How did everyone manage

I really don't know how much longer I can go like this. I am sooo tired. Dh helps a lot but I pretty much stay up with them all night and when he gets up at 6 he lets me go to bed until he leaves for work around 10 but I have to get up and pump at least once. I take care of them all day and I rarely find the time to get in a nap, it just seems like by the time I have them fed and burped and changed, shove something in my mouth real quick and pump there is not enough time to fall asleep let alone get a good nap. DH is very helpful but when I freak out he says a lot of other women have to take care of twins with a husband that works. I'm surethere are but that doesn't make me any less tired. I just don't get how to get through this I am ready to snap.

 

:hug99: I remember how exhausting that time was. The best thing I can tell you is try to nap when they do. If you have family or friends that can come and help give you a little relief take it......that is really the best advice I can give you.

It does get easier, it does. When they get older and can play with each other or even occupy themselves. Instead of day after day after day seeming non ending and exhausting it will get to where it is occassionally you feel like that and it is no longer the norm.

 

I have NEVER managed the "nap when the babies nap" thing - and my guys are almost 4 months old!
I was just like you for the first several weeks, and sometimes I still have crazy days. You're a much better person than I am though - I gave up pumping at 4 weeks. I just couldn't find the time. I had to do it 8 to 10 times a day to get enough to do even 40 - 50 % of what the babies needed (my supply evidently wasn't that great) and I just didn't have time or energy. My advice is this: TAKE ANY HELP YOU CAN GET. If someone calls and offers help, give them something to do, even if it's picking up something at the store. No task is too small, no person is too far removed to be put to use! Have a list ready for when people drop by, so there's no excuse. My list looked like this:

Yes, I'd love some help. You can:
1. Load/unload the dishwasher.
2. Wash and sterilise some bottles, then put them away for me. (I had a list of sterilizing instructions - I'm crazy about germs).
3. Wipe the counters.
4. Put on a load of baby laundry (I had a list of specific washing instructions right down where the washer is) or fold the wash I did earlier.
5. Wipe down the sink in the bathroom.
6. If you really love me, vaccuum.

I would honestly take help from anyone and I didn't feel bad about it (well, I did at first but that wore off!).

I would also recommend being insanely organized. Before bed, get your breakfast stuff out (or give this job to your husband). Tea bag in cup, cereal bowl and spoon ready - anything. You just have to make time to eat. If you know the babies are going to be bathed after the next feeding and you have 2 seconds now, get out the tub, towels, etc and have them all ready in case you don't have time in an hour. Do you have a 2-floor house? I would have died without my "sattelite" baby station on the first floor - a pack and play with change pad and everything I needed. It looked terrible in my dining room and it wasn't appetizing to eat beside a diaper pail but it was just survival!

Also, if there is ANY spare money, hire yourself a helper. I have a mother's helper 12 hours a week (a luxury, I know). My in-laws asked what they could do to help...they pay for the mother's helper.

The first few months with twins are crazy - especially if you have a colicky baby like I did. Just do whatever you can to survive. My babies would only sleep in their stroller during the day so we took up to 4 walks a day. Did I feel like walking four times a day? No. Did I feel like have a break from crying 4 times a day? Yes - so I walked. My neighbours must have thought I was crazy.

I have also found it useful to stock up on items I use all the time so I don't have to do as much washing. I have about 1000 bips (my babies are bottle fed), 2000 receiving blankets (I have a couple of pukers!), enough bottles for about 2 days, and 6 sets of bedding (again with the puking!) - it has been a big investment, but I figure I can pass most of it along afterward.

Good luck, sweetie. Feel free to vent any time.

 

This time is the worst time in the world. I cannot tell you how often I just wanted to walk away from the situation and give up. Please believe that it WILL get better. I agree with CHJH.....get any kind of help you can get. The best help that we could get was have some spend the night with us. THat person stayed up all night with the boys while Jay and I got a full night sleep. We got this for a once every couple of weeks until we felt like we could manage. It is amazing how well you can function on a good nights sleep.

This will get better and so much better........trust me.......

Hang in there and vent ANYTIME!!!

