holiday stress

My girls are almost 3 weeks old and I'm starting to stress about the holidays. We have always gone to my parents house in the morning and DH's parents house in the evening for both Thanksgiving and Christmas and this year I feel stressed out about it. Especially for Christmas since I don't know when I'm going to have time to go buy any presents since DH is only home on weekends and I'm not supposed to be bringing the babies out in public. I guess I could order gifts online and have them delivered, but I just don't have a lot of time and I've been worrying about it. I guess part of me wishes we could just stay at our own house for the holidays and I think I feel resentful about the fact that we have to travel and can never have a single holiday as our own family. Is that selfish? DH's family is starting to send out their Christmas gift lists and I think that's why I've started to stress. I wish we could just not do gifts this year! I'm just not feeling like having Christmas this year at all!!!

 

Is it selfish to want to stay home when you have newborns twins? Heck no! Anyone who expects you and your little family to travel so soon (and bring presents!) needs to lay off the crack (no offense). The holidays are already so stressful without having newborns anyway, so why add to it?

We're going to my grandparent's house to open gifts with my mom's family a few days before Christmas. After that, we're hosting a potluck Christmas dinner for my dad and his wife along with some friends who aren't traveling or don't have family in town. After that, DH's family will be coming in from Tennessee. We pretty much told everyone they'd have to come see us this year. Traveling with four kids? No way!

I make gifts each year. This year, I found a cookie magazine from Betty Crocker with 70+ recipes that are super easy and quick, so that's what everyone is getting. A cute box of yummy cookies. If they don't like it, that's fine...more for me! :lol: For the boys, DH and I will sneak away to Target one evening and buy a few things for the kids, but that's pretty much it.

I wouldn't stress. Surely nobody really expects you to pull off all of this with newborn twins.

 

I was on hospital bedrest last Thanksgiving and my boys were born on 12/5 last year. They came home from the NICU on the 23rd. There was no Christmas or Thanksgiving in our house last year. No one blamed us and this year we are back on track for the holidays. So, if you want to stay home, stay home!

 

I don't think you are being selfish at all. Since DH's family is out of town and my family lives within 30 minutes of us we usually split thanksgiving and chrismas. So we'll fly to see his fam for t-day and then be home for christmas with my fam. However, the way christmas works for my family is christmas eve is spent with my dad's extended family (he has 6 brothers so I have lots of cousins, who are now all married with kids too)... its a big thing. Then on christmas day my parents expect us to go to them. Well this year I said no. We'll do the big christmas eve thing, but christmas day I want it quiet. I may compromise and have my parents and sibs come over for brunch, but I plan on spending the day in my pjs for once in my life. Even last year when I was pg and having contractions (at 23 weeks I think) I was still expected to attend all holiday parties.

If you ever had an excuse to do things your way, now is the time! Congrats on your babies!!!

 

the first year fly's i didnt want to do much.. and i did but i dont remember it .. all i remember was christmas day was ours

hope your holidays are peaceful..

m

 

No one is going to blame you for dramatically scaling back on the Holidays this year. If you feel you must give people gifts, why not give them a nice picture of the babies? You can order them online. We are giving framed pictures to both sets of grandparents this Christmas. We are also scaling back on what I have traditionally referred to as our Marathon of Christmas (6 get-togethers usually spaced out over 4-5 days).

Remember it is just one year. Everything will be much easier next year (that is what I keep telling myself anyway) and the kids will get a lot more out of it too! This year they'd just as soon cuddle up with mom and dad at home.

 

QUOTE(JenniferTwinMomMinneapolis @ Nov 12 2007, 05:10 PM) [snapback]492692[/snapback]
No one is going to blame you for dramatically scaling back on the Holidays this year. If you feel you must give people gifts, why not give them a nice picture of the babies? You can order them online. We are giving framed pictures to both sets of grandparents this Christmas. We are also scaling back on what I have traditionally referred to as our Marathon of Christmas (6 get-togethers usually spaced out over 4-5 days).

Remember it is just one year. Everything will be much easier next year (that is what I keep telling myself anyway) and the kids will get a lot more out of it too! This year they'd just as soon cuddle up with mom and dad at home.


I wish we could do that!! (giving pics of the babies) However, DH's family makes Christmas Lists and we are expected to buy something from off the list.

 

We are scalling back on presents this year due to money and time. Money is tight this year w/ me being off til Oct for maternity then being off again last week from gallbladder surgery. Plus time is a big one! It is hard to find someone to watch the girls though we will have to to shop for the kids themselves. I have a feeling my shopping will be after 9p when the stores are open late.

However, why can you not take the babies out? Did your pedi tell you that they couldn't go out in public. I get amazed at that b/c everyone in my family takes their infants out right away. Even my twins were out in public a week after birth. My sis had my niece 10 days before Christmas and she was there. I understand it for premies which I know 36wkers are somewhat considered.

