappy after they get here.
Any advice?
TIA.

 

My DD is four, and we having g/b twins sometime in May (hopefully). She was intially very excited about the twins, and still is sometimes. I think this is mostly because everyone is telling her that she should be excited. But in the lst few days she has begun saying that she doesn't want two babies, she only wants one. Specifically, she only want the girl baby. I don't know what to say to her. I don't want to deny her feelings - I am sure that she is old enough to find things a bit scary. Also, we don't know anyone who has three kids - all her friends have only one sibling.
So, I am wondering how your preschooler reacted to the arrival of twins? I am really worried about her feeling left out and unhappy after they get here.
Any advice?
TIA.

 

Hi there and congrats! My older girl is about the same age as yours will be when we had our twins. She was initially sad that they were both boys. But I did a spin saying then she would be the princess (and only girl!)and they would be her princes! Honestly, it was a HUGE transition for her since she was the center of attn for almost 5 years before the boys came. But all in all she has been a great help and little mommy for them! She did say for the first several months that she wished it was like it was before the boys came, could we give them back? But I was told that is very normal and to say yes i do too PERIOD. No buts thats how it is now. Totally justify her feelings.

HTH

 

It was hard on mine, she was 3 1/2 when the twins came. I felt as if I completely shattered everybody's world with the twins. It was rough, but now at 10 months, she LOVES her baby brother and sister, and is really into them. She likes playing with them, feeding them etc.

The most difficult thing was getting the twins on a daytime napping schedule (past the newborn sleepy all the time phase) that was consistent so I could spend time with DD. That was so frustrating, mine didn't nap well until 8 months or so (both of them predictably).

You and DH will have to tag team. One with the babies and the other with the older DD. Not fair to be outnumbered...but you gotta go what you gotta do.

 

My son turned 4 right after the babies were born. He was so excited thru out the whole pregnancy and couldn't wait to meet his sisters. Now that they are here, he is great with them. He loves them to death. Constantly hugging, kissing and talking to them. He wants to hold and/or feed them all the time. He hates when they are sleeping. BUT, with my husband and I, he is a totally different kid. BAD BAD BAD! He knows we can't respond to everything he does as quickly as we used to and he takes complete advantage of us. He does not listen the way he used to, he talks back, and pushes every limit he has. Bedtime is a nightmare. We make sure we pay enough attention to him and take him places by himself, but he stil keeps acting up. If my husband or I do take him out by himself, he is back to being our good little boy. But when we're all together, the devil comes out!

 

My toddler loved her brothers to peices, but like the pp she misbehaved sooo much. Now that they're 6 months, she's mellowed out.

 

My DD was 3.5 when her 2 sisters arrived. She was very excited to have them here after waiting so long. For the most part she's been great with them - a little rough sometimes. We can't leave her alone for too long.

As some others have said - she did act up a lot when the girls first came home - pushing limits and not happy when we didn't drop everything to get her what she wanted. Bedtime was a nightmare. DH or I would put her down but we couldn't spend the Hour "pre-twin routine" anymore and she got very upset. She would get up and come right back downstairs. Of course we each had a baby or one had gone to bed to get some sleep - we were definitely out-numbered. We'd put her back as many times as we could and then just let her go - with a few less priledges the next day. Eventually she got tired of it and went to bed.

I was sad that my little girl's world was turned so upside down. She got so much attention for 3.5 years. In the short run, it was hard, but now I think we've all adjusted and our family is back on track...for now

 

quote:
Honestly, it was a HUGE transition for her since she was the center of attn for almost 5 years before the boys came.


This is excatly what I a worried about. My heart breaks when I think of her feeling less loved because she doesn't have all of our time and attention anymore. I know that ultimately having siblings will be positive for her (at least I hope it will) but the transition makes me want to cry already.

quote:
The most difficult thing was getting the twins on a daytime napping schedule (past the newborn sleepy all the time phase) that was consistent so I could spend time with DD. That was so frustrating, mine didn't nap well until 8 months or so (both of them predictably).



This will be a bit easier for us, as DD is already in school. At least she will have that part of her world that won't change. I just have to hope that the babies will nap after she gets home from school so that I can spend some time with her.

Thanks everyone, for taking the time to respond. I really appreciate it.

 

My daughter is 4 too, and unfortunately, it's been a HUGE transition for her. We've been having some major behavior problems. It's been very difficult for everyone. She will help out when it's on HER terms.

But a few things that have helped. I make sure and spend alone time with her. I usually will take her shopping with me and she enjoys that. I also will take her to McDonald's every week so she can have one on one time with me. When she does help with the boys, I always praise her for it.

Things are getting better, but those first few weeks, were really tough.

BTW, I'm really glad to know that Kalynn isn't the only one who had a rough time.

 

Apart from the fact, that my 3 yr old waits until I am holding the babies to do something he knows he shouldn't, he has done pretty well. Sometimes I'll leave the room for a few minutes and come back and he is doing log rolls with my DD!

 

My daughter was only 13 months old when we found out we were having twins. She was 19 months old when they were born. So it is a little different with the age difference than what you are asking about.

However, for some reason she had two smaller baby dolls that she always play with when I was pregnant. We would act like they were crying and had to calm them down, she would cover them so they could take a nap, and I would say "We are going to have two more babies sometime soon." I think it really helped. She was use to two babies at a time. And sometimes when they cry I have her help me calm them down.

She wasn't use to being the only for as long as your daughter. But she does know what it is like and does demand more of our attention. She even tells us to put them down so she can have are undivided attention.

When it is bed time, my husband and I still like to put her in bed together, sometimes we have to let one of the babies cry while we do this but I think it is special to her.

I think it helped to talk about it the whole pregnancy. Most of the time I think it was more than she understood but I believe when it happen she could think, "Oh, this is what mom has been talking about." In your case probably acting out ways she will be able to help might help prepare her.

Best of Luck,
Nikki