 

i can honestly say, my kids are only 7.5 months old, and i already can't remember what i did those first few months! it is just SUCH a blur!!! i agree with pp, if you have someone that can come in even just 1-2x/wk for a few hours so you can get a good 3-4 hour nap, it is amazing how much better you will feel. my MIL would do that, and as much as she can drive me nuts, she was such a help, i owulnd't have traded her for the world! i did try to nap when they did, even if it was just 30-60 minutes. sometimes we would all lay on the couch- one propper in a boppy, the other a little lower so their head was by the others tummy and me spooning them both. looking back, those were such sweet times. my DH was great too, even when he went back to work, he would help with one night feeding, usually around midnight, and i'd do the 3am. that allowed a little more sleep too. even though you are home with the kids and he is OUT at work, you are working VERY hard and your sleep is just as important as his is. it is not like you are sitting around eating bonbons while he is out! twins are EXHAUSTING!!!!!
the best thing to remember, is it WILL get better (althougoh that isn't much help hearing right now, i know!), probably around 3-4 months. (that probaly doesn't help either! ). just remember,this is the best job you will ever have. try to rest whenever you get a chance. my house did not have a good cleaning for a good few months, and no one died!
good luck. you WILL Survive!! and then you will wonder where the time went (though not necessarily miss it!)

 

Hi Erika
Like pp said its all about survival. I moved in with my parents because we were moving to the same town they were and until the house was sold I lived with them. DH worked 14 hours a day and there was NO way I could do it by myself. Hannah had acid reflux and Jenna was my spitter. My parents fed me(granted fast food but hey fuel is fuel at that point) they did all the laundry and helped me with the babies 24/7. I also suffered from ppd and was in a bad place with depression. If it was not for my parents I know things would not be as they are today. My mom still comes over everyday and helps from 9-5. And they are 11 months old. Yes some woman do it by themselves and some woman have super easy babies. When they both cry and you have tried everything under the sun its nice to have someone ther to give a smile a hug or a suggestion to go for a walk. Is ther anybody that can help(church, family friends) a multiplies support group in my town offers help to new moms can you see if your location has one. Mine ofers meals, help with the babies etc. You are doing a good job, it DOES get better. Hang in there BIG HUGS to you :hug99:

 

You have already gotten some really great advice.

It was so hard for me for the first 6 months. At 4 months they did begin sleeping through, but it took the 2 extra months for me to get back into somewhat of my own routine.

Hang in there :hug99:

 

Sending you a big hug - we have ALL been there. It is overwhelmingly exhausting, and you think you cannot possibly do it one more hour, one more day - and then you do.

agree w/previous posters: the key is:

- accepting, and learning to ASK FOR, as much help as possible.I used to be incredibly independant, until i couldnt' do it all. When i was on bedrest i learned that if people offered help, to ask for what i needed. Laundry was a big one. Remember - you probably feel good about doing 'good deeds' and helping others: give them the oppty to do the same. If you make knownw what you need - esp. MEALS that are easy to grab and eat, specific house stuff (I love the poster w/the laundry instructions - great idea!), etc, people are generally happy to do it.

- Get whatever paid help you can afford; even if it's once in a while. If it's at all possible, keep in mind that , remember that throwing some money at things at this juncture will help you later. We had a night nurse a few times in teh first two weeks - frankly, I didnt' love it, as it was extremely expensive and i had to be up every three hours pumping, but- in retrospect, to have someone else do the feeding and changing and burping and holding refluxy babies so all i had to do awas pump was a big help. I just wasn't really cmfortable having someone i dnd't know taking care of my girls when they were still so new to me - but you can definitely get recommendations from local folks.

- the whole 'nap when the babies nap' was a myth to me, although i've started to do it a little.

- MAKE SURE YOU EAT and drink- this is really key, especially if you are nursng and pumping. I know that for the first six weeks or so i was not taking in enough, and it really made a difference; sure i lost a ton of baby weight, but i was a total rag. Once i started getting in calories (some of them good, some of them simply a half package of double chocolate milanos! - i felt better.

- Find a way to enlist your DH. And when he tells you that lots of women do it all alone, tell him to take a flying leap. sorry, they have NO clue - ESPECIALLY if you are pumping, your body is simply POURING out energy. It's overwhelming and exhausting. I had to have a mini-meltdown w/my dh when he complained about being woken during the night (after i gave up trying to do it all myself); dealing with two babies after being PREGNANT w/two babies and delivering htem is WAY more difficult then getting up and going to work. I told him taht work was a freaking spa vacation compared to what i do all day, and that he had to suck it up - it's only for a few months. Welcome to parenthood, buddy@ (sorry, i'm probably projecting some of my old resentment - things have gotten much better)

You may be sick of hearing it, but it DOES get better. You're doing a better job than you think. And weirdly, the time will go fast - my girls are 12.5 weeks and i can hardly believe it.