Christmas is always tough for us, but we will do it. My mom's side has a huge party the Sat. before Christmas. I think I would be butchered if we didn't show up (unless someone is sick). None of my extended family has seen the twins and that will be the first time for them. Christmas Eve DH has to work. It makes me soooo mad cause it is a full day. If you cannot get your stuff by that day that is your fault!! (works for UPS) We do DH's side first. We all go to a thing called Winter Wonderland which is indoors and the kids visit Santa there. Then we go to his sister's for gifts. Then in the evening we have my immediate family and do gifts with them. Christmas day either my aunt or I make dinner. She is making Thanksgiving dinner this year, so I probably do Christmas day. I don't mind cause my mom and grandma help do dinner and cleanup. We just hang out so Em can play with her new stuff.

It is crazy but fun and I cannot wait! Tree goes up next weekend!

April

 

That is crazy you have to buy off their lists. They should understand that is hard to do and whatever you get them should be enough. Remember it is to give and be thoughtful not recieve and be greedy! I have a list of inexpensive christmas gifts if anyone is interested I just don't know how to add it as a link (it is in microsoft word)

ETA: I am really nervous about taking my babies out too! MY pedi told me not to until they are 8 weeks old because of cold and flu season but I have to run an errand tomorrow when my mom comes and I have a weather protector for my stroller so I plan on using that so people can't touch them! I am dreading it though, people are just germy! I will have my hand sanitizer handy though so I can clean my own hands before I touch them as well!

 

Congrats on your babies - the picture is beautiful! Sorry this is so stressful for you. I think it's a great time to take a few deep breaths, take a step back, and you and DH decide what works for YOUR new family this year.

Anyone who expects a new mom (of TWINS, no less!) to do all the usual craziness (which is the subject of a separate rant: what are the holidays really supposed to be aobut!) is out of their mind. And it's YOUR job not to buy into it. You can certainly find a gracious way of declining, and you can always cite your pedi's desire to keep the girls away from lots of folks. (FYI, my doc did not want me putting them anywhere in contact with more than 2 adults til they had their SECOND round of shots at 4 months. She didn't want them near anyone under 'double digits") I got some grief from a few people about it, but - TOO BAD, these are my precious babies and i'd rather be safe than sorry!!

A propos; if there will be lots of small kids at family gatherings, then honestly it's probably a good idea to stay away; don't mean to be overly protective, but it IS RSV season and children are notorious carriers of that and other germs.

As for the gifts;, well, I can't speak to that, but i'd be surprised if you couldnt; find SOMEthing on their gift lists that you can buy online. This is NOT the year for you to be Martha Stewart! Really - because you know what? You will have many, many holidays, but only ONE year where your babies were brand new. And you should be saving your energy and focusing on THAT (in my opinion). I think you would be well-served to engage in a conversation w/your dh about it; let him know what you are feeling and why, and figure out a strategy TOGETHER that works for your family.

 

QUOTE(Jordari @ Nov 13 2007, 12:38 AM) [snapback]493171[/snapback]
Congrats on your babies - the picture is beautiful! Sorry this is so stressful for you. I think it's a great time to take a few deep breaths, take a step back, and you and DH decide what works for YOUR new family this year.

Anyone who expects a new mom (of TWINS, no less!) to do all the usual craziness (which is the subject of a separate rant: what are the holidays really supposed to be aobut!) is out of their mind. And it's YOUR job not to buy into it. You can certainly find a gracious way of declining, and you can always cite your pedi's desire to keep the girls away from lots of folks. (FYI, my doc did not want me putting them anywhere in contact with more than 2 adults til they had their SECOND round of shots at 4 months. She didn't want them near anyone under 'double digits") I got some grief from a few people about it, but - TOO BAD, these are my precious babies and i'd rather be safe than sorry!!

A propos; if there will be lots of small kids at family gatherings, then honestly it's probably a good idea to stay away; don't mean to be overly protective, but it IS RSV season and children are notorious carriers of that and other germs.

As for the gifts;, well, I can't speak to that, but i'd be surprised if you couldnt; find SOMEthing on their gift lists that you can buy online. This is NOT the year for you to be Martha Stewart! Really - because you know what? You will have many, many holidays, but only ONE year where your babies were brand new. And you should be saving your energy and focusing on THAT (in my opinion). I think you would be well-served to engage in a conversation w/your dh about it; let him know what you are feeling and why, and figure out a strategy TOGETHER that works for your family.


Beautifully said, I am the same with them not being around small kids during rsv season, those people wont have to take care of my sick babies.

 

If DH's family can send their gift requests (what fun is that, btw?!) with the expectation that those wishes will be honored, then I think YOU can send out your own request that you be excused this year because of your newborns. Your life has changed and everyone else needs to consider that and give you a break....and it sounds like they might need to be gently reminded of that.

My dad offered to fly us home for the holidays and I had about 5 minutes of temporary insanity where I actually considered it, but thankfully I came to my senses. It's about MY family now...DH, me and the twins. I used to be VERY concerned about pleasing everyone else, but thankfully my mommy intuition has taken over and given me the freedom (guilt-free) of just saying NO when it isn't in the best interest of my girls.

Good luck to you!