Finally - come here and vent: we all get it!

 

will they nap in a swing, bouncy or even the carseat? what got me through was once I finally came to terms with "I can do nothing but sit on the couch and feed babies" for today - I was ok with it...lots and lots of TV and triscuits the first few months till I went back to work...

 

QUOTE(reeba1976 @ Jun 14 2007, 07:58 PM) [snapback]292766[/snapback]
This time is the worst time in the world.


That is how I'd explain it too!


I sometimes dont even like to look back at those times. People always said around month 4 it gets better and I remember thinking that 4 months will never come. Every day got better with a few bumps in the road.

When we took our boys to the Dr. around one month, he said straight forward, "the honeymoon is going to be over soon and they will begin to get fussy..." A couple days later we said, this is what he was talking about!

That time was horrible for us. Sleep deprivation was huge. They cried ALL the time. The hardest part is figuring them out and unfortunatley that takes time. I could not take it when they were both crying. Swings were pretty good but did not help if they were already crying.

We have been playing the same CD since they were born called Johnsons lullaby CD. When they were really young, I would hold them in the rocking chair and put the music really loud. It was calming for them.

I think it is important to know that most twin moms go through this and those that dont are very lucky. It is nothing you are doing. It is the simple fact that there are 2 tiny babies that are just trying to figure everything out themselves. Keep coming here with questions. If they are both crying and you need a break, put them in another room and give yourself a few minutes. Also, take ALL the help you can get. Try to get out of the house by yourself and get a coffee or take a walk around a local store. It is important to have a break so that you can take them on!

I hated it when people said to nap whent they napped. I always had a reason not to nap like get organized or clean the house. Looking back I think to myself how foolish I was to not sleep when they were.

Oh, I want to add that I cried very often!

All the craziness is worth it. In a few months, their little personalities will be coming out and you will be able to say how lucky you are to be a twin mom!

 

Oh, one more thing, buy lots of frozen meals and ready-to-eat snacks. I've never eaten so many granola bars in my life - they were the only thing I could just grab as I ran from one task to the next. Apples, bananas - anything that's easy. Don't let anyone come over without making you a cup of tea either!

 

Ericka, I sure wish there was something magical I could say that would make it all easier for you, but the truth is that I don't. DH and I were just talking about those first few months tonight, and we both literally shuddered thinking back to how freakin HARD it was!! I was not prepared for the hormonal whiplash that I had, either - PPD hit me really, really hard. I was BFing and pumping and felt like I was going to snap - like there was literally nothing more I could give and nothing more I could do. And yes, some women "have it worse," in having a DH who doesn't help, etc., but that doesn't make it any easier for you. We each live our own lives and comparing doesn't do much good. I have a feeling that your DH just doesn't know how to help you feel better. Guys are "fixers" and it doesn't help when they feel tired and frustrated themselves.

I remember so vividly when I went to my first twins-group meeting when the babies were the same age that yours are now and sharing tears of woe and stress with some of the other mothers and nobody got it, I felt like a real loser. Either those women were super heroes in disguise or they had some short term memory loss. :nea: Later that evening another mom came up to me, put her arms around me and looked me in the eye and just said to me straight-up - "This is the suckiest and hardest time in the world and it's okay to feel the way you do," and that was so important for me to hear. As others have stated, you are not crazy for feeling like you aren't going to make it. And I never imagined I would be on "the other side" where I could say "Just hang in there" because it will, yes it will, get better. In addition, please seek some professional help if you feel that is a route for you. I am taking antidepressants now and though I have my rough patches, I feel loads better. :good:

Hang in there, and post here when you need to unload. One last thing, I want to reiterate what others have said here - make sure you eat. That is so critical and had my mom not been here to pretty much force food down my throat, I am not sure what would have happened to me. Try very hard to eat, even if it's the last thing you feel like doing. This might not be the healthiest thing to eat, but I always keep packets of Carnation Instant Breakfast handy so that at least I can swig down something in the morning if I have no time to eat, and I throw in a scoop of protein powder to give me a boost (that and loads of coffee seem to work ).

 

In addition to all the great posts you got I think I could add one more. I got into the hqbit of drinking an Atkins shake every morning. I get really sleepy, tired and blue/ sad if I eat too many carbs. Having the shake gave me so much energy. I really could not live with out the protein in the shakes. The slim fast had too many carbs / sugar for me. aybe you could adjust your diet. If I don'r have the atkins shake I gobble down 1-2 hard boiled eggs in the am or for lunch.

IRemember coming into the bedroom too tired to cry and saying to DH " I don't think I can take any more of this." Well, he looked at me with total disgust and said something like OK fine I'll take care of the babies you go to work. It was horrible. I swore I'd never complain to him again. I thought he was a jerk for saying that. But ya know what It gave me a little energy to just be mad at him for hois stupid comment. THat energy lasted a few hours. That's when I realized the solution is to just get through the new few hours. The you keep going. Good luck . It does get easier. THe bigger they get the longer they can sleep. So keep up what you are doing and get some protein in you.

 

My babies are 8 weeks and I feel the same way you do sometimes. We have good days and bad days, but here's what I'm figuring out recently: my babies do MUCH better when I get out of the house. Once I get them strapped in the car seats and out of the house they fall asleep and stay that way. I've got a toddler too, and the poor little guy has been such a champ. I try to take him to the park or somewhere fun everyday, and it really helps all of us. I rarely *feel* like going out, but once I get off my couch and actually go--the day goes so much faster and is much more pleasant. A dear friend and neighbor of mine makes me go walk with her 3x a week--and just knowing I have a "date" is really helpful. Do you have someone you can meet at the park, or mall or somewhere you like so you can enjoy some time out of the house?

Earlier today I was in the parking lot of target and as I was loading everyone in the car a woman approached me and said, "wow, that brings back memories..." she had 5 yr.old twins with her, and reassured me that this is a hard phase-but so worth it down the road. It was great to hear that.

Anyways....here's hoping we all have more good days than bad!

Reyna

 

Yes, please accept any and all help that's offered. That's the only way I made it through. My mom stayed with us the first three weeks and my MIL stayed the next two (and I really don't like her too much), but I don't know what I would have done with out their help. Be sure to take time for yourself, when your husband comes home, escape for an hour or so, somewhere where you don't have to hear screaming babies. And then I bet you'll find yourself missing your little ones and wanting to come home. Or not Things will get better. You and them will find a rhythm and as you get to know each other better, it will get easier. Hugs!!

 

Ericka, You got some excellent advice from the pp. I just wanted to add that I didn't ask for help in the very beginning. My girls came home from the NICU on a friday and DH had to go to work on Monday. For a month I did everything alone all day. Thankfully DH's job is flexible so he didn't always work full days, but still most of the daily baby chores were all me. And then when they were 6 weeks old (4 weeks after coming home from the hospital), DH's dad died suddenly. It was horrible. DH had to fly home and be gone for a whole week. We couldn't all go because the babies didn't have any vaccinations and besides that would have been a total distraction for the work DH and his sibs had to do for his mom. So what did I do? I sucked it up and stopped trying to be superwoman. I emailed EVERY SINGLE PERSON I KNEW! Seriously, everyone! And I asked for help. I was stunned and awed by the response. People *thanked me* for letting them come over and help and play with/feed/change/hold the babies!!! People love babies... and people love to feel needed. Me asking for help made people feel good!

Now we pay my sister (she is a 'poor college student') to come over a couple of hours a day to help me with the girls when I get home from work (yes I'm back at work). They will start daycare in a couple of weeks, but for now its worth every penny to pay my sis to hang out with us during the day... even if its just so I have someone to talk to while the babies scream (because sometimes they just do no matter if you are holding them and they are fed and changed and fine).

Good luck!!! -Leighann

 

hey there sweety.. i see your realizing this now..

that first year is hard/ and very sleep deprived.. i used to get up at 4 change nurse, replace.. then change nurse replace.. then wk from 530-230 pump three times durring wk.. there was no sence in me bieng there.. then come home and my x would jet off to wk..

i was exausted.

let everything but hte babies go..
dont try to cook clean.. just rest..
and ask for help when needed..

hugs to you

 

ps.. eat/ drink while you are nursing.. it helps.. gives you afew extra seconds to rest..


just even thinking back.. he wasnt there when i brought them home..


he had to go to his sisters wedding..

i had my friends husband there..

we kinda joke.. i dont even remember nursing the babies..

he took my 11 month old in to play and i crashed..

i dispize the x for the decisions he made.. but i got the babies out of persuit and inner strength.. thaat i know you have
hang in there..

love

 

You got some great advice...just wanted to tell you to hang in there. Things DO get better! I don't even remember the first two months, all I did was nurse, burp, pump, change diapers..... It was such a blur!! Just remember, You can do it!!!