 

This year, with baby twins, Christmas is all about what's good for ME and the babies. That means everyone is coming here on Christmas Day for the afternoon and evening - and they're bringing all the food. All the other stuff (Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas morning present/brunch, etc.) is off - people can do whatever they want without me. My babies are awful if they don't get their naps, etc. and if they have people koochie-cooing in their faces all day and night so I wouldn't have any fun either. My family is understanding. As for presents, I'm buying everything online and I don't feel one bit guilty. It's all about convenience!

 

It stinks that the funnest (at least for me) time of the year a lot of times ends up being the most stressful. We live 20 minutes from my parents, and in the same town as my sister and 2 of my cousins. We live 45 minutes from DH's family. In a way it makes it more complicated, because being that we are pretty close, everyone expected to see us for all holidays.

We only see one family on turkey day. It's DH's this year, and we are going to his parent's house. His mother would be more than wililng to have everyone come to us, but honestly it's more work for me to host it, so I'd rather go there.

Christmas we will spend christmas eve with DH's fam and Christmas day with mine. We will travel for both, which again, I'm fine with, since it's not far. But my sticking point is being home for christmas morning and doing breakfast with my family. We don't have to go see my family until 2pm so it gives us alone family time in the morning, and that's what matters to me.

As far as gifts go, it's so complicated! There was an influx of babies this year, so all the cousin's decided to stop buying for each other, and only buying for the kids. Makes it much easier (and cheaper, really.) As for my family, I already told them that we don't have a big budget. My family is notoriously generous. And I feel guilty, like I need to recipricate. And that's my issue, it is NEVER their expectation. So I know I can't stop them from buying for the kids, but I told them not to worry about me or DH, we don't care about getting gifts. I will probably do a lot of nice framed pictures and make some calendars with pics of the babies. My mom has been waiting to be a grandmother for so long, she will enjoy that more than if i spent $200 on a gift certificate.

But the most important thing that all of us can do it communicate whatever your issues might be to your families. Let them know why you need to stay home, or why you need to lower the # of gifts you buy. And then, stick to your decisions. Dont let anyone guilt you into doing what isn't affordable, or what isn't in the best interest of your kids. Not everyone will understand, but you will feel better for doing what you think is right.

And most of all, try and enjoy the holidays with your wonderful kids!

 

I don't have newborns, but I am stressin'! :hug99: I do not think you are being selfish at all!

 

Mine were born 4/23 and my cousin got married on 6/2 and i missed that...I also missed birthdays and anything else.. I went NOWHERE with the twins and had no desire to leave them. I wanted them around NOONE to be honest because they were preemies and it was best for them. Yours are so young i would opt out of Tahnksgiving and look at things for Christmas as it gets closer. Mine will be 8 months at Christmas and i am happy to say it will be at our house and if noone likes it then we would see noone. Do it your way you have your own little family now and things are not adjusted so easily anymore... good luck!

 

QUOTE(mar66rus2 @ Nov 12 2007, 09:50 PM) [snapback]493105[/snapback]
However, why can you not take the babies out? Did your pedi tell you that they couldn't go out in public. I get amazed at that b/c everyone in my family takes their infants out right away. Even my twins were out in public a week after birth. My sis had my niece 10 days before Christmas and she was there.


Yes, the pedi said not to bring them out in public for the first two months. She said I can bring them to people's houses, but not to the grocery store or places like that. She said the most important thing is they stay away from kids because of germs, so that's another reason to stay home!!

 

My girls were born Oct 24th last year, I feel your pain! When our first was born, we told our families that Christmas morning was now for our family. We switch off each year, one Grandma's house on Christmas Eve & one Christmas after nap. They didn't really like it but I think it is really important to have time for your nuclear family. It's a hard transition...I think often even after being married you (general you) and DH (and extended family) really don't see yourselves as your own family until children are involved. Thankgiving - we get off easy...MIL always has it the Sunday after, but only because otherwise BIL blows her off for his girlfriends family...although last year we told them we just weren't up for two & we were having a potluck at our house for anyone that wanted to come - MIL & her husband & all my family came. It was a bit of a pain but I really didn't do much myself for it and it was definatly less stressful than making seperate trips to my moms & my MILs.

As far as gifts, last year most people got a gift certificate to our local mall, it is good for every store in the mall.

Good Luck :hug99:

 

My girls were born in mid-November and I felt the same way. In fact we did skip Thanksgiving -- someone just brought us some leftovers. We went to DH's sister's house for Christmas, but I was half-asleep and would have rather skipped it. Your babies are only 3 weeks old -- you should get to decide whether you want to schelp them all over the place! It's only one year -- if I were you, I'd make a strong argument for skipping at least some of the gatherings.

 

do you really HAVE to travel and buy gifts off their lists? What would they do if you didn't do it? Would they never speak to you again? Seriously, if they got upset over a thing like that, I'd say they might not be family worth having a close relationship with. The holidays shouldn't be about an expectation of gifts. Sorry if I'm being harsh.

We laid down the law several years ago - we said we were not traveling at Christmas. Anybody who wanted to see us is more than welcome at our house. They were a bit ticked the first year but after that they got over it and we've had the best christmases ever since. You might have to deal with one year of family being a little miffed with you in order to establish your own tradition.