 

I remeber people telling me " It will pass, or it will get better" and for some reason, that's not what I wanted to hear. But it is true. I almost hated the first few months, and now I hardly remember how bad it was. (and mine are not sleeping through yet) The first couple of months are extremely tough. If you can maybe get a babysitter for a few hours to catch up on some sleep. A few hours of sleep does wonders. (I did not read all pp, so if I duplicated forgive me) Hang in there, you will survive, and in a few months really enjoy your babies!!

 

We are at 2 and 1/2 weeks and I am right there with you. I am on my own starting Monday as my parents are leaving to go back to Ohio (we live in FLA and have NO family down here) and my DH is working. I did not imagine it would be this hard and I distinctly remember turning to my husband at the one week mark and actually saying "I don't want to do this anymore, I want our old life back." Any you know what, he agreed and we cried together. Now, a week and a half later I don't feel that way anymore but who knows what tomorrow brings. Of course, my parents came down after the first week so the extra hands, cooking, and laundering has helped.

Anyway, this is the hardest thing we have ever done in our lives but I just keep trying to remember all of the prayers that I said while pregnant - about healthy babies and a safe delivery - all of those things happened so I guess I should start being thankful for everyone being healthy and stop praying for sleep and a moment of peace. That is where I am at today anyway.

See, I am not even making any sense...

I hope today is a good day for you..
Amy

 

Reading your post makes me want to cry because even though it is less than a year ago, it brings back memories.

What you wrote is exactly what I experienced. It goes on for a bit longer. I found around 5 - 6 months when they started to sit up and enjoy toys it got a lot better. I would tell people 'I am a maintenance woman. I don't get to enjoy my babies because all I do is maintenance.' and 'I have no time to rest and take care of me let alone enjoy them!' I would imagine other moms singing a song to their baby and enjoying the moment. At one month, yes, it is all business and hardly a moment to enjoy the moment.

You make it through. You do what you have to do. You adapt and learn and yes if you have to let one or both cry for 10 mins to refresh yourself - go for it. You 'll be a better mom after a short walk away.

One day you will be me looking back and remembering - half laughing/half crying.

 

I refilled my Percocet a few times, that helped.

Seriously, the first 2-3 months were h*ll for me. I was grateful to have healthy babies, but I honestly could not enjoy that period of time. No sleep, no fun smiles or laughs yet from the babies, give give give and nothing in return.

You and all the other moms who breastfeed are commendable. I did not even consider that as a twin mom. I figured I'd be sleep deprived enough with two babies and a preschooler, no way would I even attempt that level of sainthood. I think because of that my guys were doing 5-6 hour stretches much earlier on. But maybe they'll suffer from it later on with allergies or illnesses, shame on me.

There is light at the end of the tunnel...now my guys are way more fun than work. I am a very self-absorbed person and I never imagined the demands of motherhood would bring me so much bliss, but most of it is pure joy now.

Good luck and hang on. :hug99:

 

well I just can't resist interjecting something funny here, sometimes a good chuckle is enough to help me keep going, sometimes I think that is all that is keeping me from total insanity. all the PP said everything I would say anyway. back when I was still tryig to BF and pump my mom and I joked I needed one of those helmet things with the two drink holders and straws to the mouth, water in one side and boost in the other just so I could stay hydrated enough to pump. the thought of actually wearing one while sitting on bed bare-chested hooked up the the pump cracked me up everytime.

try to hang in there momma!

Alyson

 

It was so hard that first month. It is starting to get easier for me now that I am more used to the babies and we have something of a routine going. It isn't at the same time each day but we do things in the same order. They are also sleeping longer at night so that has been the biggest help.
When your DH comes home, let him have the babies and go take a nap. I had to do that quite often after DH went back to work and it helped so much.

 

I promise you it gets easier. This is not how it will always be. This is the hardest part of it, believe me, and it after this stage you will be able to handle anything.

The best I can tell you is, call in all offers of help. Ask family and friends to come and relieve you for whatever time they can. Any break, however small, helps you refresh your batteries and keep going.

Gradually over the next few months they will start to go longer between feeds and they will sleep longer at night, and that makes all the difference for you. When you get sleep you will feel like a whole new person. It will come, I promise!

 

It will get better...for us, it got better around the 3 month mark and then really better at the 4 month mark.

I think the volume of posts show that people really sympathize and we have all been there. The pumping was brutal around that time, but since i didn't exclusively breast feed, I cut myself slack whenever possible, I just pumped when I could.

Hang in there -
Miriam